Chapter Text
White walls.
Hospital.
Wires.
Tubes.
Ouch.
Hospital.
Why?
Spencer felt confused. And empty. His brain was full of knowledge and stories, but nothing ‘real’, nothing tangible.
“Hello Spencer, I’m glad to see you awake,” a calm voice said. Spencer turned and saw a nurse.
“What happened?” He rasped. The nurse passed him a cup of water and encouraged him to drink before answering.
“You were caught by the shockwaves of an explosion so while you weren’t burned, you did sustain severe injuries. You’ve been unconscious for a month.”
Spencer felt his eyes widen, “why was I near an explosion? Was it on campus?”
The nurse shook her head, “I don’t know, honey. But I’m sure your friends can fill you in.”
“I don’t really have any friends,” Spencer shrugged.
“You have some in the waiting room. But first, I need to do something memory checks. Who is the current president?”
“Obama.”
The nurse wrote something down, “and what do you do for a living?”
“I’m at Caltech working on my PHD”
“Okay. And I’m going to show you some photos. I want you to name the people or objects shown.”
Spencer nodded, “book, water, man, bottle, jet, lady, lasagne, man, spatula, coffee”
The nurse gave him a small smile, “thank you, Spencer. I’ll be back shortly.”
The nurse left the room and immediately headed to the room of anxious FBI agents.
“How is he?”
“Can we see him?”
“Is he properly awake now?”
The nurse paused, looking at the room full of people who hadn’t left for more than a few hours since Spencer’s arrival a month ago, who had been sleeping on chairs in the family waiting room, who’d cried, laughed and worried together.
“He is awake but has complete amnesia. He recognises basic things but had no memory for people at all. A memory specialist is going to explain the situation to him, then you can see him.”
***
"You'll need to be patient. He's only just found out that he's missing ten years of his life."
Hotch nodded, "I know. Don't worry, we will support him however is needed."
The nurse nodded and opened the door to the room, knocking as she did so, and ushered Hotch in.
“Spencer, this is Aaron Hotchner, he’s your medical proxy on your file.”
Spencer stared at him blankly and Hotch felt his heart break. Spencer looked so vulnerable.
“Hi Spencer, I know you are struggling with your memory right now, so don’t worry if you don’t recognise me. I’m going to sit here with you for a while, okay?”
Spencer nodded.
Hotch pulled out a laptop and began working, occasionally commenting on something to Spencer.
“How are you feeling? Your file says no narcotics, so you haven’t had any for pain relief, but I can see if they have stronger non-addictive stuff if you need it?” Hotch asked as Spencer reached for his water with shaking hands.
“I’m okay. Just fuzzy. I have a bit of a headache but it’s not the end of the world… Why do I have no narcotics in my file?”
Hotch winced, “Honestly, Spencer, I think it would be better to let that memory stay forgotten for a while. If you really want to know I can tell you, but it was a bad situation and I worry about you remembering that before you remember any of us. It was bad enough the first time and I’m scared you wouldn’t manage without support from people you trust.”
Spencer nodded, “What if I never remember?” his voice was a whisper.
“If you never remember then I can tell you, and the whole team cares about you. Even though you don’t remember us, we remember you. We will start again from scratch if necessary.”
Spencer nodded, “I want to trust you, you seem nice and you have an FBI badge and everything…”
Hotch paused for a moment, “I have some videos on my phone and laptop that may be helpful. It won’t necessarily help you remember, but it’ll at least show that you know us.”
Hotch scrolled for a few minutes before giving a satisfied, “Here it is.”
Hotch turned the screen around to show Spencer a video he’d found of Spencer and the others singing karaoke at a bar. He flicked to another video, this time a video Derek had recorded on the jet a few months earlier.
“And here we have pretty boy sleeping on Hotch. Anyone else would have been thrown from the jet window but when it’s Spencer Hotch just loosens his tie so he doesn’t strangle himself.”
Spencer gave Hotch a confused look, “why was I sleeping on you?”
“We both work in the FBI, in the BAU. We’d just finished a long case and you crashed on the jet ride home. Derek filmed the video to send to Penelope, another team member, to make her laugh. You were sat with me because you’d been helping with some of the paperwork before falling asleep”
Spencer nodded once more, still visibly confused.
“I won’t show you any more photos or videos for now, it’ll only confuse you, but if you want to see any others, we have started compiling videos for you.”
Spencer gave a small nod and yawned.
“Get some sleep, Spencer,” Hotch said, automatically brushing Spencer’s hair off of his face, then feeling guilty as Spencer flinched away from the hand.
***
Spencer woke up to the sound of someone quietly talking to him. He kept his eyes shut.
“And pretty boy, I hope that somewhere in you, even though you don’t remember us, you remember that we are safe. We love you, kid, and none of us will ever hurt you. You’re like a brother to me, and I would hate for you to forget that. We’re not going anywhere, though, even if we have to rebuild our friendship from day one. Please don’t be scared of me when you wake up. You acted scared of me for the whole first year I knew you. At first I thought it was because I was black, but then I realised you just felt like you didn’t fit. You were scared because I was a big, sporty guy and you were a nerd. Are a nerd. Our nerd. You helped us win a baseball game… we got trapped in an elevator once. We’ve had a bit of a time. I tease the hell out of you, but kid, I’ll never hurt you.”
Spencer could hear the man clear his throat. His brain supplied ‘Derek’ - he recognised the voice from the video. Clearly the man cared.
“You’re my baby brother, man, I’ll be here as long as you need help. Until you remember.”
Spencer must have fallen asleep again. When he woke up, Derek was gone.
***
A nurse came in and sat on the chair next to the bed, “Hey Spencer, I need to do some tests on you, okay? I’m taking you for a CT scan.”
“I… I can’t afford that.”
“We have your insurance information, Spencer, it’s covered.”
Spencer shook his head, baffled.
“It’s okay, you are insured. When you get your memories back it’ll make sense.”
Spencer shrugged, letting the nurse lead him out of the room, his legs wobbling.
***
After the CT, Spencer was back in his room and a man came in, smiling slightly.
“You… You’re David Rossi. I’ve read both your books,” Spencer said, his eyes lighting up.
“I’m glad to hear it, Spencer. What did you think of them?”
“They are awesome. It makes me want to be a profiler. Jason Gideon is doing a seminar later this year at college and I’m going to go to that, it’ll be so cool.”
Rossi smiled sadly.
“Oh. I guess that already happened…” Spencer sounded so bewildered that it broke Rossi’s heart.
“Bambino, you went to that seminar. It was Jason who got you into the FBI early and got you fast tracked to the BAU. You’ve been working at the BAU for a while now, kid.”
Spencer frowned, “Why don’t I remember?”
“Because explosions suck like that.”
“Wait… have you written more books?” Spencer asked.
“Oh yes. 10 is the current total.”
Spencer’s eyes widened.
“I’ll bring in some copies for you if you like?”
“Is that okay?”
“Of course, bambino.”
***
JJ sat next to the bed, holding Spencer’s hand. Emily sat opposite her while Garcia sat on the end of the bed, criss cross applesauce with her laptop open. She’d created a montage of photos and videos that she was talking Spencer through.
“And this was when we went to a convention together… we’ve been to quite a few now. But this one we bumped into Rossi and Strauss, which was awkward and hilarious altogether. And this photo was when we had a bake-off, me, you, JJ and Emily”
A voice at the door made everyone jump.
“Spencer?”
William Reid was stood in the doorway.