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“Teacher,” Mob said one evening as they were closing up the office. “Can I ask you for some advice?”
Reigen raised his eyebrows. “You can always ask me for advice, Mob. You know that.” He shuffled some papers as though they were important.
“Do you know anything about girls?” Mob said nonchalantly. (Mob said most things nonchalantly.)
“Girls?” Reigen squawked, surprised. Was his little Mob growing up? “Of course! I wouldn’t call myself an expert but, you know, I have, uh, known some—” He fiddled with his tie. “—what do you want to know?”
“How do you ask a girl out?”
Reigen tried to remember. Usually he just walked up to them at bars and told them lies so quickly they didn’t notice he wasn’t paying for their drinks. Wouldn’t work for Mob though. “You hang around her. Talk to her about how nice she looks.”
Mob perked up. “I could do that.”
“Good. Then at some point you say, ‘want to go out with me?’ And that’s it.” Reigen paused. “If she says no, better leave her alone after that.”
“What do you do if she says yes?”
“Then you go out with her! Like drinks—or not drinks, I guess. What do kids do these days?” Reigen felt old under Mob’s blank stare. “Karaoke? Do kids still karaoke? Whatever, take her out, have a good time!”
“What about… after that?” Mob shuffled his feet against the carpet. “Like more… touching type things?”
Reigen smiled, genuinely charmed. It was almost cute, how clueless he was. “You can do those things too—put an arm over her shoulder, hold her hand, kiss her.”
Mob’s eyes widened. “Kiss her?”
“Yes. Don’t you want to?” Reigen remembered being fourteen (or however old Mob was now), and dying to kiss girls, any girl, every girl. But Mob was special and he looked faintly green.
“Sure, but it seems…” He studied his feet. “Hard.”
“It’s a lot easier than getting them to go out with you! And now you know how to do that, so I see no reason why you won’t be a kissing expert in no time.” Reigen clapped him on the shoulder. “No student of mine could mess up kissing!”
“But you didn’t teach me kissing,” Mob pointed out. It sounded matter-of-fact but Reigen felt faintly accused.
He scratched his chin with his thumb. “Hmm, that’s fair. I guess I could give you a modified demonstration.”
Mob looked up quickly. “That would be a big help!”
Reigen scratched his cheek. Where to start? He didn’t usually think about kissing. He just went for it, when the moment was right. Though, to be honest, it had been a while, not since he’d been picked up by that cougar back in—well, better not to think about the exact date. No point telling Mob that either. “Sit down. This way will be easier.” He sat down on the little couch in the client area and patted the cushion next to him.
Mob nodded eagerly and sat.
“First, you have to time it right. You have to already know she wants to kiss you. You can ask too, but better to ask only when you know she wants to.”
“But how do you know?” Mob asked.
Reigen didn’t have a clue. “You just know! There are signs.”
“What are the signs?” The boy was sitting on the edge of the couch with his arms drawn in close. He looked smaller than he was.
Reigen sighed. “You’re overthinking this. You just sort of get closer—“ he put an arm around Mob’s shoulders and angled his body towards him. Mob’s eyes looked huge up close. “—and if she doesn’t pull away, you know you’re good!”
What other tips would be useful? Mob looked like he was taking it in, but Reigen never knew when he was really getting through to him.
“You can broadcast you’re going in for the kiss with body language!” He cupped Mob’s cheek and leaned in just a tad closer, moving with exaggerated slowness so Mob would take note.
“And then you touch lips,” he added with finality.
Mob nodded. His lips pursed a little and Reigen carefully didn’t look at them. He started to lean back when he felt a tug on this suit jacket. Mob’s hands twisted in his lapels. Reigen only had a moment to think now I’ll have to iron this before Mob was pulling him close.
His lips were stiff and dry and completely not sexy. It was the worst kiss Reigen could remember ever having, including some of his own teenage embarrassments, in terms of sheer dullness. A cold sweat broke out on the back of his neck. His heartbeat slowed impossibly so that one thump echoed alone under the stillness of Mob’s lips.
Then he broke the kiss and Reigen’s heart accelerated out of control.
“Sorry,” Mob gasped against his lips, as though he had any reason to be sorry. Reigen was the one who was about to be carted off to prison forever, a fate looking more and more likely as he glanced down at Mob’s now-parted lips. “I just wanted to see what it was like.” He was still clutching Reigen’s lapels.
Reigen hadn’t moved back either. He was still all too close to Mob’s big dark eyes and slightly oily skin.
“Kissing’s not like that,” Reigen said quickly. “That was bad. You do need lessons.”
Mob frowned. “Where can I get lessons?”
Might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb, said a part of Reigen he really didn’t need to hear from right now. “Stop me if this is too—“ He made a half-hearted wave with one hand because obviously this was already too something, too everything. Mob nodded slightly as if he was making any sense.
But Mob could stop him, easily, and maybe that made it okay—or maybe Reigen wanted to be stopped, a little, wanted to see Mob use his abilities. He tried not to think about it as he placed a hand on Mob’s cheek, tilting his chin up and towards him. Mob’s cheeks were smooth—he must still be too young to shave, Reigen realized, and would Reigen soon be teaching him how to do that too? He tried not to think about it.
Mob closed his eyes and Reigen paused. “You don’t have to close your eyes, that’s not—“ required, he was going to say, for the lesson, he meant, but Mob’s eyes blinked open and Reigen regretted it. “Or you can, if you like,” he said, absently stroking Mob’s bottom lip with his thumb. Mob’s eyes drifted closed. Reigen braced himself studying his short black eyelashes.
When he kissed him, Mob’s lips fitted against his easily. Just the slightest hint of pressure and it wasn’t quite enough. He pulled Mob closer with an arm around his shoulder and let himself suck lightly at Mob’s bottom lip. Mob was moving this time, pressing against his lips with a clumsiness Reigen could imagine smoothing out with practice and praise to build his confidence. He’d be fine if he just had someone to kiss him soundly and daily—
Reigen tried to remember what he was supposed to be thinking about. Kissing tips? “Remember to breathe through your nose,” Reigen said, pulling back.
“Teacher,” Mob sighed, and Reigen kissed him again, mostly to stop him from saying anything else. He slid his hand into Mob’s hair as the boy’s mouth opened up for him. Mob’s hair was soft to match his skin. Delicately moving his tongue against his, he tried to swallow every little sound Mob made before they could reach the open air, but the sound of their lips against each other and Reigen’s heart pounding in his ears was bad enough.
Mob was half in his lap now, and when the hell had that happened, warm and moving against his chest. Reigen wrapped his arms around his back and could feel Mob’s muscles, such as they were, under his uniform.
Mob pressed his hands against his chest and started pulling at his tie, trying to undo the knot. After the tie would come his shirt, Reigen knew, and then he could picture himself undoing Mob’s school jacket and then—
Reigen shoved Mob abruptly on to the couch cushions and scrambled up to stand.
From behind him, Mob said, “That was—”
“—more than enough of a demonstration, I should think!” Reigen half-shouted.
“Was it okay?” Mob sounded dazed.
Reigen looked down at his bruised lips and mussed hair and choked. “No! Great! You were great.” He cleared his throat. “Well, not great, but good for a beginner. What did I say, no student of mine could be a bad kisser.”
Mob blinked up at him. “I’m glad. Thanks.” This was going to be the end of Reigen Arataka, small business owner and part time conman, may he rest in peace.
“But I guess this means Tsubomi-chan won’t be my first kiss,” Mob continued, standing and straightening out his school jacket. Reigen was suddenly hit with the full import of what he’d done. Stolen the boy’s first kiss!
Reigen forced a laugh, a little too loud. “It was just practice, Mob! It doesn’t count! You’ll have all the firsts you want with Tsubomi-chan.”
“Oh.” Mob tilted his head a little, thoughtful. “That’s good.”
“Yes, yes, practice doesn’t mean anything,” Reigen continued, disturbed by how high-pitched his own voice was. “You can do anything if it’s practice,” he babbled. He placed a hand on Mob’s shoulder to steer him towards the door and then abruptly removed it.
Mob seemed to get the hint though and gathered his things to leave. He stopped with one hand on the door knob and turned to look at him. “If practice doesn’t count, maybe we could practice other things.”
Reigen swallowed. Alarms went off in his head as images of other things with Mob suddenly formed. Or were those police sirens in the distance? Maybe just screeching demons of hell coming to carry him off? There was a very specific Buddhist hell for this sort of thing, he was sure.
He tried to laugh but it came out a thin Haaaa. He couldn’t stop himself from asking. “What sort of other things?”
Mob fiddled with the straps on his school bag. “You know. Like the other things you said. Hand-holding?”
Of all the things he’d done in his life, Reigen was sure he hadn’t done anything to deserve Mob standing in front of him, looking freshly kissed and newly bold, asking to practice holding hands with him. The kid had to be fucking with him, but his face was as unreadable as ever. Truly a frightening being.
“You don’t need to practice holding hands. It’s just holding hands.”
“My palms get sweaty so maybe I should get used to it first.” He looked up, meeting Reigen’s eyes. Mob could be intimidating when he got ideas in his head, Reigen knew, so even though he very much wanted to look anywhere besides Mob’s face, he didn’t look away.
“Mob.” Someone had to be the adult here, and it was definitely, definitely him. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
Mob opened his mouth. For a second, Reigen thought he was going to argue and then he’d have to explain, out loud, to Mob’s face, why practicing hand-holding with him would drive him, first of all, insane and, second, straight to jail, or, third, end with Mob killing him with his brain, but also, fourth, would mean taking advantage of Mob in a way that actually made Reigen feel ill and, fifth, had a high likelihood of driving Mob away forever, which made him feel worse.
But then Mob just said, “Okay. I understand.” Reigen doubted very much that he did. “Teacher’s embarrassed because his palms get sweaty too,” he added as he turned to go.
“Something like that,” Reigen muttered as he all but herded Mob out the door.
With Mob gone and the door locked behind him, Reigen sat with his face in his hands for a long time.