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I promise you
You’re all I need
I’ll never leave
So you can drag me through hell
If it meant I can hold your hand
I will follow you
- Follow You, Bring Me The Horizon
Kurt was not doing well. To put it bluntly, he’s dying. There was no question about it. Death was waiting around the corner and nothing short of a miracle could save him. And Kurt was surprisingly okay with that. After months of chemotherapy, radiation therapy and other attempts to kill the cancer cells in him, Kurt had finally come to terms with his imminent death. However, there was one particularly mule-headed meerkat who has yet to accept the reality of Kurt’s mortality.
“The neighbour is being such a bitch again.” Sebastian grouched. “I mean how does she know that it was Flash that chewed on her tulips? Where’s her evidence?”
Kurt snorted, there was no doubt that Sebastian’s German Shepherd was the culprit of the decapitated tulip bed, but he wasn’t about to get into that issue again. He had more pressing matters to address.
“Bas, we need to talk.”
“You know maybe I should set Flash onto her petunias. Now that would definitely get her panties in a twist.” Sebastian continued, raising his voice slightly, blatantly ignoring his fiance’s attempt to breach a topic he has been avoiding for weeks.
He could not comprehend why people kept preaching about the compassion of the Guy upstairs, when it was him who was fucking twisted enough to try to rob Kurt from him again. Just when he thought that they were in the clear.
After Kurt recovered from his first brush with cancer, Sebastian had been swept away by the sheer joy and relief that he could not resist popping the question after a mere week of Kurt’s discharge. The year and a half after were the happiest in his entire life. That was until those fucking bundle of life-ruining cells crashed the party, and wrecked havoc on Kurt’s body and their lives again.
“Sebastian.” Kurt stressed at his name pointedly.
“Or maybe get him to piss in her garden…” Sebastian also pointedly ignored Kurt.
Yes, he knew he was in denial. Every goddamn person has been constantly reminding him that the only person he ever loved and cared for was going to die, and that he was completely helpless to stop it. That was a reality he was not going to subscribe to. Kurt was going to be fine. He was going to pop right back to health after kicking those bastard cells’ arses. ‘Cause his Kurt was stubborn like that. Then he would be laughing in all the naysayers’ faces, because ha. He knew better than them.
“Sebastian Bartholomew Smythe, you shut the hell up and listen to me. Right. Now.” Sebastian snapped his jaw shut at the combined shock of Kurt using his full name and his swearing.
Kurt stared into Sebastian’s wide eyes. He could see his dread, his apprehension, his love, his devotion, his unwillingness for Kurt to make him face the truth. But Kurt was never known for being particularly obliging to the wishes of others. He was going to drag Sebastian from his cesspool of denial kicking and screaming if he had to.
“Bastian, we both know that I’m not going to make it.” Kurt maintained a soft comforting tone as he said those words, despite the warning gleam in his eyes stopping Sebastian from interrupting him.
“I want – no, I need you to promise me. After I die,” Sebastian let out a quiet whimper at those words. “I want you to live the rest of your life happily. Find someone else you love and who loves you equally back. Don’t cling onto me. I want you to remember me with our fondest and happiest memories. Bastian, please… Don’t cling onto my ghost.”
Sebastian buried his face into his hands and moaned in anguish. He didn’t want to hear this. They were supposed to live the rest of their lives together. He was supposed to make fun of Kurt’s greying hair. He was supposed to be raising an adopted kid and Flash together with his husband. He wasn’t supposed to be crying at the bedside as Kurt made him promise the impossible.
He did not want a funeral. He wanted a wedding.
===
Kurt died. His funeral was private with only his closest friends and family. Just like he wanted. Sebastian couldn’t remember much of that period. It was just a blur of washed out colours.
===
Life was a living nightmare without Kurt. His very soul ached with the loss. Every breath, every beat of his heart, every single second was torture. No one could understand. A second of him living in this god-forsaken world; was an additional second of time he lived without Kurt; an additional second he did not want; an additional second he would soon no longer have to live through.
“I’m sorry, Kurt. In my defence, I never did make that promise.” Sebastian smiled wryly. He could imagine Kurt’s infuriated face and his snarling words. But that was fine, he had all the time to make it up to him in the afterlife.
“If it meant I could hold your hand, I will follow you.”
“I’ll follow you even to death.” Sebastian promised with a soft smile before he closed his eyes and breathed his last.