Chapter Text
Lal's mind raced. Mind, yes, logic dictated that she did not have simply a neural net, but a mind. The new workings of her, the feeling, raced as well. She was to be taken. Away from Father, away from Enterprise. Captain Picard's attempt to sway the Admiral was admirable but Lal knew. Knew Captain Picard was no match.
Lal was still aware of all her surroundings, the ambient temperature of the hallway, the exact force per square meter of gravity bearing down on her, Troi following behind her.
What she did not anticipate was Geordi leaving his quarters, bumping into her and stumbling back. She clutched the front of her garb, realizing now that she would be taken from both Troi and Geordi, every other person she knew.
"Deanna? What's going on, why is Lal-what's going on?" Geordi questioned. Lal could hear concern, anxiety in his voice, but the feeling prevented her from responding. It was taking up so much of her neural net (mind) that she could not respond.
"Geordi! I don't know, she came into my quarters, talking about an Admiral, that she was going to be taken away. She was talking about feeling Geordi, how is that possible! I can sense it in her, now, even!" Troi exclaimed quietly.
Lal could see beyond Geordi's VISOR, see his sightless eyes. She couldn't stop staring. Geordi seemed to notice.
"This is not good, her neural net could overload from the stimulation, if she has developed pathways for emotion. Lal? Would you like to come into my quarters with me and Deanna?" Geordi said to her. Lal felt more of something, as she remembered Captain Picard asking her the same question about her choice. Father told her she could trust his friends, but Lal could not stop the feeling. She shook her head.
"Okay, then we'll do this out here. Lal? You can hear me?" Geordi continued to look at her. She nodded.
"Right, then I want you to think about the number ten," Geordi requested. This was an entirely unexpected request. Lal looked to Troi, who nodded encouragement.
"The roman numeral? Arabic? Binary? Cyrillic?" Lal requested more data, trying to force her neural net to relinquish space for Geordi's request.
"Whichever you want, Lal," Geordi said calmly. Lal processed the idea.
"I'll think of the Arabic," she finally chose.
"That's perfect, Lal. I want you to visualize the number now. Think about the shape, how you would write it. You got it?" Geordi asked. Lal cleared space in her processor for visualization. The feeling was still pressing and she did not like it.
"But Geordi, what am I feeling, why can't I make it stop? Will I be-" Lal asked desperately. Geordi put a careful hand on her shoulder, and Troi shifted behind her.
"Lal, I'm trying to help you stop the feeling from being so scary. Now, calculate all the times tables of ten up to one million. No talking, just the numbers," Geordi instructed. Lal paused to do so, and looked back to Geordi's eyes when she was finished, 0.89 seconds later.
"Now the number nine, ten times slower," Geordi said. Lal did so, net torn between the feeling, her calculations, and her speculations on why Geordi should instruct her in this way. Perhaps, using her mind to think of things other than the feeling would make it go away?
"You're doing great, Lal. Now number eight, thirty times slower. Is it okay if I take your hand?" Geordi asked. Lal realized that her feeling was slowing as she visualized the number 8, still taking input from her surroundings. Geordi's hands looked strong and capable, and she could always free herself, so perhaps the continued outside stimulus would help. Lal nodded.
Geordi's hand was gentle, pulling Lal's hand away from her crumpled garment, holding it just as her Father had. She finished her calculation, and began cataloguing the information of Geordi's skin.
"Start on seven, Lal, fifty times slower," Geordi said quietly, putting his other hand on top of hers. She calculated, categorized, filed, and felt. But this feeling was....okay. It was understanding that Geordi understood, was helping her.
"Geordi, it's working! Her fear is subsiding!" Lal heard Troi say. She had already categorized and analyzed Troi's voice, but this was more new data, Troi in awe, excited....and something Lal did not have a name for, and filed away for later.
Lal blinked her eyes, forcing more of her net into showing her human-ness, how her Father intended her to be. She softened her musculature, moistened her eyes and mouth. The bad feeling was almost gone, her logic taking over.
"Don't stop Lal, you're on six, 100 times slower," Geordi insisted firmly. Lal complied.
"Geordi, I am trying to be human, trying to look human. Am I succeeding?" Lal inquired, carefully calculating her six times tables. Geordi smiled with his teeth, a thing her Father said was very good.
"Yeah Lal, you're doing great. Is it okay if Deanna puts a hand on your shoulder?" Geordi said. Lal turned to look at Troi, who seemed unable to speak. Lal nodded. Troi's hand raised the surface temperature on her shoulder by 1.23 degrees.
"Lal? Are you feeling anymore?" Troi asked. Lal shook her head, and although logic dictated that this was good, that her feeling was no longer threatening, it was the opposite of what her Father wished, that she function as a human.
"The feeling is gone, going away, but will Father be displeased? Wasn't this his hope for me, to feel and not to simply think?" Lal expressed, keeping the calculations going, but the feeling was creeping into her net again, consuming her ability to detect the cologne Geordi smelled of.
"Geordi, her panic is coming back," Troi urged. Geordi increased the pressure of his hand.
"Lal, you need to do five now, a thousand times slower," Geordi reminded her, in his smooth unwavering voice. Yes, Geordi would not let her down, would not let her be consumed by the feeling.
"Lal, whatever happened with the Admiral, we will always be your friends. We'll be here for you, just as your Father has always been here for you. Wesley, Geordi, myself, we will not allow your choice to be ignored. I promise," Troi said soothingly, taking Lal's other hand. Lal categorized the sensations, and instructed her neural net to examine the rich perfume Troi wore. But she was not sure what the words Troi spoke meant.
"Explain," Lal requested. Geordi smiled with all of his teeth again.
"Many times, with sentient beings, where we are in relation to one another is, irrelevant. Just because we cannot see someone does not mean we don't still love them, or care about them," Troi hesitated, but Lal did not stop staring into her eyes.
"And you have the right to exercise choice, Lal, which you have done and will continue to do. What friends do is support other friends' decisions. That's what Geordi, Wesley, and I are, Lal. We're your friends," Troi finished. Lal processed these words, compared them to her previous experiences, what her Father had told her.
"Okay Lal, four, 1 million times slower," Geordi said quietly. Lal looked at him.
"I have not finished five, Geordi. I will tell you when I have," Lal remonstrated him. Geordi made a sound in his throat.
"That's the Lal I know," he said. Troi laughed. Lal connected the disparate sounds and found that both were sounds expressing entertainment.
"I have moved on to four, why are you laughing?" Lal asked.
"Well, I laughed because you are very young, but you were giving me instructions. It's irony," Geordi explained. Lal brought up her knowledge about this word, but could find nothing but her Father shaking his head and promising to explain it another time.
"I was laughing at the irony as well," Troi assured her.
"Lal, the reason I told you those things was because I want that to be what you think about if you start feeling panicked again," Troi told her. Lal brought up her knowledge of the word, 'panic'. Now she had the experience to place in the file. The feeling would be contained there, would not threaten and overwhelm her.
"That is what I was feeling? Panic. How slowly should I calculate three Geordi?" Lal said slowly.
"Two million times slower, Lal. I think the best description for what you experienced was a panic attack," Geordi replied.
"That is a good phrase. The panic was attacking me," Lal decided. Geordi smiled.
"Perhaps, Lal, we should call your father? He would want to comfort you as well," Troi suggested.
"Yes, Father. I want to tell him my thoughts. Geordi, I will finish the calculating, at just two million times slower. Will you help me, if the panic attacks again?" Lal asked. Geordi nodded.
"Yeah Lal, I'll help you. If you start panicking, come find me and we'll do the same thing again," Geordi assured her.
"Lal? You may come and find me as well, I can try to be as helpful as Geordi," Troi offered. Lal pondered this, and reasoned that Father trusted Troi as much as Geordi, and found it an acceptable alternative.
"That is a good alternative," Lal said. Geordi and Troi began to pull their hands away, but Lal used a bit of her strength to hold on.
"Please, not yet? I enjoy holding your hands. Can't we stay like this?" Lal pleaded. Troi smiled and nodded.
"Yeah Lal, we can hold hands," Geordi said as they started down the hallway.
Data's lab hummed quietly. Well, Geordi supposed he should call it a nursery at this point. Delivery ward? Geordi shook his head at his own silly musings. Whatever you wanted to call it, the room was blissfully calm and quiet, Lal resting in her station, Data analyzing the findings of his scan. Geordi gently cleared his throat.
"Data? Do you wanna, talk about it?" Geordi inquired gently. Data turned to look at his friend, with his fingers still moving on the console.
"I assume you mean Lal's condition and how you found her. Yes. What exactly did she say she was feeling?" Data inquired. Geordi gave his friend a knowing look.
"No, Data, I meant talk about the fact that we almost lost Lal. She's a fighter, but the sudden onslaught of emotion could have triggered a cascade," he replied. As he spoke, he could see the subtle hardening of Data's features that generally precipitated a command decision or a firm tongue-lashing for those who did not respect his autonomy.
"I do not understand your question. I grasp the situation fully. Lal is still present, still 'with us', therefore any inquiry into my own reaction is unnecessary," Data responded, looking back to the console. Geordi sighed.
"Look, Data, we shouldn't beat around the bush. Lal almost died, today, and I want to know what you think about that. What did you think about when I comm-ed you?" Geordi pressed. He wasn't going to let such a momentous, life-altering moment go without talking about, especially with his closest friend. Data put his hands in his lap, and fully turned to face Geordi, gold eyes gleaming in the dim light.
"I immediately began enacting the protocol I developed in case an event like this occurred," Data said dutifully. Geordi raised an eyebrow.
"Really. That's it? You didn't think, 'I hope she's okay', or, 'why did this happen?'" Geordi prodded his friend. Data's eyes flicked away from Geordi's for a moment, then back.
"I suspect Geordi, the meaning behind your question is that you wish to know if I had any emotion, or feeling, when I heard about Lal. Most of my processor was occupied with addressing the problem, therefore it is highly unlikely I spontaneously generated emotion circuits. That is my answer to your unasked question. Putting all of my energy and power into keeping Lal alive, is my response to your voiced question, Geordi," Data concluded. Geordi smiled, resigned himself to his friend's reluctance to discuss his response to the incident.
"Okay Data. Is Counselor Troi giving her report to the Captain?" Geordi asked. Data turned back to the console.
"Yes, she indicated that she would inform him first, as to allow me more time to examine Lal and the information about her reaction," Data replied. Geordi translated this to mean 'allow more time for Data to be with Lal'.
"Well I guess I better go and give the Captain my end of the story. Tell Lal I said hi, and that I'll see her soon," Geordi straightened up from where had been leaning against the wall. Data's face finally relaxed slightly.
"I shall inform her once her sleep program has run its course," he said to Geordi. Geordi turned and left, pondering the events of the day as he made his way to Captain Picard's ready room.
"You said, Geordi, that the Admiral's words and behavior directly contributed to Lal's....near-meltdown?" Captain Picard asked his Chief Engineer, frowning deeply. Geordi frowned as well.
"She never directly said anything to me, but I could tell, something was wrong. Really wrong. I could see it in her face, her body. She was clutching the front of her tunic and could barely speak. Then Counselor Troi told me what Lal had said to her in her quarters, and it all made a lot more sense. Is this important, Captain? To the complaint?" Geordi asked. As soon as he'd walked into the ready room, Captain Picard had informed him that he was issuing a formal complaint to Star Fleet, citing the Admiral for misconduct and harassment. A burden of tension that had weighed Geordi down since he'd first been introduced to Lal was lifted from his shoulders. The Captain was serious about protecting Lal.
"Commander, Data is never affected by the words of other people. His processors and logic do not allow him to change his behavior based on opinions or others' emotions, only facts. Lal has reacted, and not only reacted but felt! And it was an intensely human response, a kind of fight, flight, or freeze reaction. That, on one level is absolutely fascinating, and on another, incredibly alarming," the Captain said to Geordi, leaning across the desk, eyes glimmering with feeling. Geordi opened his mouth to respond, but the Captain raised a hand.
"I am alarmed for Lal's well-being, Commander," the Captain continued. "You said you calmed her using a visualization technique?" he continued. Geordi nodded.
"Yes sir, it's one I know from when I was a kid, back in Mogadishu. When I got my VISOR," Geordi clarified at his Captain's look of confusion. "I had panic attacks from all the input. Lal looked a lot like how I felt back then, so I figured why not try it?" Geordi concluded. Captain Picard smiled.
"I'm sure Data is quite grateful for your instinct. Is he still in his laboratory?" the Captain asked.
"Yes sir,"
"Very good. Dismissed, Commander," the Captain said. Geordi rose from his chair. Once out of the ready-room Geordi let his shoulders sag, the excitement finally catching up to him as exhaustion. Lal and Data were safe for the night though, and that was all that mattered.
Deanna absently fiddled with the vase of flowers in her quarters as she mulled over Lal. The young woman had recovered quite well from her unexpected bout of anxiety earlier. And she seemed quite attached to Geordi. Perhaps it was due to his and Data's closeness. Either way, Lal had two excellent guardians there.
Guardians.
The word struck a curious chord in Deanna. Guardians, parents, caretakers, all synonyms in English. The Betazed language had more terms for that type of relationship, mostly due to the telepathic nature of communication in their society. As a child Deanna had combed every human language dictionary she could get her hands on for more words to apply to the parent/child bond.
At the moment, she was beginning to wonder....but no, it was too soon for that. It was best to leave it at the old adage: it takes a village to raise a child. The Enterprise, Deanna felt, was the perfect village for Lal to grow up in.
With one last turn, Deanna smiled at the vase of flowers. She was going to put that in the Captain's complaint, that Lal needed to stay here. With her guardians.