Work Text:
Friday evening promised to be boring, but cozy in its own way. The workday had finally come to an end, and you managed to get home just before the weather turned. A drizzly rain was falling outside. Dim light spread softly through the room, creating an atmosphere of calm. You changed into your home clothes, switched on an old film, and prepared to relax.
But fate, as always, had other plans.
At first, you thought it was a trick of the light: a spot on the wallpaper near the chandelier seemed to darken slightly. You blinked, thinking you'd imagined it. A couple of minutes later, the spot had spread, the wallpaper bulged pitifully with a blister, and water began to drip from it onto the parquet floor.
"What the..." you exclaimed, jumping up from the sofa and staring at the ceiling.
Drip-drip-drip!
The water was gaining pace. Your heart sank as you imagined the scale of the damage. But the panic lasted exactly one second. It was instantly replaced by a determination to deal immediately with the upstairs neighbor, who apparently had no sense of moderation in his enthusiasm for water-related activities. You dashed out of your apartment in your terry cloth robe, unconcerned about your attire. Quickly ascending to the next floor, you paused for a moment. The landing was suspiciously quiet. You had already raised your fist to knock loudly on the door of the apartment directly above yours when you suddenly froze.
It was his door. And the sign saying 'Doofenshmirtz Inc' confirmed it.
A memory chimed in your head like a bell. When you, tired after work, entered the building and saw the elevator doors closing.
"Wait!" you called out.
The person inside the elevator started frantically pressing the button to open the doors. You squeezed into the space and saw your neighbor, who lived in the penthouse. Tall, slightly stooped, in a white lab coat — Heinz Doofenshmirtz. He smiled apologetically and gestured for you to enter.
"Thanks..." you whispered, feeling a smile spread across your face and your cheeks burn.
Another one. Last weekend, in the bakery near your house in the morning. You were getting a croissant, and Heinz was in line ahead of you, ordering the biggest, most chocolatey cupcake for his daughter. The salesgirl was smiling, and you snorted into your fist, hiding a grin. The man turned at the sound, and your eyes met. For a second longer than is permissible between mere neighbors.
A whole kaleidoscope of moments flashed through your mind: how Heinz once helped you carry your bags to the entrance and nearly dropped them, distracted by a bird flying by that he mistook for a secret agent; how you'd seen him with a teenage girl, very serious and clearly his daughter; how he'd mutter to himself while rummaging through the mailboxes.
Your neighbor was eccentric and, in some ways, ridiculous. But there was an incredible, magnetic charisma about it. An unusual man with sad eyes and an awkward smile. He was older than you, and you always felt flustered around him, unsure how to approach such a colorful character.
And now this man had caused a flood.
You took a deep breath, trying to calm the inner trembling, caused either by anger or excitement. You knocked, the door swung open. On the threshold stood a disheveled Heinz Doofenshmirtz in his favorite turtleneck and trousers, holding a wrench in his hand.
"Oh!" He flinched upon seeing you. "Good evening!"
And then his gaze paused for a second. Just for a second, but you noticed it. Heinz was looking at your clothing, and a flicker of embarrassment crossed his eyes. As if he'd seen something intimate.
"Strange," you thought, "it's just a regular terry cloth robe, the one I wear at home every evening."
Heinz immediately averted his gaze, staring at the wall behind you, but you caught him nervously swallowing, his eyelashes fluttering.
"Hello, Heinz. Any idea why water is pouring from my ceiling?"
"Apparently, your ceiling is upset about something," he joked awkwardly, glancing at you again.
It seemed your neighbor genuinely didn't understand the reason for your complaint.
"Heinz Doofenshmirtz, you're flooding me!" you hissed.
Heinz followed your gaze into his apartment, then looked back at you. His face fell, taking on an expression of horror and shame.
"Ah, is that right? Oh, I'm so sorry!" he rattled off, gesticulating wildly. "It's just... You see, my 'Soak-inator' broke! Well, it works, but not as intended! It was supposed to water my plants on the balcony so they'd become giant and evil, but a contact corroded, and it just kept pouring! I've turned it all off now, honestly!"
You listened to his flustered explanations and felt torn in two. One part of you, focused on reason and justice, screamed: He ruined your renovation! Demand compensation! But the other part, the one that had blushed for years in the elevator and hid smiles at every encounter, melted at his wild gesticulations and rapid speech, like a scolded schoolboy.
"So, I'm terribly sorry," he finished his passionate speech. "Allow me to make it right!"
You wanted to say you'd handle it yourself and only expected financial compensation, but the words stuck in your throat. Instead, you silently nodded and led him down to your apartment.
"Hey, Norm! Keep wiping up the water! I'm going downstairs to the neighbor!" Doofenshmirtz shouted before stepping over the threshold.
By now, the parquet was glistening with moisture, and a small puddle had formed on the floor. Heinz, without a word, grabbed the bucket you'd prudently placed. You brought two rags from the bathroom, and you both knelt on the floor next to each other. It was awkward at first. You diligently wiped the floor, sensing his movements from the corner of your eye. Heinz concentrated on wringing out his rag, muttering curses at his invention under his breath.
Suddenly, your knee, peeking out from under your robe, brushed against his knee, covered by his trousers. The air in the room seemed to warm by several degrees. You froze, afraid to move. He froze too. The rag slipped from his hands and splashed back into the puddle.
"Oh," he breathed. "I'm so sorry, [Y/N]!"
"It's okay."
You both simultaneously resumed gathering the water. Silence hung in the air, broken only by the rustle of rags and the patter of rain against the window. At that moment, you hated yourself, feeling a rush of warmth in your chest.
"What is wrong with me?" you thought, viciously wringing out your rag. "My place is flooded, and I'm melting from an accidental touch!"
But one quick glance at him — how he focused on wiping the floor, nervously biting his lower lip — and all your anger began to dissolve like snow in sunlight.
"Listen, Heinz," you broke the silence when the bucket was half full of wrung-out water. "Let's get straight to the point. How is all this going to be compensated?"
"Oh, yes! Of course!" Heinz froze, rag in hand. "Absolutely! I'll pay for everything!"
He fidgeted, smoothing his hair, and continued:
"I'll hire the best repairman, or do it myself!" He looked at you with such sincere guilt in his eyes that it was almost embarrassing. "Honestly, I'll fix it all! You can draw up an estimate; I'll pay for every centimeter of wallpaper and every kilo of plaster."
Honestly, you wanted to stay angry at him. But when Doofenshmirtz looked at you with those sad eyes and promised to pay back every penny, your anger evaporated completely. And that was even more infuriating.
"Agreed," you nodded. "But that means you're staying tonight and you owe me not just repairs, but help with the cleanup. Deal?"
Heinz beamed as if you'd offered him a ticket to a convention of evil scientists.
"Deal!"
You both got back to work. At some point, exhausted, you simply sank onto the dry floor by the sofa, your backs against its soft upholstery.
"You know," Heinz mused thoughtfully, staring at the ceiling where the water had stopped seeping, "I didn't cause this flood on purpose. Though I could have, if I'd wanted to talk to someone."
"So," you turned your head, "you considered flooding as a way to start a conversation?"
He blushed deeply. Even through the dimness of the room, you could see his ears burning.
"No! Well... I considered different ways, but I ruled this one out immediately! It's too destructive. Besides, if you flood someone, they'll be angry, not... well, not willing to talk. And I... I really wanted to talk to you."
He uttered the last words so softly you barely heard them.
"What?"
Heinz fidgeted, tugging at the hem of his turtleneck.
"Well... you're always so... calm and kind. I've seen you feeding stray kittens in the yard. I think I even took one of them in temporarily once, until its owner was found. And in the bakery, you smiled when I ordered that cupcake for my daughter. And in the elevator, you often look away, but I saw you smiling. I thought maybe I seemed ridiculous to you, but you were just shy, weren't you?"
You stared at him, unable to believe your ears. All this time, he'd noticed every little thing about you.
Again, you tried to mentally scold yourself, but failed. Because the voice of your heart was louder than reason. The part of you that had constantly sighed secretly at the sight of his lanky silhouette was triumphant.
"Yes, I was shy," you breathed. "It's just that you're so..."
"So what?" he asked hopefully.
"So," you smiled shyly. "Unusual..."
Damn. Am I seriously saying this?
Silence fell. Heinz looked at you as if trying to read between the lines.
"So... that means..." he hesitated, clearly afraid to ask the next question. "That means... well... I'm... not unpleasant to you? I mean, pleasant? Or..." he got tangled in his words and fell silent, looking at you with a mixture of hope and fear.
You looked away, because saying it out loud was terrifying.
"Heinz," you began quietly, "I..." and stopped.
Words stuck in your throat. But your thoughts were in complete chaos.
Yes, I've liked you for years!
But how could you say that without sounding like a complete fool?
"You're..." you fell silent again, feeling your cheeks burn. "You're attractive to me," you blurted out in one breath and immediately lowered your eyes, unable to look at his reaction.
Heinz stared at you as if you'd just told him he'd won the Nobel Prize. His face, tense with anticipation just a second ago, slowly broke into a happy, slightly stunned smile.
"Really?" he breathed.
"Really," you answered quietly, and the admission brought both sudden relief and terror.
He blinked several times. Then he opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again, and couldn't utter a sound. And then he gently took your hand and held it in his own.
"I... I'll still pay for the repairs!" he blurted out. "And actually, I'm in your debt now! And if you'll allow me, I'll bring pastries. Vanessa likes my baking! I hope you'll appreciate my culinary talent too."
You laughed, feeling his fingers warm your palm.
"Calm down, we'll figure it out."
Heinz swallowed, and a happy, slightly dazed smile bloomed on his face.
"I'll buy the best wallpaper! And actually, I'll check my inator every day from now on, so it never again..."
"Heinz..."
Never before had you said his name so tenderly. Well, except in your fantasies. Your cheeks flushed instantly. You lowered your eyes, staring at his hands still holding yours, and wished the floor would open up and swallow you right then.
Nevertheless, you looked up. Heinz was looking at you as if you'd just given him a star from the sky. His face, illuminated by a happy smile moments ago, now showed astonishment. His eyes were wide, his pupils slightly dilated, and his lips held an expression of pure wonder.
"Yes?" he breathed at last.
"Let's just be quiet for a bit," you smiled.
He obediently nodded and, reluctantly releasing your hand, rested his head against the sofa. The rain outside continued its monotonous drumming on the window. Minutes passed, maybe more.
"You know," Heinz suddenly said quietly, "I've been inventing things my whole life. But the most brilliant invention turned out to be the 'Soak-inator,' which simply led you to my door."
You turned your head and looked at him. In the semi-darkness of the room, with damp hair, he looked so endearing it took your breath away.
"Heinz."
He turned his whole body towards you, drawing closer. Now you sat close, but not touching. The distance allowed you to see details but not to make contact. A pleasant scent of aftershave lotion emanated from Heinz, and that smell, like a gentle breeze, filled your head with weightless lightness.
"Hmm?" he responded, tilting his head slightly.
And then you froze. Say what was on the tip of your tongue? Just the thought, I want to kiss him, made everything inside you clench into a tight knot.
You looked at him and couldn't utter a word. Heinz seemed to sense your hesitation. His look changed from confused to observant.
"[Y/N]?" he called softly. "Are you alright?"
You nodded, but didn't look away. The air between you grew so thick it could be cut with a knife. You saw his eyelashes flutter, saw Heinz part his lips slightly as if about to say something, then think better of it. His gaze slid downward for a second, towards your lips. It lasted only a moment, but it stretched into an eternity.
And in that moment, you understood: either you did something now, or this moment would dissolve into awkwardness.
You closed the distance a little more. Heinz froze but didn't pull away. Your heart was pounding in your throat, making it hard to breathe calmly. You felt his warm breath on your lips. And at the very last moment, when only a couple of millimeters separated you, you hesitated.
What if you'd misunderstood everything?
You closed your eyes, not daring to make the final move. Heinz watched you carefully and understood that you were waiting but afraid. He slowly raised his hand and gently touched your cheek, as if you were made of crystal. You opened your eyes in surprise and met his caring gaze.
And then he kissed you.
The first kiss was clumsy because your noses bumped, and Heinz whispered a quiet apology:
"I hope my distinguished profile isn't off-putting."
But then, finding the right angle, he leaned in again. Your lips finally met shyly, tasting each other. His lips were softer than you could have imagined. There was a slight dryness to them. Perhaps from nervousness, or from him constantly biting them while you were cleaning up the water. But as the kiss deepened, that dryness vanished.
The kisses became breathless. Heinz ran his hand into your hair, and it was so unexpected and pleasant that you gasped softly against his lips. He paused for a moment, checking your reaction, and when he realized you hadn't gasped in pain, he drew you even closer. His fingers gently combed through your hair, sending shivers down your spine.
The kiss went on and on until you ran out of breath. You gently pulled back and rested your head against his chest, trying to calm your ragged breathing. Heinz paused for a second, then his arms closed around your back. He pulled you close, burying his nose in the top of your head, and you felt him also trying to catch his breath. His heart beat rapidly right under your palm.
Or was it your own heart beating so loudly it drowned out the rain?
"I probably should apologize again for bursting into your life with a flood and..."
"Heinz."
"...and honestly, I'm no prize; I have a teenage daughter, an ex-wife, a head full of issues and..."
"Heinz!"
"...and I'm always breaking things, my inventions explode, I don't have a real job, just brilliant plans that..."
You silenced him with a long kiss, and the man stilled again, dissolving into the moment.
"Will you ever stop talking so much?" you whispered, pulling back slightly.
"If you kiss me again, then possibly," he breathed out hoarsely with a smile.
You chuckled and did it again, letting you both drown in the pleasure. Even despite the ruined ceiling and wallpaper.
"You know," he said quietly, stroking your back, "I think I realize I wasted a lot of time trying to take over the Tri-State Area."
"And why's that?" you purred.
"Because I should have been trying to capture your heart."
You snorted, burying your face in his chest:
"Was that your attempt at being romantic?"
"So, how am I doing?"
"I like it. Keep going."
Heinz laughed softly, and his lips brushed your cheek. The rain outside, tired of crying, had softened to a lulling whisper. The ceiling and wallpaper still needed fixing, but it didn't feel so overwhelming anymore. After all, sitting on the floor in an embrace with the strangest neighbor in the world, who felt the same way — it made you happy.