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After the training session, they went to the cafeteria as routine by now. Bluestreak was sitting cuddled to Sideswipe because Sunstreaker didn't do PDA but it was fine. It looked like Sideswipe liked hugs which was fine with Bluestreak because he was very tactile, even if his brother didn't really enjoy hugs.
"I mean, I can't have a third mode since bot mode is basically my alt. but I asked Prowl and he said Optimus was looking into it so we could eventually race sometime. But while we wait, I don't mind watching you two race. Who's the fastest anyway?"
"Me of course." Sideswipe grinned.
Sunstreaker scoffed. "We'll settle that soon, you glitch."
"There's an official race track we could go!" Bluestreak interrupted. Brotherly arguments could spawn out of nowhere he knew. "Prowl could get us passes for a private race track. I'm sure you two would enjoy that without other aftholes ruining our night don't you think?" Sunstreaker watched him with fondness and it made his wings flutter.
"That'd be amazing, Blue." Sideswipe grabbed the pack of sweets off his brother's hands and stuffed his mouth, much to Sunstreaker's annoyance. "Soon as possible, yeah? I'm really feeling the need to race."
"I'll talk to Prowl tonight don't worry."
--
Bluestreak paused to take in the huge indoor racetrack. He knew it had multiple levels but the layers could be seen via windows, with the ceiling open to the sun, giving the whole area a warm tone. It was hard to resist just chattering off audios, his nervosity making his wings tremble. The place was huge and even with sound dampening systems, noises still echoed.
Sunstreaker sided closer to him, holding his hand while Sideswipe handled the receptionist.
::Blue?::
He vented, forcing his wings still. ::I'm fine. There's a lot of colors. I think I could climb all of the levels in my true form, with how the windows are placed, do you see each security system on them? I bet they handle stress due to racing obviously and,:: He talked. Without being interrupted, Sunstreaker simply offering him an audio and Bluestreak was reminded again how much he was in love.
Sideswipe came back with a pass and they took the elevator to the correct track. It was empty, as stated. Bluestreak went to sit and watched as the twins transformed and took off.
He wondered what it would be like to drive. To be free, going as fast as his engine could take him.. he looked around, seeing a medic on stand-by but she seemed more busy with watching cartoons on her tablet than pay attention. He vented, then slowly transformed into his true form. Now he could fully enjoy the data, spreading his wings to take in the speed as the twins sped by. Sideswipe was in the lead, his brother not far behind. The red twin crossed the line, transforming into a hand spring, laughing.
Bluestreak jumped over the barrier to join them. "You both were amazing!" He said with a giggle as he noticed Sunstreaker was pouting. "Went so fast! I wondered what it would be like to fly like you both do because you looked so.." he gestured wildly, almost hitting Sideswipe but not noticing. "How did you feel while going at speed? Do you chase each other? I wanna chase you." His wings fluttered as he got stuck onto that word. Chase.
His cables trembled as he watched Sunstreaker, who was more alert somehow? He didn't understand but he wanted.. he wanted so badly.. Something but he didn't understand, all he wanted was to. Run.
His claws snapped as he lunged. Sunstreaker startled backwards, trying to put distance between them.
Good. he was chasing. That was good, right? Closer. Golden plating reflecting the lights, making him appear otherworldly.. so beautiful... His..
"Bluestreak!" Sunstreaker cursed when he saw the blank look in Bluestreak's optics. Something was wrong and he did not know what but he had to snap his mate out of it before he hurt himself.
Sideswipe tried to come closer but he waved at his brother to stay away. Sunstreaker missed a step. His optics widened as he was tackled and snared into many cables. "Bluestreak." He tried, unable to even move. Calm, he had to stay calm. Bluestreak needed him to stay calm.
Bluestreak cuddled his mate, engine purring. He had caught him. Yes. That was good. He transformed his plating to reveal his spark chamber, his Absence yearning for his beloved. He wanted so badly that it hurt.
"Blue, love. You need to think clearly." Sunstreaker whispered, voice choked. Blue's spark- Absence was like a tiny black hole, a darkness swirling instead of a light spark. And it was calling to him. He could feel his own spark wanting too and he wasn't sure how to react. It was like Bluestreak's instincts? Coding? Was calling to him.
He saw his brother and the medic approach slowly, the medic had a stasis patch ready. He hoped Bluestreak wouldn't be too hard on himself when he regained higher processing. "Blue," he shifted, freeing a hand to gently caress Bluestreak's cheek. "You're very lovely. Can you-"
Bluestreak pawed at his chassis. Then his wings hiked up, smacking Sideswipe off. The medic lunged and Bluestreak went out, body falling limp on top of his, the cables stuck in their locked position.
"What was that?" Sideswipe whisper-shouted at him as he kneeled next to him. A good chunk of his paint was missing in the shape of Bluestreak's door wing but otherwise didn't seem injured.
"Do you need me to call any-" the medic started but both twins snarled at her and she walked away.
"Adrenaline?" Sunstreaker offered. He knew Praxians had different builds but he'd need to ask Prowl for clarifications. He was caught by surprise but wouldn't let it happen again, he had to be ready for anything Bluestreak might need.
"Seems like you're stuck." Sideswipe said, laying down next to him. "I've never seen him like this. How angry will Prowl be?"
Sunstreaker snorted. A lot, probably. He knew the Praxian didn't really like them. A 'bad influence" and "lacking manners". As if their background wasn't a clue on how they'd grown up. Sunstreaker had tried to keep his brother safe, had tried to get out of the pit. As if his efforts were cast aside simply because he came from the pit. That was a reason he loved Bluestreak so much, never being judged, and being loved unconditionally.
About ten minutes later, Prowl and Jazz arrived, followed by Ratchet and Drift. Great. And yep, Prowl's wings were in the angry v shape. Awesome.
"What happened." Prowl asked coldly.
Sideswipe explained the situation while Ratchet connected the scanner to Bluestreak's medical port, closing his chest plates and releasing the tension in the cables. Drift helped lift the unconscious Praxian into a stretcher, loading him into Ratchet's alt before the two took off. ( it would've been hilarious to see Drift sitting on top of Ratchet's alt in other circumstances )
Sunstreaker stood and dusted himself up, ignoring Prowl's death glare.
"C'mon let's go to t' hospital an' clear this up." Jazz said with a smile that didn't reach his visor.
-
Sunstreaker slumped into a seat in the waiting room. He hated waiting. He could be patient, as art took time, but this, he wasn't good at this. He wanted to see Bluestreak and tell him everything would be alright, to tell him it wasn't his fault, to reassure him..
His brother sat next to him, sending comfort through their bond. He hadn't known how tense he'd been until he relaxed into the seat. It would be alright, doom thinking led to nowhere.
The door to the private room opened and Ratchet walked out. "He's fine." Some of the tension in the room evaporated. "Prowl, office." The two went into the other room, closing the door behind.
Jazz sighed as he dropped into a seat. "Well. That was somethin'."
"Understatement of the century." Sideswipe replied flatly.
"Some Praxians, mostly enforcers an' hunters have coding tha' make 'em chase." Jazz said, rubbing the space under his visor. "I think I know what happened."
Sunstreaker paused. That made sense actually. He'd been racing and Blue had transformed, probably to better feel the race, and his coding had activated.
"Heyyy, that means Blue's really in love with ya Sunny." Sideswipe laughed. "Gonna have sparklings-"
Sunstreaker punched his brother none too gently, sending him into the other chair. "You shut the hell up idiot!" He stalked away or else he'd punch a wall. He just wanted to see Bluestreak and hear him talk. To make sure he was fine. Was that too much to ask?
Sideswipe sent apologies/regret/love through the bond but Sunstreaker ignored his brother. He went to sit by a window and took a moment to vent.
If Bluestreak had been in his right mind.. Would he have accepted? He had wanted to, deep down, and it scared him because he'd never loved like that before. He loved Blue fully, with no conditions. The Pit had been unforgiving and he and his brother had to grow up fast to not become prey to other gladiators. He'd never felt safe but with Bluestreak, here, in this new life.. He always had the fear that he would wake up one day and be back in the arena, that he'd lose everything. That this was just a cruel dream.
He looked to the side as Ratchet approached. "You can go see him."
Sunstreaker didn't hesitate. He went to Bluestreak's room and sat in the chair by the bed. He wanted to hold Blue's hand but didn't dare. Instead he waited.
---
Bluestreak groaned as he onlined to a deep ache. He didn't even know where it came from, his whole body ached. It was only Sunstreaker's emf that he didn't panic because he recognized a med bay and he did not know why he was here. He took a moment to vent, then shot upright.
"Are you okay?! I started feeling weird and I chased you and hurt Sides and then-"
"Blue. It's okay. We're fine." Sunstreaker stood and hugged him. Bluestreak held on as if he would disappear, wings trembling. He forced himself into bot mode, ignoring the various wires disconnecting from him.
Ratchet rushed in, followed by Prowl. "Bluestreak-" his brother was interrupted by the medic cursing out a storm. Ratchet nudged Sunstreaker away, checking over Bluestreak's vitals but he leaned away from the contact with a growl.
"Just tell me what happened!" Bluestreak snapped. He wasn't a youngling anymore and he hated being babied. He wasn't some innocent youngling, that had been taken from him much too soon, no matter what his brother tried to convince himself of. This new thing on top of everything else? It just stressed him.
"You reverted to base coding due to wanting to bond to Sunstreaker." Ratchet said bluntly. "Praxians can have hunting coding, mainly found in enforcers units. Yes, your brother has it too but his tacnet fights it on its own. Sadly it's not well known here due to how little Praxians we have."
Bluestreak deflated into the bed, taking the blanket to hide. He'd truly wanted it, then. He looked at Sunstreaker. "I'm sorry. If you want to leave.." it hurt to say but he wouldn't trap Sunstreaker, not to a glitched excuse of a being like him.
"What?" Sunstreaker frowned. "No. I, I love you." He whispered, faint blush coloring his face.
Bluestreak looked away. "You don't have to stay-" he startled when Sunstreaker opened his spark chamber. His spark so bright and full of life and he trusted Bluestreak with it? Oh it was beautiful, calling to him but they needed to talk about it first, even if Bluestreak wanted to be selfish. To claim for his own.. Sunstreaker was gorgeous, like the sun itself.
Ratchet smacked Sunstreaker, forcing him to close up. "Okay get out you idiot. You two will talk later."
Sunstreaker grumbled but obeyed. Bluestreak watching him leave, Absence yearning for its other half. "Is it possible to get an alt mode?" he blurted out. He clawed at the blanket, old habit to calm himself. He felt raw, and close to bursting and he didn't want his glitch to trigger and hurt anyone and-
Prowl took his hands. "We cannot change our nature." He said softly.
He knew that. But he'd hidden all his life and what worth was it? It only gave him pain and he was so scared of hurting those he cared for. That he'd lose control and revert to base coding or something worse and he'd do something he'd regret and
"Blue." Prowl called gently. His brother only called him that when there was a problem.
Bluestreak realized Ratchet was gone and the room closed off. He didn't want to be here but he felt so bad. "I love him so much." So much that it hurt. And his coding kept insisting.
"I know. But you need to have a conversation with him. Set boundaries. You have to be patient."
"I've been patient my whole life!" He snapped. "They hurt you and I had to watch and play dumb. I had to tell them I didn't know you were a monster. The lies tasted awful on my glossa. And now that I have something, someone, it all crashes because I'm a monster too." He was horrible, and selfish. And stupid. Why does everyone hurt him? What had he done wrong?
"You're not a monster." Prowl hugged him but he felt blank. Empty. Why now? Why now? Why now! WHY!
He transformed not of his own, his body doubling in pain. His brother held him down as he screamed. The door opening. He fought, claws slicing the blankets. Then nothingness washed over him as he lost consciousness.
-
Prowl shied away from Ratchet's scanner but the medic grabbed his arm to dress the injury. It wasn't his little brother's fault, too much happening at once. He wished Bluestreak talked to him. It wasn't like before, when it had been only the two of them against the world. "I'm taking him home." He said once Ratchet was done patching him up.
"I'd prefer to keep him in observation. That wasn't just a panic attack."
Prowl rubbed his nose bridge. "He has a glitch. He cannot control himself during an episode. At home he will be more comfortable."
"And what, you let him lash out until he tires himself out? That's not healthy Prowl. You both need help."
"We are fine." He forced his wings to stay in a neutral position even if anger was simmering underneath the surface. "What he needs is stability. We," Jazz often reminded him to stop bottling everything up. "We were abused in Praxus." There. He said it. "what counts is my brother. I know what he needs."
Ratchet looked up, venting. "Fine. But at least try to give a call to a therapist. We have a good group of them, here."
"I will keep it in mind." Pause. "Thank you."
-
Bluestreak woke up slowly, feeling groggy. The darkness of his bedroom greeted him and he frowned. Why had they moved him when they should have chained him down? He turned on his side, listening to Jazz's hum as he cooked. How long had he been out? He always felt a little off balance after a glitch episode but this felt worse.
His door opened fully and Jazz walked in, holding a tray of prepared spark flowers. "hey Blue." Jazz smiled as he set the tray on the nightstand. "How do ya feel?"
"Fine." He replied. He reached for the food, taking his time. He still ached but it would be fine. He wanted to see Sunstreaker and Sideswipe.. To make sure he didn't scare them off and..
Jazz sat on the bed. "Wanna talk 'bout it?"
"No. I'm fine, I promise." He tried to smile but didn't seem very convincing.
"I'll call the twins to tell 'em to visit ya." Jazz said. Bluestreak's wings perked up. "Yep, really. C'mon. finish eating and I'll get t' 'em call in."
-
Bluestreak couldn't stop smiling when the twins entered his bedroom. "I have two hands to hug come here please." And they both dropped in bed with him, one twin on each side hugging him tightly. "I'm sorry for what happened but I love you both and I don't want anything bad happening." He didn't want them to hate him.
"It's fine." Sunstreaker muttered against his neck, tracing patterns onto his chassis.
"Yeah don't worry. We're besties for life." Sideswipe said with a smile. "We'll be there no matter what."
"I love you." Bluestreak choked out. He tried to force back the tears but failed. The twins held him as he cried, grateful for their presence. They meant so much to him and he hoped they knew, that he loved them and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with them. Sunny his beloved, Sides his best friend..
It took a moment but he calmed down, listening to the twin's sparks pulses. "Sunny?" He whispered. Sunstreaker hummed. "I want to bond, one day. I want to build something but I'm scared it'll be taken away. In Praxus.. They hurt my brother, they forced him to obey or else they'd hurt me. I'm so scared but with you, I want it to work.. I want to keep this, to cherish you, to help you, to be there for you.."
Sunstreaker vented. "That's a fear too." He admitted. "Pit fighters can't have nice things. But I'm not letting you go. I.. I want to bond, too. Eventually."
Bluestreak pulled him close and kissed him. "I love you."
"I feel like a third wheel." Sideswipe blurted out. Sunstreaker groaned as Bluestreak laughed.
"I love you too! You're my brother now so you can't escape. We should have dinner all of us. We can help Jazz cook something- he's so good at making food and we should all learn in case spark flowers can be cooked, I think Jazz tried but the flower sprayed him with some sort of pollen and he kept sneezing."
"Well I'm a horrible cook. Almost burned down the kitchen." Sideswipe said. "Welp, I'll go check on Jazz." He stood, making sure to step on both of them, laughing as Sunstreaker tried to toss him off the bed. He waved, then closed the door.
Bluestreak hid his face into Sunstreaker's neck. "I could continue training with you. I'm still not sure what I want to be."
"There's time." Sunstreaker held him close, their emfs completely meshed into each other's, content and calm.
Sideswipe opened the door a while later. "Food's ready!"
---
Bluestreak was lounging on top of Sunstreaker as he painted, frame fully relaxed. Sunny was right. There was time to figure things out. He was safe, and no one would take this from him. He would learn to be himself, and how to function into the world where he didn't have to lie constantly. ( and honestly, it was difficult to keep secrets with how much of a chatterbox he was )
He pressed his face into Sunstreaker's chassis. "I feel better." He said softly. "I could just stay there all day. Or week. You're so comfortable. What are you painting?"
"Painting Jazz." He mumbled, focused on his art.
Bluestreak curled his cables around Sunstreaker. "I wanna buy you a gift. I was thinking of a jetpack with how graceful you are in the air. Don't worry about the funds, I have my account my brother set up. I could try working part time jobs to be used to the people. Maybe in the charity shop so I can help."
"That's a nice idea."
"I wouldn't have to hide myself. If I feel capable because I'm still on edge about being taken away. The day at the museum didn't help. But Jazz reassured I was safe and I trust him. He's been teaching me how to cook so when you get home you'll have something ready."
Sunstreaker's emf warmed with happiness/love. "Home?"
"Yeah. You and Sides are my home. I could move in with you?" He looked up, meeting Sunstreaker's optics.
He smiled. "Yeah. I'd like that."
Bluestreak leaned up to kiss him, just a quick closed mouth kiss before settling down because he was comfortable right here, with Sunny's field meshed into his.
-------------------------------
Prowl was frowning but that was nothing new. Sideswipe and Jazz were taking the bedframe out the door, Jazz laughing because Sideswipe kept hitting the doorways. Who thought moving out would be this impractical? And he didn't even have a lot of stuff to bring over, just the things he bought recently.
"Are you sure?" Prowl asked for the nth time.
Bluestreak nodded. "The apartment isn't far and it's in a good place, you approved of it."
"I am quite aware. But we.. I cannot protect you if-"
He took Prowl's hands. "I'll be okay. I know it's hard for you but you- you raised me, you did your best and I didn't turn out too bad.. I love you. I'm not going far, it's a block down. We're not abandoning each other. You're not a failure." He squeaked when Prowl pulled him in a hug. "You're not a failure, Prowl. I love you."
"Blue.." Prowl whispered, voice pained. Bluestreak only held him tighter.
"It's time we learn to live instead of survive.. It's scary but we're not alone."
Prowl backed away, his mask back in place. "Yes. You are right. We should get going, I don't trust Sideswipe not to break your bedframe."
Sunstreaker snorted. "It'll be fine." He placed the last box into the pile.
Three boxes worth. It wasn't much but it was his. His new life, a new beginning. He still had trouble grasping it all, he was finally free, had a loving family, a mate that he wanted to bond..
"It's a big change but I'm ready." Bluestreak smiled.
Prowl nodded. "Good. Which bring another important topic, do not bond on impulse."
"Prowl!" Bluestreak squeaked, embarrassed.