Chapter Text
Deep down, Shun kind of hated Yuma.
He hated that he'd always beat him. He hated how effortless he made skating look, that deep knee bend on the exit of his jumps. He hated how easily he made friends with the other skaters, while Shun stuttered and stumbled over all his words. He hated how easily he showed emotion, letting the whole world see his true joy and grief. He hated that he was so damn nice all the time.
Most of all, Shun hated that he was in love with Yuma.
It wasn't the sharp realization that many people had described falling in love as. It was a slow descent down a slippery slope. He has no control over it whatsoever.
Nationals had amplified his crush tenfold. Shun would never forget the feeling of Yuma's protective hold around him as he cried into the arms of the winner on the podium.
The team event made it (somehow) even worse. Shun was etastic after his freeskate, before reality truly set in. He couldn't even beat an imperfect Ilia with a clean skate.
The tears appeared again here. Despite not putting a foot wrong, he couldn't help but believe he had lost them the gold. Maybe if Yuma had done it, he could've gotten them those extra points to win it. It was true that then Shun wouldn't have been involved, but maybe that would've been better than this crushing feeling of letting down the team.
He let out a heaving sob as Yuma wrapped him up in his arms, guiding his head into the space between his neck and shoulder.
"We won silver, Shun," Yuma tried to reassure him. He was so close that Shun could feel his breath against his ear. "You were so amazing, I'm so proud of you."
It didn't feel like winning silver. It felt like losing gold.
"Come on, Shun. Let's go backstage." Yuma helped him stand on his feet, his legs feeling like jello. A combination of the adrenaline wearing off and the tender way Yuma was touching him.
Eventually they made it, although Yuma had to half-carry the ever so slightly taller man.
Shun sat heavily on the bench, watching as Yuma rifled through his bag.
"Aha!" he yelled triumphantly, holding up what he recognized to be his powder foundation and a brush. "Now, change into these." A bundle of clothes was shoved into his hands. "Then I can help you redo your makeup before the podium because trust me, you're not going to want to look back at photos and think 'wow my face is really red and blotchy from crying.' I want you to be thinking about your amazing performance and how much fun you had with your team, ok?"
Shun nodded, tears still swimming in his eyes. At least they weren't actively falling anymore.
Ilia came in just as Shun finished changing. "Hey," he greeted them in Japanese. Shun was immensely greatful for that. Ilia's slightly broken Japanese was ten times better than having to get his brain to cooperate with English. "You were amazing today."
"Thanks," Shun said, the corners of his eyes crinkling with his slight smile.
"Come here," Yuma grinned manically at him, brandashing the makeup brush like it was a weapon. When Shun didn't make any indication of complying he moved closer himself.
Yuma grabbed his chin and guided it towards him, using his other hand to basically smother Shun in the skin-coloured powder.
"Thanks, but I could've done it myself," Shun protested, praying to any gods that may or may not be out there that Yuma had applied enough to cover his furious blush.
"I didn't used to be a crier." Shun wasn't sure where the need for explain his reaction was from. It felt like words were tumbling out of his mouth, and he was powerless to stop them. "I almost never would in the junior categories. But now this is like, three major competitions in a row."
He looked up at Yuma to see him smiling kindly. "I was always jealous of your composure."
The world tilted out from under Shun's feet. As a child, he was so envious of Yuma's abilities. He has never considered that maybe he had some qualities Yuma was jealous of.
"Kaori says that everyone cries at competition," Yuma continued. "Because it's such an emotionally charged environment."
"Still, I hate crying," Shun whined. "Three major competitions in a row is kind of ridiculous."
"It's natural. You have pent up emotions. Adam keeps count of how many consecutive competitions he's cried at, you could ask him about that."
That startled a laugh out of both Shun and Ilia, who had evidently been listening in.
"Now come on, tie your skates. You have an Olympic medal to get!"
Later, as he stepped into the podium holding Yuma's hand, he felt like everything would be alright.
•~•
His Lutz replayed over and over again in his mind. A step out on a triple Lutz. The easiest jump for him in his freeskate. He'd landed a quad of the same type as his first jump, how on earth had he messed up the far easier one?
The lone winner's chair provided plenty of oppertunity to overthink your performance. Shun wished he was sitting with Jun and Stephen, even if he wouldn't really be able to talk to them due to language barriers.
Even though it put Shun out of first, it was almost a relief when Misha evicted him, even though this meant it was unlikely he'd finished on the podium.
Shun nearly cried watching Adam skate. He knew how much the other man had struggled with stringing together two clean performances in a row. Adam had probably struggled with a ton of self doubt going into this, knowing that he needed to be inch perfect again.
Yuma's skate was one of the hardest things to watch, yet he couldn't tear his eyes away.
He flinched as Yuma stumbled before his Ina Baur, somehow managing to save it before he went all the way down.
Yuma goes into first and it looks like Shun's medal hopes are all but gone. His heart clenches. He had wanted so badly to be on the podium with Yuma again, celebrating with him.
Yuma was like a drug, and Shun was addicted. He breathed deeply into the hug Yuma offered as he sat down in the second place chair, wishing he could stay there forever.
He physically couldn't watch any of Ilia's skate after his popped Axel. His eyes fixed firmly onto the ground in front of him, his skates lying where he'd taken them off.
3rd. Shun was an Olympic medalist.
Not for the first time tonight, tears welled up in his eyes. He looks frantically around for Yuma, gone from his chair, but finds him two feet away talking to the coaches.
The sight of Yuma is what finally does it for him, and the next thing he knows he's sobbing his eyes out. He brings his hands up to cover his face in a futile attempt to hide from the cameras. Yuma looks etastic, rushing over to him and clutching onto his shoulder.
The touch was removed just as soon as Shun allowed himself to lean into it, leaving him slightly desperate for more.
Shun allows himself to sit there for a few more minutes, trying to get his emotions under control.
It's Karoi who finally gets through to him. She wraps him up in a massive hug. Although Shun is taller, she lifts him out of his chair and up so his toes are a couple centimetres off the ground.
She sets him down gently, telling him all about how proud she is of him.
"I'm glad these are happy tears this time," she positively beams at him, "but I need you to take some deep breaths with me, ok?"
Shun nodded frantically, trying to copy her breathing pattern.
"Now put your skates on. You deserve this so much Shun, I know how much work you've put in." She gives him one last fleeting hug before going over to speak to some other skaters.
Yuma's arms were around his shoulders she minute Kaori left, almost like it was timed.
Once again, Shun folded immediately at his soft touch. More tears sprang to his eyes, but he was determined not to let them fall.
Eventually, Yuma had to let him go, and Shun was not proud of the slight whine he let out at the loss of contact. Thankfully, Yuma didn't seem to hear it.
His hands were shaking so badly he could barely tie his skates, and by the time he actually managed to get them on, they were so loose he had to wind five rounds of tape around each one.
A quick glance at Misha told him the kazakhstani wasn't fairing much better.
His heart went out to the winner. He must be feeling so much, conflicted over Ilia's performance and his own win. Anyone with a half a brain could see how infatuated they were with each other.
Once everyone had finally managed to fumble through the skate tying process (ironically, something they did at least twice a day normally), the three of them lined up backstage.
Yuma was trying to communicate something to Misha through a series of elaborate hand guestures, but the other man clearly wasn't getting any of it. Shun watched them, slightly endeared by Yuma's antics.
Finally, he was able to step out onto the ice and receive his olympic medal.