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She feels a burning in her stomach and it is the way Wonderland ought to be and all the ways it really is instead. But she can fix it all; correct the mistakes that have been made. And it’s not the people who are a problem; they are a part of Wonderland, and that’s a good thing. It’s just a word or two that doesn’t fit. That happens from time to time when there are generations of copies. The Protocol eases out of her like correcting fluid and rubs out the tiny thoughts of wrongness and then it only takes a twitch of her little finger to set the carriage return that helps them accept the change as normalcy.
They’d thank her for it later if they could remember it.
“I feel all wrong,” she says, trying to explain the sickening feeling in her chest. “When their eyes go wide like pinpricks, I feel what they feel for a moment. I can see the world shaken and fallen on the ground in the shape of a crooked grin.” She sees it in her mind now, haunting her, but shakes the memory. “And then they forget, and I remember that I am the world that matters. Until the next time, when I wonder again.”
He puts his hand on hers. “It’s not wrong, what you do. Sometimes a person just needs to be fixed, and then you should make it better.”
She smiles. “What about you, Morris? Would you still be saying that if I did this to you?”
“Oh, probably. You have your reasons, even if you don’t want to tell me. And if you’re changing me in the first place, you’re probably not about to tell me much of anything.” He shrugs. “Besides, how would I know?”
“Right. How would you know?” This is not the answer she wanted, but she has to live now with what she put into his mouth.
She looks at him and all she can see is what’s missing. He will never be complete again because of the gift she gave him only to take it away. And he knows, but he doesn’t know, all at once, so she tries not to watch his slow breaking-down. She almost, almost, wants to return that to him, so he stops looking at her so betrayed. But even if she wanted to give him a reason to hate her even more, she doesn’t know how to undo the damage. It seems that she can only take and take away and she’ll never put the world back together like this. She thinks about the possibility that if she can’t give back what is lost she could make a new memory instead. And then she knows that this is the one thing she can never do.