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Fir has never been so… intrigued before. He’d just moved in with CJ, his lovely boyfriend, and suggest that he cooks dinner for them instead of ordering food. Fir didn’t say no, he missed his home made meals, but now he’s regretting not saying no.
CJ’s saying things under his breath, ingredients, measurements, various things that Fir thinks aren’t real. He watches CJ from the kitchen bench, his elbow propped up on the bench with his chin resting on his hand.
CJ has no organisational skills here, he’s putting down random ingredients wherever he sees fit. Fir is trying to piece together what CJ is making, but there’s so many random ingredients. He watches CJ pull out vanilla essence and a singular cucumber, Fir is genuinely concerned about what CJ’s making.
“So… what are you making?” Fir questions, slightly concerned for his life now. CJ’s just waves him off, “it’s a secret, dude. I promise it’ll be like… the best thing you’ve ever eaten.” This does not calm down Fir’s nerves, in fact, it makes it worse. But all he can do is sit there and watch CJ make some sort of amalgamation of ten different recipes.
A strange aroma fills the kitchen, not quite good, but not the worst thing Fir’s had to deal with. CJ’s got something in a frying pan, and something else in the oven, Fir can just barely read the timer and temperature on the oven. Four hundred degrees, for forty five minutes. Fir now thinks CJ is trying to burn down their apartment, has he secretly been dating a psychopath this whole time?
“Uh… babe, why have you got the oven on four hundred… for forty five minutes..?” Fir gulps, his amusement disappearing. CJ’s face is filled with confusion, “what do you mean? It’s on two hundred and fifty?” CJ looks down at the degrees and his eyes go wide, he quickly changes it to two hundred and fifty degrees, a large step down from his original temperature. Fir realises he isn’t dating a psychopath, just an idiot.
Fir ignores whatever that was and scrolls on his phone for a while, maybe fifteen-ish minutes. His TikTok is full of brain-rot, but it stops him from worrying about whatever CJ may be making. He sees some cute cats, some concerning posts affecting digital footprints and some funny memes he might show CJ, and then he smells smoke.
His head immediately perks up and somehow one of their frying pans is on fire. “CJ!” Fir exclaims, wondering how he even managed that. CJ isn’t even paying attention to it, he’s turned around cutting up something. “What?” CJ turns around to look at Fir and notices the fire.
“OH MY GOD.” CJ half-screams, his attention now fully on the small fire he started. “WHAT DO I DO?” Apparently, CJ has never seen a fire before, and has never had to deal with one. Fir quickly stands up, grabs a small tea-towel and grabs the handle of the pan, he dumps it in the sink and turns the cold water on, ignoring how it smokes and sizzles. The fire settles down and dampens out, and Fir turns around to look at CJ.
“So.. what were you making then?” Fir has his hands on his hips, questioning CJ with an almost stern gaze. CJ’s face flushes, “well… I don’t like.. actually know..? I was just pulling out things I thought would taste good together.” CJ says it like its the most obvious thing in the world, Fir stares at him like he’s just grown two extra heads. Fir turns back around to the sink, and tries to make out what’s in the black tar that CJ burned.
He can vaguely identify some tomato and an entire stick of butter, that somehow hadn’t melted. “So… we put some tomato… and an entire stick of butter into a pan? How did the butter not melt?” Fir is exasperated, he is confused, he doesn’t know how CJ accomplished any of this. “Oh! That’s because the butter was frozen.” Fir turns around to CJ as he hears this, CJ is standing there with the proudest smile on his face.
“CJ.. why.. why did you freeze the butter?” Fir stares at him, with the most horrified expression, why did he freeze the butter? “Because! The butter packet said store in a cold environment, you can’t get any colder than the freezer.” CJ looks so proud right now that it hurts Fir spiritually. “CJ… it says to store below seventy degrees… not below zero.” CJ looks earnestly confused by what Fir’s saying, “but isn’t colder better?”
Fir just shakes his head and walks over to him, he wraps his arms around his shoulders and stares up at him. “Let’s take some cooking lessons before doing this again, yeah?” Fir tries to let CJ down as lightly as he can, hoping not to hurt him too much. CJ just sighs, “yeah…” He buries his face into Fir’s neck, and wraps his arms around his waist, pulling him closer.
Fir places a small kiss onto the side of CJ’s head and hold’s him for a moment, “do we want to clean this up then?” CJ groans into Fir’s neck, “no.. not really.” Fir just rolls his eyes and pulls back from CJ a little, just enough so they’re face to face. He kisses CJ softly, just a small peck to make him feel at least a little bit better. CJ’s face flushes a light red and takes one hand to pull Fir back into another kiss by grabbing his jaw, it’s ridiculously soft. CJ’s hand gently holds onto Fir’s jaw, his thumb stroking his cheek as he kisses him, they don’t rush to deepen the kiss, they just stand there and embrace each other.
Until a loud beeping noise is heard, the smoke alarm. Fir pulls back and covers his ears, “what else is still cooking?!” He half-shouts, trying to be louder than the alarm. CJ ponders for a moment, before perking up. “Oh! The oven!” Fir deadpans at him, “the oven? What the heck have you got in the oven?” Fir grabs the tea-towel again and opens the oven with it, smoke barrels out of it, something is on fire in the oven.
Fir immediately turns the oven off and grabs a small jug. He fills it with water and dumps it on the small fire in the oven, it dampens it down enough for it to die on its own. The smoke alarm is still screaming at them, so Fir opens all the windows in their kitchen, hoping to ventilate the room. After a few minutes of Fir looking at CJ with zero amusement, the smoke alarm finally stops. Fir walks back over to him, and leans against the counter.
“So, do we want to just get takeout..?” CJ suggests, Fir laughs. “Heck yeah.”