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Jess knew they were the one at fault.
It had always been difficult for them to admit when they had done something wrong. This time, however, it couldn’t be ignored: Jess had done something terrible, something horrible, maybe even something downright evil.
There was no good reason they had to hurt Angie. Jess knew they had taken advantage of her trust, and had done so without a second thought. It wasn’t until Hugh Morris and Dr. Winters had left that horrid Ferris wheel together, hand-in-hand, that tears began to stream down Angie’s cheeks – only then had pangs of guilt and sympathy cut like a dagger deep in Jess’ stomach. They knew it was too late to reverse the harm that they had done.
“I can handle some dumb guy like Patrick, or even Hugh hurting me,” Angie had said, “but you, Jess? How could you do this to me?”
It was true. All Angie had wanted was to be loved, and Jess wasn’t a friend – a true friend – who could give her that.
Jess felt like a snake: they had gone behind Angie’s back and planned to hijack her confession to Hugh Morris. It was all for naught; in the end, Jess had been rejected and hurt their oldest friend in the process. They weren’t sure when their friendship could be salvaged, if at all.
Now, Jess sat alone. They stared outside the window of the Ferris wheel car, acidic regret injecting its way into their stomach. Shame boiled under the tissue of their skin as they practically broke into a sweat. As the car brought its way back down to the earth, only then had they begun to notice the way their hands shook.
Tap tap tap! “Jeeeesssss?”
They jumped with a start. Turning to look through the window of the car, Crystal’s amber eyes emerged. Face pressed up against the window, she grinned from ear-to-ear.
“Can I come in?” she said, voice muffled.
Jess shifted their gaze away, lazily ushering Crystal in with a wave of their hand.
Crystal slid the Ferris wheel car open, taking a seat next to Jess before they took back to the air.
“So,” Crystal said, “how’d it go?”
“Terribly,” Jess answered, “Hugh ran off with Dr. Winters, and Angie totally hates me now.”
“Dr. Winters?” her voice piqued, “isn’t that, like, Angie’s teacher?” she whispered.
“Yeah,” Jess sighed, spreading their legs as they leaned forward, “you just had to be there, Crystal.”
Jess could feel Crystal’s gaze, and their face warmed in response to her laser focus.
“Well,” Crystal’s voice softened, “maybe you and Angie could talk it out? You two have been friends for, like, forever. I’m sure she’ll understand, or something? I dunno…”
“I think that would just make everything worse,” Jess said, “I’m sure I’m the last person she wants to see right now.”
Silence passed over the Ferris wheel car. Its hinges creaked in despair.
“Jess,” Crystal said, “don’t be bad at me, but…what do you actually see in Hugh? He seems like the last type of person you would be interested in.”
Jess huffed, leaning back into their seat. “You know, that’s exactly what I’m asking myself right now. When I came into the Ferris wheel car, the first thing I thought wasn’t, ‘Wow, look at how cute he is!’” they turned their head to face Crystal, “it was: ‘God, does he wear that jester outfit all the time, or does he have multiple pairs of the same outfit?’”
Crystal began to giggle; to Jess, Crystal always had such a melodic laugh.
Jess raised their eyebrows, a shy grin at their lips as they looked away.
“It wasn’t that funny,” they said in a bashful tone.
“It was funny!” said Crystal, catching her breath, “it’s funny because it’s true.”
“I guess I don’t really know why I did it,” Jess said, “is that bad?”
“So, you don’t think you actually like him?”
Jess stared forward, squinting their eyes. “I…I guess not? I mean, I guess I just thought–” they paused, continuing, “–I-I don’t know. Everyone else seems to like him, I just…thought that meant I had to, too.”
“You shouldn’t, like, bully yourself into liking someone just because everyone else does.”
Jess cocked a brow. “What, like, don’t jump off a bridge if your friends do? That sounds like something I should be telling you, not the other way around.”
“I’m serious,” Crystal said, albeit with a small smile, “you don’t need anyone else’s approval apart from your own.”
“You should take your own advice.”
Crystal rolled her eyes, grinning as she threw her hands up in the air. “And you should, like, totally stop deflecting right now.”
Jess laughed. “Deflect? Me? You’re crazy.”
As the Ferris wheel car lowered to the ground for the last time, Jess felt Crystal stare intently at the side of their head. They pursed their lips, trying to will Crystal to turn her gaze away from them. But no matter how much they wished, her eyes wouldn’t move an inch.
“Jess,” Crystal said gently, “you’re a really good person, and you’ll make a great partner for someone in the future. You just made, like, a really bad mistake. We all do.”
“…Thanks, Crystal.”
Before Jess could move, Crystal leaned forward to give them a squeeze of their hand and a light peck on the cheek. Her lips were soft and glossy – leaving a smudge of lip gloss behind – and she smelled like vanilla and peach.
Crystal stood, fingers slipping from Jess’ hand. “I’ll see you later, Jess. Update me!”
They watched as Crystal rushed out of the Ferris wheel car. Blood rushed to their head, heart pounding in their ears as they struggled to process what just happened, and why their body was reacting in such a way. It was an unfamiliar warmth and nervousness that stirred deep in their lungs, tightly coiling them as they struggled to catch their breath.
Crystal’s laugh ran through their head, her signature scent permeating through the air. It was impossible to shake off or escape from.
Jess threw their hands over their face, leaning forward in their seat in embarrassment.
Damn it.