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No wonder Sammy fought tooth and nail to protect this place, Kenji thought as he sat beside her and Jasmina. The three of them enjoyed the warmth of the bonfire in front of them. It was Valentine’s Day and Sammy had invited the Camp Fam to the annual “Gutiérrez festival” she had called it, on her parent’s ranch in Texas.
Kenji was kind of mad at her for that. This festival was awesome, and he felt like the rest of the Camp Fam would agree. It was homey, and getting to know Sammy’s extended family was something Kenji found himself enjoying to his surprise.
“Can you believe she didn’t invite us to this earlier?” He asked Jasmina, turning towards and showing her the marshmallow he accidentally burned.
“I know, right? Girl has been holding out on us,” Jasmina nodded, ruefully scraping the burned marshmallow off his stick with her own.
“I did not!” Sammy said, all exasperated. Kenji and the others had been teasing her about it for a few days now, that they spend on the ranch. “I just didn’t want to spoil you guys’ Valentine's Day!”
Jasmina snorted.
“This is better than all the Valentine dates we’ve been to.”
Sammy took offense at that.
“What about the charade we won at that bar in Wyoming?” she countered. “That was a nice Valentine.”
“It was,” Jasmina agreed. “We beat their asses, but it wasn’t better than this.”
Sammy scoffed.
“You’ll get bored of this, let me tell you.”
“We’ll see,” Kenji said, feeling like he had clamjammed his two friends for long enough. “I think it’s time I asked her.”
“Go get her, tiger,” Jasmina said, giving him a pat on the shoulder as Sammy took the stick from him.
“Wish me luck,” Kenji said and stood up.
“I’m rootin’n’tootin for ya,” Sammy said.
“Right,” Kenji nodded. His knees buckled a little as he caught sight of Emily on the other side of the fire. She was flanked by Sammy’s younger sisters and Abuela. Emily was offering her hand to the older woman, who held it in the bonfire’s light and traced some lines on it with her shriveled thumbs. She said something that had Sammy’s younger sister’s giggle and Emily flustered. Kenji was rooted in place, mesmerized until the owner of that fluster turned her gaze over to him, taking notice. And suddenly, Kenji found he did indeed have some more time, actually.
His throat dried up, and there happened to be this stiffness running up his back that just needed to be walked off. And off, and off, until he eventually found himself at the grill and buffet that had been set up a little way from the bonfire.
The guys had gathered around here; Brand, Sammy’s father and uncle, were grilling. Ben and Darius were here too engaged in a shit-talking spat with Sammy’s guy cousins, that came to a head when the four young men started searching for rocks to build what Kenji assumed was a fighting ring. He joined the others at the grill, looking to be distracted.
“Who are you betting on?” he asked Brand and the two older Gutiérrez.
“Not lil bro, that’s for sure,” Brand said.
“That’s a city boy, Hermano,” Sammy’s uncle agreed. He had a few good cold ones in already.
“I’m betting on Benjamin,” Sammy’s father said. “That boy is strong as an ox.”
“He doesn’t have that farmer’s strength though,” Brand noticed. “I put ten on Julio. Who’s got your bet, Kenj?”
“Me,” Kenji boasted, and flexed his muscles, hardened by the gym, work, and rock climbing. “I’ll beat all four of them.”
“El ego de este tipo...” Sammy’s father shook his head and elbowed the other Gutiérrez.
“Never bet on yourself, son.” He said to Kenji. “It just invites bad luck.”
I’m not your son. The thought burned away Kenji’s fuzzy feelings. And bad luck, he knew how to deal with. If it weren’t for Brand’s hand on his shoulder grounding him, he’d have aired his thoughts out loud.
“Good advice,” he said instead, maybe a little short, but he reminded himself on whose land they were. Besides, Kenji didn’t want to place any more burden on Sammy and her family’s strained relationship by being stupid.Still, Mr. Gutiérrez’s words lingered.
Never betting on oneself is easy said when one always had someone else to bet on, which Kenji never had. It was necessity, not ego, that taught him to depend on himself. The adults in his life had decided he would grow up that way. That is, until he met the Camp Fam, but things weren’t smooth after he had them to rely on as well. It wasn’t seldom that he and Emily fought with each other because he wouldn’t accept help. There was this one time when he was seventeen and Emily had almost broken things off with him after she learned he had been living out of his truck, which he couldn’t even legally drive on his own yet, and told no one. They used to be more scattered back then: him and Darius on the west coast, Emily and Jaz on the east, Sammy and Ben in the middle. It took time for Kenji to stop acting on that mindset. Time, and the realization he was hurting those around him. He just didn’t know that wanting to prove to himself that he could make it without his father didn’t mean that he had to do it without the Camp Fam as well.
“Anyway,” Kenji said. The cousins, Ben and Darius, had finished their ring and stepped into it, pulling up their sleeves and getting ready to wrestle. “I put ten on Twinosaurus. Call me for the next round, I’ll show yall how to fight like a real man.”
“Big words from K-Dog,” Brand said, taking a note from Sammy’s uncle to write the bets down. “Let’s see if he can back them up.”
Despite his chest puffing, Kenji’s distraction had gone sour. He bade the guys farewell and stopped messing around, walking over to another camping table on which drinks and food were laid out, guarded by a fly net. He paused and looked over all the options, undecided about which one Emily would enjoy more. Speaking of the devil, Kenji felt a pair of eyes on his back and turned around, glancing at the bonfire, he ignored Jaz’s shit-eating grin and saw Sammy whispering into Emily’s ear, making her stand up and dust off Kenji’s yellow flannel which she had tied around her waist. She retreated from the party, back to the cars where they’d be alone.
Kenji turned back to the drinks. If he remembered correctly, there should be a cooler around, filled with homemade milkshakes Sammy’s mother had blessed them all with. She had claimed they were for the children, but, hey, if Kenji saw the older cousins sneak a few, then he argued he could too.
With two drinks in his hands, he followed Emily, finding her sitting on the tailgate of his trusty Tacoma, feet dangling in the air, gaze turned upwards until she heard him approach.
“What’s up?” Kenji asked.
“The stars are up,” she said, pointing upwards.
“Really? I didn’t notice,” Kenji closed the distance between them. “Mine is down here.”
Emily tried to hide the flush of embarrassment he loved teasing out of her, to no avail though.
“I brought you something,” Kenji said, offering her a milkshake. “It’s not as sweet as you, but—”
“Shut up,” Emily snickered, accepting the drink from him. “Why are you so flattering all the sudden?”
“Cause you deserve it, baby girl,” he continued teasing her.
Emily burst out laughing.
“Don’t call me that!” She gave his chest a light punch and didn’t pull her hand back. “I’m not your baby.”
“No, you’re not.” Kenji agreed. “You’re my everything, honeybun.”
Emily rolled her eyes. “You’re lucky you brought me something. Or else…”
“Else what?”
“I’d have to break your heart, darling,” she said, chin held high. “It could get tragic.”
She caught the straw between her lips, daring him to continue at the threat of getting milkshake spray-painted on him.
“I’d hate that,” he gave in, mostly because the hand on his shirt going off to explore stole away most of his thoughts anyway. “You win.”
Emily released the straw. She swallowed and set aside the drink, though she did pick up the cherry resting on top of the creamy crown. She held out her tongue and missed it by a long shot. The cherry left a trail of cream next to the corner of her lips.
“Just pretend that was hot,” she said and threw the cherry off to the side. A small thunk was audible as it hit the hood of Mr. Gutiérrez’s truck. She bit her lower lip and grabbed the collar of his shirt, pulling him close and forcing him between her legs.
“I don’t have to pretend anything with you,” he said, bristling and brushing some loose hair behind her ear, where his hand stopped and lingered.
“I missed you,” she whispered.
“I know,” he said and watched as she closed her eyes, ready for the kiss he wasn’t quite ready to give out yet. He reached for the cherry from his drink and brought it to her lips. “Open your mouth.”
Emily went along with him, forming a small o into which he lowered the cherry. She smiled when she realized what Kenji was trying to do and bit into the cherry. Kenji pulled the stem out, but just as he was going to bite down on the other end, the cherry disappeared in Emily’s mouth and she opened her eyes.
“I don’t share,” she said with a full mouth, relishing the cherry all for herself.
“I guess I walked into that one,” Kenji said, waiting for her to spit the kernel out to enact his revenge. Until then, though, he had to content himself with watching her enjoy her win.
And she did that to the fullest; it felt like ages until she finally spat the kernel off to the side. Emily cocked her head at him, daring him to top her tease, only to find out that Kenji had a plan thought out already. He leaned in and chased the cream next to her lips. A shudder ran through her body, and he listened to her uttering his name in a low breath as he moved his attention from her face down to her neck.
He felt himself, and her as well, melting into each other’s touch.
“Don’t give me hickeys,” she said, not needing to push him away for him to break off of her. “I don’t want to explain what those are to Sammy’s sisters.”
“Sorry,” Kenji said. “I think Sammy’s mom would sooner kick us out before you get that far. Let me see…”
Kenji examined the spot he had honed in on. Except for a light reddening, there was nothing.
“You’re fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah.” Kenji noticed she had missed that he meant two things at once, but he didn’t call her out on that. He had annoyed her enough already. Instead, he rested his forehead against hers and whispered softly into the little space between them: “I missed you too.”
They remained like that for a while, eyes closed, enjoying each other’s presence until Emily motioned for Kenji to sit down next to her. She lowered herself onto the truck bed.
“Let’s stargaze.”
Kenji lay down next to her, eyes wide open as they hunted constellations together. They didn’t get far with that, most likely because Kenji was more captivated with holding hands, but neither of them minded. Eventually, after a while, Emily spoke up.
“Sammy called you the greatest thing ever,” she said. “I quote: Dork Prime needs you by the trucks so he can dork all over you.”
“Well, she has a way with words, doesn’t she?”
“She does…” Emily said and paused. “I saw you with Brand and her dad... Everything okay? You looked tense.”
“Yeah. No.” Kenji sighed, pinching his nose. “The guy called me son. I know he meant nothing by it, but—”
“But Brand stopped you from doing something stupid.” Emily concluded.
“Yeah,” Kenji said. “As usual.”
A silence stretched between them. Kenji knew she knew who he was thinking about.
“If it helps, our offer still stands,” she said.
“No,” he said. “I’m not turning the Camp Fam into a death squad for my father’s sake.”
“Maybe you should,” Emily said, climbing onto his chest to look him in the eye. “We all know he deserves it after what he did to us, to you specifically.”
“Let’s not talk about that,” he said. “There is actually a reason I wanted you here, and it’s not to dork over you, though I’d love that.”
Emily raised a brow.
“Well, I won’t stop you.”
“I know, and that’s the thing.” Kenji said. He got onto his elbows, glancing at Emily lazing on his chest. His heartbeat went through the roof, and she took notice. “I’ve been thinking about us, and I think it’s time that we talk about our future together.”
“Sammy wasn’t kidding,” Emily said and considered her next words. “I’ve been thinking about that too, lately, actually.”
Something akin to ice ran down Kenji’s spine. He had thought about this conversation for a long time. More often than not, it ended badly in his thoughts, but that didn’t stop him from facing it head-on.
“I used to scrunch my nose at the thought of falling for some guy. And it wasn’t just some ick you have as a kid, too; I still do that sometimes when I see some couples that are like… eww. But I never felt that way with you. Even when we first met and you had no clue how to hide your crush on me. Or when we ate that ramen you smuggled into camp and I told you my name like it was some big thing.” Emily cackled, and Kenji saw the memory in his eyes as vivid as she likely did.
“What was it I said?” she asked.
“Just for once I’d like to be Emily instead of Brooklynn,” Kenji said. “I remember you storming off afterwards, though, and me wondering what the hell I did wrong. I even made this checklist afterwards, too, trying to figure it all out.”
“I used to be so serious back then, and you were always brooding when you thought nobody was around, but I remember I saw right through you the moment you stepped out of that helicopter.”
“Oh, I was in trouble the moment I stepped on that island and saw you. Hell, I didn’t even know who you were,” Kenji said, wrapping his arms around her, as if the thought scared him, which it didn’t. It wasn’t scary; it was terrifying. “My first memory of you was you pointing that fucking camcorder into my face after that camp counselor threw my bags at me.”
“Not my proudest moment,” Emily said. Just as she was about to offer a follow-up, though, another memory jumped into Kenji’s mind.
“Or when you made Ben puking out of the truck a trending meme,” he said. “That wasn’t your proudest moment either. And the kid didn’t even know about it until we survived the islands cause he didn’t have a phone like we did and neither of us told him about it.”
“Okay, I’ll admit, I could have been an asshole back then, but that’s beside the point,” Emily said. “What I was trying to say; what I remember the most about that time or even nowadays when I think about you, is you are what keeps me going, Kenji. You were the only person who understood me, who stood by me no matter what, whether I was right or wrong. I knew, I know, you’ll always be there for me, and I know, you’ll guide me whenever I need it with your strangely situational wisdom. What I’m trying to say is: I can’t imagine my future without you, Kenji, and I don’t even want to.”
Kenji exhaled. He let Emily swipe away a few tears from his eyes and held her as tight as he could.
“I…” he said. “I might have fallen for you the moment I saw you, and yes, part of it was just me trying to bag you, but the more I got to know you, the harder I fell. You said it already, you saw right through my bullshit, you could have not bothered with me but, for some reason, you did, and you just didn’t stop. For the first time in my life, someone had chosen me first, and you made me feel like I mattered. You were the only person who understood me, who stood by me no matter what, whether I was misled by people I should never have loved or not. You stood up for me, even after I hurt you. And you didn’t let me go. I’ll try for the rest of my life, and beyond that, if there is a beyond, to make up for that, because I can’t imagine my future without you, Emily. I don’t want to. You are my heartbeat.”
And though he didn’t say this last part out loud yet, Kenji made it certain to edge it into his very DNA: love, true love, wasn’t something once found and final for all time. It was something to be built, like a house, step by step, brick by brick, hurdle by hurdle. It would be painful; some things would break along the way, others would come out better than expected. It would never truly be finished; the work that needed to be put in would never cease, like with most houses, but with Emily by his side, that didn’t seem as Sisyphean as it sounded.
This at least he knew: there was nobody else he’d rather build a home with.