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I, Osomatsu Matsuno, am irritated to all hell.
"Man fuck tonight! Fuck!" I said to myself taking a deep drag from a cigarette I was on the roof, I'd slipped away from inside the house.
I didn't always get angry to the point of leaving or having an outburst but when I did all I needed was a little alone time. Choro fucking fappy alex graham fapper fucking fuck that guy. He was always looking down on me and telling me something negitave about myself like he's better.
Fucking....I know I'm a shitty NEET. I know I am not being responsible. I know I don't have a job. I know, no girl will ever look at me. Lastly I know I'm perverted scumb for looking at so many AVs.
I was rotten to the world, I knew it. I took the easy way out, always and it made life bearable. The world had given me rotten luck so I struck back at it.
This was my way of living. I was okay with it and I knew one day I'd have to own up to everything, but for now this was me. I knew how I was, I accepted it.
Chorofapski on the other hand was the same as the rest of us at heart. I watched him grow up, I know everything he's done and...he still judges the others and I for fooling around.
Acting like a fucking honor's student, getting in my damn face about this shit so late at night. Why me exclusively? Because I was the oldest. Per usual blame our whole NEEThood on me.
I didn't yell at him, say anything rude I wasn't going to do that. Choromatsu thought highly of himself , I knew all his weaknesses what to bring up to break him with. I was above that. He had got to this point of self respect. I wouldn't take that from him. No matter how mad he made me.
So I made a joke and calmly walked out. Soon as I was out of earshot. I cursed and pulled out my box of malboro reds, and the rest is history.
It was 1:27 am and I was on my 5th cigarette. I was looking up at the dark night sky outside had a good breeze.
I was starting to finally calm down until a silver car pulled up in front of my house, it's lights shined and hurt my eyes. I looked down at the car. It stood there for two minutes. Why the fuck was this car just chilling in front of my house for this long? It was late, there was no way this could even be a good thing like no.
Just as I was about to move, there was a middle aged man with a plaid suit that got out of the car.
"No way..." I said to myself. Suddenly axiety crawled up my flesh and there was no way I could move I was frozen. Completely ...just shocked. Meanwhile a memory played in my head.
It was 13 years ago now, but still it was fresh in my mind.
"Don't worry, he'll be put away for a long time honey." Mom said as she held me in her arms. My brothers and father were in the room all circled around looking at my mother for an answer as well.
"How long?" I looked up curiously at her.
"10 years" She answered softly. Everyone in yhe room seemed to tense up less.
"Wow that's forever!" I said at the time niavely. My father and mother laughed. I didn't know why then. This played in my mind over and over as I sat staring at this man.
He smirked at me from where he was and I shivered all over. Only one person would make a face so charismatic, so demonic.
"Tougou-san" I said quietly but loud enough for him to hear it.
"Osomatsu-kun" He said simply.
We locked eyes for awhile til I looked down. He started making steps towards the house, and I started climbing down from the roof.
I just simply seemed to gravitate towards him.
I knew everything that he did to my family and I and the pain he caused me earlier in my youth, but deep down I had this relief. He was here in front of me, I had so much to ask him about. So much I wanted to know.
Suddenly we were right in front of each other,
"You know why I'm here don't you?" Tougou-san asked simply. I thought for second. No I didn't. But I could totally guess.
"Well it could be a few reasons, you could want revenge cause I out smarted you at 10 years old. You could want to kidnap me again and have your way with me because you're a fucking creepy old man. Or you could simply want to apologize because after spending 10 years in jail, it changed you." I said all in one breath.
"What sounds the best to you?" He asked curiously I'm not sure if it was sarcasm but I intended to answer him. I smirked, I had no idea what he had up his sleeve.
"Well if you apologized that'd be kinda anticlimatic don't you think? I'm fine with the first two, because I know I can beat your ass if you try and get revenge. If you wanted kidnap me and have your way with me, you couldn't because I am completely willing to go with you." I say laying out the scenarios.
Tougou's face completely went blank. He didn't say anything. I could tell he was completely unprepared for my reaction.
"See you look pretty good, you're stylish, the classic grown man mature type, you've got money, you're manipulitave, a nice car, If I were to become your mistress, I could be hella rich" I said trying to calculate his networth with my imagination alone.
Tougou's face was still blank just staring at me.
"Wait you...?" Tougou started I cut him off.
"Yes." I answered.
"But I...?" He started.
"I don't care." I answered quickly.
We had a moment of silence.
"Why would you want this , kid you're sick" Tougou said grinning like the devil himself. I scratched my head in the back. Then answered.
"See, this is probably my only chance to get laid, as a loser protagonist, with limited to almost no female cast, I'll never meet any one I'll be stuck here alone, in NEET hell, but you've given me a window outta here." I said confidently.
"Kid you're seriously fucked up, you'd start a life of crime and maybe homosexuality with me just to get rich and be taken care of." Tougou said in an almost concerned voice. I thought a little bit on it.
"Well yeah" I said without much thought.
"You're seriously fucked in the head, what makes you even think I want you like that?" Tougou san asked.
"Cause I'm beautiful." I said knowing this for a fact. Tougou facepalmed. I smirked.
"Beautiful? Are you serious?" Tougou asked in disbelief at this whole situation.
"Yeah, pure milky pale skin, no pimples, lean, no scars, I'm flawless, not to mention my bowl cut good GOD HAVE YOU SEEN ME? I'm so perfect, god made six of me." I said as a matter of fact.
"Fucking... You're supposed to be scared of criminals , what if I kill you, or worse!! What the fuck kid!!" Tougou started raising his voice then he sighed. I think I broke him.
"Oh you get off on fear... here I got you" I said, lowering to shoe level on the ground. I grabbed his foot and started cowering. Tougou looked at me with the most "Please stop" face I have ever seen.
"Look...clearly this isn't gonna work..." Tougou started. I shot up off the ground.
"C'moooon you got what I need, I got what you want...I think." I said confidently.
Tougou was quiet for a second until finally he sighed.
"Get in the car, I'm probably doing your family a service." Tougou muttered. I smirked winning.
"Should I pretend to be scared?" I asked just to get on his nerves further. His face was full of dread.
"JUST GET IN THE FUCKING CAR." He yelled. Suddenly jumping we both hear a window opened up from my house it was my Mom, she spoke.
"Osomatsu! If you're going to get kidnapped DO IT MORE QUIETLY." She then shut window loudly. Tougou and I looked at each other in silence.
Needless to say I got in the car quietly.