Chapter Text
Dark Pit, Lucas, Wolf O' Donnell, Shadow The Hedgehog, Cia the big witch (4U), and Mewtwo were drinking capri sun as they were eating on Doritoes, with the caprisun filling in for the mountain Dew they were missing as they were inside their Chuck E Cheese headquarters, wondering what to do as they were enjoying being edgy punks.
"Man, I am so fucking edgy," Dark Pit stated as he was cutting himself.
"Well, Hot Topic is the most fucking awesome thing around." Lucas stated as he placed some Doritos into his blonde hair, just because he felt like ruffling up his hair.
"I can't believe that it would have a fatass like Cia be a fan," Mewtwo chuckled, compensating for lacking a dick.
"Oh shut up, at least people like me for my body!" Cia barked back as she was willingly stuffing herself with the Dorito substance, surprisingly not gaining any weight, but it didn't matter since she looked sexy no matter how much of a big girl (for you) she was.
"I just want to know why are we not doing anything remotely important?" Shadow growled with edge as he was polishing off his guns.
Wolf, who was acting on his animal instincts, sniffed the air as he sensed something. "Hey, there's some punks at the door."
Dark Pit got off his ass as he went and opened the door, seeing Dry Bowser standing there with a tennis racket in his hands.
"Hey, do any of you edgy pinks want to play some tennis?" Dry Bowser asked as he bounced a couple of green fuzzy tennis balls in his bony hands.
Dark Pit squinted as he remembered all the times Dry Bowser nailed him and the other team members with the tennis balls, which were not as fuzzy as they seemed, slamming the door in the skeletal reptile's face as he walked back to his couch.
The door was knocked again, this time prompting Lucas to open it, as Arceus the God of all Pokemon was standing there.
"Do you want to have a race? We need some chumps... I mean, volunteers," Arceus explained, with several four legged Pokemon being behind him.
"As if." Lucas snorted as he blew boogers out of his nose, letting them land on the door step as he went to sit on Dark Pit's lap, making the edgy angel get a boner.
The door was slammed on several times, with Mewtwo teleporting to it as he spotted the wicked witch of Spiral Mountain, Gruntilda Winkybunion, staring at him while in a weird metal contraption she invented.
"Do you want to build robotic tech to be used on torturing some bears and birds?" Gruntilda stated as she wiggled her eyebrows.
Mewtwo just promptly gave the warty green witch the middle finger as he closed the door with his psychic powers he obtained from Havard, going back to hanging upside down on the ceiling.
It seemed as if there was finally was peace for the edgy dorks that tried to be punks, but another knock on the door after only five minutes prompted Dark Pit to drag his sorry ass off his own couch, much to both his displeasure and that of Lucas, who was enjoy the bulge the black winged angel was giving him. When Dork Shit got up and opened the door, he got on the floor, because everyone did the dinosaur.
...that's what he would have liked to have done, but instead, Dark Pit got the necessary evil for which he didn't want, but secretly desired - Lady Palutena farting in his face, with the other members of the crew laughing at him.
"Did you really think I wouldn't check up on mah boi before DINNER?" Palutena laughed above her ever so bassy gassy emissions of farty fartness, with Dark Pit crying out in pain as he forgot how strong the Goddess of Light's flatulence was.
But oh, it wasn't always like this. The Hot Topic Krew had some depths to them that weren't exactly edgy...