Chapter Text
Courtship is widely regarded as a solemn and dignified affair, involving formal visits, loud feasts, excessive singing, and a great deal of posturing by people who have no real intention of listening to one another and every intention of boring everyone else to death in the hopes of gaining a match for themselves instead.
This guide is not concerned with such methods.
Instead, it is intended for those who find themselves ill-suited to tradition, possessed of a far more curious mind, or are otherwise inexplicably drawn to individuals who are far more perceptive than is reasonably convenient. It is also intended for those who have discovered - often too late - that intelligence is a far more dangerous attraction than beauty.
The following advice is presented as a series of observations, strategies, and cautionary examples. Some are theoretical. Others have been tested in practice, with mixed results.
The reader is advised to proceed with discretion.
Marginal note: This book does not condone trespassing, impersonation, or entering another person’s private chambers without invitation. Any resemblance to real events is entirely coincidental, and the authors strongly advise against attempting half of what is described herein.
Second marginal note: The above disclaimer is a lie.
Success is not guaranteed. Indeed, failure is statistically more likely.
However, for those willing to risk personal embarrassment, injury, and the possibility of being forcibly removed from a given set of premises with gratuitous force at an inconvenient hour, the rewards may prove considerable.
Should this guide result in mutual understanding, shared purpose, or marriage, the authors give their mutual regards to the reader.
Should it result in a war, the reader should consider that possibility very carefully before proceeding, but they should note that the authors will take no personal responsibility.