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"Not again...“ groans one young man raspily into a bloodstained tissue. His eyes trail after the bundles of baby's breath that are now decorating the tiled floor.
Glancing at the mirror he is faced with a sight he is long used to. Tired eyes and a pale, gaunt complexion stares back at him. The proof of his ever degrading health, and restless nights. Restless days as well. He has been sleeping so much. It feels as if that is all he did, but it doesn't get better. The exhaustion won't leave him. That doesn't matter now anymore. All this is going to end soon anyways. And all of it will begin anew.
With a wry smile he looks at the mess of blood, flowers, and tissues in the sink and on the floor. Even if he had the energy to move from where he is sitting, he would not clean it up. Why bother? It will soon vanish anyways.
Ragged breaths travel down his throat as he leans more heavily against the wall, but they won't fill his lungs how they're supposed to. They are too filled with the flowers clogging his throat. As his vision blurs, he searches for the clock he has started having stashed in the bathroom. He can no longer tell the time with all the shapes blending together, but he just knows that it is the same time as usual. Nothing has changed. Sometimes, he wonders if it ever will.
Taking a lungful of oxygen the young man startles awake in a different room. Raising his hand to rub at his sore throat, he let's out a shaky breath.
He remains like that for a while; sitting half-covered in his bed while messaging his throat, and ignoring the ringing alarm clock.
Like second nature his indigo coloured eyes stray towards the giant portrait of a fine magician dressed entirely in blue hanging on the wall. It looks to be slightly away from the wall on one side, but it's barely noticeable.
Pained, he closes his eyes once more.
"This seriously needs to stop. I don't know how much longer I can take this.“
Determined, he places his feet on the ground, and immediately trips over the blanket lying haphazardly on the floor.
From below he hears the house-door open, followed by steps walking up the stairs. That is strange. No one was supposed to visit today.
When his bedroom door opens as well, he can't help but smile at who he sees.
A young man steps through the door-frame with his cerulean eyes completely focused on Kaito, not bothering to look around.
They stare at each other for what feels like minutes to take in the appearance of the other.
"Kaito,“ the one at the door speaks up first, "Why is your alarm clock still ringing when you are awake and standing there?“ he asks, cocking his head to the side with a swift glance at said alarm clock.
"I am astonished that you are able to hear this noise, my dear Shinichi,“ the indigo eyed one—now known as Kaito-- pauses as he closes the distance to the other, "After all, this is the ringing of my blood rushing to my ears because I love you so much.“ Kaito winks at Shinichi for good measure, but moves to turn off the alarm clock regardless.
"You— how often must I tell you to stop using me as a guinea pig for your stupid pickup lines!“
"But you blush so easily, it's adorable.“
As if proving his point, more heat rises to Shinichi's cheeks while he averts his eyes.
'Ah, seriously. How am I ever supposed to get over you, my dearest detective.'
Shaking his head, Kaito switches the topic, "So? What brings you here?" he asks, sitting back down on his bed while he pats the free room next to him as a gesture for Shinichi to sit down as well, "Not that you are unwelcome, but you must have a reason, right? Especially considering that it is valentines day. or don't tell me," gasps Kaito exaggeratedly, "You're here to confess your undying love for me?!"
"No! I came to tell you about the movie! I didn't even realise that it's valentines day." His raging blush does not die down.
"Now that is quite disappointing to hear, you're lucky I like you so much," he tuts in mock disappointment, "Let's hear it. What is that movie about?"
Without further ado Shinichi speeds into a rant, gesturing wildly all the while: "There was this new Sherlock Holmes movie, and it incorporated him in a way I have not seen before! You would have liked it, too. It was Sherlock Holmes, but he was abducted by aliens—which sounds like nonsense, I know—I was suspicious about this premise as well, but it turned out to be surprisingly well done. John Watson was one of the aliens tasked with working together to find this specific planet because the aliens heard that Sherlock was the best detective on earth—not that that was the word they used to describe, they had a different word for detective—and John has more experience dealing with humans, so he was picked—"
The longer Kaito listens, the more he gets ripped out of his smitten stupor; the more suspicious he is of Shinichi's rant. Something here is not adding up. And he will figure out what it is.
"The planet they were looking for is the planet housing the monarch of cats, wasn't it? Those aliens were ones that worship cats, only that their cats are a little different from ours."
"They were! Because according to them—" Shinichi pauses as his excitement dwindles down. This Kaito couldn't have possibly known this. "How do you know this?"
"I… watched the movie with you."
"You didn't. Not in this round."
Kaito's eyes narrow in thought, sizing Shinchi up, noticing that he does the same. The bed creaks as he shifts his weight, and the air between them cools with the tension.
"The movie isn't even out yet…" mutters Kaito under his breath taken aback by just how distracted he was by all that is Shinichi to not notice that small—yet important—detail. "The movie is supposed to come out in two weeks from now, which means—"
"We're both stuck in this time-loop." The both of them say at once, pointing at the other.
The both of them stay quiet at that fact. This is a lot to take in. All this time they thought, they were alone, but they weren't. All this time they could have gotten help from the other. They could have helped the other.
When all of a sudden the quiet gets broken by startlingly loud laughter.
Kaito throws his head back, quivering where he sits as he laughs, taking a while to calm down enough to talk, "How have we not figured this out sooner?"
"I really don't know." replies Shinichi, now also laughing.
This is the most freeing the both of them have felt ever since these time-loops started. Even when their laughter stops, they don't say anything. They can feel themselves relax in this comfortable silence.
"So, let's compare notes." requests, near orders, Shinichi after a while, "What are any common factors of this time.loop, and when does yours reset?"
A vacant look appears on Kaito's face. Even if he got used to it, it never became any easier. It hurt just as much as the first time. Now he simply knows to expect it.
The sun travelling higher and higher in the sky showcases the passing of time, but Shinichi waits patiently. His offer to go first was quickly shot down.
"I die," says Kaito eventually, leaning against the bed's headboard with his knees raised as if to create a barrier, "I almost always die in the same way. Nothing I ever do changes that fact."
Shinichi lets that sit for a bit. This is… wrong. Kaito shouldn't be dying over and over again. But if that is true…
"How do you die? I have noticed you getting sick. Is it incurable?" He looks a tad-bit uncomfortable while he asks this, hunching his shoulders, but still looking at Kaito directly.
"It's not incurable, but it is not exactly curable." His hand moves back up to message at his throat.
"That," Shinichi exclaims catching the movement and gazing at it intensely while he mirrors it, "you started doing that a few rounds ago. It's Hanahaki you die of, isn't it?"
As if burned by it, Kaito removes his hand away from his throat. He attempts to smile as if nothing is wrong. Normally, he would relish in having Shinichi's undivided attention, but he doesn't want to be seen right now. He doesn't want to be an open book for him. Not now. Not when he could come one step closer to the truth. "However did you reach that conclusion, great detective?"
"You most often did that while gazing at flowers. I noticed, but you never really did anything out of the norm aside from that," here Shinichi falters, breaking his sight away from Kaito for the first time since they sat down. He swallows. "I do the same thing. I also die of Hanahaki nearly each time."
Shocked Kaito's head shots up. He quickly moves to grab Shinichi by the wrist as he rises to his feet.
"We need to go."
"Wait," the detective stumbles after Kaito as they already sprint down the stairs—the photos hanging on the wall are a mere blur, "Wait. We're not done comparing notes yet. We only figured out that we aren't in a traditional time-loop, and that our time resets when we die from Hanahaki!"
"We need to go to the doctor. Maybe the hanahaki isn't there yet."
"You know as much as I do that it will happen whether it is here already or not."
"Yeah, but if we catch it early enough, the surgery might be successful!"
"It won't be. The time just resets earlier."
This is when Kaito halts, halfway out the door, not even having removed the house-shoes.
"But we have to try. Maybe this time is different."
"Expecting a different outcome while doing the same thing is purely idiotic. Why are you so adamant about this all of a sudden?" Shinichi rips his hand away, staring Kaito down. The cars driving by are loud with the rush hour taking place, and nearly drown out his voice.
"Because dying of Hanahaki is agony!" Yells Kaito in reply. When he turns around his face is pulled in a grimace, tears gathering in his eyes, "I don't want you to have felt that. I know that the surgery won't work. I have tried that. Multiple times, but I just can't live with the fact that you suffered the same way I did! You must remember the flowers slowly choking you. How they squeeze your lungs, and scratch open your throat. So please."
"I remember," offers Shinichi quietly, messaging his throat as he looks away from Kaito, "I remember it all too clearly."
He thinks back to all the times he was on his knees taking his last, painful breath. He remembers slowly getting worse and worse. He remembers the blood, and tears. He remembers the feeling of it. He remembers it all.
"Have you tried confessing your love instead? Maybe they did feel the same."
"Of course I did," Kaito near scoffs, "I have tried so often, but nothing."
It is a nice sunny day when Kaito meets Shinichi at the café. It is one they visit often as they both enjoy the coffee there.
'Today is the day' Kaito decides, 'Today he will know what I feel.'
Stepping inside he sees Shinichi already sitting there, reading a book. When the door bell jingles, the detective looks up and waves Kaito over, a beaming smile on his face.
"I already ordered for you," Shinichi says in a greeting when Kaito sits down, gesturing at the steaming cup of coffee, "So what did you want to talk about?"
Taking a sip of his coffee he stays silent at first with reddened cheeks.
"Well, I wanted to say that I—"
Before the once thief could finish he gets interrupted by a loud scream. A murder took place.
The confession has to wait as the both of them immediately jump into action.
— —
Kaito tries to confess his feelings once more after some time. This time they go to the public park for their regular walk.
Just when Kaito is about to bring up the topic again, they stumble upon the Detective Boys, who are asking Shinichi to play a game of soccer.
"Sorry, not this time" Shinichi kneels down to look them in the eyes, "I'm here with somebody else, and we have some matters to discuss."
"Aww… Can you really not play?" asks Genta—the tallest of the four—holding the ball in his hands, drooping slightly.
"Your friend can even play with us!" Ayumi exclaims, turning her hopeful eyes at Kaito as her dark her swishes with the movement.
"Yeah, the more the better, right Ai?" A freckled boy—Mitzuhiko—turns towards the other girl of the group, who in turn musters the two older guys.
"Sure," she replies with knowing eyes as she lingers on Kaito, putting a streak of light-brown hair behind her ear, "this might be a lot of fun."
— —
This time Kaito decides not to do this in public. It hasn't worked out so far, so a new plan must arrive.
This is why he shows up at Shinichi's doorstep unannounced, a bouquet of flowers in his hands.
Instead of Shinichi, it is Shinichi's mother who opens the door.
Shinichi himself isn't home, so this is also declared a bust.
— —
Having made plans with Shinichi beforehand, he now sits with Shinichi in his room as the both of them enjoy their cupcakes.
"So what I have been wanting to say—"
Again he gets interrupted. This time by Shinichi's ringing phone.
"Ignore it" Shinichi states as matter of fact, "eventually they will stop calling."
But his phone doesn't stop ringing. It rings again and again.
It turned out to be nothing Shinichi could ignore.
— —
Despite all those failures Kaito tries over and over again. He is many things, stubborn being one of them.
And yet he keeps failing. When he tries a café again the waiter trips and the coffee spills all over Kaito, so the had to cut that meeting short once more.
When Kaito invites Shinichi to his house instead, his mother decided to come home as well, and didn't leave them alone.
There has been more murders, and kidnappings, and other friends who interrupted them. He even got sick during some of his plans!
Eventually Kaito decides against confessing his feelings. The universe is obviously against that happening. Even when he spits out flower petals again that decision doesn't change.
"What about you?" Kaito asks, bracing for the worst, "You are so smart, you must have tried it as well."
"I have, but nothing came to fruition."
"So we have to go to the doctor! Maybe you have moved on now, or maybe if it is early enough the surgery does work! I really can't lose you to this. So please."
Shinichi can hear his heart crack at Kaito's devastation, and grabs Kaito's hands in his two, placing a kiss on top. "I can't do that. It simply won't work. This loop has just started, there is no need to jump-start a new one."
"This is why." Is all Kaito replies, heat rising to his ears even when the pained expression doesn't leave his face.
"Why is what?" Shinichi asks, pulling Kaito back inside the house as the door closes.
"Why I can't move on from you. You—You do all these things that make my heart skip a beat. Loving you wasn't difficult at all, but choosing to not do so? Moving on? You make it very hard. I just can't do that. For so many rounds I have tried to move on, but I just can't. With all your—your Shinichiness," Kaito gestures at Shinichi with his free hand as if to emphasize his point, as if it is obvious what he sees, "You say things, do things that make my hope go up, but you aren't even aware of them. And when you talk about something you love? There is nothing that brings me more joy. All I want is for you to look at me how you look when you talk about them. Only that that is a lie. I'm a thief. I'm greedy. I want to be the only one you look at. I want to hold you in my arms, and kiss you. I want to experience so many things with you because I love you."
"What makes you think that I don't love you?" Shinichi looks at Kaito just like he described, startling the other, "I have loved you for so long. I loved you when I was still in that wretched body of Conan. I fell even more for you when you helped me get reused to my body, my life. You get the same way about magic as I do with Sherlock Holmes. Do you even realise how your eyes sparkle when you talk about your passion? I fell for your competence first, but I fell even harder when I saw all your clumsy sides. Don't just decide what I feel. You don't have that right, you stupid thief."
"I'm no longer a thief," chuckles Kaito wetly, pulling Shinichi in his arms.
"We still don't know, if this ends the time-loop, or not," notes Shinichi after a few weeks of dating Kaito.
"I have on good authority that it does, and why it happened," Kaito presses a soft kiss to Shinichi's cheek, "But even if it doesn't... Having you in these loops doesn't make them feel like such a nightmare anymore."