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“But I don’t want both of you to go!”
“Sam, I don’t recall asking for your input. You’re going to Bobby’s and that’s final. Do you understand me?” John asks.
The eight year old huffs. “Yes sir…” He mumbles as he walks out of the motel room. Sam watches Dean pack up the Impala for their trip to Sioux Falls. Where Sam would be dropped off while Dean and Dad got to go on a hunt. Sam has been to Bobby’s a number of times but never without his brother. When John goes on hunts he always has Dean.
Dean notices Sam staring off into space. “Sam! Come here and get your stuff loaded into the car.” Sam glances at Dean and quickly grabs his bag from the pile and puts it in the backseat of the car. He looks up at Dean.
“You can't just leave me by myself!” Sam yells. “I am always by myself. Why can't I come with you?”
“You're not always by yourself. And you can't because Dad says you're not ready and I agree!”
“You guys know nothing-”
“Sam!”
The two boys stiffen. John stood off to the side of the Impala. “I am getting real sick of this thinking you have a say in anything. I trust you to behave at Bobby's. I swear if I hear that you are half as whiny as you are now you are not going to like it. Do you understand!?”
Sam opened his mouth to say something. Anything. He looked at his brother. He didn't look back. Dean's eyes stayed on their father. Naturally.
“Yes sir.” Was all he was able to say. He climbed into the backseat and stared off at nothing in particular. He listened to his dad and brother load up the rest of their belongings.
The car ride wasn't long. Maybe four hours at most. That was nothing to Sam. He mostly slept or looked out the window as some rock band he didn’t care for played in the background. It soothed him in a way. He was here with his family. Until he won’t be. Until he is not. They pulled up to Bobby's house. Bobby waited on the porch. They shared a look that felt different. Almost as if they were talking telepathically. Sam doesn’t know what Bobby thought he was thinking but he was probably close.
John left the car first. “Hey you old fart!” John smiled. They greeted each other and started talking about adult things that Sam didn’t care for nor could he hear. He watched Dean get out of the car and open his door.
“Come on, Sammy.” He drags Sam out of the car. Dean left his hands on Sam’s shoulder and looked down at him. Sam was a tall kid. Very tall for his age. Dean maybe had a few years left before Sam was officially taller. Sam always dreamed about the day he’d be bigger than his brother and always imagined himself taller but now he felt small under Dean’s gaze. “Sam, I think you’re being a little dramatic. Dad leaves for hunts all the time.”
“But it’s different.” Sam mumbles as he kicks a rock. This action makes Dean step back to not get hit. Dean rolls his eyes.
“I don’t understand.”
“You! I always had you. It’s your first time being in front of the danger.”
Dean rolled his eyes. “For crying out loud, Sam! All you wanna do is get away from me. I don’t know what’s gotten into you.” Dean grabs Sam’s bag from the car and throws it into Sam’s chest. Causing Sam to fall down and wince in pain. “You should be happy to have a week to yourself.” Dean walks away as Sam sits on the ground holding his bag. Sam fights the tears that threaten to escape his eyes. He looks up to see his dad and Bobby watching him from the porch. They weren’t talking and had clearly seen everything. They both looked at him so differently. John with his classic angry stare. The one Sam got often. Bobby looked at him with a look Sam wasn’t familiar with. He watches Bobby say something he can’t quite hear and John nods.
“Dean! Say goodbye to Bobby and your brother! We’re leaving soon.” John yells. Sam sees Dean run up to the porch and talk to Bobby. Sam took this as his queue to get up and make his way over there. He stands up and checks to see if his pants had any mud on it. Normally he wouldn’t care but he doesn’t want to track it through Bobby’s house. John silently walks up to Sam. Sam didn’t know he was there until Sam saw him in his peripheral vision. It startles him and looks up at his dad. “Sam, I-” John cuts himself off. He hesitantly places his hand on his shoulder. John doesn’t speak for a second. Wanting to say a lot but not being able to. “Please for the love of everything be good for Bobby.” He said in a low voice. As if he was sharing a secret.
“Yes, sir.” Sam nods while looking dead into his fathers eyes. John pats his shoulder and walks away. Sam picks up his bag and starts walking towards Bobby. Dean comes down the stairs and stops in front of Sam.
“Bye Sam. We’ll be back before you know it.” Sam continued to walk up the stairs. Dean rolls his eyes. “Why do I even try.” He sighs. Sam looks back to see Dean getting in the car and them driving off. Sam was now alone with Bobby.
“Hey, boy. How’ve you been?” Bobby asked. Sam continues to look at the now small Impala.
“Uh, good.” Sam answers.
Bobby frowns a bit. “Well come on now. Let’s get you inside and situated.”
Sam follows Bobby into the house. Sam takes a deep breath in. Something about the house made Sam feel just a little bit calmer.
“Go put your bag in the spare room and I'll make you a sandwich.” Bobby says as he walks into the kitchen. Sam makes his way upstairs to the room at the end of the hallway. He opens the door and the room looks the same as the last time he was here. A little empty but that was because Bobby didn't really have visitors. Not that Sam knew of at least. Sam shares this room with Dean when the three of them stay over here. Sam doesn't think he's ever had a room to himself.
He sets his bag at the end of the bed and heads downstairs. Sam walks into the kitchen to see Bobby cutting his sandwich in half. Sam scoots out a chair. Bobby turns around and sets the sandwich in front of him before sitting next to him. Sam looks at the sandwich. He was grateful so he didn't know why he just stared at it.
“That was quite the scene you and Dean caused.” Bobby said drinking a beer Sam didn't see him grab. Sam looks up at Bobby but he doesn't look back. Sam sighs.
“I guess it was.” Sam shrugs.
“Wanna talk about it?”
Sam thought for a moment. “I don't know how.”
This makes Bobby think. Sam looks up at Bobby again before grabbing a piece of the sandwich.
“You know, it can be scary, being on your own.” Sam had plenty to say to that but he has food in his mouth so he decides to just listen. “While John may not be with you all the time. Dean is. I think you were so angry because you were scared. And so is Dean.”
“Dean? Scared? Impossible.” Sam doesn't believe what Bobby is saying.
“Anybody can be scared. Some just react to it differently. You may think of this as your first time without Dean but it's also his first time away from you. Not to mention his first hunt. I'm sure he just didn't want you to worry, son.” Bobby places a hand on Sam's shoulder. Sam thought about the words Bobby was saying. He shoves his sandwich in his mouth to stop him from crying. Bobby pats his back in the process. “You know, your father is a very skilled hunter. Better than most. He'll do anything to keep Dean safe. And you.” That's where Sam loses it. He silently cried as he chewed his sandwich. Bobby just sat there and comforted him.
The next week didn't go by fast but spending time with Bobby was fun. They played catch, Bobby showed him old movies and games. They even went on a walk through the forest. Where Bobby taught him what each tree was and how to follow deer tracks. Sam felt like a normal kid. Until he didn't. By the sixth day Dean and John had returned. Him and Bobby were watching a late night movie when the Impala pulled up.
“Stay here.” Bobby says as he walks out the door. Sam watches from the window. He can vaguely see his dad and Bobby talk. Probably about the hunt. Sam couldn't see Dean. He told himself it was because it's dark but Sam started to freak out. He needs Dean to be okay. Sam frantically looked around outside the window. He couldn't take it anymore. Sam ran towards the door and swung it open.
There was Dean. Waiting by the door. Dean was quick to hug him. Sam was startled at first but quickly hugged back. Sam can't remember the last time Dean had hugged Sam like this. It made Sam worry.
Sam pulls back. “Hey, Dean! Did you fight the big bad guys?” He asks his brother. Dean just stood there. Sam felt as Dean became paler. He shrugs before walking upstairs. Sam looks back at John and Bobby.
“Hey, son.” John hugs Sam for a short time before kneeling on one knee to be on Sam's level. “The hunt was successful. We saved many people's lives back there.”
“Why is Dean upset?”
“Well, Sam, hunts aren't always easy. You think it's a quick salt and burn but all of the sudden it's more than that. That can sometimes throw you off.”
Sam tries to understand what his dad was saying to him but it doesn't click in Sam's brain.
Bobby's steps behind John. “Why don't the both of you go to bed now. We can talk about it more in the morning. John, I bet you're tired.”
John sighs. “Right. Sam, go upstairs.” Sam nods and slowly heads upstairs. He felt scared again. He doesn't know what was in store for him. What version of Dean was waiting for him. But he wasn't going to get angry. It was okay to be scared. At least, that's what Sam keeps trying to tell himself. He finally reaches the top of the stairs. The bedroom door is closed. Sam stares at the door. He takes a deep breath before slowly opening the door.
Dean was in bed. Laying away from the door and staring at the wall. Dean didn't make an effort to get under the blankets or even get into pajamas.
“Dean?” Sam walks slowly in the room and slowly shuts the door. He walks over to the space between the bed and the wall. Sam watches Dean space out. Sam feels his heart quicken. The scared feeling was coming back but he couldn't feel that way now. Now, he has to take care of his brother. But Sam doesn't know where to start. He's never been in this position before. But he has to try.
“So Bobby and I had fun.” Sam unties Dean's shoes as he speaks. “We watched all sorts of movies. Some I think you'd like.” He puts Dean's shoes under the bed and looks at Dean. He looked more calm but still stared at the wall. Sam tries to lift up Dean's legs to get him under the blankets. “And,” Sam's voice strains as he tries to quickly grab the blanket from under Dean. He's able to and takes a breath. “And, uh, we went on walks through the woods. That was cool. Hunting deer tracks was fun.” Sam pulls the blankets over Dean. Dean's eyes were now closed but Sam knew he wasn't asleep. “I missed you a lot.” Sam sat on the bed. His back resting on Dean's legs. “Every thing I did with Bobby I always thought about you. How much you'd like it or dislike it. I thought about you coming back to have fun with us.” Sam looks down at Dean once more. He gets up to turn off the light and crawls into bed. Normally Sam hated when Dean wasn't on his side or was somehow touching him. Now, Sam buries his head into Dean's back. “I'm sorry for being rude before you left.” Sam whispers. “I think we were both scared and you made me feel small.” Sam yawns. “I feel small now but it's a different small. I don't know if that makes sense.”
Sam waits for a reply but Dean says nothing. He sighs into Dean's back and drifts off to sleep. That night, even though one boy had a nightmare and the other a dreamless sleep, it was probably the best either had ever slept. Because at the end of the night it was better than being alone.