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February fourteenth, also known as Valentine's Day, was one of Eric Cartman's favorite holidays.
Every year, he and his miniature, cupid counterpart would help the kids in school find their valentine. The two would play matchmaker and give gifts to their classmates. Some would say this act was out of character for Eric Cartman; he was usually doing the opposite of being considerate of others and helpful.
‘Cupid Me’, sometimes known by other names depending on whether Cartman took his meds or not, has the power to help people realise their love for one another. This is why Valentine's Day is such an important time of the year for the small boy.
Cartman walked into the school, Cupid Me sitting comfortably on his shoulder. Both of them looked excited for the day ahead as they took in the atmosphere of the school, dressed in decor. Kids were already giving gifts and confessions around them.
“Wow, it looks like everyone's really in the spirit this year, huh?” Cupid Me grinned as he looked around. His wings fluttered a bit as if he was eager to start their shenanigans already. Though, as he looked around, it almost seemed like their job was taken care of. Even so, it's not like the cupid didn't have other plans.
“Yeah, it's like we've already been here today,” Cartman replied, his tone amused yet a bit concerned as his eyes wandered, wondering if there would be nothing to do, no one to help. Everyone looked happy. “ Maybe we can find a few lonely stragglers.”
The tiny boy nodded in response. “I'm sure we can! You know..” he bumped his fingers together, unsure of how Cartman would react to what he’s about to propose. “If we can't find anyone to help, what if we helped ourselves for a change?”
Cartman gave him an instant, skeptical look. “We're not doing this again, Cupid Me,” he said in a serious tone, looking the cupid up and down as he rested on his shoulder.
“I know things are weird between us. But maybe we can find a straggler for you, so you can have a proper Valentine this year,” Cupid Me said, his tone hopeful as he looked back at Cartman. hoping he could convince him, even if it was a long shot.
The other boy scoffed in response, going silent and looking straight ahead.
In the past, Cupid Me would try to pursue Cartman during their ventures, leading to an awkward and complicated relationship. But it's been a while, and now the smaller boy is suggesting he help Cartman find a valentine? He was suspicious, to say the least.
“We’ll see,” Cartman finally responded, albeit in a quiet, unsure monotone that barely escaped his breath.
Cupid Me’s eyes lit up, he smiled widely, and couldn’t help but let out a small giggle. Even though the answer wasn't definite, it still made him giddy that he didn't completely reject the idea.
The boys proceed to patrol the school for any lonely kids or conflicts.
As the time went on, it was now about halfway through the school day, and they only managed to help one couple; it was a quick fix, too. Needless to say, matchmaking-wise, the day was turning out to be pretty boring.
Later, when they went out to break, they sat outside on the playground.
Cupid Me gave Cartman a look, one that the other boy could read instantly. The smaller boy wanted something to do; he didn't want the day to go to waste.
Cartman let out a long, deep, defeated sigh. “ What do you want?” he asked.
“Let me help you find a valentine!” the smaller boy exclaimed eagerly, flying around to face the other directly.
He got another sigh in response. Cartman rested his head against his hand as he looked back at Cupid Me with an unamused expression. “I’ll let you try, but don't bring me someone lame. Go,” he shooed Cupid Me away, unable to think of any other options at this point.
“Teehee,” the cupid fluttered around excitedly. “ You can trust me!” he said before quickly flying away.
“I hope so,” Cartman mumbled to himself.
Cupid Me then scurried away, looking for the perfect match for Cartman.
He roamed the halls, he saw all the happy couples around. There was one person he saw earlier that he didn't tell Cartman about, someone who was alone. He didn't say anything because he felt some kind of connection with this person; he always has…
He went around looking for said person until he found them sitting by a locker holding their phone to their chest. There was no questioning the depressed expression on their face.
The cupid flew up to the sulking blond boy. He saw the photo of a Canadian girl lit up on his phone that he held tightly. He felt bad, but the cupid knew he was capable of turning this around.
‘Nothing a little magic can't help,’ he thought, smiling to himself.
Meanwhile, Cartman was still sitting on the playground, watching kids pass by. After sitting there and roaming the school all day, seeing happy lovebirds, he began to secretly hope that Cupid Me actually pulls this off. Sure, shipping his classmates was fun. But on the other hand, Cupid Me was kind of right. He had never spent a Valentine's Day to focus on himself. The thoughts felt vulnerable–he didn't like it.
He continued to sit there, and he was about to get up. He was tired of being with his own thoughts.
That's until Butters came by.
“Heya, Eric,” he said as he approached Cartman, looking down at him. His voice wasn't as cheerful as it normally was, and the other couldn't help but notice. “Mind if I sit with you? I don't have a valentine either.”
Cartman raised a brow. “Uh, sure. whatever,” he replied, trying to keep his normal tone, but it was hard when seeing Butters look so upset. He was also quite curious, if he was honest. It wasn't like Butters to sound and look like that, a shaky voice and tear-stained cheeks with a facade on top of it.
Butters took a seat next to him, his knees shuffled up to his chest as he sat down.
The two sat in a comfortable silence for a moment. Without words, they communicated a similar longing. The intimate atmosphere made Cartman shift in his seat and clear his throat.
“So what happened to ‘maple fever’, huh?” Cartman asked out of curiosity, breaking the silence. His tone came out half-jokingly as he looked over at the blond beside him, who he just realized sat a little too close for comfort.
“We broke up a while ago. But it's still weird not talking to anyone on Valentine's Day, you know?” he explained, looking back at the other boy. “I don't know how you do it,” he added with a hint of admiration, even though the words were an unintentional roast.
“Yeah, yeah,” he glared. “ I'm too busy with you tards that i dont have time to sit there and worry about it,” the brunet huffed, his back straightening.
There was a beat of silence before Butters continued. “ I never would have taken you as the matchmaker type, Eric," he smiled slightly, leaning over a tad to get a better look at Cartman’s expression.
“Well, I have a nuisance constantly on my shoulder during this time of year,” he said, then began wondering. ‘Where the hell is Cupid Me,anyway?’ he thought ,then started looking around subtly.
“A.. nuisance?” Butters repeated curiously.
“Yeah-” Cartman started, but was interrupted by the cupid himself, as if on cue. He felt small nudges on his shoulder, as if the tiny being was trying to course Cartman closer to the blond beside him.
“Hehe, love is in the air~” Cupid Me cooed as he attempted to push the much larger boy with all his might. Small grunts escaped him, trying to move Cartman for him was the equivalent of trying to push a wall, but the effort was there.
Cartman noticed what the cupid was trying to do; he tried to swipe away Cupid Me like an unwanted bug. “ You picked Butters?! Why the hell would you do that, you little asshole!?” he whisper-screamed just loud enough for Cupid Me to hear, and Butters not too. The red-coated boy was suddenly flustered.
“Why not?” the Cupid scoffed as he dodged the other boys' attempts to smack him away.
Cartman's face flushed red. “Why not? Cause-cause,” he stammered, trying to get the words out before they even developed in his mind.
“Eric?” Butters interrupted, beginning to look concerned.
With what Cartman snapped out of it and turned to face Butters again, and ignored Cupid Me for the time being, before Butters questioned it too much. “Sorry b-butts, there's something I need to take care of,” he said before he got up and adjusted his coat.
He began walking away, somewhere where he could have a little talk with Cupid Me about this out-of-line decision, leaving Butters alone and ultimately confused. A small hum left the blond’s lips as he tried to decipher the other boy's words and actions, which, no matter the circumstance, were usually pointless anyway.
Cartman walked around behind the corner of the school, away from sight and earshot. “Butters?! Really?! Did I not say ‘don't bring me someone lame’?” he yelled. “And I'm not gay!! What's wrong with you?” The brunet flailed his arms as he got the small cupid down the road.
Cupid Me was used to Cartman's temper; in fact, he knew better than anyone. He didn't even bat an eye at the sudden screaming in his face. “You're not?” Cupid Me raised a brow.
“What?! No!!” Cartman exclaimed back defensively. “Jesus,” he rubbed the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache start to form. He turned away for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts. “What did you do, Cupid Me?” he asked hoarsely, afraid of the answer.
“I… I helped,” the cupid squeaked out, already knowing that wasn't going to be enough for Cartman.
“You helped? Come on, man,” Cartman turned to face Cupid Me again. “ Tell me, did you use magic on Butters? And don't lie to me!” he demanded, pointing a finger between Cupid Me’s forehead.
“You-you know the magic only works if the person had any feelings to start with…so, so… it's not completely my fault if he gets touchy-feely with you now,” Cupid Me stuttered, flying backwards to make some space between him and Cartman, in case he was about to have a meltdown.
Cartman looked Cupid Me up and down disapprovingly. “It is your fault, and you'd better hope that doesn't happen. You can't just go around using magic all willy-nilly, you know?” his voice grew sterner as he became more disappointed with Cupid Me, now wondering what he’s going to have to deal with around Butters.
“I didn't use it willy-nilly! You can't constantly ignore the fact that you and I are intertwined, you know? I felt a connection with Butters, so I know you do too!” the smaller boy defended. He was beginning to fight back, for the sake of hoping Cartman would stop being oblivious.
“I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, dude! Yeah.. I know we are intertwined, but that doesn't mean you know exactly what I want!” Cartman retorted, becoming more flustered and frustrated by the minute. He turned away from Cupid Me, and stared off into the distance. He took a deep breath.
Cartman coughed out a fake chuckle, “Since you know so much about me, you must know all the things that have happened between me and Butters, hm? You think after all that’s happened that a relationship is a good idea?” he clenched his fists, unable to face Cupid Me.
Cupid Me sighed. He couldn't see the expression on Cartman's face right now, but he could tell his words lacked their usual confidence.
Silence fell between the two for a moment. The small cupid looked over and saw Butters still sitting there on the playground, all alone, right where Cartman left him.“Who knows, but I know one thing for sure.” Cupid Me started, letting out a sigh. “You and Butters, even though it's complicated. You make a fun team. I would say Butters is your friend, and maybe.. You should go keep your friend company, cause i think he needs it right now.”
Cartman’s eyes averted over to the lonely blond in question, his eyes lingering as he watched the boy kick the dirt beneath his feet and avoid eye contact with couples ,reflecting his own inner conflict from before.
“It's Valentine's Day. You're not going to just let a lonely soul sit there by himself, right?” Cupid Me asked, and received a look from Cartman for the first time in a moment. “Even if it is Butters.”
Cartman blinked a few times before he grunted under his breath. “It is Valentine's Day, isn't it?” he sighed and gave a side glance to Cupid Me. “Fine, but leave us alone. Don't pull any weird magic shit again,” he pointed a finger and spoke in a serious voice as he eyed the cupid down.
“Deal!” Cupid Me cheered, fluttering around excitedly. “Go on now, teehee~” he rushed Cartman off, giving him a light push on the back of the shoulder.
With that Cartman walked off. he felt a strange sense of anxiety brewing in his stomach, for what reason, he wasn't sure. He walked slowly, hoping the feelings would subside by the time he got over to the other boy. Though they just got worse.
Eventually, he went and sat down in the same spot as before, right next to Butters. He received a few skeptical glances from the boy as he sighed and rested beside him.
“Everything alright?” Butters asked. His anxious physical mannerisms calmed down a little as Cartman occupied the seat next to him once again.
“Yeah, yeah,” the brunet responded, avoiding eye contact. “Just thought I'd keep your lonely ass company, you look pathetic over here,” he huffed, his words coming out softer than he’d liked.
Butters couldn't help but smile at that. He lightly kicked the dirt under his boot, this time out of flattery. “Aw gee, that's nice of you, Eric," he murmured, despite how backhanded Cartman's intentions seemed.
“Whatever,” Cartman spat back.
“You know, you can be a good guy when you want to,” Butters started, looking over at Cartman’s equally flustered profile. “Helping people find love, not wanting to see anyone lonely on Valentine's Day. I think- I think you care more than you like to admit,” he hummed softly.
Cartman gave Butters a small glare. “Don't push it.”
“Well, thanks for the company anyway,” Butters smiled sweetly, leaning against Cartman's shoulder gently with his own.
The other boy felt the heat rise to his face. “ lame,” he mumbled, despite not pushing Butters away.
Meanwhile, Cupid Me couldn't help but watch from a distance. “Hehe, aww,” he cooed as he watched them. He looked over and couldn't help but notice a group of asian girls doing the same thing as he was, finding the two’s interaction wholesome.
Cupid Me smirked, “Looks like I'm not the only one with a plan for those two oblivious lovebirds, teehee.” he crossed his arms as he saw the girls in the distance doodling while they watched Cartman and Butters.
“This definitely isn't over.”