Work Text:
“I got another one today.” Toujou said, strolling through the door of Kanemaru’s class towards his desk. Kanemaru doesn’t even need to ask what Toujou’s talking about, already used to this routine, but he asks anyway, just to be sure.
“Another confession?” Kanemaru’s arms are crossed as he leans back in his chair, staring at Toujou who’s… smiling?
“Yup.” His tone is much cheerier compared to his usual tired expression whenever he would normally get these proclamations of love. …Strange.
“You seem much happier about this one.” Kanemaru supplies casually, trying his best to suppress his curiosity.
Toujou hums in thought at Kanemaru’s remark, his smile widening just a fraction. “Maybe I am,” is all he says, but this absent-minded comment makes Kanemaru’s eyes go wide.
Kanemaru is utterly baffled. This is like, record-breaking or something. Earth-shattering. Mind-blowing. Brain-exploding.
Toujou doesn’t like like anyone right now. Kanemaru knows this because this is something Toujou would’ve told him before, he’s sure of it. So who could’ve gotten this sort of reaction out of Toujou?
Now, listen. Toujou’s pretty. Anyone can see it and Kanemaru is in no place to deny this statement. Hell, he’d support it. He knows his best friend is pretty and apparently, everyone within a 10m radius knows this as well. He’s always gotten confessions, ever since they were in kindergarten and for as long as he’s known him. Every month he’d get at least one, it wasn’t a surprise anymore, more of a… guarantee. A number of girls would come up to him, ones he’s probably never even spoken to before and have only seen him in passing. They’d shyly ask to meet him behind the school, hidden away from any onlookers and would bare their heart out for Toujou in hopes of their feelings being accepted.
This never really went well though since Toujou never seemed interested in anyone. He would have to carefully let each girl down to make sure their hearts weren’t completely shattered by the end of it all. Every time he’d come back to Kanemaru in class, Toujou would let out a loud sigh and Kanemaru would know exactly what happened through this wordless exchange.
So yeah, Toujou’s gotten a little tired of these random girls confessing and it’s hard to blame him. Others would kill to be in Toujou’s spot, even Kanemaru would get the slightest bit envious at times, but life’s difficult when you’re a ‘people pleaser’. Constantly having to reject others is definitely going to put a strain on any friendly facade you might have.
But today? Today is a little different. Kanemaru could sense it the moment Toujou walked back into class, his aura shining just a little brighter.
Toujou sees his friend’s reaction and can’t help but let out a little laugh. He snickers and Kanemaru’s cheeks unwillingly turn a light pink, his ears flushing.
“Why are you laughing?! I… I didn’t even know you liked anyone?!” Kanemaru sputters, his hands flailing in embarrassment. He does nothing to hide his shock at this new revelation while something twists in his gut.
Toujou’s laughter dies down and it’s his turn to speak up, “Relax, I don’t like anyone.” He says, walking closer to his friend. Kanemaru’s facial expression morphs into that of pure confusion, eyebrows now scrunched together and one raised. He leans forward slightly, as if urging Toujou to continue his story.
Toujou pulls out the chair from the desk sitting in front of Kanemaru’s, spinning it around so that he’s facing him. He sits down and props one elbow on the desk, his face leaning onto his hand. He smiles cheekily before shrugging.
“Today’s was just… interesting.” He tilts his head as if to emphasise that last word and if Kanemaru was confused before, his confusion just multiplied tenfold.
“Well, are you gonna tell me what happened or…” Kanemaru crosses his arms, waiting for Toujou to continue. He is not about to let this go, not when he knows that this will claw away at his mind for the rest of the day.
Toujou takes one look at Kanemaru, staring as he seemingly stalls, making up his mind whether to actually share what happened (which is odd because they always share everything with each other–), “It was Mitsuo Tamaki, from your class actually.”
Oh, it was just Mitsuo- Wait.
“Mitsuo, as in the ace of the guy’s volleyball team?” Toujou nodded and Kanemaru just. Froze.
It was a… guy? This was the first time a guy has ever come up to Toujou and he seemed… happy? About it? Wait- does Toujou-
“So did you… uh- accept this one?...” It’s an indirect way of asking if his best friend Potentially Maybe likes guys but he’s just… really curious now… Maybe there was another reason why Toujou’s never accepted anyone’s confessions before…
Toujou simply nods his head in amusement and continues, “No, he’s not my type.” He’s not his- The amount of information Kanemaru is currently learning about his best friend of nth years is a lot more than whatever he learned from this morning's lecture.
“…You have a type?”
“Well, I mean doesn't everyone have a type?” Toujou raises an eyebrow. I mean, he does have a point.
“Well, what’s yours then?”
Toujou looks away, thinking of his answer and hums in thought, “I guess someone who’s… dependable? And caring too even though they might not always… outwardly show it,” he hums before continuing, “Kind-hearted. Blond. Taller than me. You know.” As Toujou lists off his ideals, Kanemaru can’t help but wonder that his list feels a little too specific and also–
“Wait, how do you know that Mitsuo isn’t dependable or caring. I mean, he is the ace and all.”
“He’s a ginger.” Toujou shrugs and Kanemaru just laughs.
“Is that really the only reason you rejected him? You’re so shallow.”
“I’m kidding! I don’t know, it was definitely a nice surprise but something about him… I just… don’t think I would like him romantically...”
Kanemaru can understand that. I mean, he understands what Toujou’s trying to get at.
“Shinji, do you have a type?” Toujou keeps his gaze locked on Kanemaru, searching, waiting.
“I… haven’t really put that much thought into it…” Kanemaru usually just likes girls who he finds attractive but that’s… kind of it. He doesn’t know if he really does have a type when it comes to these things.
“Hm, I don’t believe that.” Toujou chuckles, which makes Kanemaru try to expand on his answer at least a little bit.
“... Well, I guess if they’re cute...”
“And I’m the shallow one.” Toujou laughs even louder, much to Kanemaru’s embarrassment.
“Shut up! You put me on the spot!”
“I’m joking, I’m joking!” Toujou’s laughter dies down and a comfortable silence settles in. Well, it’s comfortable for Toujou. Kanemaru on the other hand is restless. He still has a lot of questions. He doesn’t know how to breach this subject but it keeps gnawing at his brain.
“Wait… do you also…?” Kanemaru tries to ask but he doesn’t exactly… know how to ask.
“Also what?” Toujou turns his full attention to Kanemaru again and suddenly, it feels like the temperature in the room has increased a little.
“You know… uh, do you, uh- like guys?” There’s a pause. A beat passes by as Toujou’s eyes widen at the sudden question and then, Toujou slaps a hand over his own mouth, barely stopping himself from bursting out laughing.
“Shinji,” he stifles a laugh, trying to sound serious, "Did you really think I liked girls?”
“W-well, you never told me about liking guys or anything!” Kanemaru stammered, incredulous. How could I not have known something as big as this?!
“So you assumed I liked girls? Shinji, your heteronormativity is showing.” Toujou jokingly frowns but Kanemaru still feels bad.
“I didn't mean- !“
“It’s fine, it’s fine, you’re okay!” Toujou’s laughter comes back as he thinks about the entire situation.
“It never came up somehow-”
“Shinji,” Kanemaru is cut off as Toujou reaches over and gently puts a hand on his shoulder, leaning in a little closer, “Trust me, it’s fine, okay?”
“Okay…” Kanemaru guiltily rubs the back of his neck, but lets the subject go after seeing the sincerity in Toujou’s eyes.
A beat passes and Kanemaru speaks up again.
“How did you know that I wasn’t like… homophobic or whatever.”
“Because I know you.” Toujou’s answer is immediate and it hits Kanemaru harder than it should, “Plus, you literally helped Sawamura and Furuya get together.” Toujou leaned back and crossed his arms with an eyebrow raised.
“Okay, well I just helped Bakamura realise his feelings.”
“Same thing.” Toujou shrugs, closing his eyes for a moment.
Kanemaru opens his mouth, about to ask another question but the bell rings, cutting their conversation short. Toujou leaves Kanemaru’s class, shouting out, “See you at practice!”
Kanemaru stares blankly at Toujou’s retreating figure, before leaning backwards in his chair. He stares up at the ceiling before sighing loudly. He really needs a breather after all of the information he had to absorb within that short thirty-minute lunch break.
Man.
The next day rolls around and so far, they haven’t talked about anything from the day before. Not about the confession and not about the whole Toujou-likes-guys thing and okay, it makes sense I guess but Kanemaru’s lingering questions were never answered.
How long has he liked guys? He made it sound like it’s been for a while now but how has that never come up? Has he liked any guys in the past? The list he made sounded like he has- Wait, does he like anyone right now? Surely he would’ve told me-
These questions kept plaguing Kanemaru’s mind all throughout the day but not once did he bring it up. Not during practice, not in the cafeteria and not back at the dorms. For some reason, there’s something holding him back from speaking about it freely. It’s not that he feels uncomfortable talking about… gay things in general. So, was it the fact that this was about Toujou? Maybe.
Maybe it’s because this is about his lifelong best friend since childhood and the fact that there was a big part of his identity that Kanemaru has just learned at the age of sixteen is just a little shocking to him. They talk about everything: their favourite baseball players that are featured in the newest sports magazine, what flavour candy they want to buy at the convenience store, what the other has for lunch, what happened during their day. Everything. So maybe this new… revelation has turned the axis of Kanemaru’s world just a little bit.
It’s lunchtime again and as usual, Kanemaru pulls out his food as he waits for Toujou to come to his room. The two of them have always eaten together and being separated by classes hasn’t deterred them from continuing with their little tradition.
A few minutes pass before Kanemaru’s taking a peek at the clock, growing a little concerned that Toujou has yet to arrive. He assumes that maybe he just had to talk to a teacher after class and that’s what’s holding him up. Yeah, that’s probably it.
Exactly four more minutes pass by before Kanemaru grows impatient. He’s never normally this late, even with small interruptions like a teacher asking to see him or something, so sue Kanemaru for being the least bit worried.
I’m going to go pick him up, just to see if everything’s okay.
Kanemaru steps outside and he’s only taken a few steps towards Toujou’s classroom when he hears his laugh. Kanemaru stops dead in his tracks, trying to find out where the hell Toujou is when he sees the familiar coffee-coloured head down the hall next to-
Oh. He’s with Mitsuo.
An unwarranted feeling sits in his gut. It's unpleasant and he’s not really in the right mind when he walks over to them, obviously in the middle of a conversation, and Kanemaru stands close to Toujou.
“Hey, Toujou!” Kanemaru says, his voice strained and very out of character. He isn’t really thinking properly right now.
Toujou turns to see his best friend and smiles. However, there’s a slight crinkle in his eyebrows. Why is he here? and why does he sound like that? After all of the years that they've known each other, it’s become very easy to pick out each other’s uncharacteristic behaviour and right now, Kanemaru is acting … strange. “Hi, Shinji?”
Kanemaru knows that he should think before he acts but all of a sudden, he places his hand on Toujou’s waist as he stands at his side, seemingly puffing out his chest just a little more than usual. Toujou almost wants to laugh because although he doesn’t know what’s happening, he has to admit that his best friend is acting a little silly right now.
As Kanemaru sends a curt scrutinising look towards Mitsuo, he turns to face Toujou, “Your homeroom teacher wants to talk to you right now.”
Toujou can tell he isn’t telling the truth (especially because they don’t even have the same teacher or class so how–) but he follows along, wanting to know where this goes. “Oh really? Okay, I’ll be right there–” before Toujou turns to walk away, he remembers that he was talking to Mitsuo, “-Oh! Shinji, this is Mitsuo. You’ve probably met before, since you two are in the same class but uhm, Mitsuo, this is-”
Kanemaru interrupts, “Kanemaru.”
Mitsuo, who’s a little confused at Kanemaru’s sudden coldness and subtle hostility, awkwardly waves with one hand and brings his other one to the back of his nape, a little shy. “Hey Kanemaru! I uh-” seemingly unaware of what to do in this situation, he looks towards Toujou, “Oh I uhm- you should probably uh- go see your teacher.”
An awkward chuckle leaves his lips before Toujou speaks up, “Ah, yeah! It was nice talking with you though!”
“Same here!” Kanemaru’s grip on Toujou’s waist tightens just a fraction. “I’ll see you around.” Mitsuo sends Toujou a small smile and gives Kanemaru a little nod, which he returns, before walking off.
“So,” Toujou starts, “what was that back there?” His tone a little innocent. Kanemaru has a slight furrow in his eyebrows which Toujou doesn’t miss.
“What was what back there?” Kanemaru seems to genuinely not know so Toujou takes it upon himself to point out the obvious.
“You gonna let me go?” Toujou’s tone has a slight teasing lilt and once Kanemaru catches wind of what he’s referring to, his cheeks burn a bright red.
“S-sorry-” Kanemaru immediately lets go of Toujou’s waist but Toujou stops him.
“No, you’re fine,” Toujou hums, bringing his hand to keep Kanemaru’s on him. He speaks up again, “Why'd you come over? I know the teacher doesn’t actually need me.” Suddenly, Kanemaru feels embarrassed after getting caught with his lie.
“You couldn’t wait just a few minutes for me?” Toujou muses, a playful smile on his lips. It’s light hearted, it always is. They’ve always bantered back and forth. But, Kanemaru’s answer catches Toujou by surprise.
“Just wanted to see you…” he trails off, feeling stupid because he doesn’t really know why he went over there in the first place.
The shock that takes over Toujou’s face is hard to miss but Kanemaru misses it anyways seeing as he’s too preoccupied with other thoughts. Toujou looks up to see the bright red dusting Kanemaru’s cheeks and does his best to shift back into familiar territory. “Oh Shinji, wanting me all for yourself.” Toujou tries, playful, but Kanemaru pinches him in return which causes a little yelp to escape his lips.
“I hate you.” Kanemaru grumbles lowly.
At this, Toujou chuckles teasingly, “Oh, do you now?” He covers Kanemaru’s hand with his as a reminder of Kanemaru’s silly little actions from earlier and all the boy can do is grumble in response, knowing there’s nothing he can say that will prove otherwise.
Seeing this as a victory, Toujou hums as he walks along the halls beside Kanemaru, much closer than they usually do, and Toujou soaks in this warm feeling that surrounds him. He doesn’t question his best friend’s behaviour but he lets himself wonder what it would be like if this was a normal occurrence. If they were actually together. He squeezes Kanemaru’s hand gently as he basks in the moment.
Just a little longer.
After finding out that Toujou likes boys, Kanemaru began to wonder if there were other guys who also liked guys on their team. I mean, it makes sense, right? There’s already Eijun and Furuya, surely there must be others.
Kanemaru can’t really pinpoint any one of his teammates but the thought plagues his mind for longer than it should…
If other guys on the team also liked guys, does that mean… they might like Toujou? As in, like-like?… Listen, it’s not too far-fetched! Boy likes boy. Toujou is boy. Teammate is boy. Teammate likes Toujou. This is simple logic! It’s not completely outside of the realm of possibilities! We’ve already established that Toujou is objectively pretty!... (Who’s we?…) It’s not even Kanemaru’s business actually! Just a fleeting thought!
So why does he feel uneasy as he walks towards the field?
He squints as he sees his teammates littered around the place and Kanemaru’s silly little thoughts fester in his mind…
As they’re all busy practising, Kanemaru can’t help but feel like Toujou is receiving a lot more attention today than usual… Which is a good thing! He should be getting this many compliments and head pats for his performance all the time! But something doesn’t feel right… Too many eyes on Toujou today… Or maybe it’s just all in his head! He might actually just be going a tad bit insane and Toujou is just receiving a very normal amount of compliments today! Who knows! Certainly not Kanemaru!
As a result of Kanemaru’s paranoia, he lingered around Toujou more than he probably should’ve. They’re already practically attached to the hip so to get even closer than that is just borderline insanity. But he can’t help it. Something is telling Kanemaru to be near Toujou, like this is something he must do or else all of humanity will perish.
And so, he hovers near Toujou for practically the whole day, keeping a steady eye on his teammates to see if anyone’s gaze lingers on Toujou for a little too long or if he makes contact with anyone for longer than necessary…
Kanemaru’s strange behaviour does not go unnoticed by Toujou but he doesn’t know what’s wrong. As Kanemaru takes a short water break, Toujou follows right behind him.
“Shinji,” he calls out and Kanemaru turns around, wiping his sweat with the towel hanging around his neck (Toujou’s cheeks flush a little because damn it, Shinji looks really good right now, but he pushes the thought away before speaking up). “You okay?”
Upon hearing the question, Kanemaru simply quirks an eyebrow, “Yeah? Why?” He takes a sip of his water bottle while Toujou continues to speak.
“You’re acting… different today. You sure nothing’s bothering you?” He tries to get Kanemaru to talk but he doesn’t seem to be ready to talk about it.
“Oh uh- yea no- everything’s fine. I’m just- it’s fine.” Kanemaru can’t seem to articulate a proper sentence right now, fumbling his way through his words. Toujou doesn’t see this side of Kanemaru often, he’s usually very sure of himself and never falters in the way he’s doing now. Something’s on his mind but Toujou doesn’t want to pry. At least, not for now.
“You know that you can talk to me about anything, right?”
Kanemaru looks up to meet Toujou’s gaze and he can see the worry in his eyes. Kanemaru curses at himself for making his best friend worry like this.
“I know. Sorry– I just– got a lot on my mind is all.” Toujou nods.
“Okay… I’m here if you need me, don’t forget that.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t forget about you that easily,” Kanemaru suddenly throws his arm around Toujou’s neck and brings him in closer to ruffle his hair. As Toujou tries to escape Kanemaru’s grasp, playful laughter fills the air and it’s like a weight has been lifted off of Kanemaru’s shoulders.
He likes this. The easy banter. The familiarity.
He can’t lose this.
It’s late after practice right now and only Toujou and Kanemaru are in the showers. They stayed later than usual because they were both helping each other with their batting stances and swings until the sun went down.
It’s not uncommon for them to be the last ones. It’s sort of become routine; the shower room filled with a light steam, the two boys alone with a quietness that can only be achieved this late into the night.
As they’re busy with washing themselves, Kanemaru speaks up and turns around to talk to Toujou but soon realises that he’s made a mistake.
“Hey Tou-” Kanemaru’s sentence gets cut short as Toujou’s name gets caught in his throat when his eyes land on the smooth expanse of Toujou’s back.
It’s not the first time they've seen each other naked. They’ve been friends basically since birth so it was inevitable. Now though, Kanemaru is the most conscious he’s ever been and he can’t help but stare.
His eyes trail along Toujou’s figure and he sees how small his frame is. Well, not necessarily small he supposes, especially since he is on the baseball team and needs muscle and everything. He’s not that much shorter but he’s lean and his shoulders aren’t as broad. If Kanemaru wanted, he could probably cover Toujou’s entire body with his own. His eyes wander and he can’t help but notice how small Toujou’s waist actually is. His mind floats back to the day that he had his hand on Toujou’s waist and Kanemaru clenches his fist, wanting to hold his best friend like that again.
Kanemaru knows these kinds of thoughts aren’t normal to have about your best friend but he can’t help it. His mind’s been weird these past few days and he’s starting to think there’s something wrong with him.
As he continues to stare, thoughts of wrapping his arms around his best friend and holding his small waist fog his mind and his entire body heats up (and not because of the steam in the room).
Unfortunately, Toujou doesn’t miss the sound of Kanemaru’s voice and turns around, catching Kanemaru staring.
Toujou quickly tries to hide any sort of embarrassment he feels and attempts to use this chance as an opportunity to tease Kanemaru.
“Enjoying the view?”
Kanemaru splutters as he comes out of his daze, “I- I wasn’t–”
“It’s ok, Shinji. You don’t need to feel embarrassed~”
Kanemaru may very well just drown himself in the hot tub.
“Shut up.” Toujou laughs as Kanemaru tries to seem unbothered but the deep flush of his cheeks horribly betrays him. If anyone ever asks, he’ll just blame it on the steam…
Kanemaru’s sitting on his bed, staring at the ceiling.
He knows he’s been acting weird. He knows he’s been maybe a little too touchy or a little too clingy, but Kanemaru doesn’t know why. He gets irrationally upset when he sees Toujou with Mitsuo, he’s been sticking to Toujou like glue during practice and he always finds himself gravitating towards him at literally every possible second they’re together.
He knows this but again, he doesn’t know the reason. He’s been friends with Toujou for so long now. They literally met in kindergarten, back when they were only two apples tall and could barely even say an entire coherent sentence. They’ve been going to the same schools and have been pretty much inseparable since birth. Even joining the same baseball teams, Toujou has always been a permanent fixture in his life. He’s never really thought about it beyond that.
What does Toujou really mean to him? Well, he’s Kanemaru’s best friend. He’s his closest friend and can’t imagine a life without him. Toujou’s always there for him without fail and he always helps Toujou when he can too. God, was he always this much of a sap… They never hide anything from each other- well, I guess this thing counts.
But what is all of… This… Like, okay, we’ve established that we’re best pals! Buddy ol’ chums, we go way back! I’m always there for him, he’s there for me! Awesome! Wow! Alright, okay! Now that that’s established… how come I’ve been acting like this recently?
It’s almost… possessive? In a way? Like. Kanemaru doesn’t know why he feels the need to keep Toujou less than a baseball width between them. Can’t quite seem to get his hands off him– hey, not like that, but more so just… casual touches. An arm around the shoulder, knees brushing if they’re sat beside each other, innocent touches. But it’s still touching nonetheless.
Don’t even get Kanemaru started on how pretty he finds his best friend. Is that weird? He knows that girls compliment each other all the time, calling each other things like pretty and cute and whatever else girls say. And, okay, Kanemaru supposes that maybe it is somewhat normal to compliment your guy friends on their looks! You know, saying things like “Nice, lookin’ real cleaned up today,” or “Sheesh, lookin’ good brotha,” (sounds enough like boy lingo to me).
But pretty?
Can Kanemaru call his best friend pretty? Is that like, a valid compliment for another guy? Well- like, surely, you know, trying to break stereotypes and all that.
Okay, so if that’s… somewhat normal, then what about the warm feeling he gets, sitting in his belly every time he catches a smile from Toujou? Or what about the uglier feeling he gets whenever he sees Mitsuo talk to him? What… What are those about…
Like, surely it’s not like… Like…. Thinking back on everything, he swears he’s seen this before… But where…
Oh.
He’s seen this exact behaviour from the one and only Bakamura…
Shit.
Kanemaru sits up in a daze, in disbelief from what his mind is telling him. He exhales, closing his eyes and falls back onto his bed, groaning.
He doesn’t know what to do after realising he has a crush on his best friend of sixteen years.
Kanemaru finds himself standing in front of Room 5, dreading what he’s about to do. Listen, he had no other option! (Source: himself). It’s not like he wants to be here, it’s not like he wants to do this, can’t you tell just how unwilling this poor boy is? Nonetheless, Kanemaru has gone through every potential option (and he means every potential option) and after long extensive periods of thinking (read: a good 10-20 minutes), he has come to the painful conclusion that this was the best option.
He begrudgingly knocks on the door and is instantly met with a booming voice and the door isn’t even open yet.
“Who is knocking at my door at this hou-!!?” Kanemaru winces at the boy’s intense volume and brings up a hand to the back of his neck in embarrassment, his other hand resting loosely in his pocket. The door swings open and– there he is… “Kanemaru?!! What brings you to my humble abode!!” Eijun cackles as he usually does, putting his hands on his hips. Kanemaru would normally cut him off and yell back, effectively shutting the boy up on a good day. Right now though, he’s having difficulty in finding his voice, much less raising it, so he simply winces instead, silently bracing himself for what he’s about to ask.
“Hey, Sawamura… I uh-” Eijun is taken aback at Kanemaru’s uncharacteristically shy and hesitant demeanour, immediately sensing that something is wrong. He makes the executive choice to grab Kanemaru and pull him into his room.
In his shocked state at the sudden tug at his wrist, all he’s able to let out is a few stutters as protest, “O-oi! Sawamura wha-”
One moment he’s at the door and the next, he’s being pushed down onto the edge of the bottom bunk as Eijun turns to take a seat on his chair, pulling his feet in and sitting cross-legged. He looks at Kanemaru with a hard yet concerned stare before huffing and saying, "Kanemaru!! What is troubling you! I, Sawamura Eijun, will do everything in my power to help you out!" He shouts, hands on his feet as puffs of smoke come out of his nose.
His animated nature brings a light chuckle out of Kanemaru and effectively calms down his nerves, even if it’s just a little. It seems as though Eijun really was the best person to ask for advice. Hearing such determined words from his friend who is genuinely willing to help him out made him wonder why he was ever nervous in the first place.
As Eijun holds his piercing gaze, memories come flooding back to months prior when Eijun came to him for the same issue, although this is a little different… kinda.
Kanemaru takes one deep breath before saying what needs to be said, “Sawamura, I uh- there’s uhm, something I need your help with…” Okay, this is a good start.
"Wahaha!!! I'm glad you came to me! I will make sure you are adequately assisted!!" He’s now smiling, excited to be asked for help since this rarely happens.
“Adequately, huh? Didn’t think that word was in your vocabulary.” Kanemaru playfully smirks, taking this opportunity to rile up Eijun simply because he can.
As soon as these words left his mouth, Eijun’s face morphed into a look of shock, "You came here for my help and then you insult me?!" Eijun’s arms are now crossed as he wails about Kanemaru being mean to him.
Their dynamic always had this back and forth, this screaming and insulting, but it was always lighthearted and they both knew it. At the end of the day, they’re still friends who hold mutual respect for each other and it’s nice that even as Kanemaru is on the verge of spilling his guts out, both literally (you know, from the nerves) and figuratively (his… emotions), they can both easily fall back into their familiar banter.
As Eijun does not seem like he’s going to be stopping his sobs and cries of You’re so mean to me Kaneeee and What have I ever done to deserve thissss anytime soon, Kanemaru decides to step in, “Okay, okay settle down, I really did need your help with something.”
Eijun stops crying and is immediately enraptured by Kanemaru’s statement, “Tell me, tell me!”
Kanemaru takes one look at Eijun’s hiked-up shoulders and shiny eyes and it’s almost as if he could envision a tail wagging frantically back and forth behind him. He really is like a dog. “Okay so,” he pauses, trying to figure out how to properly go about this, “You remember when you came to me a few months ago to figure out your “crisis” about Furuya?” Kanemaru makes air quotes around ‘crisis’ because Eijun made it seem much more dramatic than it really was.
A few moments pass by as Eijun tries to remember what on Earth Kanemaru was talking about but it’s obvious the second it comes to him because his squinted eyes widen in an instant. “OH! Of course, I remember that! That was the night I kissed Furuya for the fir-”
“I don’t need the details again, you’ve already told me like, a hundred times.”
"It was a special night and it all happened thanks to you!! Of course I'm gonna tell you all about it!!"
“You’re hopeless.”
“Yeah, I’m hopelessly in loooove.” Eijun supplies, seemingly melting on the spot as he thinks about his boyfriend. His eyes are so full of love, it’s hard to miss and Kanemaru can’t help but be the slightest bit envious that Eijun can show his emotions so easily. Wearing your heart on your sleeves is the same as putting one foot in the grave; it’s dangerous, making yourself vulnerable to others. While there is some truth behind that statement, it’s never seemed like a terrible thing when it comes to Eijun. The boy always puts his heart out on display for everyone to see but it’s part of the reason why he’s so captivating. Charming.
Kanemaru on the other hand…
He’s… not the best at showing his emotions. Although he does get embarrassed easily at times and can’t do anything to hide the red tint of his cheeks, it’s always been difficult to voice out his feelings. It’s always been an awkward subject and he can never find the right words. It’s probably part of the reason why he was able to somehow understand Eijun that one night many moons ago when the poor boy couldn’t formulate a single coherent sentence. He did try his best to describe the feeling and it was able to get his point across to Kanemaru who is sort of in the same predicament right now...
He knows what he’s feeling for his best friend. After all of his thinking sessions, nights left staring at the ceiling contemplating what he was really feeling for the boy, it’s a little embarrassing really that he didn’t realise sooner.
So yeah, he’s aware that what he feels for Toujou is not necessarily platonic anymore but after that realisation, he doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know if he should confess or hold off, doesn’t want to do anything to drive Toujou away. The last thing he wants is to be apart from Toujou. He can handle a heartbreak (he thinks… he’s never gone through one before, not anything serious but… he’ll manage) but having to distance himself from Toujou? It may leave a scar with no way of healing.
He’s known Toujou for all of his life, as far back as he can remember. They went to the same middle school, first meeting in class and then found out they were both on the same baseball team. He found himself spending almost all of his time with him, playing baseball, studying for school, eating lunch. It was easy, especially when they shared the same hobbies and only lived down the road from each other. Countless times Kanemaru would find himself over at Toujou’s house, his house not too far away. Warm summers spent eating melting popsicles and nights spent together going over baseball plays with Toujou practising different grips, always gravitating towards each other. So why did it take him so long to realise?
“Alright, Kane! What is your predicament! You can tell me everything, my lips are sealed.” Eijun goes as far as to make the motion of sealing his lips like a zipper and ‘throwing away the key’.
Kanemaru, someone who can’t articulate any coherent sentences when it comes to his feelings, tries his best to tell Eijun something. I mean, it’s the reason he came here in the first place. “T-there’s someone I kind of like-”
In an instant, Eijun shouts again, “You like someone??!?!”
"Bakamura, keep it down!! What happened to your lips being sealed??!!" Kanemaru’s blush comes back in full force because Eijun is being so damn loud about his crush, the whole team might as well know now.
“Oh! Sorry!!!” Eijun’s now whisper-shouting and Kanemaru thinks that this is the best he’ll get. “So, who is it??!!!”
Ah, the dreaded question.
“I- I’m not gonna tell you!” Kanemaru came here for advice, yes. He did not have any intention of telling Eijun who he liked though.
“Why aren’t you going to tell me??!! How can I help you if you don’t tell me who it is??!!” Eijun is insistent on his whisper-shouting as well as finding out who Kanemaru could possibly have a crush on.
“You can help me even if I don’t tell you who it is!”
"I literally told you the same thing and you yelled at me for not telling you who my crisis was about!!! Yikes. Kanemaru winces, vividly remembering his conversation with Eijun that night. All Kanemaru does is grumble because there’s no room for argument.
Eijun takes a long hard stare at Kanemaru who’s now looking away, grumbling, and tries to rack his brain over who the heck this is about. After silence fills the room for a few minutes, it comes to him.
“It’s Toujou, isn’t it!” Eijun says it as more of a statement and less of a question and Kanemaru freezes, feeling like a deer in headlights.
“N-no!” The stutter as well as the blush on his cheeks that seem to be darkening by the minute betray his words and he lets out a quiet swear underneath his breath.
Eijun hums in understanding, “I mean, it’s understandable, he is quite pretty.”
Kanemaru immediately sends a hard glare at Eijun who squeaks in response, “Relax! I have a boyfriend!! I was just saying!!"
Kanemaru sheepishly looks away in embarrassment, not realising he glared until after he did it, ”Sorry…”
Eijun stares at Kanemaru, seeing the boy leaning on top of his leg that’s propped onto the bedside who’s avoiding Eijun’s gaze with a light blush on his cheeks. Eijun can’t help but smile fondly at his friend being absolutely smitten over their teammate and is currently in a crisis, choosing to come to him for help. “You really like him, don’t you?”
Eijun knows that Kanemaru and Toujou are childhood friends who even played on the same baseball team before following each other to Seidou and judging by the few things Kanemaru has said and his current behaviour, Eijun thinks it’s safe to say that Kanemaru only came to this realisation rather recently.
Kanemaru wasn’t ready for that question and whips his head towards Eijun, eyes wide. It takes him a minute to process before the blood in his cheeks comes flooding back, tinting them a dark crimson,” Y-yeah I do… Fuuck.” He draws out that last vowel and falls back onto the bed and stares up at the bunk above him, a familiar sight, before groaning in frustration.
Eijun simply cackles once again, finding amusement in Kanemaru’s agony, “HAHAHA!! Oh Kanemaru, I’m glad that you have come seeking the guidance of the Love Guru here at Seidou WAHAHA! Now, what is thoust problem now that I know who this is about!”
Kanemaru sits back up, sitting in the same position as before and lets out a sigh before saying what’s on his mind, “I only recently realised t-that I like him but I just… don’t wanna ruin anything we have… he’s- he’s my best friend…”
Eijun nods in understanding, “Ah, the classic best friends to lovers trope where person A doesn’t make a move in fear of ruining their friendship. Yes, yes, I am very familiar with this.” Eijun strokes his non-existent beard and looks deeply invested in the situation at hand, “Well, may I ask you what thoust sexuality is?”
“I uh- I haven’t really thought about it-”
“Do you like girls?”
“Uh- yea?”
“Do you like boys?”
“Well, I like Tou-”
“Wait, you like Toujou, never mind, forget I asked. Do you have a preference?”
“Maybe?” These quick-fire questions are making Kanemaru’s head spin and he’s having a hard time catching up with Eijun’s lightning speed pace.
Eijun strokes his chin once more, “Hmm, I believe you may be bisexual! Like Kuramochi senpai! BUT! This is for you to explore on your own, MOVING ON!”
Wait-
“Kuramochi senpai likes guys too?” Eijun immediately gasps as soon as he processes what Kanemaru just said.
“I wasn't supposed to say that!!” Eijun looks at Kanemaru frantically, “Don't say anything!!”
“I-I wasn’t going to…” As Eijun panics, he accidentally says some of his thoughts out loud.
“At least I didn’t say anything about him dating Narumiya Mei…” he mumbles under his breath but–
“...I heard that…”
Eijun’s head whips towards Kanemaru, eyes wide, “No you didn't! Anyways!! Moving on!”
“How long have they been together?” Kanemaru playfully prods, finding amusement in Eijun’s little fumble.
“I said! Moving on!!” Eijun shouts before clearing his throat, “Ah, where were we… Oh, yeah! I know exactly what to do!” Eijun’s back to his cheerful self and has all of Kanemaru’s attention. “You need to tell him!”
Kanemaru’s face falls, “Sawamura, is that really the best piece of advice you can give me?”
“It is! Now listen!! You don’t want any misunderstandings between you guys! Were you going to avoid him?” Eijun inquires.
“... No actually–”
“Okay, that's good! Because whenever person A does that, it tends to get really bad because to person B, it just seems like person A is avoiding them for no reason and then they might get all sad and– you get what I mean,” Eijun waves his hand and Kanemaru actually does know what he means, what with his extensive knowledge on shoujo manga and all. Eijun continues.
“So! The best thing to do is just tell him!!!” Eijun looks rather proud of the advice he’s giving but Kanemaru seems a little… unsure.
“Okay, but what if something goes wrong and he starts, I don’t know, avoiding me…”
Kanemaru slumps where he’s sitting, feeling dejected over potentially losing Toujou as a friend and Eijun gets it, he really does but he’s observant. He’s noticed how the two of them interact, even before Kanemaru realised he was in love. He’s seen how close they are, how comfortable they are with each other. Eijun knows there’s something there between the two of them and he’d be damned if his newest ship didn’t sail under his guidance.
“Kane, if this confession breaks your friendship, then there wasn’t much of a friendship in the first place.”
Kanemaru’s eyes widen but he knows Eijun’s right. “... This is the smartest thing you might’ve ever said I think.” Eijun’s eyes shine at the compliment.
"Wahaha! Oh Kanemaru, you should be glad that I'm sharing my wisdom with you!!!"
Kanemaru smiles endearingly at his friend, “Thanks Sawamura.”
Eijun returns the smile, “Of course Kane!! Now go get 'im!! Eijun pulls Kanemaru to a standing position and pushes him out the door.
“Okay, okay!” Kanemaru can’t help but chuckle at Eijun’s antics.
As Eijun closes his door, he shouts one last, “You got this!!!” and Kanemaru shakes his head fondly, really grateful to have a friend like Eijun.
After his little visit, Kanemaru knows what to do. Does he know how? Well… no, but… he’ll figure it out.
It’s night now and here we find Kanemaru sitting on Toujou’s bed, trying to study, while his mind is preoccupied with… Other matters. The ‘other matters’ being Toujou himself who’s sitting at his desk trying to memorise math formulas.
Kanemaru swears he’s reread the same line over and over again for this book report he has to do and after much frustration, he clicks his tongue and closes the book. Instead, he decides to focus his attention on his best friend sitting not too far away from him.
Kanemaru props one leg up on the bed, one arm sitting atop his knee. He lets his head rest on his arm and stares ahead.
After his talk with Eijun, he’s thought about confessing. How it would go… What Toujou would say… How he’d react… He’s thought of several possible outcomes, one of them being that Toujou looks at him with pity and says he can’t reciprocate (which, Ow. Kanemaru didn’t spend too long thinking about that one). Another one, Toujou feels awkward which makes Kanemaru awkward and the tension in the room is very unpleasant and… Yeah, this is another outcome Kanemaru would like to avoid…
He barely thinks about it because he really doesn’t want to get his hopes up but he’s let the fleeting thought travel to his mind where he confesses and Toujou blushes after hearing the three specific words and how the light tint of red on his face would look so pretty on him and–
Kanemaru groans and tries to will away the thought as he stuffs his face into his arm, feeling his face heat up more than it should. Toujou hears the terrible sound he lets out and laughs, keeping his eyes trained on his notebook as he teases.
“Is the book you’re reading too hard to understand, Shinji?”
Kanemaru looks up to respond, half of his face still hiding behind his arm and eyebrows creased.
“No, I can’t focus right now,” he mutters.
“What, you’re too busy thinking about me?”
Kanemaru can’t help but feel that Toujou’s gotten much flirtier the past few days. Either that or he’s always been like this but the passing comments never made him feel this way since Kanemaru never really noticed anything.
The silence stretches on for a little longer than necessary, Kanemaru not knowing how to respond. Toujou finds this silence a little odd on Kanemaru’s part since a remark such as that would easily be followed by some more playful banter. Toujou pulls his nose out of his books for just a second in favour of turning around and doesn’t know what to do when he sees Kanemaru looking off to the side with his cheeks slightly more red than they should be. Why is he-
Toujou’s thoughts get cut off when Kanemaru suddenly looks back at Toujou, who’s sure to look like a deer in headlights as he’s on the opposite end of a stare like That with cheeks That Colour from his best friend that he’s been in love with for who knows how long. With Toujou’s eyebrows raised and eyes wide and Kanemaru’s… Determined (?) gaze, they stay like that for a few moments before Kanemaru lets out another loud groan and flops backwards, arms stretched out along the length of the bed.
Toujou laughs at his friend but he can’t help but wonder if Kanemaru is… shy?
“Toujou.”
“Hm?”
“What does it mean to like someone?” His nerves are too high right now so he’ll start off… with this for now.
“Uhh… do you mean, like, what does it feel like? When you like someone?”
“Sure.”
“Uhm–” Toujou doesn’t know what’s going on in Kanemaru’s mind right now to be asking something like this but this is something he’s… Well-versed in… So he decides to answer as best he can.
“Well– to me, I think it’s when you feel a little nervous around the person you like and maybe you can’t help but want to touch them and want to close any gap between you two. When you like someone, you become hyper aware of them and they start to feel like home. You feel the most comfortable with them and you always want to see them smile because that’s what makes you the happiest.” As Toujou explains this, he has a soft smile gracing his lips, seemingly recounting past memories.
“Why? Is there someone you like?'' His tone is meant to come out a little more teasing like usual but a bit of genuine curiosity seeps in with a hint of bitterness. He hopes Kanemaru didn’t notice.
He doesn’t receive a response and gives up.
“You don’t have to tell me if-”
“I think I like you.”
Silence fills the room and Kanemaru becomes restless. He can’t look at Toujou right now or else he’ll explode. He needs to make sure he doesn’t say the wrong thing or else it’ll all be doomed and it can’t be all doomed or else Kanemaru might need to dig himself a grave and bury himself six feet in the ground so that he never has to see Toujou again.
He’ll just act casual! Yeah! As if he didn’t just drop the biggest bomb ever. He’ll be totally cool about it. (Read: he will desperately attempt to be cool about it).
“I keep thinking about it and I don’t want to ruin anything between us but-”
His sentence is cut off as Toujou swiftly gets up from his seat and unceremoniously plops himself on top of Kanemaru, “Say it again.”
Flustered from this new position, Kanemaru’s cheeks turn a bright red but is able to stutter out, “Toujou wha-”
“Say it again.” His voice holds way too many emotions for Kanemaru to pinpoint but he can hear the absolute disbelief and slight anticipation in his words. Toujou’s now sitting right in Kanemaru’s lap and he can’t even dwell too much on their current seating position because the boy of his dreams is looking at him with such delicate and vulnerable eyes, hands grasping the front of Kanemaru’s shirt, almost like he can’t believe this is actually happening and grabbing on to anything that’ll keep him tethered to reality.
“I th–” No. Kanemaru isn’t hesitant with his feelings. Not anymore. He clears his throat, starting over. “I like you.” Looking at the boy sitting in his lap, he's so scared of what could happen from this moment on but he is sure of his feelings and Kanemaru needs to make sure Toujou knows.
His message seems to be well received as Toujou’s eyes begin to mist and he surges forward and wraps his arms around Kanemaru’s neck, burying his face into the crook of his neck. His body trembles as he can’t help but let out a few sniffles.
Kanemaru can’t help but grin widely when he gently holds Toujou in a warm hug as he does the same and buries his face in Toujou’s neck. His body slumps against Toujou’s, releasing any tension his body had just moments prior. He exhales in relief. Wrapped up in this embrace, Kanemaru can’t help but think that this is where Toujou belongs, here in Kanemaru’s arms. When they pull away, Toujou speaks up.
“Can I kiss you?” Toujou looks at Kanemaru in anticipation and he can’t even think about his lack of experience when it comes to kissing right now. It doesn’t even matter at this moment, not when he has Toujou in his arms and all's right with the world.
“Yeah.” It comes out more breathless than he wanted but nothing else matters when their lips come together. It’s clumsy, inexperienced and above all, it’s needy. Needy in a way that they can’t seem to get enough of each other as their grasp on each other grows tighter with each passing second. It might not be the perfect first kiss but Kanemaru wouldn’t change it for the world, not when he’s kissing the most perfect boy to exist.
When Toujou leans back, Kanemaru sees it. A look so familiar yet he never knew what it meant. Didn’t know that what was behind it was love.
Kanemaru smiles and brushes Toujou’s messed up bangs out of the way and plants a soft kiss right above his tear stained eye (Toujou must have started tearing up at some point during the exchange as his love consumed him). He closes his eyes, the gesture so sweet, and when he pulls away, he gently smiles.
“Sorry for keeping you waiting.”
They’re sitting in Toujou’s room right now with Toujou sitting in front of Kanemaru, leaning back on him. Kanemaru’s legs are opened wide to let his boyfriend sit close, caging him in.
It’s been a few days since the confession and Toujou comes to a realisation that Kanemaru is clingy. Like, insanely clingy but he has absolutely no qualms with it. It’s way too endearing to see this tall boy, somewhat grumpy and part snarky, be reduced to a tame koala just by a simple touch. Toujou wouldn’t change this for the world.
So yeah, they’re doing their homework, as best as they can in this position, peacefully enjoying each other’s presence. It was peaceful, right up until–
“Toujou, are you here?! I-“ the booming voice comes to a screeching halt as he opens the door to Toujou’s room and lays eyes on the two. The two who are essentially cuddling. Kanemaru lets out a groan first. I didn’t want the team to know yet… A cheeky grin creeps up onto Eijun’s face.
“Oh ho ho, I see you have taken my amazing wisdom, my disciple!” Oh God.
“Sawamura, can you please just leave.” Kanemaru’s tone is exasperated to the max but Sawamura just finds the whole situation quite amusing.
“Now, now, that is no way to talk to your Love Guru, now is it, Kanemaru?~” Kanemaru just groans even louder and Toujou can’t help the chuckle that tumbles from his lips.
“You went to Eijun for advice?” Kanemaru can’t believe it either.
“I was desperate.” A snicker falls from Toujou’s lips. “Hey, don’t laugh!”
“I’m not, I’m not!” Toujou says as he is, very obviously, laughing.
“Not my fault that I didn’t know what to do when I realised I l-liked you…” Yes, they have already kissed and are already dating. No, Kanemaru has not gotten used to voicing his feelings out loud. It’s a little funny, at least to Toujou it is.
“You’re so cute.”
“No, I’m no-!“ Kanemaru’s about to protest when Toujou takes this opportunity to sit up a bit and gently plant a soft kiss on Kanemaru’s cheek, effectively shutting him up.
“Alright, alright, I’ll stop teasing.” The amusing lilt in his voice never goes away but Kanemaru can’t even care, embarrassed at how easy he is when it comes to Toujou… He guesses he’s always been this easy for the other boy…
“Oh wow Kanemaru! One kiss and you turn to putty!! Wahaha!!”
“Bakamura, if you don’t shut up-“
"Eek! I'm kidding!! Pardon the intrusion but this Sawamura Eijun needs to ask Toujou something!!!"
Kanemaru rolls his eyes but no longer protests when Eijun (and Furuya? How long was he here for–) stroll in and take a seat near the two of them. Eijun continues with whatever it is that he needed but Kanemaru tunes him out. Right now, he’s focused on his arm around Toujou’s waist, closing his eyes and breathing in his scent. One that’s always been familiar but Kanemaru has never been this close to Toujou before. Never been able to get closer than friends allow. Toujou notices Kanemaru grip his waist just a bit tighter and brings his hand to envelop Kanemaru’s, stroking it with his thumb. A comforting touch. They both smile.
Toujou has always been a permanent fixture in Kanemaru’s life but he’s always been more than that, even if it took awhile for Kanemaru to realise.
Toujou’s always been his home.