Chapter Text
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The morning sunlight didn't spill so much as filter into the lair, thin gold slipping through cracks in the street gates far above and catching in the dust of the abandoned train tunnel.It glinted faintly green against the old metal. The air always smelled faintly of rust and concrete.
Raph stretched beside the doorway of his train car, careful not to hurt his shoulder or tug at the scar beneath his eye patch. The patch itched. The scar beneath it pulled when he moved his face. Some mornings he still woke up expecting to feel something else controlling his limbs. The urge to destroy. He forced the thought down.
Leo was already up. Raph could see him in the open stretch of tunnel between the train cars, where they'd cleared space for training. Leo moved slowly, carefully, lifting a small weight. His arms trembled faintly with the strain. He was still supposed to be mostly resting.
It hadn't even been a year since.... since everything.
Sweat beaded along Leo's brow and his fingers shook when he adjusted his grip, but he wore that same easy breezy grin. Raph's stomach tightened. "Mornin', Leo!," he called quietly, assuming Donnie and Mikey might still be asleep. "You sure you want to do all that already?"
Leo glanced up, bright and sharp as always. "Mornin' big guy! I'm fine. Gotta keep up with you guys, right? Can't have the leader slacking." There it was. Raph moved closer, not looming but just.. watching. "You're pushing yourself," he sighed. "I can handle it," Leo replied easily.
But Raph saw the hesitation when Leo lowered the weight. The flicker in his eyes and the way he shifted slightly to guard his ribs. He didn't need Leo to admit it. Raph had always been good at reading what wasn't said.
From the kitchen they'd built into the side of the main area came the clatter of utensils. Mikey shuffled out with a tray balanced carefully in his hands. His fingers trembled just enough to rattle the forks. One fork tipped.
Raph reached out instinctively, steadying it before it hit the ground. "Sorry Raph, gotta not rush," Mikey laughed. Though there was still some self directed bitterness behind it. Raph nodded and let Mikey carry the tray over to the sink. "You're good," he replied. He looked back at Leo who was still working with the weight. Raph figured that if Mikey was up, then Donnie definitely was.
He headed up the stairs and finally reached the top which was coated in red purple and blue from all the monitors. Donnie was already at the long workbench. His neck was bent at that familiar angle.He rotated it slowly every few minutes, trying to work through the lingering sensitivity in his shell.
“I know you’re there Raph, Mornin’. Do you need something?,” Donnie muttered, seemingly sleep deprived. Raph would need to get onto him about those late nights he always did, it wasn't good for his health. Raph laughed a tiny bit, “Just wanted to check to see if you were up. Mikey is making breakfast so if you don't want Leo to eat everything, you might wanna come down.”
Donnie gave a small nod but didn't turn from his screens. Raph didn’t understand half the equations scrolling through Donnie’s monitors but he understood that it was important to Donnie. As he got down the stairs he could see Leo had finished his set.
“All done!” he announced, brushing his hands together. As he spotted Raph come down he got a smirk on his face. “See? Nothing to worry bout’.” Raph stepped closer and rested a hand on Leo’s shoulder. Light pressure to ground. “You don’t have to catch up to anything Leo.” Raph sighed. “Its not a race.” For a split second, Leo softened. Then the grin snapped back into place.
“I know, Raph. Really.” When Raph's hand lingered, Leo shifted subtly away. That was new.... Donnie came down the stairs yawning like a stretching cat. Breakfast happened at the table, green light spilling across the table. Mikey moved slowly but insisted on serving everyone himself. Donnie stretched his neck between bites. Leo sat down along with Raph. As breakfast carried on, Leo filled up the space with an animated breakdown of the latest comic he'd gotten. Hands moving wide to emphasize the action.
He reached for the syrup and his hand shook. Raph noticed. After breakfast, while the others drifted into their routines, Raph stayed behind to tidy up. It was his turn today. He stacked plates, wiped down the table and let his mind wander.
The past months, he'd been reading. Trauma recovery and familial emotional support were the main things he was looking into. Stuff with words he had to reread three times before they made sense. He wasn't Donnie, he didn't need to understand the science of it. He just needed to know what to do for his family. He started small. Whenever Mikey started to have tremors and pain he would help him breathe through it. He guided Donnie through stretches when his neck locked up.
He refilled Leo’s water bottle without being asked, adjusting equipment before Leo noticed. Leo accepted the help but.. he never leaned into it. “I’ve got it.” or, “You worry too much, big guy.”. Sometimes he’d just grin and move away. Mikey leaned into hugs, Donnie tolerated quiet check ins and even Splinter in his own way, allowed himself to be looked after. Leo didn't and that sat wrong.
Later, Raph found Splinter seated on his chair near the tunnel wall. His eyes were half closed and his tail rested neatly beside him. The rumble of a distant train passed through the concrete. The TV was playing a soap opera that Raph honestly must've seen a million times before. “Red, you are not good at sneaking. What do you need my son?,” Splinter said without opening his eyes. Raph sat down beside him. “He won’t let me help,” Raph admitted.
Splinter opened one eye.
“Leonardo has always believed that strength is something to be displayed.” Raph huffed quietly “He doesn’t have to prove anything. Not to us.” Splinter hummed thoughtfully. “And yet, he feels he must.”
Raph’s hands curled loosely in his lap. “He leans away whenever I try to help.” Splinter’s usual playful edge flickered briefly. “I want to fix it,” Raph admitted. “But I don’t even know what ‘it’ is.” Splinter turned fully toward him now, gaze sharp and warm all at once. “You do not fix your brother,” he said gently. “ You stay by his side. You and your brothers must anchor him. Show him that when he is ready to fall, the ground will not disappear.”
Raph swallowed. “I don’t want to wait for something bad to happen.” “It is not waiting for something bad to happen Raphael,” Splinter replied calmly. “It is waiting for him to build enough trust to let us know what is happening.” When Raph returned to the open space between the train cars, Leo and Mikey were laughing over a plate Mikey had almost dropped. Donnie pretended not to watch from the bar counter.
Everything looked normal. Too normal. Raph’s eyes caught on Leo’s sweater sleeve riding up slightly. There. An open, half healed scar Raph hadn't seen before. That area had healed months ago and Leo hadn't been out on any missions to get any injuries. He was sure of it. It shouldn't look like that. His chest tightened. Mikey clapped Leo on the shell. “C’mon! April’s gonna roast us if we’re late.” Leo winced subtly before straightening. “Alright lil man, let's go.”
Raph could hear Mikey and Leo playfully argue about the lil man thing as they headed up the tunnel toward the surface access point. He knew that Casey would probably be there too since he had been crashing there since everything settled. The world above was still rebuilding, too. The tunnel felt bigger once they left. Quieter.
Donnie appeared behind him. “Raph,” He stated earnestly. “Can you come here for a minute?” there was something in his tone, not panic, but concern. Raph glanced once more toward the tunnel exit where Leo had disappeared. Then he turned back. “Yeah,” he said, already moving. The scar lingered in his mind. Donnie nodded and headed towards the base of the stairs.