Archive of Our Own ^beta

Jude Kinkade's love life is nothing short of a disaster. He'd accepted it as a normal part of life until his mom persuaded him to attend a family reunion, and he left with a burgeoning inner crisis. Bragging about working for a sports agency seemed hollow when his formerly underachieving cousin was a multimillionaire CEO with a beautiful wife and five kids. 

It hit him square in the gut, and boasting about rubbing elbows with ballers and spending time at lavish parties merely left a bitter taste in his mouth. Suddenly, he wanted more than a quick fumble in the sheets or a boyfriend who only remembered his existence when he needed financial advice (or a handout in most cases). Or worse, the much older executive who just swore he wasn't married. And last but not least, a casual arrangement with a reporter that was proving to be more stressful than he thought it would be. 

Noah Hernandez is one of the best sports reporters in the business, and Jude thought he was something when they started hooking up. It was fun, messy, and with no strings attached, and then one day, Jude took a look in the mirror and didn't like what he saw. 

He wanted more, and…he's been chasing after it since, hopeful Noah will eventually want the same thing. Dating has never come easy to Jude, and having to start over is daunting. So he's put everything into his relationship with Noah, not that it's getting him anywhere. 

Luckily for Jude, he's more than occupied by his job. He works for one of the premier sports agencies in the world as a junior agent. For all his experience and shiny MBA, he had to start from the bottom. Jude is sure his business school advisor would be very disappointed to hear that he's a glorified babysitter for the league's newest commodity, the Los Angeles Devils' small power forward, Zero.

Zero is an enigmatic player. No one knows his real name, and it's like he just appeared on the map one day. Fresh off a championship win in Ohio, he skyrocketed into Los Angeles and quickly took the city by storm. 

It didn't take long for the shine to wear off. The vultures started circling, and the agency realised they needed to keep a close eye on Zero. That responsibility fell to Jude, and his current role is to come to Zero's house three days a week and make sure he doesn't do anything that will be portrayed unfavourably in the media. 

Jude was beyond insulted until he realised he was being paid to ogle the hottest player in the league. Zero being a pretty cool guy is a bonus. Not only does he give Jude homemade cookies, but he's also become his unofficial agony aunt. 

It's been two months since that ill-fated night of pink and green streamers and watching his family talk about their shiny, happy lives. Jude's downward spiral is on its twenty-fifth turn, and he's taking Zero on the ride with him.

"Can you hand me the chocolate chips?" Zero asks, dusting flour off his hands. "And seriously, remember my 'no bad vibes in the kitchen' rule? Listening to you whine about your boyfriend? That's bad vibes."

They're in Zero's open-plan, state-of-the-art kitchen, with chrome finishing, in-built appliances, glossy, neutral lighting and a breakfast bar that's the size of Jude's shoebox apartment. Weirdly, apart from the home gym in the basement, this is where he spends most of his time when he comes to Zero's house. 

Jude slides the bowl of milk and white chocolate chips across the granite counter. Zero scoops it up with expert precision, carefully shaking it into his bowl of cookie dough. Watching him knead the batter is always Jude's favourite part, not that he's forgotten how to be professional. He saves the fantasies for when he's alone. He's already mapped out the shape of Zero's fingers, the circular motion of his thumbs and–

"Jude?" Zero's looking at him expectantly, and Jude snaps out of it. 

He can save the fantasies for later. 

"I'm sorry, it's just this thing with Noah that is stressing me out."

Zero huffs and raises an eyebrow. "I have an idea. Break up with him. Find someone else. And then I don't need to hear about Noah anymore. Everybody wins."

"Wouldn't Noah be the loser?" Jude asks, grimacing when he realises the response he's walked into.

"That ship sailed a long time ago. Along with my patience."

Disappointment swells in Jude's chest. He's been waiting to vent about this all day. Zero can't abandon him in his time of need.

"I listened to you complain about that Swedish hand model for five hours last week."

"Can you blame me?" Zero frowns. "Olga is insane. Both in a good and bad way. Also, you're paid to listen to me. I'm not being compensated for my suffering. Our situations are not at all comparable."

Jude huffs and props his elbows on the counter. 

"I had to listen to you make up with Olga. I'd say you owe me. Listening to you get lucky is not in my job description."

The agency put Jude here to ensure Zero had a familiar face around him, not that they have any reason to be concerned. There are plenty of faces coming and going. Emphasis on the coming. 

"Honestly?" Zero's eyes light up. "There's a reason why she's a hand model."

Jude's always maintained that he only heard them make up, but unfortunately for him, he was heading out and wanted to say goodbye when he stumbled upon Zero giving Olga what looked (and sounded) like the ride of her life. The image of the dip in Zero's honey-bronzed back is still seared onto his brain. The man's body is a work of art, and Jude will never admit it, but he may have lingered for a touch too long. 

Shifting on the kitchen barstool, Jude says, "If you don't change the subject, you'll be wearing everything in that bowl."

Laughing, Zero raises his eyebrows. "You know I love it when you talk dirty, Jude."

Jude's face flushes. "Zero."

At this point, Jude's not sure if he's playing along or genuinely flirting. They do this song and dance from time to time, and they never talk about it. It's Zero. This is what he does. He flirts with whoever is in front of him. 

"I love it when people get all hot and bothered while saying my name, too. Keep it going."

"This is what I get for rambling about Noah, isn't it?" Jude mock sighs. "Harassment."

"Dude, I've seen you naked." Zero's face splits into a bright grin. "That trumps a little flirting here and there."

Jude's sure his face is beet red. It happened once! He took a shower after using the gym, and he wasn't expecting Zero to be home. 

"That was an accident!" 

"Oh, I'm not complaining." Zero bites his lip slightly, his eyes darkening. "I enjoyed the view."

Zero says things like this all the time, and Jude's never sure if he's serious. The parade of paramours has always been of the female variety, but Jude has never stopped being curious. And he doesn't take it personally because Zero's always on hand to listen to Jude talk about his problems.

It's bordering on a fireable offence, almost, but Zero is easily the most relaxed player he's worked with, and Jude's able to be himself. It's why he's sharing his misgivings about Noah with Zero. He always gives him some much-needed perspective. 

"Can we talk about something else?" 

"Fine." Zero grabs the baking pan and places his precut sheets on it. "Hit me. What's lover boy done now?"

"Half of the press pool?" Jude mutters, still aggrieved by all the dirt he's found out about Noah this week. It started when they bumped into a reporter from ESPN, who looked amused when Jude kissed Noah goodbye. He did his research and concluded they've all been laughing at him for being so naive. 

When Noah said he'd dated plenty, he wasn't exaggerating. Most of the people he spoke to were surprised when Jude introduced himself as Noah's boyfriend. Apparently, Noah didn't seem like the type to 'settle down'. 

Zero's spatula lands on the counter with a thud. "Huh. The writer boy gets around. Who knew?"

"He's less of a writer and more of an on-air reporter."

"I wonder if he's hooked up with any players," Zero says, his head tilted in thought. "He's not bad looking. I'm sure at least one of them would give him the time of day."

"Zero." Jude narrows his eyes. He's sure Noah hasn't hooked up with a player. He would have screamed it from the rooftops (or worse, given Jude a detailed play-by-play in bed).

"What? It's not like he's your boyfriend. You know that, right? You aren't exclusive. You're free to, I don't know, screw whoever you like."

The remark about Noah not being his boyfriend makes Jude's gut churn, mostly because Zero is correct. Not that Jude's going to let him know that. 

"Right. Give me a call when you get Jake Gyllenhaal's number."

"On second thought, you clearly need to be tamed. Seriously? You'd screw Jake?" Zero is genuinely bemused, and Jude wonders if he knows him. 

"I don't judge your taste in women, do I?"

Zero's chuckle reverberates across Jude's chest, like whiskey over ice. Smooth and sour, cold and hot, a slow burn travels through his body. 

"Three weeks ago, when I dated that Russian ballerina, you had a lot to say."

Irina was equally as beautiful as Olga, with thick chestnut locks, jade green eyes and an hourglass figure practically poured into her curve-hugging dresses. Unfortunately, Irina became irate whenever she drank spirits, and Zero learned that the hard way. 

One wrong look at another woman, and that had been the final swan song for Irina and Zero's finest glassware. Smash. Smash. Smash. And then smash because Zero could still charm a girl into his bed right after he'd made her angry enough to almost kill him. 

"In my defence, she tried to stab you with a toe pick," Jude says. "And that was after she destroyed your precious kitchen. Your ability to drive women away is unmatched."

Zero laughs, looking far too pleased with himself. 

"Oh, please, you're still here, aren't you? You're the finest lady I know."

It's a running joke, one Jude doesn't mind, but he'll defend himself every time.

"I ordered a Shirley Temple once. It's a nice drink. Refreshing and tasty. I'm not apologising for that."

It had been a long day, and the event at the team's adjoining bar, the Devil's Playground, was coming between him and some much-needed sleep. When Zero asked him what he wanted to drink, he went for something light.

"Yeah, if you're a housewife in Midwest Ohio."

"On behalf of all the housewives and men who like Shirley Temples, fuck you," Jude says. "You're trying to deflect, anyway. Everything that happened with Irina was your fault."

Sure, it was never a relationship, but Zero was openly flirting in front of her – what did he expect would happen?

"You know it's a shame," Zero says wistfully. "The more unstable they are, the better the sex. It's one of life's cruel mysteries."

"I'll keep that in mind when you end up on Dateline."

Zero smirks, although it fades after a short while. "Anyway, this is about you, not me. As I said, he's not your boyfriend, Jude."

Half of the conversations on this topic consist of Zero giving him a reality check while he basks in ignorance. 

"He could be," Jude insists. "We could be! If we can come to an agreement and make things exclusive, I don't see why we can't make things work."

Zero's eyes dim, and his shoulders drop, like they're being weighed down by disappointment. 

"Jude, I've known you for what, a year? It's been the same story since then. He's only after one thing, and you're willingly giving it to him. Expecting more is just setting yourself up for disappointment."

"I thought we were making progress after Venice. It was such a wonderful time.

Zero's face twists, his mouth curled into an unimpressed pout. "Remind me what happened in Venice again?" 

Venice was a dream, full of azure blue skies and water and the hazy glow of sunshine casting them in an idyllic scene for two weeks. Noah was attentive, even impressing Jude by ordering in Italian, holding his hand during evening walks and snuggling up with him in a hammock after a lazy picnic. 

"We did all the romantic things couples do. We took a boat ride, we slept in, we soaked up the sun, and…I feel like he opened up to me."

Zero raises an eyebrow. "He said that he wanted to take things further?"

"Well." Jude looks away. "It was more about his career and how he feels like it's at a standstill."

Jude had gone to Venice expecting to take things to the next step, but Noah had other things on his mind. 

"I bet dating Oscar Kinkade's son will help him with that."

Zero turns the oven on and slides the tray in gently. By the time he pops back up, Jude's connected the dots. 

"You really don't like him, do you?" Jude runs his tongue over his teeth, fighting down a wave of uncertainty. "Noah isn't using me."

"Look, it's your relationship, Jude," Zero says. "I'm not going to tell you how to run it."

"Fine," Jude snaps. Why is he taking relationship advice from someone who screws a different woman every week? What does Zero know about relationships? 

Absolutely nothing. 

"Fine," Zero echoes. He glances at his Rolex and adds, "Those are set to come off in half an hour. Take whatever you want, and I'll see you in two days."

"You're done already?" Jude asks. "I thought you were making banana bread."

"I have a hot date tonight," Zero says with a grin. 

"Olga?" Jude pushes down the jealousy splashing in his gut. 

Zero snorts. "Unlike you, I don't make the same mistake twice. Think bigger. Like, Devil Girls big."

The Devil Girls are the Los Angeles Devils' sister dance team. They perform at the start and halftime of the home games, as well as at showcases and corporate events. With the help of the former director and current captain, Jelena Howard, the team has become wildly successful. Last Jude heard, they rake in millions every season. 

If Zero is going out with a Devil Girl, it can only be one. 

"Jelena?" Jude frowns. How did he miss this? "Isn't she dating Terrence?"

That would be Terrence Wall, three-time all-star and long-term captain of the Los Angeles Devils. Terrence Wall, beloved by everyone in the city of L.A.

"They broke up."

Jude snorts. "Oh, please. That's just foreplay for them. They'll be back together before you can make a perfect lemon meringue."

"First, meringues are disgusting. "Zero makes a face. "Why would I want to make one? Unlike you, I'm not a masochist."

"Wanting to be in love makes me a masochist, but your suicide mission with Jelena is all above board?"

"She needs help making Terrence jealous, and I'm looking to put my name on the map. What could go wrong?"

Jude looks at the excited gleam in Zero's eyes and thinks: everything. 

+

"You were over at Zero's place for a while," Noah says later that night when they're getting ready to go to bed. He's freshly showered, and his dark hair is curled, spiralling across his forehead. "Everything okay?"

After Zero left, Jude had stuck around long enough to take the cookies out of the oven and mope. Zero and Jelena? It's not like Jude had any delusions about ending up with a baller, but they made it look so easy. Zero made it look easy.

Meanwhile, Jude is hung up on a guy who didn't seem to want something more. 

"He was baking again." 

Jude doesn't mention the part about Zero hooking up with Jelena. The last thing he needs is for the story to break before the team is ready. And if Zero can seal the deal, they will be all over it. A full-scale launch, media campaigns, and Zero and Jelena plastered everywhere for the hungry hounds to devour them. 

"I can't believe they have you babysitting him while he uses an oven," Noah says, snapping Jude out of his waking nightmare. 

Technically, it's Noah's fault that he ended up on babysitting detail. Jude told Noah that Zero baked in his spare time, and he leaked it to one of his press buddies. And then it turned into a debate on masculinity and whether baking was against the terms of his contract. Apparently, there was a player in '87 who tore a ligament while using a whisk. 

Jude didn't ask any questions. 

Eventually, they concluded that Zero was homesick and needed a friend, and Jude was drafted in. The excuse the agency gave him was that he was young and malleable, the kind of person who could easily transform himself into the perfect friend. Jude knew it was because he was Oscar Kinkade's son. They all thought he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth, and that made him expendable. 

"Hey, I'm not complaining," Jude says. "His cookies are amazing."

"Yeah, I bet they are." Noah joins Jude in bed, invading his senses with the scent of apricot and mango. "You've heard the rumours, haven't you?"

"What rumours?" Jude barely stops himself from shuddering when Noah nuzzles his neck. This was fun when it was casual and no strings. Now, Jude is grasping for purchase, desperate for his relationship to mean more than what it is.

"Word on the street is your boy wonder swings both ways."

"And?"

"And…" Noah presses a trail of kisses behind his ear. "I'm wondering just how much of Zero you've been seeing."

Jude freezes, and Noah's stubble grazes his chin. 

"Are you fishing for a story, or are you asking if I've hooked up with him?"

Pulling away, Noah looks up at him, his hazel eyes illuminated with intrigue. "Well, now it's both."

Jude grimaces inwardly, hoping he hasn't put his foot in it again. The last thing he needs is to bring any more scrutiny to Zero. 

"He's straight. Straight as a ruler. And no, I haven't been sleeping with my client. Unlike you, I'm happy screwing one person."

It is a cheap trick, using their relationship as a deflection. His job is to protect Zero at all costs, however, and he doubts Noah cares.

"Jude, relax." Noah shifts, increasing the distance between them. "We've talked about this. Remember Venice? We both agreed that we're focused on our careers for now."

Noah was the one to agree. Jude doesn't remember talking about his career. Every time the subject changed, Noah was suddenly in the mood. And Jude is sick of it. He is tired of being available when Noah wants him and is no longer interested in being the second fiddle in this relationship. 

Something sparks his mind, and he feels a stab of bitterness in his chest. "Are you saying that if I were sleeping with Zero, you'd be okay with it?"

Noah snorts, like the idea is ridiculous. "Sure. You can do whatever you want."

As they lie in the darkness, Jude's eyes remain open. He is scared that if he closes his eyes, he'll drown in the emptiness. 

+

The way Jude sees it, Zero listens to him because he's just as bad at relationships. He waits a few weeks before he brings Noah up again, only this time, Zero's taken a healthy slice of humble pie. Hooking up with Jelena went badly, and now he's in the middle of a crisis. 

His pristine, state-of-the-art kitchen is covered in flour, and Tupperware containers full of more baked goods than Jude knows what to do with.

Zero is in the middle of frosting forty cupcakes in bright pink, with cherry garnishes. "I'm thinking of icing these cupcakes especially for Jelena. F-U-C-K-U."

"Not only would she stick pins in them, but she'd also return them with a note that says, 'Already did,'" Jude replies. "What did you think would happen?"

Not only had their fling come skidding to a halt, but Zero was also riding a wave of extremely bad press. His crimes were coming between Los Angeles' hottest couple and dabbling with escorts (allegedly). Jude spent the better part of a morning being hounded by his boss for intel. 

"Oh. I forgot you were an expert on relationships. How are things going with the intrepid reporter?"

With a heavy sigh, Jude launches into a heavily abridged version of everything Noah said. He's expecting Zero to laugh at Noah's insinuation, but if anything, he's offended on Jude's behalf. 

"Please tell me you broke up with him?" Zero says. "He accused you of sleeping around on the job, which is what he does. You see this, right? He's manipulating you."

"We'd have to be officially dating to break up." Jude groans. "And have you seen his abs? Try saying no to that!"

Zero's eyes narrow. "I thought you wanted a real relationship? 'Cause if it's getting your rocks off that you're interested in, I've got a whole other playbook."

"Was that the one you used with Jelena?" Jude asks. "Quick sidebar. How did you go from hooking up with her to getting caught with escorts?"

"Last time I checked, there was no photographic evidence. I'm a name in an address book. That's all."

"I believe this morning's headline was 'Zero acting in bad faith', and then it was followed by a riveting article on how you've been using religion as a front."

Jude was surprised to wake up to the news himself. In all the time he's spent with Zero, there's never been an inkling that he was using escorts. Unless…

"What about Olga and Irina?" Jude asks. "Are they…?"

"You wouldn't understand," Zero says, his voice pained as he grips the piping bag. Despite that, the cupcake he's icing comes out as perfectly as the previous ones. 

"Try me." Jude is hardly in any position to judge. "Why go down that route?"

"Imagine every detail of your job being posted online. The entire world knows I have a thirty-million-dollar contract. They don't know I only see half of that. It's hard to figure out who wants to be in my life for me and not for what I can give them."

Not wanting to be scrutinised makes sense. It's the allowing strangers into his life—and bed—that Jude's not sold on. It can't be that hard for Zero to go out and meet people. 

"So you just pay for it instead?"

"No money exchanged hands," Zero says. "It was more of a service where the women were vetted, and then I had my pick."

"What's in it for Irina and Olga?" Jude asked. "Besides sleeping with a baller."

"I get them into the hottest places, and they're able to sell the escort service to guys who are more than willing to pay for it."

"If that's true…why don't you clear your name? Tell the truth about what happened."

"And risk bringing down a multimillion-dollar enterprise?" Zero snorts. "I'm not an idiot, Jude."

Jude reaches out and taps his arm. "I wasn't saying you were…and for what it's worth, I don't think you did anything wrong."

They share a look, and just when Jude thinks Zero is about to open up further, the mood shifts.

"Can we go back to talking about your problems?" Zero asks. "This will blow over, and until then, the agency has you here to make sure I don't fuck up again."

"Oh. No. That's a job for the therapist they hired. She'll be here tomorrow at three. Good thing you made brownies!"

"Therapist?" Zero shakes his head. "Whatever. Back to Noah, and the way I see it, either you get rid or get even. Right now, he's having all the fun. Maybe he needs to see you doing the same thing to get his act together."

"Newsflash, I'm not exactly good at this. I fall easily. I always have. Remember the CEO I dated?"

"What was wrong with him?" Zero asks. "Didn't he take you to the hottest places in town?"

"Yeah, he did," Jude retorts, eyes narrowed at the memory. "There was just one major problem. He was very much attached to his wife."

Zero snorts, dropping the piping bag and admiring his handy work. "Did you know he was married?"

The relationship (or lack thereof) with Scott was not Jude's finest hour. 

"He told me they were getting divorced, and that he was only sticking around for the kids. Not that it mattered. While I was thinking about a future together, he was finding more people to cheat with."

"How many one-sided relationships have you had?" Zero frowns. "You know what, don't answer that."

"What if I tell Noah I slept with you after all?" Jude swallows hard, hoping Zero won't (rightfully) toss him out for the suggestion. "I can say that you'll sue him into oblivion if he tells anyone."

Zero, to his credit, doesn't visibly react. There is a long silence, and Jude contemplates pretending he didn't say anything. 

"There are twenty other guys you can use for this experiment," Zero says just as Jude is about to change the subject. "Why me?"

"You've already been outed as a fake Christian. Sleeping with the boss's son won't exactly harm your reputation."

"What would my reputation have to do with it? If you told him, he'd be sworn to secrecy, right?"

"He wouldn't be able to prove anything, so yeah, I suppose he would," Jude says. 

"True." Zero considers it. "Fine. Tell him."

+

Jude's already in bed when Noah gets back from his networking event. He sits up in bed, aimlessly scrolling on his phone while Noah grabs a shower and settles down. Jude can already hear Zero saying, 'ask him about the event…if that's where he really was.

He banishes his inner Zero to the corner of his mind and waits for Noah to come to bed. 

"How was your day?" Noah asks. "I had to interview a team owner today, and it was a complete waste of time. Is it my fault his team is having a crappy season?"

Jude's not sure if Noah still expects an answer to his question, so all he says is, "I was with Zero all day."

"Ah. You're officially on Team Damage Control after the escort scandal." Noah's eyes light up. "Care to comment on that?"

"Off the record?"

"Anything for you, Jude."

Jude clears his throat. "The only person I know Zero to be sleeping with is me."

Noah breaks into a fit of laughter, and it only empowers Jude more. He's definitely going to see this through now. 

"Not this again…" Noah says, wiping at his eyes. "You crack me up sometimes."

"I'm serious."

Noah scans his face, and Jude waits for a hint of jealousy or anger, but there's nothing. 

Instead, Noah is like the cat who got the cream. 

"Nice!" There's a big grin on his face. "Closeted players get a bad rep, but damn. They know how to work with what they've got."

What? Jude wonders which players Noah has hooked up with. And how he managed to keep his mouth shut about it. 

"Yeah," Jude says, mustering up as much enthusiasm as a dental patient before a root canal. "It was really good."

"Oh, please, Jude." Noah rolls his eyes. "You're a terrible liar. Luckily, I find you hot when you're all flustered."

Noah's already rifling through the bedside drawer, and Jude should leave. He should get up, grab his clothes and sleep on the couch, but…when Noah turns over and runs a hand down his chest and kisses him, it's all systems go. 

And then it's over, and he feels wrung out and dirty.

Anger blossoms in his chest, and he vows to make Noah eat his words. 

+

Zero is weirdly zen after his first three sessions with the therapist. He hasn't complained about Jelena, and he's not as catty when Jude starts rambling about Noah. 

He's making a strawberry cheesecake especially for Jude, and his long fingers crush the cookies for the base slowly and surely. Jude gazes on, idly wondering what else Zero's hands can do. 

"He didn't believe you?" Zero snorts. "What am I saying? You have a terrible poker face. I wouldn't believe you either."

Jude leans over and grabs a fresh strawberry, popping it into his mouth while Zero flattens the cheesecake base with his rolling pin. 

"It's on now. I'm not going to let him win. He wants to sleep around? Fine. I can too. There are plenty of bars downtown. I'll find someone."

Zero's hand is still above the round base, and he props himself up against the counter. His apron wrinkles when he leans forward and says, "Walk me through the grand plan, Don Juan."

"I'll find someone, buy them a drink. We'll exchange numbers, and in two or three working days, meet up and y'know. Do the deed."

"Two or three working days?" Zero chuckles, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "What's the hold-up?"

"My guy is the best in the game for speedy background checks."

Zero's mouth drops open and then closes just as quickly. 

"Jude, it's supposed to be a casual hookup. The point is that you know nothing about them. What if it turns out you picked up a murderer?"

"Are you saying that it's better to sleep with a murderer without knowing they're a murderer? You're kind of proving my point."

"That was a bad example," Zero says while mixing the cream cheese and heavy cream in a bowl. "My point is that you can't overthink a casual hookup. That takes the spontaneity out of it."

Zero stops mixing long enough to put the cheesecake base in the fridge, and Jude sneaks another strawberry. Technically, the cheesecake requires no actual baking, and Jude could make it himself, but it tastes better when he watches Zero going through the motions. 

"Look, you have your system, and I have mine."

"Not that I'm not finding this car crash entertaining, but…there is a simpler solution."

"What's that?" Jude asks. He's starting to think Zero is right. Background checks aren't cheap either. Picking up a murderer would be costly, dangerous and time-consuming. 

"Double down on hooking up with me. Describe the night to him. I'll even give you a list of things to say."

"I don't want to drag you into this more than I already have, Zero," Jude says.

"The last thing I want is to deliver the eulogy at your funeral. So long as it's between the three of us, this is the best plan."

"Okay." Jude pauses. "What kind of things should I say?"

"Wait…I could call Olga, and she can give you a detailed description?"

"Not if you want to live," Jude says.

Zero laughs. "Hey, if you kill me, you won't get your cheesecake."

+

There is a part of Jude that almost backs out of this game he's playing with Noah. He's close to calling it quits and going to hang out with Zero. And then his inner doubts flare, and he reminds himself that Zero tolerates him because he has to. 

He goes back to his apartment and is all smiles when Noah shows up smelling like cigarettes and tequila. He sits in bed, tracing the blue bedspread with his fingers, thinking about how it's almost the same shade as the afternoon skies in Venice. 

Freaking Venice. 

By the time Noah slides into bed next to him, Jude's amped himself up, and the details of his 'night' with Zero spill out, like champagne bubbling after the cork is popped. 

"...and then he did this thing with his tongue…" Jude trails off, somewhat enjoying the discomfort in Noah's eyes. 

Ha! Jude thinks. You're not so cocky now. 

If it's weird that Jude's happy to be sticking it to the guy he wants to be in a relationship with, he doesn't acknowledge it. He's not the one who started this.

"Alright!" Noah sounds irritated. "I believe you. Damn. I didn't know Zero was such a freak in the sheets."

"Well, he is." Jude leans back against the pillow. "I wonder what other tricks he has up his sleeve."

"I thought it was a one-time-only deal?" Noah rolls over, propped up on his elbow. He's looking at Jude with a searching gaze, like he's not sure who the hell he's in bed with. 

Jude groans inwardly. Why couldn't he take the win? Why did he have to stick his foot in his mouth?

"It's like you said, we're not exclusive." Jude locked their eyes. "Right?"

Noah is eerily still, and Jude senses he's overplayed his hand. "No, we're not."

+

Jude isn't sure what his game plan was. Telling Noah was supposed to make him jealous, or at least afraid of losing Jude. Instead, Noah's been distant since that night, leaving Jude even more confused. He's spent four days wondering if he should call and wanting to talk to Zero, who was at an away game over the weekend. 

While Noah flew out to cover the game, it's unlike him not to call Jude at least once. It leaves Jude in a sour mood, and he's not looking forward to watching Zero for hours. Usually, this is the highlight of his day, but not even watching Zero make cinnamon rolls improves his mood.

"I promise to make you white chocolate cannoli if you stop sulking all over my Nordic Ware baking pans."

The fog weighing Jude down subsides a little. "Really?"

"Yes, really," Zero says. "Now tell me what happened?"

Jude gives him a brief rundown of the conversation, taking great care to emphasise that Noah hasn't called. 

"It's classic," Zero says from his usual spot to the left of the oven. "He's jealous because you have someone better than him in your roster. A real threat."

"You're a threat?" Jude asks. "And also, I have a roster?"

If all else fails, perhaps he'll become a monk. Monks don't need rosters. 

"Absolutely. Who would you rather date? Some hack who can't be single or me? An experienced multimillionaire ballplayer who makes fresh cinnamon rolls."

It's the ballplayer part that knocks some sense into Jude. He told Noah, a reporter, that Zero had sex with him. Noah has already blabbed about the baking. What if he tells people about this?

Dread floods his system. What has he done?

"You don't seem too concerned about Noah thinking you hook up with guys." 

"Should I be?" Zero asks. The oven pings, saving Jude from his stupid behaviour once again. Zero retrieves his tray of cinnamon rolls, grinning when he sees they're the perfect shade of golden brown. "Take that, Betty Crocker."

Zero's lack of concern relaxes Jude, and he at least begins to believe everything will be okay. They're already in the middle of one scandal. The last thing anyone wants is to be caught in another. 

"You're going to make a cute housewife someday," Jude says, carefully sidestepping the question about Noah. "So. What's my next move?"

"Was telling him about us not enough?" 

Jude shrugs. "I have no idea. I can't get through to him. I've already called twelve times. I don't want to seem desperate."

"Twelve times!" Zero almost flips over his tray of cinnamon rolls. "You're all about playing hard to get, aren't you?"

The sarcasm rolls off Jude's back. His self-respect hopped off the proverbial train several stops ago. 

"It's a thing that I do. I get anxious, and I call people over and over again. Except for you. You always pick up."

"Sometimes I wonder who's looking after whom," Zero remarks. "Look, how about I invite you both for dinner?"

"What are we going to do? Screw each other on the dining table?"

"In your wildest dreams, Kinkade," Zero says. "More like some light flirting. Enough, he thinks something is going on."

Jude sighs. What could go wrong?

+

Noah agrees to dinner at Zero's house. Zero doesn't have time to cook, so his personal chef, Destiny, whips up an impressive spread of prawn linguine and homemade garlic bread with tiramisu for dessert. 

Zero even goes to the trouble of opening up the expansive dining room he never uses, and they sit under a crystal chandelier, using silver cutlery that costs more than Jude makes in a year. Drinks have been flowing, although the wine goes down like acid in his throat. 

Noah makes an effort in the dark grey shirt Jude bought him for his birthday. Jude's wearing his work clothes because his boss insisted on calling a last-minute meeting, so he didn't have time to change. Zero's in a cream two-piece polo shirt with matching pants, looking every bit the superstar. 

They make small talk while they eat, all while Jude's heart is thundering in his chest. All they have to do is make it through the meal without talking about the elephant in the room. Jude laughs along when Noah talks about the craziest games he's covered, and Zero reveals his least favourite teammate while he played for Ohio. Jude makes a contribution with some of his tales from the office. 

They're laughing and having a good time when Noah throws a wrench into Jude's plan. They've just finished with dessert and settled into the den for after-dinner drinks when Noah starts fishing. 

"You know, I didn't realise you and Jude had a thing," he says, his fingers dancing against the rim of his glass. 

"Oh, really?" Zero says flippantly. "I didn't think you two were exclusive."

"It's a fluid situation," Noah says without missing a beat. Jude keeps his head down, not wanting to see Zero's expression. "You know, it would be interesting if I could watch."

Jude sprays his wine everywhere as Zero says, "Why? You need some pointers on how it's done?"

"Noah, stop it," Jude says. "Zero, I'm sorry. Please don't listen to him."

Zero shoots Jude a look that says, 'Is this guy for real?'

Jude turns away in time to catch Noah giving him a half smirk. A cold shiver dances down his spine. This was a huge mistake. 

"Oh, come on, Jude. Don't be such a prude." Turning back to Zero, Noah adds, "Maybe I do need pointers. Clearly, I'm not giving Jude what he needs."

"And what exactly does he need?" Zero asks, a hard edge to his tone. 

"Something more, I guess," Noah says. "I should ask you, really. He's always here, and you're always making him cookies and whatnot. Clearly, you're satisfying him in more ways than one."

Jude is too stunned to speak up for himself. He sits there, staring at his hands. Too ashamed to stand up and leave.

"Quit bullshitting me." Zero's tone is ice cold. "What do you want?"

"He's always singing your praises at home," Noah says. That's a new one for Jude. When did his apartment become home? "Maybe we three should get together."

Jude looks up sharply, placing his glass on the table so he doesn't drop it. "Noah, what are you doing?"

"I want in on the action." Noah looks between them. "It's only fair, right?"

"What makes you think I'd be interested?" Zero glances at Jude. His expression is unreadable, although he isn't happy. Who the fuck would be? Noah's doing this here in Zero's home. 

Noah grins. "We all know you like a challenge, Zero. And come on. Are we going to pretend you've never done this before?"

Zero's mouth thins into a line, and Jude can only sit there and watch the car crash unfold in front of him. 

+

Despite egging Jude on, Zero is not on board with the whole voyeurism thing. Jude's still figuring out what was going on during that dinner. He's too ashamed to call Zero, so they don't speak about it until he's due at the house. 

This time, Zero isn't baking or cooking. The kitchen is clean as a whistle. It feels like a rebuke somehow, and when Zero heads straight to the lounge, Jude hides his disappointment. The television is on, and Jude recognises the loud Brooklyn Nine-Nine theme coming through the speakers. 

"I thought you'd be more of a Game of Thrones kind of guy," Jude says, grimacing when the joke falls flat. "No baking today?"

"I'm not really in the mood."

Zero's sprawled out on the couch, legs splayed wide like he's relaxed. The hard line of his shoulders gives him away, and Jude decides to cut the bullshit. 

"Can we talk about what happened?"

With a messy exhale, Zero mutes the TV and glances at Jude. "Fire away."

"What was Noah talking about? When he said you've done it before?"

Jude runs it over in his mind, and he can't work it out. Does Noah have proof that Zero's hooked up with guys before, or was he hinting at something else?

Zero looks over, his brow furrowed like he's not sure if he wants to humour Jude or tell him to get the fuck out. 

"Why didn't you ask him during pillow talk?" Zero mutters. 

"Zero, please."

Jude's not above begging here, desperate to salvage whatever he can of this situation. The only person he's interested in hearing out is Zero. After everything, he's not sure he ever trusted Noah. 

"Before the escort story went away, one of the lovely ladies told a certain reporter that I got caught up in a menage a trois …"

Jude's heart sinks. Noah didn't tell him. Not that he should have, but…it obviously isn't a coincidence he's trying to goad Zero into… Jude doesn't even know how to describe the mess they're in. 

"I thought you said you didn't do anything with them," Jude says. "Why would they talk to Noah?"

Zero grimaces. "It was some dry humping at best. Although I'm pretty sure Noah wants more than that."

"I have no idea what that man wants."

A story? To add Zero to his list of conquests? To see Jude suffer? 

A cloud rains on Zero's features, darkening his bright eyes. "Allow me to recap – your boyfriend wants to watch us hook up! I thought you said he believed you."

"He did!" Jude bites his lip and closes his eyes briefly. "He does. He just wants to be sure."

"And you don't want to break up with him now?" Zero asks. "You don't believe that you deserve better? You want to date someone who doesn't care if you sleep with someone else?"

"When did you become so self-righteous?" Jude snaps. "I must have missed the part where you're Mr Monogamous."

Zero's leather couch squeaks under his weight, and Jude braces himself for a well-deserved tirade.

What comes next surprises him. 

"If I loved someone enough to be in a relationship with them, I wouldn't even look twice at someone else." Zero chuckles bitterly. "You think you have me all figured out, but you don't, Jude."

"You think I can't have that with Noah?" Jude asks. 

"You tell me," Zero says. "Can you?"

"Honestly?" Jude clears his throat. "He really has stepped things up since you entered the picture."

Last night, he took Jude out for dinner, and then they went home and had sex. That's a clear improvement in Jude's book. The night before, Noah took him to a friend's birthday party and introduced him for once. 

Unfortunately, Zero looks disappointed when Jude tells him about it. 

"Wow. So, after all the whining about wanting a real relationship, he's basically got you hanging on a string. He's only interested now that you're on my radar."

"What are we going to do?" Jude asks. "I know it goes against the whole exclusive relationship I'm after, but maybe if he sees that I'm no longer hanging around waiting for him to get a clue, he'll realise what he has to lose."

Zero frowns. "There is no we. This is officially your problem. I'm out. My reputation is already in the gutter. The last thing I need is to be dragged into this clown show."

"This was your idea," Jude points out. "You said it was okay."

Zero shifts on the couch, sitting forward so he can look at Jude closely. 

"He was supposed to see us flirting, not watching us in the act. Seriously. How does that not creep you out?"

The thing is, Jude's always been a perfectionist hellbent on winning. He's not backing down from Noah's challenge. He has to see this through.

"What about baking?" Jude can at least make sure Zero gets something out of this charade. "I'll get the babysitting proviso taken out of your contract if you do me this favour. You'll never have to see me again."

Losing Zero won't be easy, although the second Jude saw he wasn't baking, he knew the ship had sailed. He ruined whatever they had the second he told Noah they'd hooked up. 

"This is what karma feels like, isn't it?" Zero's laughter is cold, with a side of lemon. "All the people I've used, the hearts I've broken. It all led up to this moment. You want me to sleep with you and let your boyfriend watch, and you think I'll do it if it means I can bake in peace?"

"You never have to hear me talk about Noah again?" Jude says. "I promise."

"An added bonus, sure, but…you do realise there's no going back from this, right?" Zero meets his eyes. "Unlike Noah, I'm not going to pretend to play house. If we do this, I'm done, Jude. We're done. I don't want to see you again."

Jude falters, his heart in his throat. He should come to his senses. Push his ego aside and listen to Zero. Drop this nonsense with Noah and pick up the pieces, but he can't.

He's a Kinkade. 

Kinkades don't back down. 

"I know," he says. "It won't come to that anyway. Noah's not going to push it. I know him. Everything will be fine."

+

Everything is not fine.

+

Jude doesn't realise how much he enjoyed being able to go to Zero's house every week until the opportunity is snatched away from him. 

By the time he catches up with Zero, his sigh of relief is almost audible, save for the sultry jazz music and chatter of the hundred or so patrons at the Los Angeles Devils' annual charity gala. Jude is there on behalf of the agency, schmoozing their clients and making sure they're happy. 

He drops everything when he spies Zero by the bar and makes a beeline for him. They haven't spoken for weeks, not since the night everything blew up in smoke. Jude's taking a risk even approaching Zero publicly, not that he can stay away. It's all he's thought about. Undoing the mess he's made of their friendship. He behaved childishly, and he's been kicking himself ever since. Even if Zero doesn't forgive him, they can at least clear the air.

"I tried calling you," Jude says from behind him, stepping closer once Zero faces him. "I wanted to apologise for what happened."

The night in question was a disaster. Despite Zero's warning, Jude didn't back down. He went toe to toe with Noah and kept up the pretence while they made arrangements for their rendezvous. 

They convened at Zero's house for privacy reasons, heading up to the guest room. Noah took a seat by the dresser and then watched as Zero and Jude faced each other with matching looks of apprehension. Jude got as far as pulling his shirt over his head before Zero turned on him, reading him the riot act before he pounced on Noah and kicked both of them out of his house. 

With a raised eyebrow, Zero says, "I've been busy trying to find my self-respect. I lost it right around the time you misplaced yours."

Jude's chuckle is devoid of any humour. "Is that your go-to excuse when you refuse to sleep with someone?"

Not only did Zero call them childish and stupid. He threatened to expose Noah (something about a blackmail plot?) and unceremoniously fired Jude on the spot. 

Zero tips his drink back and downs it in one go, baring his throat. Jude watches, transfixed, almost forgetting that they're in conflict. He's always close enough to touch without getting a chance to feel. 

"Only when someone dragged me into a situation that they've had ample opportunities to leave."

It takes Jude a second to get back on track, and all he can say is, "Well, it's over now. He dumped me."

Zero's face morphs into a blank slate, and Jude knows he's messed up again. 

"Can you blame him?" Zero says. "You would rather hook up with someone in front of him than say, 'I'm sorry, I need more from this relationship'. You would rather give in to your selfish urges than take responsibility."

"Selfish urges?" Jude echoes. What the heck does Zero know about his urges?

"You're not subtle, Jude. I know you saw me with Olga that time. I've seen the way you look at me."

Shame floods Jude's system, and his face heats up. It's one thing for Zero to have noticed. Another to be called out. Jude's had enough of these lectures. Since when did Zero become Mr Perfect?

"The way I look at you?" Jude snorts. "Get over yourself."

A couple at the bar shoots them a curious look, and Jude takes a deep breath. The last thing he needs is to create a scene at this event. 

"If you wanted a ride on the Zero express, all you had to do was ask." Zero's lips curl into a smirk. "I'm all about giving back to the community."

"You think you're something special, don't you?" Jude hisses. "Yet, you agreed, Zero. Don't act like you're innocent."

"This coming from the guy who can't tell his fuck buddy to fuck off." Zero inches closer, lowering his voice and adding, "Maybe you're not mature enough for the kind of relationship you want."

Jude's hand rests on the bar top, and he turns sideways just in case someone is watching them. "Like you're an expert on relationships. How many have you had again?"

"More than you. Fucking emotionally unavailable men doesn't count, and we both know that's your speciality."

Jude swallows his anger and exhales quietly. He's at a work event. He's not going to make a scene. And…he gets it. Zero is angry. Out of the two of them, he deserves to be angry and… Jude allows his irritation to ebb and flow, cascading into disappointment. In the situation, and himself. 

"Why are you being like this?" Jude asks. "I knew you were pissed. I guess I thought we'd move past this."

"Two reasons," Zero says, loosening his tie and taking a step away from Jude. "You used me, Jude. Like I was nothing. You want to know the worst part? I let you." Zero looks past him, lips parting when he hesitates. "I thought we were friends. Guess I was wrong."

Zero strides away, leaving Jude wondering why he's such a screw-up.

+

You used me. 

I let you. 

I thought we were friends. 

It's the second part Jude's not sure about, and luckily for him, Zero's security codes are still the same. He waits a week after the event before making his way over to the house. 

Zero is Zero. He doesn't let anyone do anything. Jude's seen that firsthand. Jude's not taking the blame for this. 

"What are you doing here?" Zero asks when Jude strolls through the front door and heads straight to the kitchen. "Didn't I fire you?"

It looks like Zero's making a tiered cake, which means he's not unaffected by their argument. The messier the situation, the more complex his baking gets. Except for that one time, he wasn't baking at all. Jude's really messed things up, and he has no clue how to fix it. 

"Funnily enough, the agency still asks for weekly updates."

Jude's been feeding them his usual lines, not wanting to stir the pot and end up losing his job as well. 

"My bad. I'll make it official." Zero folds his arms. "Anything else you want to say?"

"Who's the cake for?" Jude asks, stalling while he figures out what he wants to say. 

"It's the coach's birthday on Friday. I figured I'd go all out. I've spent the entire season being mocked for making cookies. I might as well give them something to talk about."

There was an article posted just this morning about Zero and his questionable behaviour, and… Jude wishes they could all see this side of him. The thoughtful and caring guy who only ever has his friends' best interests at heart. 

"I'm sorry," Jude blurts, overcome with long-overdue shame. "I don't know what came over me. Noah saw me as this wet-behind-the-ears guy, and I wanted to show him that I was edgy, that I wasn't just some kid. I shouldn't have involved you. You didn't deserve it."

Zero bristles, and doesn't react beyond a steely glare in Jude's direction. 

Sensing he's on thin ice, Jude adds, "For what it's worth, I wouldn't have gone through with it. I would have come clean."

There's a long pause, enough for Jude to replay the brutal 'break-up' with Noah. It would have been fine if there had been a knockout screaming match. Instead, Noah's parting shot was, "I'm not perfect, Jude. I never pretended to be. You, on the other hand, all you did was pretend. Maybe you'll figure out how to be real someday."

"It's not all your fault," Zero says. "I should have said no."

"Why didn't you?" Jude asks. He's been here almost every day for a year, and Zero has always been the perfect gentleman (give or take a few visits from his female companions). And call him crazy, but he's sensing that Noah had other reasons for dumping him. Noah didn't care about him being real when he was coasting on Jude's reputation as Oscar Kinkade's son. 

"You know why." Zero picks up his spoon and begins to stir the batter with more gusto than necessary. "I've been listening to you talk about this guy for a year, and…I would have done anything to make you feel good about the situation. Sad, right?"

"You did make me feel better," Jude says. "The best part of my life has been here, watching you bake and talking about stupid things. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you. I would have saved myself a lot of heartache."

"Are you saying he broke your heart?" 

It's an odd question coming from Zero, and Jude comes to a realisation. Losing Noah…it didn't hurt. At least not the way a relationship ending should. Jude feels worse about how things with Zero ended up. Noah's a thing of the past, and Jude finally understands why he was so enamoured. Noah is the toy in the shiny packaging that everybody wants. And then they get home, unwrap it, and just like that, the novelty wears off. 

What Jude wanted was a fairytale. The kind of fantasy that never felt real. 

"I'm more embarrassed than anything else. I let my view of other people's lives influence how I feel about someone. I was never in love with him, more with the idea of being in a relationship. Crazy, right?"

"Not really," Zero says. "I think a lot of people feel that way. Even me sometimes. There are days when I wake up, and my life feels empty."

"How do you get past that?" Jude asks. "How do you fill the void?"

"I'll let you know when I figure it out," Zero says. "In the meantime, I accept your apology. I know that you didn't set out to do the wrong thing."

Relief courses through Jude's body, and he dares to step closer, enough that he can smell Zero's cologne. 

"Does that mean we're good?" Jude dares to hope. It's a good sign that Zero didn't kick him out immediately, right? With any luck, they can go back to how they were before. 

"I don't think we can move past what happened, Jude."

…and just like that, Jude deflates inwardly. 

"I understand," he says. "And again, I'm sorry."

There's a long pause, and as the silence stretches on, the storm in Zero's blue eyes seems to clear. He takes a few steps forward and gives Jude a chaste, off-centred kiss, a simple brush of lips. 

"I'm sorry too," he murmurs against Jude's mouth. 

For a second, they stand like that, close enough for Jude to feel the heat of Zero's skin against his face. Something crackles in the air, and their eyes meet. Before Jude knows what's happening, they're kissing each other again, rough and fast and—

"Stop," Zero says, pulling away abruptly, and Jude's blood goes cold. "We can't do this."

"I know," Jude says. "I know."

+

Jude replays that moment more than is healthy. The gentle stubble against his chin to the subtle spiciness of Zero's cologne. Zero kissed him, and he has no idea what it means. 

On top of that, things with Noah officially end when he comes to get his things from Jude's tiny apartment. Jude follows after him like a lost puppy as he gathers every last artefact of their life together. He even takes the potted plant he bought Jude for Christmas. Jude never watered the damn thing, and heck, Zero was right. He was never mature enough for the level of commitment he craved. 

"So, you and Zero, huh?" Noah says once he's all packed up. "How's that going?"

The feel of Zero's lips springs to mind, and Jude shoves it down. Buries it in his mental basement, only to be brought out when no one else is around. 

"We're nothing." Jude wraps his arms around himself. "He fired me."

This time it's official, and even though he wasn't officially reprimanded, he's been on coffee duty at the office for weeks. 

"I wouldn't say nothing," Noah says, reaching out and cupping Jude's chin. "I saw the way he was looking at you. You used to look at me like that before I disappointed you."

"I don't know what you want me to say," Jude replies, using his hand to separate himself from Noah. After months of wanting any kind of intimacy, it's too much – especially when it's out of pity. 

Noah steps back, offering an apology with his upturned palms. 

"Look, I like you, Jude. My hangups have nothing to do with you, and…I admit that I wasn't being real either. I do want to have a serious relationship one day. And maybe in another life, it would have been with you, but…I don't feel that way now."

It hurts to hear the words, but it's more like a gentle sting. The kind he'll be over the second something comes along to distract him. 

"Thank you for being honest."

"I'm hoping it'll rub off on you." Noah grins. "Zero's pretty hot. And I'm ninety-nine per cent sure he's in love with you. You might want to do something about it."

+

Jude has always been on the weird side. It took him three months to realise he liked Noah and a year to figure out it was never going to work out because a) he wasn't in love with him and b) he'd been having NC-17 rated fantasies about someone else the entire time. 

Unravelling the Zero conundrum is a six-month-long rumination period at best. At the very least, Jude needs time to mourn the loss of their friendship. Gone are their conversations about Jude and his tendency to overthink everything. Gone is the scent of freshly baked cookies. The taste of them melting on his tongue, warm and gooey when they're fresh. 

It's all gone, and Jude's back to square one. 

The agency makes good use of Jude's free time and assigns him to Derek Roman, the team's resident bad boy. Zero is like a choirboy compared to Derek. From coke binges to screwing his conquests in public areas, no one at the agency wants to be anywhere near Derek. 

Once again, Jude is put on babysitting detail. His job is to ensure Derek is not caught with any illicit substances or falling out of clubs completely wasted. They're midseason, which means no rehab, so Jude is stuck watching Derek be a complete disaster at his home. 

This evening is no different. He's downstairs in the kitchen scrolling through Instagram while Derek entertains some friends upstairs. When he joined the agency, he thought he would be in intense negotiations and closing deals. He never imagined he'd be at the beck and call of yet another spoiled baller. 

"Jude?" Derek's voice sounds on the intercom (also known as a torture device). ”We need more champagne." 

It's their third bottle, and he's starting to feel like a glorified waiter. Jude grits his teeth and grabs a bottle from the ice bucket on the counter. Making his way upstairs and into Derek's bedroom, he shields his eyes from the three naked women on the bed. Maybe it's the fast lifestyle, but none of them seem fazed by a strange man walking into the room. 

Derek senses his discomfort and stretches his arms, cupping a breast in one and something Jude definitely does not look at in the other. The girls giggle, and Jude throws up in his mouth. He's sure Derek thinks he looks like a Playboy magazine spread, but the whole thing reeks – literally.

"When's the last time you cracked open a window in here?" Jude says, doing his best to keep his eyes above neck level. "Entertaining you and your guests is not part of my job description. We've talked about this, Derek."

"Relax, Jude." Derek grabs the covers and makes a half-hearted attempt to cover up. "It's nothing you haven't seen before."

Sadly, Derek is telling the truth. Jude's seen too much during his short tenure here. 

The girls begin squealing once Derek's hands disappear beneath the covers. Jude sets the champagne bottle down and escapes. He's seen more than enough of Derek over the past three months. The man is a fiend. One time, Jude caught him hooking up with his housekeeper in the laundry room. He's not looked at a spin cycle the same way ever since. 

For all Zero's escapades, he was always relatively discreet. Derek is one violated nondisclosure agreement away from a scandal. 

With a shudder, Jude settles down in the kitchen and casts a longing glance at the oven, suddenly missing Zero with such a fierceness that it hurts. 

"You know, I thought you'd be having parties every week and enjoying living in L.A.," Jude said one evening. The Devils had lost their game at the last second, and Zero had bailed on the afterparty. 

Instead, he was at home, lying on his couch and staring up at the ceiling. He didn't bake on game nights, but Jude was still welcome. Zero never made him feel like he was intruding. 

"The one thing I wouldn't trade for anything is my peace. Throwing parties is never fun for the host. And sure, I could pay someone to be in charge, but then it would defy the point."

"Who would have thought that the illustrious Zero was a homebody?" 

Zero winced when he shifted, and Jude's senses kicked in. 

"Is your shoulder still giving you trouble?"

"Yeah," Zero said slowly. "I'll get them to take a look at it on Monday."

"Here, let me try something," Jude said, and he came to stand behind Zero. Using his hands, he began to knead the tense muscles, working out the knots. "If you're stressing about the game, don't. Derek was at fault."

"Doesn't make the loss any easier," Zero murmured. "Where did you learn how to do this?"

"My stepdad is a chiropractor." Jude continued working, smiling when Zero began to relax under his hands. 

"You're the best, Jude. Seriously."

Jude snaps out of the memory when Derek strolls into his kitchen completely in the buff. Ordinarily, Jude wouldn't complain about seeing an athlete in all their glory, but it's a kitchen. It can't be sanitary. 

"Do you have an aversion to clothes I don't know about?" Jude asks, shielding his eyes when Derek's dick starts swinging. It's completely obscene (although no one can blame him for taking a peek).

"I paid twenty million dollars for this house, Jude. Imma walk around naked, all I want."

"Can I help you with anything?" Jude asks. "Some underwear, maybe?"

"Two things," Derek says. "The girls and I are going to Turks and Caicos. I need you to arrange the flights and hotel. We'll be gone for a few days, and that means I need you to house-sit."

"What about your cousin?" Jude's suggestion is in jest. The last time Derek's cousin, Jamal, looked after the house, they all ended up on TMZ. 

"Are you really turning down the opportunity to stay at this place? I have a heated pool, an inbuilt theatre, and a basement gym. You're probably living in a shoebox. What's the problem?"

"After walking in on you and Stacey, Monica and Bambi, was it? Yes. Yes, I am turning it down. By the time I can find a power washer, your vacation will be over."

Jude is mentally scarred from all the escapades he's witnessed in a few short months. 

"Too bad," Derek sneers. "It wasn't a request. It's an order."

"Is there a difference?" Jude asks, doing his best not to look at Derek's junk swinging around as he backs away. 

"I'll see you when I get back." Derek's already on his way out, and Jude at least admires the view. 

+

With Derek Roman's kitchen at his service, Jude decides to do his meal prep here. Being on a budget, he raids the fridge and whips together a month of meals. It's not like Derek uses the freezer anyway, so he stashes it there. Derek was right about his apartment being tiny, and it's not like he has time to cook. Zero used to leave him dinner in the fridge sometimes and…

…Jude screwed that up, didn't he? 

Noah, the man he was supposedly in love with, never brought him so much as a cracker during their relationship. Even Venice had ended up being an expense that went solely on Jude's credit cards. 

When he got back, Zero had whipped him up a Venetian-style tiramisu to make up for not being able to have some while in Italy. Jude took it for granted, the way he had the entire time he worked with Zero. 

The memory jolts Jude into action, and he grabs his laptop and starts flipping through some dessert recipes. He stops when he comes across one for triple chocolate chip cookies, losing himself in another memory. 

"I have to ask," Jude said when he arrived at Zero's house and found him decked out in a blue apron, surrounded by ingredients. "What's with the baking?"

He'd been expecting to see Zero with an entirely different kind of powder, yet it seemed like every day came with a different bag of flour. 

Today, Zero had proudly proclaimed he was making sourdough bread, and Jude admittedly had enjoyed watching his lithe fingers kneading the dough into shape. 

"It relaxes me," Zero said. "And I guess it reminds me of better times."

"Better than being an NBA hotshot?" Jude asked. "Aren't you living the dream?"

Zero took his time to answer, and Jude was struck by how comfy he looked in grey sweatpants and a plain white t-shirt under his striped blue apron.

"Not everything in life is about fame and money, Jude. Sometimes even we hotshots need to be regular people too."

Later that day, Jude had asked for Zero's cookie recipe, having the best of intentions to attempt to make them himself. 

Best-laid plans and all that.

Jude finds the crumpled piece of paper buried in his briefcase, hastily scrawled by Zero before he left to attend a club opening. 

It didn't hit him until they reassigned him to Derek just how much Zero affected his life. All the things he wanted from Noah – a sense of partnership, someone who listened and accepted his quirks for what they were – he got from Zero. Even when Jude was being ridiculous and too cowardly to end things with Noah, Zero was there for him. 

You know why.

Here in Derek Roman's kitchen, Jude allows himself to believe it. 

+

It takes a lot of pep talks and willpower, but Jude decides to face up to his actions and make amends with Zero. He might not get his job back or even get as close as he was before, but…making peace would allow him to move forward and forgive himself for screwing up the best thing that ever happened to him. 

Derek is still away on vacation when Jude locks up his house and drives from Playa Vista to Manhattan Beach. How he's restrained himself from making the twenty-minute drive is a mystery. His heartbeat is thundering in his chest at the mere thought of being near Zero again. 

He parks in the driveway and makes his way up towards the front of the house, only to see that Olga is coming through the front door when he steps onto the pathway. 

"Jude!" Olga's smile doesn't reach her eyes. She never saw Jude as more than the help, and well…vice versa. 

"Let me guess, you were giving him a hand?" Jude retorts, unable to keep the bitterness from his tone.

"Actually…" Olga holds up her hand, revealing a gleaming diamond ring. "I'm engaged."

At Jude's scandalous expression, she adds, "To someone else. I don't think Zero could handle me."

Stopping to give Jude a brief air kiss, Olga waves goodbye and heads to her car. Jude can't help watching her leave, wondering if he's gotten this all wrong. If Zero were to get married, who would he pick? Someone glamorous and beautiful like Olga, or someone like Jude?

With doubt chasing him internally, he allows his feet to lead him into Zero's house, unable to make it past the doorway when he enters. 

"Hey, I thought you were…" Zero trails off when he spies Jude in the hallway. "What are you doing here?"

The memory of Zero pales in comparison to the real thing, and Jude drinks him in. He's less tanned than usual, and his hair is darker, but he's filling out the white crew neck t-shirt nicely, and his jeans are practically moulded to his ass. Jude's hit by a wave of heat, and he hopes he's not blushing. 

Clearing his throat under the intensity of Zero's scrutiny, he says, "I wanted to see you."

"I thought Derek Roman was keeping you occupied?" Zero says, casually leaning against the wall. To anyone else, he'd appear relaxed, but Jude can see the hard line of his shoulder and the tense muscles in the cord of his neck. 

"I've seen more than enough of Derek."

Zero chuckles at that, loosening slightly. "Haven't we all? That guy is obsessed with his own dick."

"It's a serious problem. How do you share a locker room with him?"

"It's all second nature to me now," Zero says. "Anyway, I'm guessing you didn't come over to discuss Derek."

Silence lingers when Jude doesn't respond, and Zero watches him, his gaze neutral and unflinching. Zero isn't going to make this easy for him. He knows that, and yet…the right words escape him. How did he go from being able to tell Zero anything – and seriously, he's embarrassed by how candid he was – to floundering in front of him? 

In the end, the Tupperware he's gripping tightly comes to his rescue.

"I made you some cookies." 

Zero's eyes flick from the container and back to Jude. "You did what?"

"It's a long story. Derek forced me to house-sit, and in retaliation, I decided to use every single ingredient he had in his kitchen."

"Sounds like a fair deal to me," Zero interjects. "He's been a mess ever since the coach's daughter dumped him. Word is he left her holding the bag."

"That's one way of putting it," Jude says. "There isn't enough bleach in the world for what I've seen."

"So you raided his pantry?" Zero is amused, and Jude clings to it. It's almost like old times. "Let's see how well you did."

Taking the Tupperware, he helps himself to a cookie, taking a small bite and chewing thoughtfully, which only makes Jude love him even more. 

"They're…not bad?" Zero says when he's done, brushing his hands off and closing the container. 

"They're disgusting."

Zero laughter is soft. "You just need to work on your butter-to-flour ratio. Maybe mix the dough for a little longer."

"I miss you," Jude blurts out. "I miss watching you bake cookies and listening to you cook up your stupid schemes. I even miss hearing you bitch about Jelena."

The feud between Zero and Jelena has become the stuff of legend. The agency has been scrambling for weeks to fan the flames, but Jelena is on a mission, and Zero is matching her blow for blow. 

"I just gave TMZ a fresh quote," Zero says. "Can you believe she and Terrance are still talking about me?"

"Aren't they engaged?"

Zero chuckles. "They reckon so. Oh, the things I could tell the media about them …"

Filing that away for later, Jude pivots back to what he came here for. 

"Can we forget about them? I was hoping to talk about us."

"Us?" Zero frowns. "Do I need to fake sleep with you again? 'Cuz I already ticked that off my bucket list."

Searching his face for residual anger, Jude finds the humour instead, and he's glad Zero can now see the funny side. 

"Ugh," Jude buries his face in his hands. "Why did you encourage me?"

"I would have done and said anything to get that crushed look off your face whenever you spoke about him." Zero laughs gently. "You know, I'm pretty sure the agency was testing a theory when they put you on my babysitting detail. Of all the guys, they pick the one dating the reporter …"

Jude frowns. "You think Noah was angling over a story? And that the agency was in on it?"

"I know he was. He didn't waste any time with the whole baking thing. The agency didn't care because they fed him the story through you. After that, I knew I had to play it safe. Except nothing else I told you ended up in the news again."

"I would never betray your confidence." Jude shrugs. "And I was the one always complaining about Noah. You really think it was about a story?"

"The second you said he took you to Venice, I figured he'd circle back to me. Of course, like any good reporter, he needed proof."

"It's been a long time. Unless I missed it, I didn't see a story."

"I took care of it." Zero grins. "If he knows what's good for him, he'll never utter my name again."

"Another one in the Jude is unlucky in love column," Jude mutters. "How did I not see it?"

"You did. You were just afraid to face the truth. And you know, deep down, no one wants to be alone."

"You seem to be managing just fine."

"I listened to you complain about Noah for an entire year, knowing fully well he was trying to turn me into a scoop. I'm just as bad as you are."

"Why's that?"

"I wanted more than someone had to offer. I wanted you."

It's all Jude has ever wanted to hear (in the present tense), and he decides to go for it. 

"Wanted or want?"

There's a long pause before Zero finally meets his eyes and says, "Want."

"I want you too." Jude looks away. "You're honestly the best friend I have."

Stepping forward, Zero uses his hand to lift Jude's jaw, grinning at him. "You're mine too, stupid."

There's no running away now, and the tenderness in Zero's eyes makes his stomach flutter. Noah never looked at him like that – not that this is a competition. Zero would beat Noah in every area by a country mile. 

"What was Olga doing here?" Jude blurts out, suddenly remembering her appearance. 

"She still has the best hands in the county," Zero says, smiling when Jude's eyes narrow. "Relax. She's working as a masseuse to save some money for her wedding. After I stopped baking, I needed another way to relax."

"You stopped baking?"

Zero's eyes soften. "It wasn't the same without you."

Jude's heart swoops, and he loses his ability to speak, think, and…all he can focus on is Zero's eyes and their siren song. They gravitate towards each other, lips ghosting against lips until Jude takes the leap and pulls Zero flush against him. 

Zero kisses him like he's been waiting for a lifetime, his hands framing Jude's head while he makes this soft moan that sends tingles down Jude's spine. Their foreheads press together, and Zero pulls back, brushing the tip of Jude's nose with his own. Jude pulls him back in, gripping Zero's shirt while he explores his mouth with his tongue. 

He's stopped believing in fairytales, but the kiss is something he's imagined a thousand times, and…it's better than anything he could have dreamed about. 

Zero is real. He's here. 

His hands slide down the side of Jude's face and into his neck, and Jude gives in, allowing his inner monologue to fade into the background for once. 

"So, what do we do now?" Jude's breathless when they pull apart, his eyes immediately drawn to Zero's swollen lips. 

Zero leans in and presses a chaste kiss on Jude's mouth, grinning when Jude all but melts in his arms. 

"First, we're going to go upstairs and make up for lost time." Zero runs his thumb over Jude's lips, like he's taking an imprint of their kiss. "And then? I'm going to show you how to make a decent batch of cookies."

Jude wants Zero, there's no question. He's hesitant, though, because last time they did this dance, it went horribly wrong. 

"Are you sure?" he asks, stepping out of Zero's embrace. "Maybe we should wait."

"We don't have to do anything you don't want to do. I'm…I'm happy just to be here with you." Zero ducks his head. "I sound ridiculous."

"You sound amazing." Jude closes the distance, and this time he's the one who cradles Zero's chin, allowing their eyes to meet. 

"Can we just forget all that stupid stuff that happened and just focus on this? Focus on us."

"Just like that?" Jude asks. Could it really be that simple after everything they've been through?

Zero's mouth twists into a tiny but sweet smile, and he takes Jude's hand and presses a kiss on his knuckles before guiding him towards the stairs. 

"Just like that, Jude."

~fin