Chapter Text
Shauna Shipman, 19 years old, and already done with life. She sighs, scratching out the last line she wrote furiously, her brow knitting together as she focuses back on the guitar on her lap.
Gently, she strums down and grunts. “Wrong fucking chord..” she mutters, her frustration growing. Once more, she strums, humming.
Once she falls into a rhythm she likes, she continues to write the chorus. It’s a song she fears will never see the light of day. Mostly because it’s about her. Jackie. The girl she spent years playing with, then eventually ‘hanging out’ with. What felt like eons of sleepovers and sneaky glances crumbled down to a wreckage only a year and a half ago.
Shauna slept with Jeff, and to this day she doesn’t know why she did it. She’s a fucking lesbian for christs sake. There was just something about the power- the unwavering want that pathetic boy oozes, even now.
Sighing, she shuts her notebook, looking up to see Nat, her closest confidant since Jackie, and band partner leaning against the doorway, smoking a cigarette.
“I like that one man,” she pulls the cigarette between her lips, taking a puff and smiling, pointing the cigarette between two fingers at Shauna.
“We have to do something with that- fuck- I’d listen to it, what’s it called ship?”
Shauna looks down at the guitar in her lap, rolling her eyes before half shrugging. “It’s dumb.. uh, Jackie down the line?” Shauna doesn’t need to glance at Nat to see her reaction. She knows.
Nats grin has faded, replaced by that sympathetic, almost understanding expression. “Do you like it?” She asks after a long moment of silence, taking another drag from the cigarette.
Shauna thinks about it, raises her eyebrows before dropping them again, chewing on her lower lip.
“I don’t hate it.”
They write it, within 3 weeks, it’s written, released and they’re performing it at gigs.
But, when Van suggests the just have to do it for their small tiktok account, with no more than 250 followers, the video blows up.
Jackie down the line has over 50k streams. And the worst thing about it? That means everyone from Shauna’s personal life knows it’s about.. that situation.
Ben, their new manager, is relishing it. Smiling in the studio as Shauna re records the voice lines, over, and over. It’s going on their album, their first official one since getting signed.
After a shitty day in the studio, Van, Nat, Shauna and Lottie all trail into their apartment, well it technically isn’t Lottie's place but her and Nat practically spend all day in Nat's messy room, so she counts.
As soon as they’re in the door, Shauna heads straight for the bottle of Malibu in the cabinet. Van whistles, low and shaky from the giggle that parts her lips a moment later. “Going for the hard stuff?” She asks teasingly.
Shauna smiles, grabbing the bottle of vodka too, along with plastic cups. She turns around, bringing the supplies to the second hand wooden table. “Let’s get famous.” She states, slamming back a little over a shot, grimacing and whooping a moment later, still breathing heavily due to the slight nausea after the alcohol.
Lottie follows suit, sipping at the shot lightly, taking one half at a time. Then Nat. Then Van. A little over an hour later, they’re huddled on the couch, Lottie with her glass of wine, Van with a four loko and Shauna and Nat, nursing vodka sodas.
Shauna knows Lottie is still friends with Jackie. God, they met at piano classes, of course they did. They’re rich.
But, what Shauna doesn’t know is that Lottie is so consumed with her phone because Jackie had just heard the song. The song Shauna wrote, using her name.
Jeff, her now ex boyfriend, sent it to her. Fuck.
Jackie: Lottie??? It’s your fucking band??? What the fuck?? I expected this from Shauna but you??
Jackie: ANSWER!! I was friends with all of you too! What the fuck? Text me asap!
Jackie: Lottie I swear to god. Pick up your fucking phone.
Jackie: I CAN SEE YOUVE READ THE MESSAGE
Jackie: I hate all of you. Have a nice fucking life.
With that, Lottie put down the phone, sighing. Not now, just not now.
She looked up, studying Shauna’s laugh, her shoulders tensing as Nat and Van were reciting stories, her brown eyes had more of a deep contrast when she was like this. Light, airy, drunk.
Shauna loved Jackie, deeply. She told the band one night after a gig, sobbing, half covered in her own vomit, just about awake.
Lottie's heart clenched at the memory, the way Shauna’s chest shook with her sobs, how her tears seemed never ending at the time. To put it simply, being gay fucking sucks.
To be fair, her and Nat took awhile to figure it out, but Shauna? Having to see how happy Van and Tai, along with Nat and Lottie are? It’s probably not fun.
Her phone pinged again.
Jackie: I miss her Lot. But fuck you for letting that song be wrote.
This time she had to respond, now the alcohol had made her a determined, although drunk, woman. She tuned out the shitty reality tv playing, the drunken giggles from her friends and honed in on the text she was writing.
Lottie M: she misses you too. I don’t think I can say much? She didn’t mean the way some of it, like how it came off??
Lottie M: I promise. We should totally call soon, zoom maybe??
Jackie: how about coffee? I’m in LA.
Lottie sat upright, her eyes wide.
“Shit Lot, you ok?” Van asked, putting their glass down and sitting to face her. Three pairs of eyes were on her in an instant as she awkwardly chuckled.
“Uh. Yeah, just- since we’ve been getting bigger I keep getting dick pics, gross.” She mumbled, tossing her phone down.
Nats eyes steadied into a glare. “You didn’t tell me-“ Lottie threw her a look, a look that said ‘I’ll tell you later.’ They finished off the night shortly after.
Once back in Nat's room, she crumbled.
“-and then she asked to go out for coffee! What the fuck is she doing in LA?” Lottie asks with a pout, flopping down beside Nat, who’s furiously typing on her old computer.
Her eyes, smudged with messy eyeliner and eyeshadow, black of course, trace the Facebook page on display. She sighs, finding nothing.
But then, she begins to type furiously again. Jackie’s mother. Of course that woman posts an awful lot on Facebook.
Lottie sits back up, scanning the computer screen along with her girlfriend, her eyes widening on a post from two weeks ago.
A photo of Jackie with her mother, Elizabeth, captioned: ‘My darling girl! So big already! And leaving us behind for a new adventure, enjoy your new career my dear x mommy and daddy love you.’
Nat groans at the sickening sweet pet names before fully absorbing what that means. Jackie is in LA, permanently. “Shauna is gonna freak the fuck out.” She mutters. “We’re genuinely gonna have to take turns watching her.” She says with a deadpan expression.
Lottie huffs, intertwining the paler girl's hand with her own and pulling it up to her lips to place a gentle kiss on the back of her hand. “Or.. they’ll be friends again?” Lottie states hopefully.
“Or they’ll be friends again.” Nat repeats, leaning her head on Lottie's shoulder with an exasperated sigh.
The next day, ‘breakfast’, which is really lunch, almost dinner, for Shauna starts the same as any other day. Waking up at 11-12 am, sitting in bed for at least 2 hours minimum and then stalking out of her room for a bagel or some easy thing to eat.
Once she’s sat at the island counter in the kitchen, munching on her food and sipping her coffee, she realises that slowly her roommates have joined her. All of their eyes seem to be on her.
Van, who was filled in at around 10 am, and promptly invited Tai over, sits down right across from her with a sympathetic look. Shauna doesn’t notice at first, too engrossed with instagram reels, but she can feel the eyes on her, prompting her to put down her phone and glare.
“So..” Lottie starts from behind Nat, not hiding physically, but spiritually behind the shorter girl.
“Jackie knows about the song-“
Shauna chokes on her coffee with wide eyes, spluttering, coughing and then eventually gulping down breaths she didn’t know she was lacking. Jackie. Jackie. Jackie fucking Taylor.
“I was uh- talking to her. She’s doing good, she’s actually here.. in LA. She was maybe sorta hoping to do coffee? Talk about the song?” Lottie finishes off her half strung together thoughts when Tai looks back and gives her a nod.
Tai looks down at Shauna’s shocked expression, standing just in front of her after walking over.
“You don’t have to. We get it, seriously.” After Shauna finally comprehends what was just said to her, she’s up in an instant.
“What the fuck?” She screeches, pacing from behind the counter, to the other side. Four steps forward, spin, four steps back, repeat. “What the fuck!?” She repeats, putting her clammy hand on her chest.
No one intervenes. It's a fact that when Shauna is like this, it’s better to observe than be in the firing range. So after a long moment of pacing, she faces the group again.
“What the fuck is she doing in LA? Is she ok? Is she still with Jeff?” Shauna asks in rapid succession, looking at the group, her gaze darting from Van to Tai, then Nat, then Lottie.
She turn, going for the cabinet, pulling out the unfinished bottle of vodka before Van swiftly plucks it from her hands.
Shauna’s eyes are wide as she turns around again with a snarl, trying to grab it back. “Fucking give it to me!” She yells, trying to grab the bottle, which is now placed in Tai’s hands.
Nat shivers, stomping out of the room with Lottie trailing behind her.
“Coffee’s in an hour Shauna, be ready. Or don’t! I don’t care!” Nat yells from the hallway.