Work Text:
Shared House Rules
Failure to adhere to the rules will result in a fine of 1000 yen per violations.
1.Quiet time is from 11PM to 6AM. Please refrain from making noises during this period.
2. If you wish to sleep/take a nap/take a breather/have some shut eye/etc, drag yourself to a furniture first.
"I don't care if you are a heap of useless nuisance at home, but don't just sprawl out on the floor whenever you get sleepy. The neighbor almost called the police."
"Sorry...I wouldn't have passed out if you helped me with the assignments earlier!"
"Don't blame me for your ineptness, Takumi-kun.
3. Adjunct to the rule above, lock the front door after you get in the house and before you leave. I can't believe this has to be a rule.
"If this is about the thief last week then I took him out. No problem, see?"
"And if both of us are away?"
"Uh..."
"Please do think before you make a witty remark, Takumi-kun."
4. Cleaning is a must.
Daily: wiping the counter, table tops, vacuuming, making the bed
Weekly: doing laundry, sweeping and mopping the floor, cleaning the bathroom, and dusting. Towels and sink can be cleaned bi-weekly.
Monthly: Deep clean and general maintenance
This list will be updated as see fit
I will make a list of cleaning tasks, and a calendar to divide the work as well. No, it does not 'looks clean enough'. No, you are not allowed to neglect your own room.
"But who cares if my room is a bit messy?"
"I care. The smell will permeate the house, Takumi-kun, and you are smelly enough on your own."
"It sounds really creepy coming from you, you know?"
"I'll take creepy and unsettling over dirty and filthy. Now grab that mop."
5. Curfew is set at midnight. After the designated time, if you forget/lose your key again, you're on your own.
"Aotsuki answer the phone."
"look im sorry i tried climbing the window to the 2 floor last time and ruined your pansies pot i'll buy you a new one!"
"it's freezing cold out here!"
"also I could swear I saw someone lurking nearby."
"Aotsuki i know you see these messages you never sleep at this hour open the door pls!"
6. Trash needs to be separated properly.
7. The trash need to be put out on time to avoid attracting cockroaches
"Seriously, Takumi-kun, was your life before so undisciplined, you don't even know how to deal with garbage? Is this why you stink?"
"What does that have to do with anything?! And, well, uh..."
"What?"
"...My dad always takes care of the trash at home."
"Good grief, I can't believe you."
8. Clear the ventilation regularly lest the fire alarm goes off.
9. Do not put your dirty clothes anywhere but the basket beside the bathroom
"If I have to see your clothes strewn on the floor again then I swear to myself, we will see drastic measures."
"You're not even swearing to God?"
"If God were real he would have answered my prayer, but since humanity is still alive, it's up to me to get this household in shape, Takumi-kun. Now please, clean those pile of clothes."
"Ok, ok, no need to glare like that."
10. When the "Do not disturb" panel is visible, do not interact with the owner of the panel unless for emergencies.
"...Huh."
"What's wrong? Does it sound weird?"
"Not quite. I suppose I'm surprised you're the one suggesting this rule, Takumi-kun, considering how sociable you are."
"I mean, sure, I like talking and having people around me. But sometimes, don't you find it hard to keep up with everyone? Whenever that happens, I just want to take a nap right then and there."
"This might be the first time I'm being sincere, but I do understand. Keeping up a front with all those despicable humans takes a lot of energy."
"...Not what I had in mind, but whatever. Should we put this board on the fridge?"
"You can put it on the shoes drawer near the entrance; That way, we can both know to give the other space."
11. Clean after yourself in the bathroom
12. Separate our clothes when doing laundry
"You need more color in your life, Aotsuki."
"Is dyeing my shirt pink your way of telling me so?"
"Maybe it's the world telling you to brighten up that monochrome closet."
"How small the world is."
"Hey!"
"Well? Since the world goes out of his way to tell me so, is he also compensating me for my shirt?"
"...The world will answer you next week when he's paid. Maybe. Possibly."
13. Certain clothes need to be washed by hand. Consult the attached list for reference.
14. Do not left the iron on clothes for too long.
15. If possible, hang the clothes outside instead of using the dryer.
"Aotsuki."
"Hmm?"
"Is there any special reason for this? Like, it's scientifically faster to dry it in the sun or something?"
"None, unless Tsubasa-san's attempt at renovating our dryer counts."
"Then why do we have to do this?"
"The sun makes everything smells better, don't you think?"
"..."
"What's wrong? Your face is weirdly distorted."
"I didn't know you can say something so...wholesome, in private."
"Rude, what did you take me for, a genocidal fiend?"
"Yes?"
"Fair enough."
16. Do not mix cleaning products together.
"Sorry for this, Aotsuki..."
"I have been hearing that a lot."
"You missed your presentation for this."
"So I did. If you are so regretful, do try to collapse from toxic fumes on a weekend next time."
"My bad, haha...I thought it would make cleaning easier. I just wanted to be done with cleaning before you're home, since you're too busy these days."
"...You insufferable fool."
"!"
"..."
"Pfft, haha."
"What?"
"I'm happy, I guess."
"That you almost died?"
"That you can make that face."
17. Look up the material to see whether they are safe to put inside a microwave. Please exercise your free will to think. E.g: that cool, imported cup you received from your delinquent friend is not microwave-safe.
18. Do not leave the gas burner on
"Uh, do I need to pin the bandage?"
"No need. A loose wrap is sufficient."
"Are you sure you're okay, Aotsuki?"
"I won't die from a small burn, so stop fretting."
- Updated: do not leave the electric stove on. You are going to kill us someday, Takumi-kun.
19. Do not dump liquid in the trash bag just because you cannot bother to walk to the kitchen.
20. Label your food in the fridge, including name and day bought.
21. Mark the food if they are takeout/store bought, store's name included.
"I have never seen you eating out."
"I would die before eating food touched by other's filthy hands."
22. Sirei's energy drink is banned from this household henceforth.
"I'm never listening to Ima's suggestion again."
23. Any food from the cafe shop next to the university is banned from this household henceforth.
"I'm never listening to Kako's suggestion again."
"Why did you even go in the first place?"
"She owned the place! I can't just not go when she kept looking at me with such expectation in her eyes."
"What a goody-two-shoes."
"You were there too, sourpuss."
"To drag your unconscious body back home, you little ingrate. Put yourself first once in a while."
24. A new graph for food/drink placement inside the fridge is pinned on the fridge. Please consult it before cramming your stuff inside.
"Oh shit."
"What's wrong?"
"Nope, nothing!"
"Why are you hovering at the fridge? What have you done?"
"Promise you won't yell at me?"
"Depends on the atrocity you are about to show me."
"So!....I stuck this at the back and forgot about it until now."
"...That is nasty."
"Yeah..."
"Throw it away before it contaminates other food."
"You're not mad?"
"I should be. Hah, guess I'm too used to your mess, Takumi-kun."
25. Do not put soda cans inside the freezer at risk of explosion
"Aotsuki your soda exploded all over the freezer"
"im not cleaning all that"
"how many did you buy???"
"wait why the hell are mine in the freezer as well"
"this better not be revenge for last time"
"its nor like i ignore your mssg, i was at the library with shizuhara"
"you know how strict she is with group project"
"also like you could totally get out of the club without me as an excuse"
"im not cleaning this!"
26. A new cooking schedule is pinned on the fridge. The one who doesn't cook will do the dishes and vice versa.
"Before you ask, I wear gloves the whole time I make this, all the ingredients are from the supermarket, and I cleaned all the utensils beforehand."
"I haven't said anything."
"I bet you already did in your head."
"You would be correct."
"Ah, can it. So, how does it taste?"
"..."
"Aotsuki?"
"Not bad, considering how messy it is."
"So you can eat food made by other people. Which means you can eat out, right?"
"No."
"Why?!"
"Food made by someone I trust and food made by complete strangers are completely different."
"Hah...I should have known."
"Alright, fess up. There has to be a reason for this sudden culinary interest of yours."
"I thought if I can get you used to food made by others, then we can hang out at more places."
"...huh."
27. Meals are obligated to change. E.g: if you make sandwich on your turn, you aren't allowed to make it again on your next turn.
"I'm so tired of all the sandwiches."
28. Put the restaurant/stall/market you want to go on the request board before making plans. Both party needs to agree, otherwise the request is null.
29. As a compromise, every Saturday is now a cheat food day.
"I want hotpot this week!"
"Of course you would want something so messy. Fine, I suppose that's not too outrageous."
30. Multi-player games are no longer allowed in the living room.
31. All consoles will stay in the basement from now on.
"Aotsuki, if you want to rage then rage somewhere I can't hear you."
"Right. My apologies."
"!"
"Wipe that smirk off your foolish face, Takumi-kun."
"Pfft, so even you can make that face."
"Don't gloat just because I stoop down your level once in a while."
32. Categorize your books properly before putting them on the shelves. E.g: no matter how much we both like it, Kyoshika-san's manga does not belong to the sci-fi category.
"She has a surprisingly varied collection. I admit, at first I thought she only owned barely disguised fetish pornography or subpar, stereotypical shounen."
"She got a lot of old things too. GetBackers is almost two decades ago."
"Some of these are never going to be restocked. She got herself quite a fortune here."
"Is what you're reading one of those?"
"'Dokuhime'? Yes."
"You don't look like you're enjoying it."
"I don't hate it. I just can't comprehend how the heroine can still be forgiving after all that happens."
"Sometimes, a little goodness is all that you need to last, don't you think?"
"..."
"Aotsuki?"
"Were that the only option, would you die with me?"
"Not really."
"It wasn't an open-end question."
"I would rather force you to live."
"Huh. How enlightening."
33. No more than three books should be seen outside the reading room
"You're gonna invade my living place with books at this point, Aotsuki."
34. Sunday is now movie day.
"This is ridiculous."
"You have your books, so why can't I have my movies?"
"We don't even have a book day. I have never managed to convince you to read a book on your own volition."
"Me reading all those books for you should count already."
"If you weren't so awful a storyteller, I would have counted it."
"Hey, I'm getting better."
"At the pace of a snail? I'm surprised you can peruse all the textbooks."
"Just for you, I'm putting on the adaptation of that novel you like."
"...You won't."
"Watch me!"
"I'll never let you know peace if you do that, Takumi-kun!"
35. There is now a timer for ranting. When rant time exceeds two hours, the topic must be dropped.
- Updated: politics is limited to one hour.
- Updated: complaints related to running errands are limited to one hour.
- Updated: complaints about Sirei have been increased to three hours.
36. Guests are allowed to stay over for a week at the maximum.
"I would rather not have our living space invaded by a loud-mouthed tyrant."
"Hey, don't be so harsh. Oosuzuki's house just got bankrupted."
"They do that every now and then. It never lasts that long anyway; she could have stayed with Moko-san and Nozomi-san."
"They're busy with Mojiro's upcoming tournament."
"And? She can stay in the apartment on her own."
"She needs someone with her through this."
"And why does it have to be you?"
"Why not? If she needs help, then I'll help. She's also a friend."
"...Forget it. Do what you must, but I'm throwing her back out next week."
37. Guests need to state their reason for staying over. If both residents do not approve, there will be no lodgings.
"How ironic. What happens to 'If someone needs help, then I'll help'?"
"I think a brush with the yakuza warrants this rule, thanks!"
"He's an assassin."
"Was that supposed to make me feel better? Where the hell did you even find a guy like that?"
"Through the university's blog, believe it or not."
"What? Fine, I'll ignore that. How much longer is he staying?"
"The day after next at worst. While I don't want his scent to linger here either, I have to pay back a favour."
"You have a favour with an assassin?"
"..."
"Don't just smile! Please tell me we aren't going to jail."
"We won't, if I have anything to say about it."
38. House party is banned from here on out. Yes, also the ones for the shady people
"Are you that weary?"
"Of the assassin?? Yes??"
39. Smoking, drugs and other substances are banned from this household.
40. Decorations of room needed to be agreed on beforehand
"We should have made this a rule at the start."
"To be fair, I can't be bothered to care about your taste in decor when we first share a house, Takumi-kun."
"You and your white room are one to talk."
"Well? Is the world going to tell me to put some color in my life again?"
"He said yes, and he will do it even if you protest. If I have to stay in that sterile room for long then I'll go crazy."
"As long as it's not so gaudy, you can do what you want."
"Hell yeah! I'm starting right now!"
"..."
"Well? Not half bad, right?"
"It's extremely ordinary."
"Welcome to my world. I just want some peace and quiet in this house."
"Heh."
"Penny for your thoughts?"
"Nothing much. I just thought that I wouldn't mind the world like this, after all."