Work Text:
Today was a good day.
Really, it was.
You spent the entire afternoon speaking when spoken to, nodding at the right moments, laughing when others joked. You’d smiled until your cheeks hurt. Nothing was even wrong, that was the problem. Today was a good day, by most standards. Nothing went wrong, no one had gotten angry—not visibly, at least. Work went smoothly.
So why, on the walk back to your room at the Wangshu Inn, did the silence feel heavier than anything? Why now, staring at the cracks on your ceiling, was there a hollow, aching emptiness in the center of your chest?
Did you talk too much? Too little?
Were you interrupting?
Was that pause earlier after you spoke out of annoyance?
You replayed every single interaction like a broken record. Like a new favorite song you can’t stop listening to until you finally get sick of it. Over, and over, and over again. You were already sick of it. Always speaking and wishing you hadn’t immediately after, picking it apart, wondering if that look on their face was one of irritation with you, if you seemed interested enough even while your mind was elsewhere, if you softened your tone enough, made eye contact enough. Nobody had gotten angry, not visibly, but you could still feel it. Maybe you were overthinking, or maybe you really were cursed for the rest of your life to constantly map out invisible rules that everyone else but you appeared to just have somehow popped out of the womb knowing.
It was exhausting.
On the bright side, you did have friends! That is, if you count people you don’t even know the favorite color of, are probably just as annoyed with you as you are with yourself, and whose lives would still carry on if a lawachurl were to storm in and crush you right at this moment, sure. You envied people that could connect with others so effortlessly, honestly. You had to just face it. You had no one, and no one had you. They all had other people and you were just an insignificant stain on their lives.
Sleep didn’t come to you that night. each time you closed your eyes, those agitating, unrelenting voices started again.
You’re annoying.
You’re too much.
You don’t belong.
You’re a burden.
Just shut up.
You pressed the heels of your palms into your eyes until stars burst behind them. Perhaps it would be better if you didn’t harass anybody and their ears with your disruptive presence and grating voice anymore.
It didn’t take very long for someone to notice.
You had always been loud, however, not in an unpleasant way. You’d arrive at the Wangshu Inn like a ray of sunlight, all bright and beaming, rambling before you even fully stepped onto the balcony. Complaining about customers, maundering on about some new hobby you picked up, a cute animal you saw today.
Lately, you’d been enveloped by quiet instead, like a ghostly cloak over you.
You still showed up at first. But each time, you’d just sit near him, no tangents about your day like usual. Simply staring out at Dihua Marsh with that faraway look in your eyes, disappearing even though you were still sitting right there.
Before you stopped coming entirely.
Xiao had caught wind from Verr Goldet that you had “not been feeling well.” Holed up in your room, sleeping at odd hours, declining visitors, hardly even coming out for food.
“She’s probably just tired.” Verr Goldet had said kindly.
But Xiao’s senses have been honed for millennia to pick up on disturbances in the air. Karmic debt, demonic activity, calls of his own name no matter how near or far, the restless stirrings of the world. He could sense that something about this, something about you, was not right.
The air was cool that night. Xiao stood upon the highest beam of Wangshu Inn, observing Dihua Marsh stretched beneath him, ever vigilant. Until he sensed it—soft footsteps on the balcony below.
You were hunched over at the railing, shoulders slumped, all your weight resting on your elbows that were propped up against the wood.
“What are you doing up at this hour?”
You jolted before whipping your head around to see Xiao stood behind you, arms crossed, those familiar piercing amber eyes peering at you.
“Oh.” You breathed. Of course he was here. “Hi. I couldn’t sleep. Is it just your thing to always jump-scare people like that?”
“You cant sleep? Why?” Xiao asked, dismissing your comment. If there were nightmares plaguing you, this was something he could fix like clockwork, what with the dream devouring thing and all. It would explain your sudden change in behavior, as well.
“Just…couldn’t.” You shrugged. Truly, the reason you couldn’t sleep was due to your racing thoughts, but Xiao didn’t need to know that. You’re already burdening everyone around you enough, you don’t need to add Xiao to that list of people. That is, if he isn’t already on that list with you constantly disrupting his peace storming into the balcony with your loud mouth every single day. You really were pathetic.
“Are you well?” Xiao suddenly asked, cutting through your self-deprecating spiral. Those were frequent for you as of late. You didn’t even notice you were going into one again anymore.
“Am I well?“ you blinked, then forced a smile. “Uh, I’m fine, thanks for asking. Why?”
“You… have not been yourself. You avoid the inn, you’re distracted when you do appear, and your energy is diminished.”
“Well, I guess I am tired. But aside from that, I’m fine.”
Xiao’s eyes narrowed. “I can clearly see you are not fine. Do not insult me by pretending otherwise.”
That was unfortunately true, Xiao was not stupid, far from it. But you really weren’t up to dumping your problems onto him right now. Though it seemed like he wasn’t up to dropping this subject anytime soon, either.
“Why do you even care?” You huffed. There it is again. You flinched at your own tone. That came out sharper than you intended it to. This is why people don’t want to be around you.
Xiao did not relent, stepping closer instead. “If something is amiss, you will tell me. I am responsible for the safety of all those who reside in Liyue, and your condition concerns me.”
Here he goes with the whole “I must protect Liyue” spiel. Does he really think this is because you’re in danger? You want to laugh at the idea, but don’t have the energy. The only thing endangering you is the thoughts in your own head. If you can’t fool him, the least you can do is keep refusing to talk until he gets tired and forgets about it, even if just for another day.
”It’s nothing.”
“You are a poor liar.” Xiao said, voice low but firm. “You and I both know you will not bring me to believe that this is nothing, so you might as well save us both the time and inform me as to what’s going on.”
Xiao’s tone was laced with an unyielding stubbornness. Okay, great, so he really was not going to drop this. You could just walk away right now to avoid this entire conversation, but he’d probably just teleport after you, so scratch that.
This back and forth was pointless. Overwhelmed, all of the fight drained from you at once as you sank to your knees, onto the floor of the balcony, head dropping into your lap. Your breath hitched and tears began to stream down your face as you pressed it further into your knees, embarrassed, hiding.
Xiao crouched down so that you were level. “What is wrong?” he asked, softer now.
”I’m so tired, Xiao.” You whimpered. He said nothing, waiting for you to elaborate.
“I just- I just don’t know what’s wrong with me. I feel so alone despite being surrounded by people.” You continued. “I don’t do anything right. I don’t get social stuff. I miss cues, I don’t get when people are joking, I talk too much, or too little, and I don’t notice that I’ve upset someone or that I was being annoying until it’s already too late.”
Your voice trembled. You buried your face even further into your lap if that was even possible at this point.
“I don’t fit in anywhere, nobody actually likes me and they’re all just tolerating my presence.”
Xiao stared at your curled up form in pure disbelief. How could you speak of being alone and nobody wanting to be around you so casually as if he isn’t sitting right infront of you? He was almost offended.
“And my work—gods, my work. Theres so much to do and I’m always the incompetent one needing everything explained to me just making things harder for everyone and disappointing everyone...”
The words poured out now, messy and frantic.
“It would be better if I just disappeared!” Your breath came faster, panicked, spiraling.
”I just want it to stop.” You whispered. “I just want it to stop, I want it to stop, I want it to stop—!”
You broke down entirely, your words dissolving into loud sobs, repeating over and over.
Xiao’s eyes widened instantly. He felt his blood go cold. You, bubbly and upbeat you—who everyday, continues to dismantle the quiet, isolating existence he’s curated, was now curled up on the ground wailing and begging for an end right infront of him. How long have you felt like this for?
“Stop. Look at me.”
You didn’t.
“Please look at me.”
You couldn’t deny him, hearing the rare tinge of desperation in his voice. You drew in a shaky breath, and reluctantly, you lifted your head a fraction and turned to look in his direction, eyes red and puffy.
“You believe you are a burden,” Xiao began, carefully. “That your presence irritates others.”
You averted your gaze, ashamed.
“You are wrong.” he stated. “You… are my companion. You come to this balcony everyday, disrupting my solitude. If I disliked your presence, you would know.”
A faint huff escaped you. That was true. Xiao was not one to hide when he dislikes someone. Your literal first meeting, he immediately brushed you off, lecturing you on how it’s unsafe to be around him and you must leave now, before vanishing in a flicker of teal. You shake your head fondly at the memory.
“And, I would notice if you stopped.”
Your gaze flickered back up.
“If you stopped coming, if you disappeared, Liyue would feel your absence. I would feel your absence. I have lived for thousands of years, I do not grow attached easily. And yet, I’ve grown accustomed to your presence. To your voice.”
It was your turn now, to look at him in disbelief. Xiao’s pride told him to stop, retreat into silence, leave, but he kept going.
“You matter to me, and I do not wish to lose you.”
Your eyes stung with tears all over again.
“You say that you feel alone, as though you do not belong. I understand that feeling better than most. I do not fit amongst humans. Human interaction is… troublesome. But you have a place in Liyue.”
You managed a weak smile, the corners of your mouth barely twitching upward. “And here I thought you found me insolent.”
“I do. You are insolent.”
Your mouth fell open.
“But,” he added. You swore you saw a touch of pink adorning his cheeks now. “What would I do without your insolence? What would I do without you storming into the inn all of the time and filling it with noise?”
Fresh tears spilled over your cheeks now. Before you could stop yourself, you were lunging forward, attacking Xiao in a tight embrace, arms wrapping around his waist.
Xiao stiffened, not used to the contact, but he’d allow it this once. A gloved hand rested on the small of your back, the other beginning to rub small circles between your shoulder blades, albeit awkwardly, in an attempt to soothe you. A gesture he had witnessed humans do.
“I meant it,” He murmured. “When I told you to call my name. When you are having these thoughts again, call my name. Immediately. I will come.”
“You don’t have to—“
“I will.”
There was no arguing with that. For a while, you two stayed like that. Your breathing gradually evened out as you rested against Xiao’s chest, fully slumping into him and your grip on his shirt loosening.
“You’re falling asleep.”
“M’not.” You mumbled, voice muffled against him.
Xiao pulled back enough to see your face. Your eyes were half-lidded, cheeks stained with the dried remnants of tears, the tension in your brow now smoothened out by exhaustion. He cringed at the feeling of his shirt, damp with your tears, but chose to ignore it.
Carefully, Xiao slid an arm around your back and the other under your knees. Any other time, you’d be protesting, squirming, demanding to walk on your own two feet. Lucky for Xiao, you didn’t have it in you right now, instead opting to press your face further into his chest.
You suddenly felt the world around you warping before coming to a stop. You opened your eyes, as much as you could with how heavy they were, to the sight of your dim inn room. Xiao carefully stepped over the crumpled heap of clothes strewn across the floor—which you’d be humiliated by him witnessing if you weren’t practically half-asleep—and crossed over to your bed.
You were placed onto the mattress with a surprising gentleness. Xiao hesitated for a brief moment, before pulling your blanket up over your chest.
He gave you a final once over then prepared to leave—
“Xiao…”
Your voice was heavy with sleep, Xiao’s name on your tongue stretching out into a long, slow sound.
Xiao paused before turning back towards you. “Hm.”
“…Love you.”
Xiao’s body went rigid. He instantly felt heat rushing up his neck, to his face, then to his ears. He quickly averted his gaze as though his heart would leap out of his chest if he looked at you for a second longer.
“Hmph.” He muttered brusquely. It was the only sound he trusted himself to make.
Without another word, Xiao vanished in a flash of teal light.
The room fell silent again, but rather than oppressive, it was peaceful this time. As you drifted off that night, a faint, contented smile lingered on your lips.