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“‘Neat’…ugh," Cecil muttered to himself, pulling off his headphones and laying them on the controls. This was bad. This was really bad.
He needed backup.
So Cecil called the only other outsider who managed to stick around Night Vale long enough to form a friendship with. It had been a while since they’d talked, and Cecil wasn’t even sure which timezone he was in right now, but Cecil was sure he wouldn’t mind. He was just such a darn magnanimous guy.
The phone rang a few times, and Cecil prepared to leave an awkward voice mail, when from the other end came “Cecil! Friend. Pal. How are you, how ya doing, what can I do for you."
Cecil chuckled, the voice and its perpetual alert efficiency all too familiar.
"H…hey there! It’s been a while, I know, but, uh…"
"Not to worry, friend, there’s no time like the present. Now to what do I owe the pleasure?" the voice cut him off, good-naturedly.
"Well, uh," Cecil chuckled again, leaning back in his chair a little. “I wanted your advice."
"I’m flattered. Shoot."
"I’m in a bit of a romantic quandary at the moment, and I was hoping you could help. There’s this new person in town, well, I mean he’s been here for months but, well, ah, anyway. He’s a scientist. His hair is perfect. He’s so perfect, just…" Cecil cleared his throat. “Sorry. Ah, anyway, I’ve been dropping hints for a while, but nothing seems to stick, I can’t really tell how he feels, and, well, I was wondering if maybe another non-Night Valean could shed some light on things."
There was a pause on the other end. “Well, Cecil, first things first. Have you invited him out for coffee?"
"I did! Well, I mean, I asked if he wanted to meet up to discuss his scientific theories, I don’t think I mentioned coffee."
"Well Cecil, there you go. Forget scientific theories, it’s a scientific fact that no one can resist a great cup of coffee. Does the Moonlight All Night Diner still have the best coffee and pie in town?"
"Sure does! Gosh, I never thought of that. OK. Coffee. Great advice."
"Anytime my friend. And hey, listen. Just remember that you’re a great person, Cecil. A radio host? A beloved local celebrity? A snazzy dresser? A guy could do a lot worse. Just keep at it, pal, it’ll all work out. I’ve got to go, but hey, give my regards to the Sheriff’s Secret Police, would ya?"
Cecil chuckled. “Sure thing. I’ll get the bloodstone circle and sacrifice ready as soon as I get home."
"Appreciate it. I’ll talk to you later. And good luck with your scientist."
Cecil smiled. “Thanks, Coop."
"Anytime pal."
