Work Text:
Dazai eyed the new dark arts teacher. He was eccentric but at the very least much less so than the previous few. He listened to his rambles about Boggarts, and how they drew out their greatest fear.
It was honestly pretty interesting, and useful. It was useful to see what other’s fears are and possibly use that against them.
“Let’s start with…you shall we?” Professor Lupin walked forward gesturing for Neville to step forward.
“Whats your greatest fear?” He asks standing in front of the wardrobe like thing.
Neville paused as he muttered nervously, “Professor Snape.” The class erupted in subtle laughter.
“Well, he is a scary man isn’t he?” He says in a sing-song joking tone.
He comes closer as he explains to him, “Now when the boggart comes out professor snape will appear and all you have to do is think of him in lets say a funny outfit and say riddikulus! Do you understand?” he says.
Neville nervously nodded, as Professor Lupin swished his wand as the wardrobe popped open.
Professor Snape walked out of the closet towards Neville.
He could see the slight tremble of his wand as he swished and flicked, before saying “riddikulus”. As Snape was then wearing a funny hat and skirt.
Pfft-, the class and him laughed out loud. If only he could preserve this memory and tease Professor Snape about it. His face would be priceless! he thought, letting an amused smirk plant across his face.
As the line seemed to slowly go through Dazai was slowly making his way forwards- much to his disinterest.
Dazai mulls over his own thoughts, what is his greatest fear? As he went through the options, although he certainly hates those ugly dogs, he isn’t that afraid of them. Maybe his time here had somewhat made him fear them less, after all the less contact he has the more he can shove it back.
Mori maybe? However, although he dislikes the doctor, he was rather annoying than anything else even with his love in cutting him up. And Dazai at the very least tried to make it so he annoyed him with his very existence.
Father... Well that is certainly true, however after his death…it seemed to have been slowly disappearing, like a figment of his dreams.
He even pondered the possibility of abandonment, but he’s been abandoned once he didn’t think he would be afraid even if it happened again.
It wasn’t just Dazai who was curious, everyone else was wondering what exactly would the demon boy be afraid of?
Blaise looked hesitantly standing behind Dazai. After all he had seen his reaction with the dogs back when they were on the stealth mission. He was afraid a reaction would flare up similarly.
Blaise gently tapped Dazai’s shoulder, “Will you be alright?” he muttered softly.
Dazai glanced back and tried to make the most unbothered smile he could pull off, “I’m sure it’ll be fine!” he said attempting to reassure his friend and maybe himself, as he finally made it to the front of the line.
Dazai's eyes wandered curiously as he looked at the boggart.It was still in the form in which the previous student had placed it in a jack in the box.
The boggart in the shape of a clown seemed to stare back, even without eyes. It seemed like it was trying to pierce Dazai's soul. Crack into it and reveal his deepest darkest secrets. It shifted and paused before shapeshifting, transforming into something nobody in the class expected- not even Dazai.
Dazai watched as a familiar face popped up. It was all too familiar that it felt strange. He had never looked at it for this long before. Those soulless eyes, the mop of hair, and covered in ridiculous bandages that peeped from his clothes.
It was himself.
There were shock gasps and murmurs behind him. It was to be expected of course, the first thing most students thought when they saw this was, why would Dazai fear himself?
However, that thought didn’t last long as hidden within his sleeve, the boggart slid the knife out to his palm holding it as the boggart brought it up to his own chest and stabbed himself with no hesitation whatsoever.
There were shrieks and gasps that sounded. Blaise seemed to shout words of concern, but Dazai continued to stare blankly, drowning out all the noise behind him.
The boggart continued to pull out the knife and stabbed itself in the heart, the clear sound of flesh tearing apart, as blood continued to splatter on the ground was grating to all the students who watched in utter fear. But as Dazai stared at the boggart he thought it was strange.
For some reason it didn’t stop stabbing its own heart, it wouldn’t go down, it wouldn’t take its last breath, it wouldn’t close its eyes- it wouldn’t die.
Aha… it clicked with him. It seems Dazai had figured out his own fears. Fears that he kept hidden, that he refused to acknowledge.
“Why…why can’t I die!?” The boggart loudly said, accurately stabbing himself in the heart once again. It was piercing to hear his own voice say that out loud. Dazai didn’t seem aware but his face contorted in disgust as his breathing grew heavy. His fingers unconsciously curl, scratching at his bandaged skin.
Before Dazai could say riddikulus, professor Lupin jumped in and knocked the Boggart back into the cabinet before sealing it shut.
The class became quiet as professor Lupin broke the silence.
“Class is dismissed for today.” he says sharply, and lets the students file out carefully.
Ron, Hermoine, Draco, and Blaise ran up to Dazai with clear concerns etched on their faces.
Dazai seemed to have calmed down as he stared at them blankly.
“Dazai…” Hermoine said worry practically dripping in her voice.
Blaise had at some point slipped closer and was gently patting his back. “It’s okay deep breaths” he muttered softly under his breath trying to calm him down. Ron and Draco’s eyes were hesitant, unsure of what words would comfort Dazai at this moment.
Dazai seemed to chuckle his gaze distant, of course he expected this group of worrywarts to do this sort of thing. However this was certainly something that they did not have to be worried about…or so he thought but his breathing and scratching did not subside.
Professor Lupin stared at this strange combination of friends but decided not to dismiss them, as he saw them as pillars of support for Dazai, as he looked towards Dazai.
“Dazai… I don’t know much about what’s going on so I've called in professor snape. If you need someone to talk to…” before professor Lupin could finish his words, the door burst open as professor Snape walked in, eyes landing immediately on Dazai.
“Mr. Dazai let’s have a talk shall we?” Professor Snape said, not containing the worry that slipped out in his voice.
His group of friends glance between Professor Snape and Dazai hesitantly.
Dazai merely nodded his mind too out of it.
Blaise came forward and carefully held his shoulder, “I’ll be waiting in the room if you ever need someone to talk to.” He muttered carefully, as Dazai plastered the best smile that he could currently muster, nodding.
He waved his friends a smile mouthing a simple goodbye.
The walk to his office felt long, agonizingly so as he thought about what Professor Snape was going to ask and how he could respond. He kept scratching his bandage unaware of it. However Dazai couldn’t think straight, his mind kept slipping back to the scene of him stabbing himself over, and over and over-.
The smell of honey and tea broke his thoughts, encasing him in the sweet scent that seemed to help clear any thoughts of his fear. As Snape sat down a familiar mug, with tea and honey floated to him, landing precisely in front of him. It seemed he had arrived without realising. He took a seat right in the middle of the sofa.
“Mr. Dazai, would you…like to explain?” Snape asked. He seemed hesitant, unsure of what words would be appropriate at this moment.
His fingers uncurl as he slowly picks up the mug. Dazai didn’t respond as he took a slow sip of the tea holding it close to his face. The steam slowly wafting upwards fogged up his eyes, making it more difficult to see through his thoughts.
The room was quiet as it turned into a strange lull. Dazai put the mug back down on the table, the clack- seemed to be amplified as Snape seemed to be holding a breath that he didn’t quite realise he was holding.
Dazai opened his mouth as he finally responded, “What else is there to explain?” Eyes lowering as he stared straight into the mug. Not because of fear but because he himself wasn’t sure exactly how to navigate through this conversation. The evidence was clear as day and there were so many people there.
The testimonies would pile up, and he couldn’t exactly just kill everyone in that class could he? Wait, why was he even here again? He called him to follow him to his office after the boggart had shown him attempting suicide, right Professor Lupin must have also told him what he saw, what Dazai’s fear was. Well if that was the case there was truly nothing left to explain.
Professor Snape let out a quiet tired breath as he calmly tried again, “I can’t help you if you don’t explain what's going on.” he says not budging as he tries for another explanation.
Dazai pauses, oh this was what he meant, he wanted to help right, how could he forget. The fear must have slowed down his thought process a bit. Dazai gaze left the mug as he shifted his head up, staring into Snape’s eyes.
“Hmmm I don’t need any help though?” he says with the usual mischievous smile planted back on his face.
However he wasn’t aware that Snape could see the small crack, a slight tremble which differed from Dazai’s usual self.
Professor Snape casually eyed the boy as he mutters, “If you're having trouble at home..you can trust us. We will ensure your safety you just have to say the word-”
Dazai let out an unamused chuckle, “I told you sir I'm truly fine! There’s nothing wrong, and nothing you have to worry about.”
Both professor Snape and Dazai knew neither of them believed those words. But alas it was true that Snape could not help if Dazai did not say anything, which made it infinitely more difficult.
There was a silence which filled the room as the sound of breathing was the only thing heard. Professor Snape broke the silence as he shifted the topic,
“In that case…let's start a new lesson. You can start by reading chapter 27.” Professor Snape floated a book titled, “Simple magic 101.” A seriously bad title, Dazai thought.
Professor Snape was very clearly shifting the topic for some odd reason, and he allowed it. It was much better than talking about his fears- well anyways let bygones be bygones. He did his best to shove the thoughts into the back of his mind, as he pulled the book towards his lap, opening it up and letting his thoughts be consumed by the words in front of him.
Professor Snape let out a sigh in his heart as he carefully eyed the boy in front of him. He knew he wouldn’t get anything out of him especially in his current state. He didn’t want to keep reminding him of his fear and even if he was curious about it, and wanted to help him through it. It might also push him further away if he pushed too hard, all the trust that was built might crumble. It was best to change the topic for now. He would bring it up when Dazai felt a bit better.
The smell of honey tea filled the room as the two sat in comfortable silence, one slowly reading the book. Another looking down at his papers to grade.