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Honestly, Joel wasn’t looking forward to his second year of dorm life. Were he allowed, he would have gotten an apartment instead, however, the school’s rules stated clearly that students MUST stay in the dorms their first two years of school, with few exceptions. His first roommate had been a disaster. While the roommate wasn't a bad person, he couldn’t deal with Joel’s… oddities.
Joel was an aspiring theatre major, and while he could fit into any role he was given, he was almost an empty shell of a person when not playing a character. His body didn’t react well, making him a twitchy person. He even had a scratching ritual that he wasn’t aware of. He’d start by tugging on his right ear, rubbing the lobe repeatedly, before moving his hand to the bottom of his chin. He’d run his nails across his neck and scrape upward, before going to the sides of his mouth, where he’d use his thumb and forefinger and rub downward. His ritual would finish by putting his thumb under his nose, and use his forefinger to rub the tip of his nose. Sometimes he’d end up doing this for hours on end with no idea.
Joel also constantly muttered to himself. It was the only way to have an organization to his loud, cluttered, constant thoughts that ravaged his head. The way his mind ran 2,986 steps ahead of him made socializing and explaining his difficulties hard.
He was able to talk to few people that understood how his mind worked though, unfortunately, those people were online, and nowhere in this school.
His last roommate couldn’t take the constant muttering, and Joel’s need for near absolute silence in order to study. The last roommate also didn’t care for Joel’s habit of touching the other man’s stuff. It’s not that Joel took or broke anything, usually it was just clothes picked up from the floor, or a dirty plate that needed to get washed, little little things that ended up adding to big things by the end of it.
God, Joel did try. He knew he did things that bothered his old roommate, and he TRIED so fucking hard to keep from being a bother. It honestly hurt at the end of the year, when Joel told the roommate that enjoyed the year with him (and actually meant it) and earned a scoff in return.
As Joel sat at his desk, already unpacked and organized, he dreaded the moment his new roomate would show up. Honestly, he was already surprised when his roommate wasn’t there. He knew his roommate was a freshman, and freshman get to move in a day earlier than everyone else.
Joel looked up at his bed, lofted above the other bed. Joel had spoken to his roommate once over the phone where they had made plans about who was bringing what, who was getting a loft if necessary, and if they were going to bunk their beds in case one does get a loft. It ended up being that if Joel got the loft, the roommate would bring a tv. Turned out his roommate was a gamer, and he would be bringing his consoles too. Joel also played his fair share of games, unlike his last roommate, who just blasted music and read books. That little fact gave Joel the tiniest hope that this year would go better.
It was late into the afternoon now, and Joel had started looking up books he needed to grab from the rental bookstore for his classes. It was a nice thing their school had, it might have cost 700 dollars a semester that was just added to tuition, but it meant he didn’t have to buy the damn textbooks.
He was writing down the information on a notecard for his books when he heard rustling and heavy breathing near the door. He looked up at the door to find a boy in tan shorts and a black shirt with his arms covered in straps that held on to bags while he struggled to hold a giant Tupperware container. The young man huffed a bit more before dropping the giant container in the entryway.
“Goddamn elevator is crowded, had to take the stairs instead.” The newcomer said between huffs. “Hi, I’m Ray Narvaez Jr. and I’ve finally arrived!” Ray flashed a smile at Joel who was already standing to help the other with his stuff.
--
Joel really couldn’t grasp how lax Ray was about everything. It wasn’t that Ray was lazy, he did all his work, kept the room looking nice on his side, and studied when he wasn’t gaming. There seemed to be no evidence of stress in the man. He never seemed to worry when an exam was coming up that Joel knew he hadn’t prepared for, he didn’t mind that Joel was constantly muttering when he needed time to concentrate. Ray didn’t seem to mind when he died several hundred times in a game, and just kept going along like nothing bothered him.
Joel actually liked that part of Ray, because if he wasn’t bothered, Joel could relax. The older man had been so worried that he was going to upset his new roommate because of his “tendencies.”
Ray never seemed to notice Joel’s issues, and if he did, he hid it well. The younger man would often talk to Joel, even though he knew that Joel couldn’t always articulate his response well, riding off into tangents mid-sentence, and Joel appreciated that Ray would let him finish with his thought before responding. Joel was elated when he realized that Ray found him funny as well. Even if he always didn’t mean to be funny, he’d end up making Ray laugh. Joel liked that laugh.
He ended up considering Ray a friend. It was one of the first real life friends he’d made in YEARS. It was… a strange thing to think about considering he was in college, and by all rights he should have made some friends last year, but it never happened. Yeah, he had his theatre friends, and they shared a bond as theatre majors do, but… something about their overly loud personalities kept them shut out from Joel’s heart. He couldn’t tell if these people were real, or if they were just acting. Were their smiles real, was their laughter genuine? Those doubts kept him at a distance.
Joel didn’t have to worry about Ray being fake. Ray knew nothing but how to just be himself. Joel could see that in his roommate’s face when he smiled.
One day, Ray started bringing two other people into their little cave of a dorm room. They seemed to be freshman as well. The shorter of the two men seemed to have this air around him that he was always seconds away from punching something. He had curly red hair that framed his face and thin glasses. He introduced himself as Michael.
The taller one was a bit… goofy looking, his larger nose not quite centered on his face. He had hair that imitated a lion’s mane and flew every which direction. Joel envied the sun-kissed skin on the taller man. He introduced himself as Gavin, and Joel definitely did NOT miss the accent.
The three of them together were LOUD, and Joel didn’t like it. He didn’t say anything, he couldn’t. He didn’t want to lose his friend because of his problems with people. He didn’t like the way Michael raged at his games, and roared whenever he felt like it. He didn’t like Gavin’s weird screechy noises. They made his muscles seize up with their noises. His skin itched a way his fingers could never scratch. Like a humming burn beneath the surface of his hands.
He didn’t like the way Ray became either when he was with them. It wasn’t the kind Ray that Joel got to know. It was a cocky Ray, that took too much pride in himself and slew insults whenever the other two didn’t measure up to his gaming skill. The kind smile was buried under a typical boy's mask.
Joel couldn’t even get a word into their conversations, and it alienated Joel. If he ever did get a chance to speak when the other two where there, his voice would quickly be interrupted by a “Wot if” from Gavin. The man didn’t deal well when interrupted. It caused a traffic jam inside his head because he’d have to take the thought and reel it back in, crashing into the new thoughts that came with the conversation that was going on in front of him. He’d have to sort things out upstairs before he could even begin to grasp on to the conversation again. It was a losing battle when he tried to talk when the other two where there.
The worst part was either they’d stay late, so he couldn’t talk to Ray as he passed out as soon as he left, or Joel would be so frustrated that he couldn’t say anything to Ray after they left. He couldn’t talk to his roommate, the one person he considered a real-life friend.
Eventually, as they came over more and more often, Joel shut himself off from the noise, investing himself in his computer, chatting with his few online friends instead of the cacophony of noise that was next to him. An iron curtain that kept his mind safe, and emotions protected.
That was another odd thing about Joel. He hated leaving his room. He couldn’t study outside of his room because the things that were out of place would get to him. The whispers of other people would penetrate his thoughts and derail him from any possible studying. The only time he got out of the room was when he needed to practice his lines for the upcoming plays he was in. How Joel even made it to college, no one even knows, but here he is.
--
Suddenly, the two boys stopped coming over. Joel wanted to pretend he didn’t notice, but he did. He noticed the silence that filled the room except for the clacking of keyboard keys. It was just the two of them again, almost back to normal. Except Ray would be gone for a few hours at time, but Joel had the quietness he craved. He also had his friendly Ray back as well.
The one he could have gentle conversations with.
Joel really liked that Ray.
Although, as much as he liked it, and as much as he knew he shouldn’t ask about the sudden change, his curiosity got the best of him.
“Hey… Ray?” Joel asked nervously getting Ray’s attention.
Ray turned around from his computer to look at Joel, “Yeah?”
“What happened to Michael and Gavin? Do they not like coming here anymore?” Joel bit his lip after he asked.
Ray shrugged, “Nah, they just have a bigger television in their room, it’s more fun to play on is all. Besides, Gavin need to focus on his homework. He’s a slacker and being here was too much of a distraction.”
“Oh. Joel sighed with relief. That’s good then.”
The sense of normalcy of the two came back quick enough to Joel. Granted, it was hard for him to come out of his world he had built up to block out the noisy boys, but he managed to do it in about two weeks. He didn’t block out Ray as he had been doing for a while, and was able to greet him when he came into the room. With that greeting came one of Ray’s smiles.
Ray’s smiles were addictive. One was never ever enough.
--
Some time later, the Gavin and Michael made their way back into Joel and Ray’s room. However, Ray had the decency to give Joel a heads up first. Joel found it odd that Ray would trouble himself by telling Joel, but he earnestly appreciated the gesture nonetheless. That warning gave him time to prepare his little mental bubble that would block Michael’s yelling and Gavin’s squeaks.
Although… it didn’t seem necessary. The “Lads” as one of Joel’s internet friends dubbed them after one late night conversation, were rather chill and didn’t make that much noise as they crowded together on Ray’s bed playing xbox. Eventually they put the game away and just turned to just casual chatting. The topic turned to Michael’s English 101 class, and he had to write a compare and contrast essay. He wanted to do it on something he was interested in, but didn’t want to come off with extreme bias.
Joel had an idea scream at him inside his head. He had an answer for Michael, but wasn’t sure how to voice it. He wanted to try and talk to the three of them again, he really did, but the words stuffed themselves inside his throat.
While Joel struggled with the idea of talking he noticed that Ray was looking at him with an expression that said, “Are you okay dude?”
Just that look alone stopped Joel’s brain entirely. In that moment of resetting, he found himself speaking.
“How about a paper on Pokémon and Digimon? They are relatively comparable, despite different origins and other things. You like them both well enough, don’t you Michael?” The words flowed out of Joel’s mouth with an ease he'd never felt before. He didn't like them, the words obviously were a mistake! He felt like he was trying to grab the words as they came out, knowing he was going to regret saying anything at all.
Both Gavin and Michael’s eyes snapped their attention to Joel after he spoke. He was their focus of attention for once, and he felt his skin peeling off under their gaze. He wanted to shrink into his clothing and pretend that the words had never departed from his lips.
That is, until Michael’s mouth upturned into a smile. “Fuck yeah I do.” Michael said proudly, “And I freaking like that idea, I’ll do it! Thanks Joel.”
Oh. Well, maybe saying something wasn’t that bad after all. His head was swirling around happy thoughts and feelings, practically drowning him, before he realized he needed to say something.
“Yeah, no problem.” He said as he faked confidence in his words. He spied Ray giving him a “not bad” nod. Joel gave Ray a smile in return.
Joel had said his piece, and he felt no longer needed in their conversation. It wasn’t a bad feeling, as a matter of fact, he felt accomplished for even saying anything. The Lads carried on without him, retaining a decent volume.
After they left, Joel was surprised to find out that he wasn’t irritated like he usually was. He appreciated it.
--
The Lads coming together again wasn’t as much of a headache as it was before, but Joel still had to adjust to a new normal. This meant that he’d have to get used to Ray being gone on Tuesdays and Thursdays and the other two being over on Mondays and Fridays. It was an odd schedule, because Wednesday was empty. He liked that he would have had the chance to have his roommate to himself, but Wednesdays were his late night practices, so Ray was usually asleep by the time he returned to their dorm.
The weekends weren’t a part of the week and were never organized, so they didn’t count. Joel’s feeling about Saturday and Sunday were that he was supposed to expect the unexpected, and his nerves were always high on those days. Even though Ray was usually out of the room on the weekend, Joel would watch the door, wondering when someone would come in.
Before Joel knew it, Fall semester Finals week had arrived. The stress was crawling under Joel’s skin like ants walking in his bloodstream. His little facial ritual was constant, and he was even noticing it. He’d slam his hand on his desk to keep it off his face, cursing the offending body part.
Granted, his reaction this year was much better than last year. Last year he had taken to scratching his arms and they were raw by the time his finals actually came.
A loud groan from behind him penetrated his thoughts. Joel swiveled around to see Ray hanging his head from the back of his chair. The younger boy flashed an upside down smile with a wave.
“Hey there.” Ray said with a sense of singsong.
Joel raked his teeth across his bottom lip before giving Ray a little wave of his fingers. “Hey.”
“You nervous, Joel?” Ray asked.
Joel’s head swam around the question.
Nervous? Nervous? Am I nervous? I don’t think I’m nervous? Nervous sounds more like worry. I’m worried, yes. IT’s not good to be worried. He’s worried about me. Ray’s worried about me? That’s weird. Ray shouldn’t be worried about me.
Nervous.
Finals.
Friend.
Ray.
Ray asked a question. Answer the question Joel.
“When am I not?” Joel answered eventually.
Ray let out a chuckle, before getting out of his chair. “Well, maybe we should get your mind off things for a bit, yeah?”
Joel blinked in confusion.
“You know, they have that finals frenzy thing like…” Ray checked his watch, “Right now. We should just go take a load off and eat chocolate. Doesn’t that sound fun?”
Joel’s legs were moving without his permission, and stood. What was he doing? He hated crowds. He hated noises. He didn’t even really care for chocolate. Yet, his legs were moving, and following Ray to the college dining center. People were swarming everywhere like mad dogs to get at all of the chocolatey goodness that filled the entire center.
He didn’t want to lose Ray. If he lost Ray in this mass of bodies, he’d never find him again, because he knew his legs would turn to stone and he wouldn’t move. Ray was starting to disappear in the crowd, and before Joel realized it, he had reached out and grabbed the back of Ray’s sweatshirt.
Ray felt the gentle tug and looked back at Joel, who looked pale and horrified. Joel’s arm was trembling, but he didn’t let go of Ray. Fear slithered up Joel’s insides as he waited for Ray to bat his arm away. Ray instead just gave the older man a shrug and continued through the dining hall with Joel attached. He even helped Joel carry things because Joel only had one hand available.
Much to Joel’s surprise, even though they had run into Michael and Gavin, Ray chose to seat the two of them at a lone table in the corner. The table for two was perfect for Joel. Far enough away from everyone else so his head could relax just a bit from the onslaught of information that came from crowds. It was just the two of them, like they were in their room.
Joel had to admit, he actually had fun.
--
Finals came and went, and so Joel went home for a month for winter break. He enjoyed the comfort of being home, being surrounded by everything familiar.
Although… there was something missing.
He was missing his friend, and there wasn’t much he could do about it.
He didn’t want to call and bother Ray. Texting just wasn’t an option either, that isn’t to say he didn’t try. Every time he opened his phone, he’d stare at a blank screen. His thought would tell him that there was nothing he could say to Ray that would be worth Ray’s attention for a reply.
Joel spent his month home silently suffering.
--
Upon returning to the dorms for the spring semester in January, Joel was faced with another change he never thought he’d see coming.
Ray walked into the room trailed by a beautiful girl with platinum blonde hair. Her hand was curled tightly around Ray’s. She had a nice figure to her body, and a cute little septum piercing.
Joel already had the situation assessed before Ray spoke to introduce her. “This is Courtney. She’s my girlfriend.”
Joel knew that his mouth was partially open as his eyes darted between the two. His head gave an acknowledging nod. Darkness swirled in the pit of his stomach, even though Joel didn’t know why. It was just another change, and he’d get used to it with enough time…
Right?
The whispers in his head weren’t being helpful as they just repeated the same phrases over again.
Courtney, girlfriend. Ray. Courtney is Ray’s Girlfriend. Girlfriend. Girlfriend is pretty.
Joel shook his head and forced a smile on his face. However, the simple word of “Hi” never came out of his mouth. It’s just a simple word, a single syllable that was tangled in the bitter vines on his mind. His fingers came to the rescue and gave the pretty girl a simple wave.
“We met over break, and she doesn’t attend school here, but we’ll make it work.” Ray explained.
“Yeah, I’ll probably visit when I can. I only live about an hour away. It’s nice to meet you, Joel.” Courtney said.
Joel just gave another very slight nod.
--
Joel knew he was happy for Ray having a relationship. Although, knowing something, and experiencing it, are two different things. It’s a philosophical argument, after all. Joel didn’t actually feel happiness in him when his head inevitably turned to Courtney and Ray. He felt dark things in his stomach, similar to when he was missing Ray during break, but the feelings were far more intense. Was it bitterness? Sadness? The thoughts in his brain constantly focuses on these ideas and swirled in on themselves coming to no conclusion at all.
Whenever Courtney came over, it destroyed his ability to focus. She wasn’t loud, as a matter of fact, she barely made any noise at all. When she was over, Ray and Courtney just usually watched shows and movies on Ray’s bed. If Joel wasn’t…. well… Joel… maybe he would have even forgotten she was there. But he couldn’t, because she was there, and there wasn’t any way he could remove her from his thoughts. Even if he left the room, Joel knew she was in there, and that bothered him.
She was nice, Joel ended up deciding. She tried to talk to Joel, she tried to include him in things they were going to do, and she even made him food on occasion.
There was no real reason for Joel to have such a negative feeling for her, but he did, and the more he tried to remove the darkness in his gut, the worse it got. Eventually, he couldn’t even look at her without feeling his heart rate increase. The adrenaline coursing through his veins, telling him to run at a moments notice, because if he didn’t run, something bad might happen.
And something bad DID happen.
“I gotta take a piss, be right back” Ray suddenly exclaimed, getting up and leaving the room.
It left the two of them in the room. It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence, but it was highly uncomfortable for Joel. The atmosphere that lingered in the air between the two was charged. Usually Goosebumps ended up growing on Joel’s flesh within the first few seconds of being alone with her. The familiar texture that rose on his skin told him that this was no different.
“Hey, Joel?” She said suddenly, causing Joel to nearly fall out of his chair in surprise.
Joel didn’t respond verbally, just looking at her to know she had his attention.
Courtney looked at Joel with a hint of pity. Her eyes wavered unnaturally, and her teeth raked over her bottom lip. “I'm sorry I have to say this but... I think… you should know how much of a burden you are on Ray. You seem like such a nice guy, and I know you don’t mean anything by it, because you can’t control who you are… but….” She hesitated before continuing, “There are times, where you drive Ray up the wall. He practically babysits you, you know? He almost seems like a parent, taking care of you, and making sure you are comfortable all the time.”
Joel was stunned, not sure of what she even meant by her words. Burden? He was a burden? How was he a burden? But he did his best to leave Ray alone…. What was she talking about?
She continued, “There are days were he does nothing but talk about you, wondering if you are okay because he’s not there. He’s worried that you’ll end up doing something to yourself if he’s not watching.”
Joel wasn’t going to hurt himself, what was she talking about? Her words didn’t make sense. Ray never took care of him.
Ray was his friend, he’d never think this things about Joel, right?
She must be mistaken. Yeah, that’s right, Courtney must just have the wrong idea of what was going on between them.
Joel finally found a few words that came out of his throat, “But I’d never—“
“Yo, I’m back.” Ray said as he entered the room, cutting Joel off.
And as usual, when interrupted, Joel’s brain backed up, losing track of the conversation. Courtney switched her attention to Ray, forgetting all about what she had just said to Joel.
Burden.
Joel was a burden to his friend?
He couldn’t be a burden. No. That’s not right. Joel can’t be a burden… he shouldn’t be making his friend worry about him.
Joel leaned forward on his desk, facing the laptop again, and propped his elbows on the surface to hold his head. His thoughts were eating at him, and telling him how horrible of a person he was. The thoughts were like highly trained attack dogs, biting his vital points and breaking him down quickly. He was falling to pieces right in front of both of them, and they had no idea.
--
The next thing he knew, Joel was in the dorm basement. Away from the other two. He had to leave them alone. He was a burden, he didn’t deserve to be in that room anymore.
He shouldn’t have been a burden. That was shameful to stress out his friend.
He decided, that Ray wasn’t going to have to worry about Joel again.
He already knew Ray’s exact schedule, and figured out a way that there’d be no overlap. Joel was basically never going to be in the room when Ray was in there. There would be no Joel for Ray to worry about. He’d just sleep in the basement, and on laundry nights, Joel would shack up in the study area instead.
He’d get over his hatred of other people and their noises if it meant that Ray wouldn’t worry about him. He’d suffer being alone in the basement. He’d change his entire way of his day to day schedule, so Ray could be happy. He’d do it, just for his friend.
--
It was hard on Joel for everything to change so suddenly. His grades were plummeting by the day, because he couldn’t focus at all. His thoughts were snagged on fear that Ray would see him.
His phone was turned off, in case Ray ever texted him. He didn’t want to even see if Ray was worried about him being gone. He hoped that Courtney would tell Ray not to worry, to not be concerned. That’s what he honestly hoped.
--
Two months of this avoidance shit passed, and Joel was sure that Ray had forgotten about him. Good.
On the downside, Joel didn’t know what sleep was anymore. He thought he may have passed out during class, but he couldn’t remember that either. He did remember opening his eyes once, surrounded by his theater friends. Maybe he did pass out.
Now Joel’s brain was fried. The constant thoughts weren’t even there, just a dull buzzing in his brain as he sat on the green couch that was his bed. His eyes were half shut, caught between needing sleep, and the inability to do so.
“Holy shit, is that you Joel?” Joel suddenly heard. He didn’t react, his body didn’t listen to the single command that was ‘turn around.’
“Joel?” The voice called again, eventually a hand waved in front of his eyes.
Joel blinked and cast his gaze to where the hand came from. It was Michael. Michael looked genuinely concerned for the shell of a person that was perched on the couch.
“Where the fuck have you been Joel? No, seriously, where. The. Fuck. Have you been?” Michael emphasized.
“Here.” Joel mumbled, his head rolled back on the couch. His limbs were too heavy, and his brain couldn't even process Michael's worry.
Michael gave Joel an incredulous look. “Fuck man, Ray honestly thought you were dead or something. He wanted to call the cops like eight times.”
Joel’s brain kicked into activity at the mention of Ray’s name. No, wait, Michael’s here, what day is it? This isn’t good, he was supposed to be somewhere else.
Joel stood up, realizing he made a mistake, he needed to run. Before he could get anywhere, Michael grabbed his shoulder and shoved him back on the couch. “You aren’t going anywhere asshole.”
Joel couldn’t even fight Michael, and just laid on the couch, limbs hanging off the sides like noodles. Michael must have texted Ray that Joel was in the basement, because moments later both Gavin and Ray were busting through the door.
Joel found energy to scramble up the side of the couch, but Michael just got a hold of him again. Ray was charging at Joel with the most intense expression on his face. Joel couldn’t judge if it was anger, or hatred, but they were both negative emotions, and that was bad.
Very bad.
Ray eventually made it to the couch, fury burning in his eyes, and Joel looked away. He didn’t want to process the emotions that were probably running through his roommate’s eyes. He even flinched when he saw the figure of Ray move in the corner of his eyes. Joel thought for sure he was going to get hit or something.
Instead, like every cliché, Joel wasn’t hit. Well, he wasn’t hit with a fist, instead, he was body slammed by a very upset Ray. They rolled off the couch as Ray hugged the larger man.
“You fucking idiot, where have you been?” Ray practically yelled.
Ray was touching him.
Ray was touching him. They never ever touched, not even a high five. The last time they touched was when Joel grabbed onto Ray at Finals Frenzy.
Joel was waiting for the roar of thoughts to burst through his head, but they didn’t. His head was light and fuzzy. He didn’t notice as his hands snaked around Ray and hugged him back. The warmth of Ray’s body bled into Joel’s. It was a feeling he never experienced before, and he didn’t know how to react to it. He just knew he didn’t want it to end.
But it did.
Ray got off of Joel eventually, standing up while Joel just repositioned himself on the couch.
“Where the fuck have you been Joel?” Ray asked again.
Oh.
Joel was going to have to answer this hunh? It was also occurring to Joel that his plan had failed, and that Ray had still worried about him, if not even more.
“I’ve been here, I’ve been in our room. I didn’t go anywhere, really.” Joel answered honestly.
“Bullshit, but alright. Why haven’t you been there while I’ve been there?” Ray asked again.
Joel felt the words spill out of his mouth. “Because I didn’t want to be a burden. I didn’t want to bother you anymore, so I figured I’d just leave you alone to have Courtney. I didn’t like that you were worrying about me all the time, especially since you seem like someone that’s bothered by nothing at all. I must have been seriously bothering you if you were actually worried. I’m sorry, I just didn’t want to be a burden is all.”
Joel felt the burn of tears run down his face. He didn’t realize how much he had been hurting at this thought of being a burden.
Ray hissed, “You moron. You weren’t a burden. You aren’t a burden. You’re my friend. My weirdass friend with neurotic tendencies I don’t understand, but you are my friend. I’m gonna worry about you.”
“Oh.” Was all Joel could manage, before his brain kicked into overdrive and made all sorts of connections about their friendship. Every smile, every tickle of his heart that fluttered at Ray’s laughter, that night at Finals Frenzy, the jealousy that took over Joel’s mind with Courtney.
He finally understood it. He understood everything.
“Hey…” Joel started before he could slam his mental breaks. “I think… I might love you.”
Joel heard Gavin and Michael snicker, but he didn’t care, he just needed Ray’s reaction to his confession.
Ray just gave a shrug and a smile. “Well, that’s good, someone needs to love me after Courtney left. Glad it’s someone I love too.”
Joel just stared, “What?”
“Yeah, Courtney left me about two weeks after you went missing. She couldn’t stand that I was only focused on you. It helped me realize my feelings for you, so it wasn’t that bad, I have to say.”
Joel still didn’t understand. “What?” He repeated.
“I LOVE YOU, YOU IDIOT.” Ray yelled, before tackling Joel again.
Those arms that hugged him broke through the jumbled mess of Joel's brain. They were solid, safe, and absolute. The arms that held him, belonged to someone that cared about him, and would mould perfectly to his life. Someone that would break through the fuzz with a single note of his voice. And even as Joel's skin tingled with excitement from being touched, his brain was quiet. Focused. Ray caused it. Ray caused it all. Joel eventually decided that he loved his new roommate, and his new boyfriend.