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No one was around him. He knew that the island was dangerous, that he should avoid going to places all alone at night, but Ace was strong, and he could not stand the cheer of the others. It was not a cheerful day for him. It was not his birthday, it was not some anniversary, just one of those days in which his bad thoughts got the best of him. (They were becoming less and less frequent now that he was on Pop's ship, but they still appeared like a haunting ghost.)
He could not pretend to be cheery, yet, he could also not stand the loneliness of the stars. He was lonely under them, but he always was, even when he was in such a large crew. Always alone with his secret.
He did not deserve this. None of those people would be his friends, would care for him if they knew. They would despise him. He hoped they would not, but he had managed to find three people on Earth who did not hate him because of who he was born to, and he felt as though the universe would not allow him any more of them. Sabo. Luffy. Pops. Cursed blood, that he was, did not deserve anything, let alone anyone's love.
He wished he could allow himself to cry. No tears came. He's cried too much because of it already. His heart will always cry because of it, even if no tears came.
How long did he sit beside the rock and wallow in self pity? He did not know. He spent a lot of his nights wallowing in despair. Sadness was always laced through his days, never a day went without him thinking about it, thinking about the fact that all of his brothers and sisters on the ship would want him dead the moment they found out.
Pops had told him that they would not, and Ace hoped that the captain knew his crew well, that he knew them better than Ace did, it only made sense, but nothing could erase the thoughts in his head. They were ingrained in his head.
"Avoiding the fun?" asked a voice. Ace had not sensed anything or anyone approaching him, but sure enough, it was Marco's voice. He'd recognize his boyfriend's whisper anywhere.
"I do not think that anything could be fun at this moment." Not for him. Just a usual day for everyone else, but for Ace, it was painted with gray and a disgusting slimey green, because he felt disgusted at himself for lying to everyone, despite knowing that it was the only way for him to live life. No one could know that he was the son of Gol D. Roger, especially not the World Government. Keeping it a secret was essential for his survival, yet, he could not help but think that he was living a big old lie, that none of his friends would be friends with him if they knew, that he would be as unwanted as he always was.
"You could try." Parties with Ace were always more fun.
"My mind is too distracted." Not filled with any good thoughts, either. He was not in a party mood. No matter how much he'd rather have fun and party with everyone, his mind was not allowing him peace or happiness. Not tonight.
"Can't say I don't have days when I don't want to party," responded Marco, though he was observant and emotionally mature enough that he could recognize that this was not a simple matter of dealing with a bad mood. "Do you want to talk with me about what's bothering you?" asked Marco, though he already knew Ace's answer. Ace was not talkative when it came to his problems. He never revealed anything himself and reacted badly to being pressed.
"No." This was not a matter he could talk about with anyone. He could with Luffy, his brother knew and loved him, but Luffy would not understand. Luffy loved him no matter what and thought that his father being Gol D. Roger was the coolest thing ever. He doubted many people in the world would be able to understand him.
"I didn't think so. Do you want me to distract you?"
"How would you do that?", asked Ace. If anything could distract him, erase his thoughts if only for a moment, it would be good.
Marco did not have a plan. "I am your boyfriend, and we are all alone in a dark corner of an island undisturbed by everyone else."
Ace laughed. "Really, sex? That's your big idea?"
Marco shrugged. "It does generally make people forget their problems, if only for a bit." It's worked before.
"It's not too bad of an idea," responded Ace, "but I don't think that anything or anyone in the world could make me horny right now, no offense."
Marco laughed. "None taken." Why would he take offense to that? His boyfriend was feeling shitty and sex sounded unappealing at the moment. That was fine. He didn't set out on having sex when he went searching for Ace. "I just want to help you," he said. "You look as though you have the weight of the world on your shoulders."
"Maybe I do." It felt like it. As though he had every crime under the sun attached to him, despite not committing most of them himself. Today was by far the worst day in a while. Every single day there were traces of such thoughts, but today, he could feel them all, intensified. All the words people ever said to him, not knowing that he was the son of the Pirate King. "I wish I could turn off my brain for a moment."
Marco often wondered what was bothering Ace so much, he always did, but Ace wasn't telling. Without knowing what was bothering him, he could not help much, but if Ace didn't want to say, then forcing him would do no good either. It would only make things worse. "We all wish we could."
Ace looked surprised at that admission. "There is something that makes you want to shred your brain in order to make you stop?"
Just what was causing Ace such distress? Why would he want to shred his brain? "Not quite like that, no, but there is a lot to keep track of and worry about. I'm responsible for the safety of quite a lot of people."
Ace pouted. Was he not himself saddled with responsibilities? He was the Second Commander, after all. "Hello, Mister Responsible."
"What is that pout for?"
"I have a lot of responsibilities, too." They helped him, though. Kept his mind distracted, protecting others made him feel as though he wasn't a horrible person who shouldn't have ever been born, if only for a moment.
"You do, but don't you worry, they are only going to multiply as time goes by."
"I don't mind that. Keeps me busy."
"Do you want me to keep you busy? I could always give you more duties." Marco had plenty of things to delegate to other people.
"Didn't you come here to cheer me up? More duties won't cheer me up."
Marco sighed, "The only thing that truly cheers you up is stories about your brother but I obviously don't have any. Do you want me to invent some?"
Ace snickered. "I would like to hear what you've conjured up about my little brother just from me talking about him." He talked about Luffy a lot.
Marco finally knew what he was to do. He thought for a second, then started, "There was a boy who really, really, wanted to eat this fish..."