Chapter Text
Jenny grew up wild, like a Blackfoot daisy
Out in the shack with a Bluetick hound
Broke as hell, but blessed with beauty
The kind that a rich man can't turn down
Emily Davis was fifteen when she broke one of her father’s rules for the first time.
She was fifteen, naive, against her better judgement, and desperate for a taste of the freedom her father refused to give her. Since she was old enough to attend school, he’d drilled it into her head that finding love, friends, or anything outside of studies, was completely useless. She was only supposed to focus on her grades and being the best, getting into the best high schools and colleges otherwise he’d shove her back into some program where she’d come home with new scars somewhere on her body.
She’d met Jessica Riley in her fourth grade year, and the blonde girl was everything Emily had envied. Free. She would watch Jessica talk to boys without having to worry about her father finding out and calling her a common whore. Jessica, who was blonde and skinny and white. Her father had always told her that their heritage was a source of pride, that he’d created a name for himself out of nothing when he came from Asia, but to Emily, it was another factor that separated her from her peers.
Jessica was sweet, caring, and bitchy when she wanted to be but she was bitchy in a way that made her impossible to hate. Emily was the opposite. Jessica knew when to bite her tongue and when to play nice around the people she hated, but Emily didn’t. Emily was loose-lipped and filled with anger at the slightest inconvenience, if she had picked anything up from her father, it was that. The first time Emily’s father had gotten called, it was because she’d cursed out a girl who pushed Jessica in the lunchroom.
Her father made her wash her mouth out with soap after that, and ironically, he’d used the same words she’d gotten in trouble for using to scold her.
Her father had the chef pack her fancy lunches every day, and despite Emily’s better judgement, she’d take out her lunchbox in the cafeteria and try not to listen to the countless whispers about it. Jessica had managed to keep away any of the girls who’d whisper broken and whitewashed Chinese around Emily, despite Emily’s constant reminder that she was not Chinese. Part of Emily had always been envious of Jessica and the fact that she was so deeply loved that even if she was different, if she was Asian, she would still be utterly and completely adored.
She caught the eye of an oil man dancing
One summer night in a dime store dress
She had the looks, he had the mansion
And you can figure out the rest
It was all roses, dripping in diamonds
Sipping on champagne
She was all uptown, wearing that white gown
Taking his last name
On her fifteenth birthday, Jessica had thrown her a party. It was everything her father had told her not to do. Filled with alcohol and people and boys that Emily hated, but Jessica had been so happy that she couldn’t turn her down, nor could she waste the sliver of freedom that she’d been given. She met a boy named Ethan during that party. He’d sweet-talked his way under her skin, under her defenses and into her heart.
Ethan seemed like such a wonderful guy. He was respectful, smart, and best of all, he had a good reputation. Something her father would have surely approved of. By the time she’d gained the courage to bring him home, her father had already scolded her countless times about focusing on her studies over some guy. He let her keep dating him nonetheless.
Ethan had been her first to everything, and she had felt more free than ever. Jessica started inviting her out on double dates, and for the first time, they felt like two normal girls doing what everyone else did. Emily had begun to resemble the other girls their age, doing her makeup and getting pretty for a boy as opposed to how she would have refused to before, and Jessica was overjoyed to have somebody to sit and do makeup with without having to worry about them talking shit behind her back.
For a long time, it was the happiest Emily had ever been.
Despite Emily having her own fair share of money and allowance, Ethan often bought her luxury items. He’d show up with a large bouquet of flowers and a box of expensive chocolates that she’d briefly mentioned liking in passing, and it was something she’d appreciated all the same. He was the boy who made her think of marriage and children, despite her distaste for them, he’d spoken about them so frequently that she almost wanted them herself, if only to give him one thing she could provide.
Marriage was never an ideal for her, but he brought it up so often that she considered it. She could never picture herself in a white gown and veil like Jessica dreamed of, nor could she picture her father giving her away like a proper man. Her father was anything but. Even so, with no sons, her father’s inheritance would go to her, unless she married, then it would go to her husband.
Foolishly, a part of her considered taking that risk and marrying Ethan all the same.
She could hear those church bells ringing, ringing
And up in the loft, that whole choir's singing, singing
Fold your hands and close your eyes
Yeah, it's all gonna be alright
And just listen to the church bells ringing, ringing
Yeah, they're ringing
Emily’s father had always made her attend church every Sunday. Whether he believed in God or not, he dragged her along nonetheless, and she followed.
The first time she went to church after starting her relationship with Ethan, she’d prayed for it to work out. God had been kind to her, and she’d always repented for her sins, she saw no reason as to why her prayers would be denied if she’d so diligently followed his word.
On the hardest days of their relationship, she would pray, she would beg for it to work because he had to be the one for her. No one had ever understood her the way he did, nor had anyone ever put up with her attitude so consistently. Despite Ethan being an atheist himself, he respected her beliefs all the same, and despite the inkling of doubt she’d begun to feel, she stayed.
She met two girls in church, Ashley Brown and Samantha Giddings. They were sweet and so loving that it filled her with warmth. She’d introduced them to Jessica, and from then on, the four stuck together like glue. Jessica had never attended church with them, but she would wait outside for the service to be over every Sunday so they could hang out afterwards. Ashley was smart, and Samantha came from a good background, so her father hadn’t batted an eye at them when she told him.
Ethan had been sweet to them when she’d introduced them to him, and despite Samantha’s uneasy glance in her direction and Ashley’s subtle tension, she pretended not to notice. After all, God had always been kind to her. He’d never deny her a prayer when she was so deserving of this freedom.
Jenny was hosting Junior League parties
And having dinner at the country club
Everyone thought they were Ken and Barbie
But Ken was always getting way too drunk
Ethan had introduced her to his friends halfway through sophomore year.
She hadn’t been too surprised to find out that a lot of his friends weren’t the type of people she’d get along with easily, but there were four who she’d gotten along with quite easily.
Christopher Hartley, who she’d assumed was too kind at first, and he was, to everybody but her. It was refreshing having somebody treat her with the same attitude she’d given them. He’d gotten along well with Ashley, due to their shared love for talking about things that Emily had considered nerdy, and countlessly teased them for.
Joshua Washington was the eldest brother of two sisters, Hannah and Beth, who she’d never gotten truly close to, but she cared for them all the same. Joshua was like an older brother to her on his own, though, and despite her original wariness about him, he’d proved to be more trustworthy than most in her life.
Michael Munroe had been harder to trust. He was everything Emily hated. He was a player and a heartthrob who had no idea what loyalty or commitment was. She hated boys like that, they made her skin crawl and her stomach flip when she heard their remarks or attempts at jokes in regards to the girls in their school. But he’d proven himself to be trustworthy when he’d defended her against a few jackasses in their math class who had a habit of running their mouths.
Matthew Taylor was a golden boy. He was every bit a good person as people claimed he was, and he made warmth blossom in her chest whenever he spoke. Despite being on the football team with a bunch of jerks that Emily had never bothered to see past their cocky, arrogant, and sexist attitudes, he remained completely different. In fact, it was so rare for him to say anything negative about somebody without good reason that the first time he had openly expressed his distaste for someone, she’d listened to him rant for half an hour before realizing she’d been truly listening.
Hangouts with them were always fun, and parties were even more entertaining. She’d hang off of Ethan’s arm like a perfect girlfriend, batting her eyelashes just the right way to please him because their image was more important than anything else. They’d compliment them and how good they looked as a couple, and despite her smiles and his teasing remarks, a pit of dread dug deeper and deeper into her stomach each time they returned home.
Ethan had a habit of drinking, and when he drank, he was impossible to reach. More often than not did she stay up all night to tend to him, but of course, she hadn’t told anybody. Humiliation was a fragile thing, and to reach out because she couldn’t handle her own boyfriend would be humiliating.
Emily Davis did not do humiliation.
Saturday night, after a few too many
He came home ready to fight
And all his money could never save Jenny
From the devil living in his eyes
The first time he laid a hand on her, she’d spoken out of turn. He was drunk and angry over one of his friends screwing him over. Truthfully, she hadn’t seen it as a big deal, not when he had a plethora of money and his friend hadn’t truly screwed him over, but she supposed that logic had always been her thing, not his.
She’d sported a bruise on her cheek the next morning that she’d covered with makeup. He’d apologized with countless kisses and jewelry that she’d never wear, because when had she ever worn gold jewelry? Nonetheless, it was an apology she accepted.
She accepted it every time, because her mother had done the same for her father, and she herself had forgiven her father for the same crime. Each incident was worse than the last, and eventually, she started covering up with clothes she’d never wear. Anyone who had ever known her knew that she loved showing skin, because why would she be ashamed of something that everyone had?
Jessica had questioned her once, and despite Emily’s love for the girl, she’d snapped at her. Jessica backed off after that, but Emily knew the girl could see something was off. It was only a matter of time until she spoke up about it. Despite this, Emily pretended not to see the cautious and worried glances the rest of the group would shoot her whenever Ethan grabbed her wrist a little too rough.
It was all bruises, covered in makeup
Dark sunglasses
And that next morning, sitting in the back pew
Praying with the baptists
She could hear those church bells ringing, ringing
And up in the loft, that whole choir singing, singing
Fold your hands and close your eyes
Yeah, it's all gonna be alright
You just listen to the church bells ringing, ringing
Yeah, they're ringing
Emily prayed for hours after each incident, whether it was in church or at home, she’d pray, begging for forgiveness for sins that she’d never even committed. Ashley and Samantha stayed with her after services to ensure she’d get home safely, though she could feel their concern practically dripping off of them.
For months after Ethan hit her for the first time, she’d sit in her bed and wonder why God hadn’t answered her prayers. She’d paid for her sins. If this was retribution, she’d repented enough. Doubt crept in her mind constantly, and vaguely, she wondered if that was why her prayers had backfired.
She started to pray harder after that thought, pray longer, beg louder until her father would be satisfied with her devotion because maybe if her father finally approved of her, she would have fully paid for her unknown sins, and her prayers would be granted. Her prayers were never granted, and Emily’s frustration grew.
She did not want to doubt, it was a fickle thing and she wanted it to be fleeting. She wanted it to be something she would look back at and scowl at. She wanted it to make her be closer to God, because her whole life had revolved around him and what was she if not devoted to a man above her? That was what her father had implemented into her mind. Her life.
She did not want to admit that perhaps her desperation to be saved stemmed from the fear of becoming her mother.