Chapter Text
Dennis hadn't prayed in years. He remembered the last time vividly, it was the night before he told his parents that he was gay. He had been accepted to a medical school in Pittsburg and he knew that if there was a time to tell his parents, it would be now. Either way he would be leaving but he prayed to God he would be accepted back with open arms whenever he wanted.
He begged God to make them okay with it. They never spoke about the topic, it was something they never wanted to discuss. Any attempt at the subject was shut down, so he could guess where their feelings lied but he was their son. Surely their own son would be able to sway them. That’s what he prayed for, for weeks until finally the night before he was meant to leave he sat his parents down and told them.
His prayers were ignored. The night couldn’t have gone worse, his father exploded in anger turning a shade of red Dennis had never seen as he yelled he would never have a queer for a son. His mother only sat by, saying nothing but weeping softly and it broke his heart to make her cry like that.
He didn’t yell back at his father in fear of upsetting her more, he only went to his room to grab his bags before loading his car up and starting the drive to Pennsylvania 12 hours early. So he decided that praying wasn’t for him, not if he could devote his whole life to a god that would take his family from him.
That was until tonight.
Tonight as he was waiting by the nurses station, getting ready to hand over his cases to the night shift Dana took a call. He watched the color drain from her face before yelling to ready trauma one.
Then she turned to him and the other staff that were nearby. “We have a motorcycle accident, rider wasn't wearing a helmet. Confirmed open head and arm injury, heavy blood loss.” She paused before she said her next sentence, taking in a slightly shaky breath, “the rider.. It was Robby.”
Dennis felt his mouth go dry, surely he had misheard. He couldn’t have heard that it was his Robby that was in critical condition and on their way here. “Who?”
He immediately regretted asking, Dana shot him a sharp look and repeated herself in a tone that said there wouldn't be a third time. “It was Dr. Robby, ETA is 2 minutes, and he's.. they're saying it doesn't look good.”
Dennis could feel his world starting to spin. It was supposed to be Robby’s day off. He should’ve been at his apartment waiting for Dennis to get home so they could have a late dinner. Flashes of their earlier conversation filled his mind,
“What do you think about Chinese tonight?” Robby asked, kissing the back of Dennis’ neck as he brushed his teeth.
Dennis smiled and nodded before spitting in the sink and rinsing his mouth. “That sounds good, I can pick it up after I get off.” He turned and rested his hands on Robby’s chest, giving him a peck on the lips.
Robby shook his head, “let’s order in, I’ll make sure it gets here before you do.” He gave Dennis another kiss and wrapped his arms around the younger doctor’s small waist.
“Oh even better,” they both smiled and giggled together like that until Dennis had to go back to getting ready.
So there had to be a mistake, why would he have been anywhere near that bike?
Dana was still staring at him, her gaze softened slightly, “I know kid, it’s hard for all of us but we need to stay strong right now for him. Get to trauma one, they’ll be here soon.”
Dennis didn’t let himself try to correct her but she had no idea. They hadn’t told anybody about their relationship yet. It was still new and with the potential issues they could both face with Dennis only being a first year resident, they both agreed to wait until Dennis was further along in his program.
Still, he tried to pull himself together. She was right that they needed to stay strong, the entire ER would need to keep it together to treat him especially if it was as bad as Dana thought it was. He made his way to trauma one and pulled on a gown and gloves, the room was full of nurses and other doctors who had heard the news and jumped into action.
All too quickly, the doors to the ambulance bay burst open and the two EMTs that had been on the scene rushed in with an unresponsive Robby on the gurney between them. They wasted no time filling Dana in as they pushed him into trauma one, “Definite fracture in the right arm, open head injury from hitting the ground with no helmet. He was briefly awake and talking in the ambulance but became unresponsive about 5 minutes ago.” Everyone in the room listened intently as they began their examinations. Abbot went straight to the head of the bed, checking his airway and then his pupils. “Pupils unresponsive,” then he rubbed his fist into Robby’s chest. “But reactive to the sternum test, he’s still in there.”
He went about assessing the head injury, there was a lot of blood, so much that it made Dennis sick to look at it. He tried to focus on Robby’s face but he was bruised and swollen, hardly recognizable. The rest of him was just as bad. There was so much blood, it echoed in his mind. And his arm was bent at a wrong angle, but there were already other residents swarming around ready to reset it.
As they grabbed hold and counted down to snap the bone back in place Dennis had to look away. His gaze landed on the people hovering outside watching, news travels fast in the pitt and the head of the ER becoming a patient would’ve spread like wildfire anywhere. He let out an unsteady breath, staring at all of their worried faces made the reality of how worried they all should be crashed down on him. He could feel his hands shaking and tears were starting to gather in his eyes but he steeled himself determined to help Robby the best he could.
He jumped in the middle with Mohan who was cutting open his shirt to examine his torso, “multiple broken ribs but it doesn’t look like they’re penetrating any of his organs.” He nodded along with her and brought his stethoscope to Robby’s chest to hear his heartbeat. All at once he felt the world crashing down again, it was faint, barely there and then it was gone.
“He’s going into vfib,” Abbot shouted and immediately began chest compressions. Dennis took the spot that he had been in closer to Robby’s head and watched intently as they stuck the defibrillator pads on his chest, moving a step back as they yelled clear and shocked him. Nothing. Abbot went back to compressions, “we’re not losing you damnit.” Dennis heard him muttering under his breath.
Dennis agreed but he couldn’t say as much, his throat was too tight. Instead, he prayed. Silently in his head he begged God again, apologizing for it being so long but pleading for him not to take Robby, not now, not ever. He couldn’t lose him, they had only been dating for a few months now but Dennis knew he’d never be able to be with anyone else, he knew he’d never love anyone like he loved Robby.
“Clear,” they shocked him for a second time. Still nothing. Dennis’ heart started to sink deeper as Abbot began again, there was so much blood loss already and if they couldn’t get his heart beating again soon they’d have to worry about even more brain damage.
Dennis lifted his gaze from Robby to the door as it opened, it was Garcia coming, probably to consult on his broken arm. She looked more stressed out than usual from working on a colleague but she kept it together with a minimal amount of snapping at the doctors around her.
“What the hell are you staring at Whitaker? Get your shit together and take over chest compressions for Abbot,” she said with a sharp tone. Dennis flinched slightly at being brought back to reality so suddenly but she was right, he needed to switch out and Dennis was the only one in the room without a job.
Abbot moved aside as Dennis took his place and continued the CPR. He could feel himself further breaking Robby’s ribs, cracking them further, that had never bothered him with other patients but now it was like a knife to his own heart. He didn’t let it stop him, he kept going, pushing his hands into his lovers’ chest over and over until it was time to shock him again.
“Clear,” everyone took a step back with baited breath. Time seemed to stand still, everyone strained their ears to hear a beep and stared desperately at the heart monitor searching for any sign of a rhythm.
“There!” Dennis jumped at the sound of Abbot’s voice, “I see it, I see a heartbeat.” And once he said it, it became clear and it was getting stronger. Dennis could’ve cried, he wanted to but they weren’t out of the woods yet. He thanked god profusely, resisting the urge to run his fingers through Robby’s hair and moved to the side as they raised the side rails and began to wheel the bed out of the room.
A rush of panic ran over him watching them take him, he wanted to go after them and not leave his side but he was in no shape to help during the surgery. He couldn’t breathe and his vision was starting to darken around the edges. As he looked down he realized how much of Robby’s blood was on him and he felt another wave of sickness wash over him.
He was going to throw up, he knew that much, he tried to make it to the bathroom but he didn’t so much as make it out of the room. His legs gave out and he collapsed next to the trash, puking up the lunch Robby had packed for him the night before. The tears from earlier pricked his eyes again but he squeezed his eyes closed stopping them from rolling down his cheeks. He couldn’t cry here, most of the people that had been watching had dispersed but there was always someone watching, hopefully they would chalk the vomit to some illness.
He forced himself onto his feet too soon, his head was still swimming but he had to get somewhere private. He held the wall for a second to take a deep breath then put the arm around his stomach making his way out of the room he’d never be able to see without seeing Robby’s half dead body again and to the elevator.
He pushed the button for the eighth floor and hoped that no one would join him for the ride. If he could just get up there he would be safe to fall apart far away from anyone that could see him. He knew people would be looking for him to do handover but they would have to rely on his charts, he couldn’t be a doctor for anyone else now.
He thanked God again as the doors opened to the empty floor of the hospital. There was never anyone up here, which was especially helpful when he had nowhere to stay but still came in handy whenever he needed to take a breath. He pulled himself to one of the rooms and crumpled onto the bed.
He was crying before his head hit the pillow, deep sobs wracked through his body and tears and snot covered his face. He held himself tightly as he cried but it did little to comfort him, nothing felt okay now. He couldn’t help but think about Robby, about how much he loved him and the possibility that he could die tonight.
It was too much for him to handle, his breath started to come out short and shallow, he was panicking. His head started to spin more, making him feel sick again but he had nothing left to throw up. All he could see was Robby bloodied and broken on a hospital bed.
He stayed like that for what felt like forever, crying and hyperventilating until his eyes ran dry. When he could finally open his eyes it was darker than when he had arrived in the room. He checked his phone and it had been a little less than 30 minutes that he had lied there.
He sighed and forced himself up to go to the bathroom in the small hospital room. He dried his face off before wetting it again with cold water, the coolness grounded him slightly and it was a little easier to open his eyes without the world going dark.
He sat back on the bed and resolved to stay here until he could face the world again without breaking down. The surgeries that they needed to do on Robby would take longer than he could possibly hide out for, so he didn’t rush himself. He would sit here until he could breathe and update himself on Robby’s condition. He just had to stay sane until Robby was out of the OR, he could do that right?