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Ever since I entered this new school, I never liked it anyways. One of those people are bullying me daily. Well.. not at night.
I've never wanted it, but I got used to it.
Been getting into fights lately over this guy who bullied me, Barron.
He looks like an annoying person when I first met him. But it seemed like he's also a kind person.
Ever since he invited me to his house for a group project, the house was fine and stuff. But his brother, Evan, kept thinking I'm his girlfriend and he went bragging all over to his dad.
His dad and Barron were fighting over Evan's words. So I decided to stepped in and explains what actually had happened.
His dad look at me in the eyes, staring like I was a devil to his eyes.
He accepted what I explained anyways since I confirmed it.
Barron stares at me like I saved him from a monster. Well.. yeah, I look like it cuz his dad was shouting out loud and doesn't even give him a time to explain.
The next day, Barron and his stupid buddies stopped nagging me all over and over and I'm confused, but I think that was just my lucky day.
But it keeps getting worse over time once they've distanced themselves towards me.
I mean, I didn't mean by "they hate me so they leave me alone..!!" It's just.. I suddenly developed a crush on Barron.
I don't know but, it feels wrong.
What's more weird that he's been acting weird lately to me. Like speaking to me softly, treated me like I'm some kind of his new buddies, I don't remember. I don't remember know if it's just his manipulation through it but, I didn't see any.
He sometimes asked me how my day was, everything's alright..? Weird.
But the way he treated me makes me develop a crush on him, that's the reason.
And I don't wanna confess to him yet. Because I've already suffered worse ever since I started dating for the first time before I moved into this school.
A boy named Mark Parker is my ex. He's a popular type kid since he was the mayor's son and everyone have been falling in love with him or the boys being friends with him.
I developed a crush without knowing ever since I saw his face. Mark seemed like a kind person and a handsome guy.
That is when my friend, Chloe and Catherine started to add him in our friend group. Since both of them knew I liked him.
Both of them forced me to confess, so I did. And he did say yes. I was all over the moon. Or that's what it says, I don't know how to make these type of stuff.
Ever since I started dating him, it was perfect to me. And the others seemed jealous. I love how he cares for me, giving me affections, anything.
But one day, I realized I should've never confessed to him anyways. And learned my lesson.
At class, I was so sleepy to the fact I can't handle my eyes and slept.
The teacher didn't interrupted me, the other classmates too. They should be but whatever, I got lucky.
What's more stupid is that no one didn't woke me up after the bell rang. So it was a surprise there's no one when I woke up. Until Mark was here, behind me.
I didn't expect him to be here and I thought he was too fell asleep, I got ready to get up, leaving the class, just to find out the door is locked.
I thought it was some teachers mistake that just locked the door and leave us behind and didn't know there's a student inside.
But that was on purpose. It was Mark's. I put my backpack down, waiting for him to unlock it, but he didn't do anything.
He kept getting closer and closer, he started to invading my space.
And that's when it hits me, the blinds are closed. The door are locked. I knew what the signs was. I tried to scream and barge through the door, but it's too late.
He pushed me on the desk and decided to touch me everywhere like I already gave him permission to. It was getting uncomfortable of course, I told him to stop and go away.
That was the worse decision I've ever said to him.
I can't say much in here cuz it looks fucked. I mean, it is. What else??
He raped me. I never knew why he did this. He kept calling me nicknames I've never liked. Such as a "whore" or something that uh.. I never understood.
He keeps threatening me that if I tell anyone in this place what he did to me, I might've get killed or something.
Why would a mayor's son would act like that..?
After those disgusting session with him, I can't even sleep for days. I've been in the bathroom longer. Trying to scrub those touches away but it keeps getting worse.
It feels like I'm going to cry. But I can't. My mum and dad told me to be stronger, why can't I be strong enough?
Well, they didn't say it in a strict way. It's a form of words that'll keep my motivation going.
I thought the reason he did this was because I wear my shorts everytime. Since some boys are pretty perverted when it comes to women wearing revealing clothes.
So I wear my long pants when I come back to school.
Going back to that place after the session yesterday is worse.
Since he's not here, I explained to my friend, Chloe and Catherine of what he did to me.
And sure enough, they.. didn't believe me. I still remember those words.
"You're just attention seeking, Carrie! Mark would never!" "Yeah, what were you thinking?!" "He's not a bad person, you're just sharing misinformation!"
My own friends didn't believe me. Other classmates too. I guess the reason they didn't believe me cuz he's the "popular" kid here. I can't give any allegations unless I have proof. But how do I give them the proof?? My fucking brain??
And then I decided to cut myself after home. I thought it's a bad idea to do it, but it's a good feeling. Cutting myself is the one I can cope myself at this point. But my scars are visible. So I wore my sweater.
Mum looked at me like I started to wear something very hot cuz usually I used to wear those short sleeved shirt and short pants just to get the wind through me so I'm cold.
Now I'm not. Mum knew something's up cuz I've been changing clothes after school 2 times.
My mum found my diary, of course.
I didn't know she read it cuz I was focused to eat my dinner.
The next day, she told me I have to live with my grandma at Georgia, which is fucking sucks. I can't meet the others anymore. I can't even meet my friend. But at least I'm free from that Mark guy.
Once we flew there, I stayed in grandma's and mum had to go back to the UK for her job. Because she has to earn money so I agreed.
But before she leaves tho, she finds me a school to go so I'm not dumb and that's how I got in that school anyways.
Ah, sorry, did I just explain my story about that much..? Sorry, back to the point.
I'm still scared to confess my feelings to Barron. I already knew his bad behavior at school, and I don't want to confess too early. Because he either say "no" or "yes" and decided to do bad stuff like what Mark did.
It's scary. I already learned my lesson, doesn't it..?
So I decided to be his buddies every day in a while.
What I didn't expect was his confession. He confessed to me that he loved me.
I don't know how to reply. Should I even say yes or no..?
I thought it was one of his friend bet and shit so I said yes and see how it goes.
Over the last few weeks, he.. actually loves me. He buys me food, he gave me something Mark never give to me. Hugs, kisses with consent, cuddles, any stuff. It was weird.
But I thought it's just through his manipulation again and I started to overthink.
What's worse is he found my cuts. He looks upset why I did it. Not in an angry way, a sad way. He was shocked I did this and he hugged me. Something I've never had, comfort.
I cried on his shoulder when we hugged, it feels like I'm in heaven already.
He was confused why I cried, lol. So I give him an explanation time after school so people didn't listen to us.
He was.. hurt to hear that. If you guys think he leaves because I used to have one, no. He gave me comfort and motivation. He said he should heal my scars tomorrow, and he kept that promise.
I love this man. I love so much to the point I just imagining him sleeping in my room. I want to cuddle him forever. But I just had to calm down and be stable. Boys hates crazy girls.
But he still loves me once I get crazy all of a sudden. Because he did the same.
Every weird, embarrassing stuff I made, he has those experience and sounds like I found my actual soulmate.
He started to open up everytime about his household and I feel bad. I give him comfort, by hugging. I can't do words but he's still accepting my comfort.
And then we started talking about childhood friends.
Once he mentioned his childhood friend was a British girl who lives infront of their house, I knew what he meant. That girl was me.
I just happened to find out Barron was my childhood friend.
He was the kid who wanted me to play baseball. The ball accidentally hit me and he was so scared to he point he calls my mom. Haha.
The reason why I said he was my childhood friend because I we lived in America once I turned 3 years old for taking care of my grandpa on mom side. His condition getting worse, that's why.
Me and that kid, or should I just call him Barron already. Played so many times.
I remember him playing with me with My Little Pony toys. I loved My Little Pony back then. My favorite was Pinkie Pie. He said he likes Rainbow Dash. That's was cute.
I never understood why dad says boys can't play girls stuff so I cried when he didn't let him play with me.
But since my dad hates my cries during my birthday party, he let's him anyways and yay, I'm happy.
But we laughed once we already coded who our childhood friend was. Because we all forgot it.
My relationship between him and me is just.. perfect. It's the way I wanted.
It's like I lay on the ground, whole body is bleeding, just to saw someone beside me was bleeding as well. And we smiled. Found someone who suffers the same. Just different, you know what I mean..?
I love him.