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CTV Ottawa @ctvottawa
#BREAKING: Shane Hollander signs new contract with Ottawa Centaurs

In a move about to rock the MLH, the season’s most-sought after free agent officially signs a new contract with his hometown team.

This puts him on the same team as his equally famous husband Ilya Rozanov. The two hockey players tied the knot earlier this summer at an intimate backyard wedding.

Hollander leaves the Montreal Metros after a 10-year tenure with the team, during which saw them win three Cups, two of them consecutively.

Details of Hollander’s contract…
(Read more…)

Ottawa Centaurs @Centaurs
Ottawa's Prince of Hockey Returns! Excited to welcome @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer back home!

[Pictured: Shane Hollander holding up a red and black Ottawa Centaurs jersey with ‘Hollander 24’ printed on it. Attached Video: Shane Hollander putting the jersey on, head first, face beaming and slightly flushed, as a series of camera flashes light up the room.]

Ilya Rozanov-Hollander @ilyarozanov81🔄 Ottawa Centaurs
❤️❤️❤️❤️Мой муж

Man In The Crease Podcast @ManInTheCrease🔄 Ottawa Centaurs
HOLY FUCKING SHIT Hollander left Montreal?? Is the world ending

Centaurs #1 Fan @centaurism 🔄 CTV Ottawa
brb shaking crying throwing up my bb is home #HOLLANDERISHOME #CENTAURS2022 #FUCKTHEMETROS #YOUHOMOPHOBICPIECESOFSHIT

lisa r @lisarTO
Just saw the news. Quick, someone in Montreal tell me if the riots have started I was supposed to go later today for a conference but debating if I should feign illness but my Via Rail tickets are nonrefundable

↪️ fo-yay not fo-yer @fleurlisie
um, given the fact that I've heard sirens for the last twenty minutes straight since the news dropped: oui

Mr Poulet @monsieurpoulet14
j’viens juste de tomber sur mes genoux dans salle à manger de savers drug mart

Mr Poulet @monsieurpoulet14
Ça fait deux heures que je suis sur mon téléphone. ça pas d’allure esti

Mr Poulet @monsieurpoulet14
⁠non mais tabarnak??? c’est quoi cette signature la?? tu peux pas me dire qu’on pouvait pas lui offrir ça? à notre CAPITAINE?? NOTRE CAPITAINE???????? N O T R E C A P I T A I N E (1/20)

↪️ Hockey was a mistake @pittsburgh1778
I don’t know what that all says but yeah, that’s a mood

Hockey was a mistake @pittsburgh1778
l o l not montreal fumbling the bad bitch known as Shane Hollander ten years three cups winner of the calder multiple art ross hart memorial conn smythe and him playing tonsil hockey with Ilya Rozanov is too much for them like okay if that was my captain i’d let him k*ll one of his haters daily as a little treat starting with Theriault #fuckthemetros #hollanderdeservesbetter

Days to start of season:79 @mmetrosluv
petitioning the @MLH to redraw the divisions again and put ottawa in it's own timeout corner #investigatethemfortampering

↪️ Hockey was a mistake @pittsburgh1778
bro you have no right to talk youre a metro fan?? like this is THEIR fault???? there is no fucking way shane 'i want to retire a metro' hollander fucking left montreal of his own choice??????? NOW THE REST OF US HAVE TO SUFFER FOR THEIR CRIMES?????????? #fuckthemetros

Hockey was a mistake @pittsburgh1778
Dear Montreal Metros: I hope your pillow is always hot, your food cooks unevenly, the washing machine always eats your socks, your poutine never has enough cheese curds or gravy, AND YOU NEVER KNOW PEACE AGAIN #fuckthemetros

↪️ Mr Poulet @monsieurpoulet14
mon dieu, même la poutine n’est pas épargné

Yevgeny ‘Z’ Malikov @YZMalikov
Bad news day ((((

Ray | Travelling NS! @inthepitt
just saw Casey Summers at the local grocery store!!

[Pictured: Photo taken from behind, a phone screen visible with a picture of Shane Hollander in a Centaurs jersey. Pictured: Another photo of the same man hunched over, wearing sunglasses and a baseball cap low on his face, trying to obscure it while scowling at his phone.]

↪️ Puck the MLH @puckfcker
Damn he looks as mad as when Breton fractured Z’s collarbone in that game a few years ago against Philadelphia. Ready to drop gloves yesterday.

↪️ Puck the MLH @puckfcker
Wait just how did you recognize him?? He did a pretty good job of disguising himself, I wouldn’t give him a second look at the grocery store

Puck the MLH @puckfcker 🔄 Ray | Travelling NS!
…yeah okay that’s valid you can see that hockey ass from the international space station

Scott Hunter’s Abs @admiralsred
its fine. this is totally fine. there are 82 games in a season, Ottawa is just a guaranteed loss. we can make the points up elsewhere (god no we can't this is going to fucking suck ass) #fuckthemetros #thisisalltheirfault

Player safety? Never heard of her @puck0ff
Rest of the league is pointing and laughing at the Atlantic Division. The Atlantic Division has no time to laugh as they’re currently busy plotting the murder of the Montreal Metros. #fuckthemetros #whocareswhenhewinscups

yaoi addict @sfs2172
You know. There are days where my hockey team disappoints me. But then I remember they didn’t let their star player walk away after ten years and at least they're not in the Atlantic Division and don't play Ottawa more than twice a season.

yaoi addict @sfs2172
Metros getting their just desserts, they have to play the Centaurs four times a season. I’m going to enjoy watching #Hollanov whack them with the power of irl yaoi #fuckthemetros

↪️ Puck the MLH @puckfcker
lmfao oh shit your right Toronto and Montreal both going to eat their hearts out

↪️ Days to start of season:79 @mmetrosluv
:(

J | Black and Gold All Over @bostonfanboy7
Well, time to win the other 78 games instead because ain't no way we got shit against Ottawa if both Rozanov and Hollander stay healthy. #fuckthemetros

↪️ LA Crowns Cup Win When @LAcrownjewels
whats the strat for the playoffs then

big doe eyes @hollanderism
every hockey fan should pitch in money to hire an etsy witch to curse the @Metros because thanks to them, this is going to suck as much as the MLB

↪️ Puck goes in net, not the goalie @offthepuck
fr the Atlantic Division trying to be the hockey version of the AL East

Bleed Blue @tguardians4eva
Honestly, this is fine. Montreal doesn't deserve Hollander. But also WHY MUST WE ALL SUFFER FOR MONTREAL'S CRIMES?!@ #fuckthemetros

↪️ Centaurs #1 Fan @centaurism
Um girlie, you stan the Guardians, you kinda deserve it too?

Centaurs #1 Fan @centaurism 🔄 Bleed Blue
Damn what is in the water in toronto?

↪️ Bleed Blue @tguardians4eva
Lead depending on how old your pipes are, an anxiety disorder, despair and depression at our sports teams

sherry ☆ @SH24242424
Honestly, I kinda feel bad for Hollander. He's spoken so highly of Montreal and the organization so many times in the past, and how much he wants to stay in Montreal and to see him sign with Ottawa???? Something bad must have gone down behind the scenes. #hollanderdeservesbetter

↪️ DJ Brad @b_marcbien
I have a buddy that works in the Metros organization and the rumor is the locker room was super fucked up. Like SUPER fucked up, especially after Montreal lost last season. I don't blame Hollander for getting the fuck out of there if even half of what my buddy said is true.

THEY DON’T DESERVE HIM @hollander24fan
heard rumor the reason why Hollander left Montreal was because of a bad locker room situation. what the fuck??? where was management??? you don't fucking let your star player, your fucking captain just walk away?????? YOU GET RID OF THE REST OF THE PROBLEM. TRADE FOR LESS SHITTY PEOPLE. Hollander built this dynasty from the fucking ground up and just like that the rest of the organization just burns it the fuck down. Unbelievable. #hollanderdeservesbetter

↪️ Centaurs #1 Fan @centaurism
The rumor is probably true, like you can see pictures people posted from their wedding and it looks like the only Montreal players in attendance were Pike and Boiziau :( More of Rozanov's old Boston teammates showed up and he left the team four years ago versus Hollander leaving Montreal literally months ago.

THEY DON’T DESERVE HIM @hollander24fan 🔄 Centaurs #1 Fan
I’m so fucking mad for him I’m literally shaking. Rozanov better treat him right or else I WILL FIGHT #hollanderdeservesbetter #fuckthemetros #ilyarozanovcanyoufight

↪️ Russia’s greatest fuck machine @rozanuff
Girl you’re going to fight the 6’3” Russian Terror when your 5’2” ass can barely reach the top of the grocery shelf?

Future MLH draft pick @ev_avery2
cant believe if they just kept their big mouths SHUT we wouldn't have to be up against married optimus prime and megatron #fuckthemetros

↪️ yaoi addict @sjs2172
okay i think that is enough internet for me today

↪️ yaoi addict @sjs2172
nvm i looked it up, i have a new hyperfixation now

Lilia | SF#1 @sanfrandreamers
Wait, I just caught up. So what I'm understanding from all this is the team now with the best chance to win the cup going into the season this year is held together by the power of friendship and gay love

Ottawa Centaurs @Centaurs
And dogs!

[Pictured: Chiron sitting in the home team penalty box]

Vivien @ViveMTR
Hi Everyone! In light of recent news we've started a petition requesting the resignation of the entirety of the Montreal Metros management team. You can sign the petition here at the following link: https://www.ourcommons.ca/petitions/en/Petition/Details…

↪️ lisa r @lisarTO
help, why does this redirect to the Parliament of Canada's webpage bestie did you actually petition the FEDERAL GOVERNMENT over this what MP did you even get to cosign this

↪️ lisa r @lisarTO
bc clearly this should be a provincial issue

lisa r @lisarTO 🔄 Vivien
BESTIE I WAS JOKING OMF—

everyone in the box @penaItyk1ll
Man, I just know the MLH team group chats must be popping off right now lmao

↪️ THEY DON’T DESERVE HIM @hollander24fan
ikr everyone must be pissed af at the metros

THEY DON’T DESERVE HIM @hollander24fan 🔄 everyone in the box
Dude, I’m like a Hayden Pike hater and even I’m like too fucking soon. Way too fucking soon. FOREVER TOO FUCKING S O O N.

BuzzFeed @BuzzFeed
#ICYMI: ‘Top 10 Internet Reactions to Shane Hollander Signing With the Ottawa Centaurs’ http://bit.ly/4kveTbC

“Hey Holly, you should see to this.”

Shane turned around to see Wyatt Hayes approach him, half dressed in his goalie gear. It was one of his first practices with the team and he was a bundle of nerves and excitement. It had been a very long time since Shane was the newest member of a team and while the thought still made his heart ache, he was eager to help Ottawa win its first cup in the franchise history.

“See what?” Shane asked as Hayes angled his phone screen so Shane could see the page pulled up on it.

“Buzzfeed did a ‘Top 10 Internet Reactions to Shane Hollander Signing With the Ottawa Centaurs’. Some of them are really funny.” Hayes scrolled down until he stopped at a tweet posted a few minutes after the announcement of his signing. “This one really cracked me up ‘cant believe if they just kept their big mouths SHUT we wouldn't have to be up against married optimus prime and megatron’.” Hayes could barely read the words coherently between his giggles. “Honestly, at first the sentence gave me whiplash but I kinda see it.”

Shane scrunched up his nose. “Aren’t they robots? Can robots get married?” Actually, how do robots…nevermind, Shane wasn’t finishing that thought.

“I mean, they are an alien race of sentient robots so they do have the human equivalent of marriage. They undergo a four step ritual called ‘Conjunx Ritus’ and once complete they are formally bonded and well, they don’t have the words wife or husband but instead refer to their significant other as ‘Conjunx Endura’ but this only shows up in the 2005 IDW Transformers comic series and in fanspaces you’ll often seen the term ‘sparkmate’ used which refers to the fact that Cybertronians— ”

Oh god, Shane wasn’t equipped to handle a Wyatt Hayes’s comic book lore dump by himself. He had lost the conversation the first time the word ‘Conjunx’ had come up and didn’t know how to interrupt the goalie’s impassioned monologue.

A familiar arm swung over his shoulder. “Am I sexy robot?” Ilya asked, sounding quite serious but with an amused smirk on his face.

Shane mentally sighed in relief. Thank god, reinforcements.

“Hmm,” Hayes pondered Ilya’s question for a long moment, “I think it depends on the series, sometimes he looks more scary than sexy but I guess from the perspective of a Cybertronian he would be ruggedly handsome. The Bay movies design is kinda awful, but then again no one likes those movies unless they just want to see things get blown up.”

“Wait, why is he Megatron?” Shane asked.

That earned him a look from Hayes, his eyebrows in his hairline. “Uhhhhh, Holly, have you seen Optimus Prime?”

Maybe once as a child when distant relatives visited from Japan and brought him one of those action figures as a gift. He didn’t remember what happened to it.

“He’s kinda…like. The good guy, you know? The goody two-shoes, symbol of all that is justice and good. And you’re like, the nicest player in the league.” Hayes explained as he took Shane’s silence for the ‘no’ it was.

“Are you saying I am not nice, Hayes.” Ilya cut in, a comically wounded expression on his face. “Very brave of you to say that about your captain.”

Hayes remained unfazed by Ilya’s ‘threat’, all of his teammates knowing him too well to take it as anything other than a lighthearted chirp. “Well, you’re definitely not as nice as Holly, Rozy. And Optimus Prime is red, blue, and white so…” Hayes shrugged. “Those were Montreal’s colours so it definitely fits Holly more than you.”

Shane knew Hayes meant nothing by the throwaway comment but it still stung a little to remember that the jersey he wore was no longer the familiar colours he had worn for the last ten years. He had seen pictures of himself from the press conference in the red-black colours of the Centaurs and almost didn’t recognize himself for a split second. Not only due to the different jersey but also because Shane didn’t remember the last time he had smiled that brightly for the media, if ever. The hurt ached less with every day, especially in the morning when he woke up with Ilya wrapped around him, as if shielding him.

Instead of fixating on what was, Shane ignored the mention of what he once thought was his forever, and asked Hayes, “but isn’t Megatron evil and aren’t they enemies?” He vaguely remembered some odd bits and pieces, mostly from on demand movies Hayden played during roadies. “We’ve never been enemies, not really.”

Ilya’s thumb dug into his shoulder a little sharply. It was the ‘I am trying to get us out of this mess and you keep making it worse’ jab.

Hayes’s eyes lit up. Oh no. “Well actually, depending on which comic or continuity you go with, Megatron and Optimus Prime were once friends and in fandom it is actually a real popul—”

“Hey,” Troy Barrett peeked his head into the locker room, raising his eyebrows at them, woefully unimpressed. “Coach is threatening you guys with bag skates if you guys don’t hurry up and get on the ice.”

Hayes looked down. “Right. I forgot about that. I need to finish getting dressed, I’ll see you guys on the ice.” Refocused on hockey and thankfully dropping the topic about fictional sentient robots, Hayes carefully waddled away back to his stall. Goalies, Shane thought to himself, all of them were so freaking weird.

“Thank you Barrett,” Ilya said after Hayes was out of earshot.

“Uh, you’re welcome?” One did not get thanked by Ilya Rozanov often, at least not sincerely. The suspicious and perplexed expression on Barrett’s face meant he very much expected Ilya to follow up with a chirp. But after another moment when Ilya said nothing, he finally let his guard down, turning back in the direction he originally came from. “I don’t know what just happened but seriously, Coach wants you guys on ice.”

“We’ll be right there,” Ilya reassured, shooing Barrett away. Not wanting to be caught again witnessing a private moment between the newlyweds, Barrett took the dismissal for what it was and fled.

“Thanks, I didn’t know how to interrupt him,” Shane sighed as they walked towards the tunnel leading to the rink. He was still getting to know the team and settling into the dynamics of it, not that locker room talk was ever his forte to begin with, even back in Montreal. There were moments when he still expected to turn around, Hayden or J.J.’s name on the tip of his tongue, only to meet the faces of Troy Barrett or Luca Haas. He felt wrong-footed, off-centered and it would take a while to get to this new reality. He had no regrets, of course, but there was definitely a learning curve. Thankfully, there was still time before the season officially started to work on team and line synergies.

With no one around, Ilya sneaked a kiss on Shane’s lips. They were trying to maintain some level of professional decorum…although, given the groans in the locker room thus far, they haven’t been so successful. “Yes, I noticed. What is the saying? Digging the hole deeper? Lucky you married sexy robot husband.”

Shane laughed at Ilya’s ridiculous wagging eyebrows. “Shut up, Rozanov-Hollander.” He would never get over it, the little thrill in his chest whenever he said Ilya’s new legal married name.

Ilya grinned back. “Make me, Hollander-Rozanov.” Nor would the feeling of hearing his new name spill from his husband’s lips, the way Ilya rolled the Rs together sending a shiver down Shane’s spine.

The grin turned sharp and devilish, Ilya’s eyes not missing the way Shane’s body had trembled. “You were thinking it, weren’t you?”

“Thinking what?” Shane asked, the denial already on the tip of his tongue.

““How robots fuck.” The blunt words almost echo off the deserted hall, Ilya completely unabashed. In fact, he looked ecstatic in an absolutely terrible way.

Oh my god. Shane immediately turned away from Ilya, attempting to hide the red of his cheeks. “…I’m looking up divorce lawyers when we get home.” He mumbled, quickly hobbling away in his skates.

Ilya cackled, the sound of complete delight and evil ringing behind him. “You love me!”

Yeah, Shane really did. Ilya was everything he deserved and Shane didn't want to play hockey anywhere else.