Chapter Text
Dustin always had issues with his memories.
His life before moving to Hawkins was one big blur with occasional flashes of memories he could never focus on. It didn't bother him, not when he knew enough from questioning his mom, reading through different paperwork from the hospitals as well as the divorce papers. He was smart enough to put it together.
He knows his dad wasn't a good person.
He knows his mom struggled throughout her pregnancy with him.
He knows that his birth was complicated, and the years following he had to see multiple doctors nearly every day.
He knows from the restraining order that his mom had difficulties trying to divorce his dad.
He knows that his dad could be described as abusive.
He knows that his dad apparently tried hurting him, and he theorizes that's the reason why he can't remember most of his childhood. His brain is working overtime to make him forget things to protect him.
The scar going up the length of his forearm probably is from his dad hurting him. It started just below his wrist and traveled up near the inner bend where his elbow is. He doesn't know what the scar is from but based on a bit of research he did a while ago he's pretty sure it's some type of burn scar.
His mom always told him not to think badly of the way he looks because of the scar, but Dustin knows she hates seeing it too. She always has him wearing some type of long sleeve clothing that covers it.
So while he can understand why he doesn't remember everything, that doesn't make it any less upsetting to realize he can't remember where he used to live. He can't remember if there's any other family members out there other than him and his mom. He can't remember if he had any friends before moving to Hawkins. He can't remember any good memories his mom may have had with him. He knows he shouldn't feel guilty about it but he does. His mom insists that it's not his fault and not something for him to worry about but he does either way.
Dustin wanted to remember.
Now back in ‘84, Dustin inhaled a faceful of Upside Down pollen back in the tunnels. With all the drama and panic following what happened next, he didn't bother thinking about it again. It's not like it did anything to him other than freak him out for a moment.
Roughly 2 weeks later he ended up sick. It wasn't anything bad, a deep cough with a slight fever. It's why he didn't have to worry about school and why he was supposed to stay home to rest. That way whatever he was sick with wouldn't spread to the others. Honestly, at the time, he didn't feel that bad. He probably could have still gone to school but he's not going to fight it since his mom willingly called him out. Why would he say no to getting to stay at home reading his comics and eating as much pudding as he wants? He was sick and he got better, he didn't think there was anything odd about it.
Same with the faceful of spores, it was something that happened and he felt fine afterwards. So again, he didn't see the need to worry about it.
How was he supposed to know it would act as a trigger? A trigger he was unaware of up until it was too late to do something about it.
What happens after you save the world? What comes next?
For him, it meant signing even more NDA’s, coming up with more lies, being forced to grieve in silence, and attending a funeral with an empty casket— or he would have, if Eleven was given the casket. Or even a funeral. Instead, it's as though she didn't exist at all, the military wiped out her existence and threw a lot of money at various people to get it covered up. He doesn't know what happened to Kali’s body. It also meant having to go back to school, doing homework, taking tests. Dealing with assholes. He hated all of it. The Party split apart, yes they still saw one another as often as they could but he could feel the fractured parts of them. Eleven died and took a part of them with her. No one talked anymore, what was there to say? Dustin could see the way the others were barely hanging on, he could see them drowning in their grief.
He's horrible. He's absolutely horrible, a monster of a human because he sees their grief and remembers the grief he's been dealing with and now grieving El on top of it all— he's glad he's not alone.
He's not glad she died, of course he isn't. It's just, for the longest time after losing Eddie, Dustin felt like he was the only one mourning him. He knows that it isn't like that, but it sure felt like it. He hasn't seen Hopper at all anymore, he's pretty sure part of it is because he's still legally dead, but Dustin thinks it's also because he's just not leaving his room. Everyone is dealing with what happened differently, but there's a part of him that feels like he's not dealing with it correctly. Is it all really over? The Upside Down was destroyed by the bomb but he has no way of checking if that's true. Should he really just assume it's gone without proof? He's supposed to be getting ready for school, his mom left almost thirty minutes ago for work, if he doesn't leave soon he'll be late.
…He doesn't feel up to going to school, however if he doesn't go then he knows the school will call his mom and knowing his luck the others might mention it around the rest of the group and then Steve will find out.
Things are still tense between them, and Dustin has to keep biting his tongue to keep from accidentally lashing out.
Skipping school would just start a fight he's trying to avoid. He dresses quickly, grabbing the nearest clothes and throwing them on without checking if it looks good. He probably should have at least checked to make sure he didn't accidentally grab pajamas or something, but Dustin was running late. He got outside and picked up his bike, only to drop it as the outdoor lights flickered. The lights he was 99.98% sure had been off just moments ago.
In one world everything ended when they blew up the upside down, taking with it, Eleven. Dustin didn't know how to move on after that, he can't really recall what happened but winding up stuck as a ghost in ‘83, in a world where he apparently died at birth, is not what he could have ever expected. He'll never forget the way his mom in this world is still mourning him, how she still has a nursery set up.
Then again, maybe this was some sort of personal hell for him? Maybe it's Vecna, maybe that asshole didn't really die and Dustin's been stuck in some sort of hallucination all this time? Still, watching everyone he's grown to care for just go about their lives like normal, as if his never existing had no impact on them… it hurts. It hurts so much. Even the Party remained the same as he remembered, just without their bard aiding them. They couldn't see him, none of them could. He tried popping up near each of them, even reaching out yet no one ever reacted. He screamed at the top of his lungs and not even a flinch. He couldn't get the lights to flicker, so he didn't use Morse code seeing as no one would notice. He couldn't move objects and he wasn't above trying to possess someone to get help, but that wouldn't work either.
He was stuck here, and a part of him hoped that the Upside Down didn't exist. That he wouldn't have to sit back and watch everyone go through all of that without him there to help.
.
.
.
The night Will was going to disappear, Dustin hovered by his side. Anxiously tapping his fingers against his thigh as Will told Mike about rolling a seven and started biking down the street. Maybe it won't happen? Maybe without him here to challenge Will to a race, he'll miss the Demogorgon.
But then it appears in the middle of the street, its figure terrifying despite knowing what it is. Will falls off his bike, and Dustin, staring at the Demogorgon turning towards Will, screams for him to run.
If he had been paying closer attention, he would have noticed how Will glanced back in his general direction before taking his advice.