Chapter Text
“Oof!”
Ahsoka stumbled to the side, arms flailing at the person she’d just collided with. Whichever of them she was trying to save didn’t matter. They both hit the ground with matching grunts, followed by a cacophony of thunks as a large quantity of books joined them.
“Ugh, sorry! You ok?” Rubbing her tailbone, Ahsoka looked over at the person she’d accidentally assaulted. Huh.
Mirialan tattoos ran across elegant cheekbones in mirrored diamonds. Unlike most she’d met, this Mirialan had no head covering. Fascinated, Ahsoka traced a path along slicked-back strands of hair. The ends framed the lower half of her face, curving into short spikes above perfectly aligned shoulders.
Everything about this woman was… symmetrical. It was a weird way to describe someone, but the only word Ahsoka’s mind supplied in the moment. Even the matching decorative accents on her burgundy tunic ran in parallel lines down the chest and sleeves.
The woman’s teeth ever so slightly bit into her bottom lip as she surveyed the book carnage. Sharp eyes hit each book in turn, as if trying to ascertain the survival ratio.
What had originally distracted Ahsoka, though, was the flared intensity in those same eyes. It rang a vaguely familiar note, like something she’d seen before. But she couldn’t place the feeling. She was probably imagining it, anyway. That happened a lot these days.
Shaking it off, Ahsoka shifted onto her knees and started grabbing books. “I really am sorry. I didn’t pay attention to where I was going. Not that I’d know where I was going. I’ve never been here before.” She could hear her words piling up, like watching her very own slow-motion speeder crash. “I just ran inside the closest building because there’s a crazy storm outside, which–as you can probably see–I’m not at all dressed for. Wasn’t in the mood to become a walking sponge today, you know? My own fault, of course. That’s what I get for not paying attention to the WeatherNet updates.” Forcing a pause and a breath, she continued in a tone that didn’t make her sound like a startled Gungan. “Anyway, I don’t know why I was moving so fast, especially around the corner of a huge bookshelf.”
“Oh.”
The seemingly out-of-place response made her halt and look up. The other woman was staring at her with what appeared to be a touch of panic. Ahsoka frowned. “Are you alright? Did I hurt you?”
Something flickered in her eyes, but then vanished. “Um, no. I’m fine.” Her mouth remained open as if to say more. However, it never came. She simply joined Ahsoka in retrieving the scattered tomes.
“Whew. That’s good.” Finishing her stack, Ahsoka hopped to her feet. Shifting the books to one arm, she reached the other down. “Let me help you up.”
Her head popped up, and she clutched her own set of recovered books to her chest. “That’s not necessary. I can–”
“Come on.” Giving her best grin, Ahsoka wiggled her fingers. “You gotta let me make it up to you somehow.”
She licked her lips. “Erm, right.” The woman glanced down at herself, fidgeting with her nametag and then smoothing one of her sleeves. Though Ahsoka could see absolutely nothing wrong with either of them. Tucking the pile of books under her left arm, she slowly looked back up and slid her free hand into Ahsoka’s.
Grasping the surprisingly firm grip, she pulled her accidental victim to a standing position. “See? I’m not completely uncoordinated.”
The woman gazed at her for a moment, fingers still wrapped in hers. Once again, the blue flare of her eyes struck a chord. Something… warm?
Before Ahsoka could give it any more thought, the Mirialan dropped her hand and stepped back. Taking a deep breath, she seemed to relax and then arched an eyebrow. “In that case, I’ll hold off on the memo declaring you a menace to library property.”
Ahsoka laughed. “Or to unsuspecting librarians.”
There was an odd, little cough. “True. Oh!” She motioned toward Ahsoka’s recovered books and then held out the arms containing her own half. “I can take those. Just put them on top.”
Eyeing the quantity, she shook her head. “That’s far too many for one person to carry. No wonder you can’t see reckless idiots flying around bookshelves.” Ahsoka squinted at the woman’s nametag. “Where are you taking them, Barriss? I’ll follow you.”
She inhaled sharply. “How did you know my name?” Her eyes probed Ahsoka’s with sudden intensity as if searching for something. “Have we… met before?”
Was this entire interaction weird, or did Ahsoka just not have enough experience to judge? Had she committed some sort of faux pas? Getting used to the way things worked in a world outside of the Jedi Order was proving far more difficult than she could’ve imagined. She constantly felt off-kilter, about to make a mistake at every opportunity–especially when it came to social interactions. “I, uh, just read your nametag. Is that not ok? I assumed that was its purpose. I’m sorry if I offended you.”
Barriss glanced down at the metal strip magnetized to her chest and then winced. “Oh. I didn’t think about–sorry.” A dark green hue spread across her cheeks. “You’re right. That is its purpose.” Her tone lightened as she added, “Been a long day, I suppose.”
She made a show of wiping not-so-imaginary sweat off her forehead. “Thank the Force. I was afraid I’d end up in that memo after all.”
Her lips curved into a slight grin. “Well, don’t get too ahead of yourself. We still need to get these books safely back to my desk.”
Ahsoka straightened to attention. “I think I can rise to the challenge, General. Give me my orders.”
Something about the words, or maybe it was how she said them, caused Barriss to stiffen. However, before Ahsoka could worry she’d screwed things up again, it seemed to pass. Because Barriss motioned toward the front of the library with an amused gleam. “Let’s see what you’ve got.”
Following with a grin, she said, “Ma’am, yes ma’am.”
The Togruta gave her a bright wave as she exited the library. Barriss didn’t move. She continued to stare at where Ahsoka Tano had vanished from her life as quickly as she’d appeared.
“She doesn’t remember you,” Barriss said to empty air. While talking to herself wasn’t new, the frequency of late had become concerning. Really, though. Who else was she supposed to talk to?
Barriss mechanically cleared a book from the upper counter of her circulation desk, where a patron had evidently tossed it. Placing it on the return stack occupying the waist-level counter on her own side of the desk, she flattened her palms into the lacquered wood. “Why would she? The last time you saw her was what? Three years ago? Four?”
The time all melded together. She didn’t bother to keep track. There was nothing to keep track of. There was being a Jedi. And there was after being a Jedi. That was the only marker that mattered.
There was no reason for Ahsoka to have committed Barriss to memory, anyway. One conversation does not a relationship make. Yet… You still hoped she would, didn’t you?
Her mind involuntarily fell into memories she tried to avoid. Of another life. Another Barriss Offee. She was a Padawan once more, walking to her duty rotation in the Halls of Healing…
Barriss’s fingers twitched as she approached the group training area. “You could just go around, Offee.” Navigating through clusters of twirling lightsabers and inexperienced push techniques meant employing a level of focus that felt wasteful for a simple transit across the Temple. “But you won’t, will you?”
Not only was it the shortest path, but it also contained something the other option didn’t. Rather, someone. Someone who was here every day at this time. At least, that had been true for the last three and a half weeks. And Barriss wasn’t about to miss a day.
Her eyes found their target mere seconds after entering the area. The Togruta was near the exit on the opposite side, spinning her saber at a training droid. The usual flutter Barriss didn’t quite understand took flight in her stomach.
Attention never leaving the girl she’d only discovered the name of by chance last week, Barriss adjusted her trajectory to hug the wall closest to the exit. Then, she made her way across the space. And if she was moving a little slower than usual, what of it?
Ahsoka’s eyes shone with a mesmerizing brilliance–they always did–flashing in sync with each fluidic movement. Her body went taut as she folded into a low crouch. She assessed the training droid rotating around her like a predator sizing up its prey.
Barriss held her breath, waiting for what she’d mentally dubbed ‘the moment’. Then, it finally came.
Ahsoka’s entire presence blazed to life with a fierce wildness. Just for a moment. But oh, it was a moment to behold. Then, Ahsoka spun off one leg and twisted into the air, landing a perfectly executed overhead strike to the training droid. It clattered to the floor, and she straightened, triumph flushing her cheeks.
Barriss shivered. Trying to ignore whatever that meant, she upped her speed. A bit. However, her attention stayed fixed on the other girl.
Her stride hitched as she noticed a new addition. A beaded Padawan braid now hung from Ahsoka’s lekku. A pang of… something hit Barriss’s chest.
Of course, it wasn’t surprising. With the war now in full swing, the Council was making decisions on promotions and deployments. And Barriss knew from personal observation that the girl was exceptionally skilled. Still, it meant Ahsoka would be leaving. Sent to the battlefield to become a harbinger of death. Like me.
“That’s not true,” Barriss muttered to herself. “You’re defending the Republic. You save people, too. Remember?” However many times she told herself that, it didn’t erase the feeling gnawing at the pit of her stomach. Nothing did. It had become a constant companion during her first deployment. Returning to the Temple hadn’t made it go away as she’d hoped. The intensity had lessened, but it was always lurking. Always.
Barriss knew she’d also be expected to return to the front lines soon. Her master had gotten her a reprieve to further advance her healing skills. But it wouldn’t last forever. No, she would be forced to continue creating destruction and death.
Barriss stumbled near the exit as her breath accelerated, terrible images and sounds flooding her brain. Pained screams and whooshing missiles flashed in dizzying rapidity. Bracing against the archway, she tried to regain control.
Why? Why did she have to go back? “It’s your duty,” she reminded herself. “A Jedi serves and protects in any circumstance.”
That’s what Master Luminara would say. Why couldn’t Barriss believe it?
“Hey, are you alright?”
Barriss jerked up to find the last and yet the only person she wanted to see right now.
Ahsoka brushed her hand across Barriss’s arm. “Can I help? Do you need a healer?”
The easy touch felt strange. When was the last time someone had touched her? And it was delivered in such a casual way. As if it were normal to provide physical reassurance to someone you didn’t know. Or anyone at all, really. Wrangling herself into a semblance of ‘Jedi absolutely not having a mental breakdown’, she returned a weak headshake. “Just felt a little light-headed. That’s what I get for skipping breakfast,” she lied. “I’m fine now.”
“Are you sure?” Ahsoka ran a quick eye over her. “You don’t look fine.”
At last, her control fully reasserted itself, and Barriss breathed a sigh of relief. As she focused on the girl in front of her, the confusing but familiar flutter took up residence in her stomach once more. And her first instinct, for some reason, was to arch an eyebrow and say in a low tone, “Oh? How do I look, then?”
Ahsoka blinked, and then her cheeks darkened. “Erm, I didn’t mean–you don’t look bad. Good, actually. More than. Or what I mean is–” She stuttered to a halt and took a slow breath, seeming to regain her composure. Slouching with a cocky jut of her leg, she smirked. “Better since I rescued you from fainting.”
She ignored her weird urge to giggle and redirected it into an eye roll. “My hero.” Flexing her fingers a few times, Barriss added in an unexpectedly high-pitched voice, “But thanks. For checking on me, I mean. That was nice of you.”
“No worries.” Reaching out again–this girl!–she rested a hand on Barriss’s arm. “Just glad you’re…” As their eyes met, Ahsoka’s breath hitched. “... ok.”
All efforts to talk stopped as they simply gazed at each other. It was intoxicating. And confusing. Maybe someone had thrown a droid popper? That was the only thing Barriss’s addled brain came up with to explain the electrified feeling in the air between them. But it wasn’t going away. How long had it been? It felt like an eternity. Her traitorous stomach apparently agreed, since it launched into some sort of calisthenics routine. Whatever that meant, it probably wasn’t good. Though something about it felt good.
Ahsoka’s fingers tightened around her arm, and Barriss’s senses went fuzzy. Did–what is–can’t. That’s when Barriss realized she was not up to processing any of this right now. Breaking free of the dizzying bubble, she blurted, “Erghm, right! Thanks again. I have to get to my rotation.” Then, she rushed out the exit.
An uncertainly bright voice called after her, “Uh, see you around, I hope!”
Barriss was in no state to trust herself to respond. So she simply flung a hand over her shoulder in the approximation of a wave and kept going.
As she approached the Halls of Healing, her brain performed some kind of hard reboot, and Barriss started cursing her idiocy. Why she was an idiot, she didn’t quite understand. Barriss just knew that whatever she should’ve done in the situation, it wasn’t what she had done. Pushing the confusion away, she muttered, “Focus on the here and now, Offee. Figure it out tomorrow.”
Except there had been no tomorrow. She’d never seen Ahsoka Tano again.
“Until today.” An older, no longer confused, but definitely still idiotic, Barriss Offee stared at the library doors. Once again, she’d let the moment slip away.
“Hey there!”
Barriss’s head popped up from her console, mouth parting. “Oh.”
Ahsoka leaned against the high counter on her side of the circulation desk and propped her elbows on top. “Remember me? From last week? You, me, an unnaturally large stack of books?”
The woman’s fingers curled around her stylus. “Of course. What can I do for you?”
“Nothing much. I was in the neighborhood on a delivery and thought I’d stop by. Wanted to make sure there was no permanent damage from my accidental assault.”
“I see,” she replied slowly. “That’s kind of you.” Barriss pursed her lips. “On a delivery?”
“Yeah. I work for CorXpress.” Waving a hand in the air, she declared, “In a rush? Trust us to crush!” Seeing the blank look on Barriss’s face, she grimaced. “Sorry, that’s what my boss tells me to say. Just means I zoom around the levels on my speeder, getting private packages to their destinations. It’s not too bad. Pays the rent, anyway.”
“The rent,” she echoed. Her forehead wrinkled. “You’re a… zip courier?”
“Erm, if that means a person who delivers things at hyperspace speeds not in any way compliant with traffic laws, then yeah. That's me!” Ahsoka plucked a strap of the courier’s satchel slung across her chest for emphasis. “It’s, uh, that surprising?” She still felt painfully out of her element. Maybe she didn’t look the part. Or maybe being a whatever-Barriss-called-it wasn’t considered respectable or something. You are so clueless.
“Not in a bad way,” the woman replied quickly. “I just thought you were a–doesn’t matter.” She gave a rueful smile. “Sorry. I’m terrible at guessing occupations. I thought one of our regulars was an accountant because he always had a technocalc sticking out of his pocket. Ends up, he runs a hair salon and uses it to convert off-world currencies on the fly for customers. Says it speeds up the decision process for any add-on options he recommends while he works on them.”
“Huh. I wouldn’t have guessed that, either. Learn something new every day.” Literally. “There are that many options for hair? Long, short, sweepy bang things… isn’t that about it?”
Barriss arched an eyebrow. “Says the girl with no hair.”
Ahsoka flipped a lek with a sniff. “What? You think all this elegance comes naturally? I have to wash these babies at least once a week.”
That got her a grin. “My apologies. You clearly have the harder challenge.”
“Glad we’re on the same page. Though I do like your hair.” Her eyes roved across the deep brown locks. “It’s nice. Especially the spiky ends. Gives you character.” Hearing a quick inhale, her gaze dropped back to Barriss’s face. “Anyway, I’d say no options needed in your case.”
The woman swallowed. “Thanks.”
They gazed at each other for a moment, and the vaguely warm feeling from the day they’d met surfaced. Strange. What did it remind her of? It’s probably all in your head. A lot of things that didn’t exist lived in her head these days.
Barriss gave a little cough and then smoothed the front of her tunic. “Since you’re here, can I interest you in a book?”
Ahsoka glanced at the multiple rows of shelves beyond the circulation desk. “Er, am I allowed?”
“Allowed? Of course. This is a publicly funded library. Any citizen of Coruscant can become a member.”
“Really?” She hesitated. “Sorry if this is a stupid question, but how does it… work? Do I pick one and read it here?”
Her face softened. “Ah, right. Let me do a better job at ‘Libraries 101’. To become a member, we register your chain code, which is also how we verify eligibility. Then, you can check out books. That just means you’re borrowing them for a set period. We’re one of a few specialty libraries, because our collection consists of physical media instead of digital. The drawback is you’re limited to three items checked out at the same time. But you can take them wherever you like as long as you return them undamaged within a week.”
“What if I’m not done reading them? And how much–” Ahsoka cut herself off with a mental curse. She shouldn’t be asking this many questions. It was like carrying a sign that screamed, ‘Clueless ex-Jedi here! Take advantage of me!’ She’d swiftly discovered the consequences of sharing too much.
Barriss lowered her voice. “It’s ok. Ask anything you want. I promise I only want to help.”
Ahsoka scanned her face. The offer felt genuine. Almost like Barriss understood. Fidgeting with her satchel, she mumbled, “Uh, how much does it cost?”
She nodded. “Good question. It’s free of charge, funded by the government. Part of your taxes at work. On your other question, you can renew them for another week if you’re not done. Make sure you do that. Because if you keep them too long past the due date, we’ll mark them as lost and charge your account for their replacement. Last thing. Rare books and the specialty reference collection can only be used on site. They’re in that section.” She pointed toward the back corner. “Anything else on the shelves you can take home.”
Ahsoka brightened. “Wow. Anyone who lives here can do all that for free? Cool.”
“There are more options we can get into another time. But you now know the basics of a public library.” Her eyes glinted. “So want to give it a go?”
Ahsoka didn’t read all that much. But if it meant spending more time with Barriss, she would become the best reader this side of Coruscant. “Only if you pick my first book.”
Her lips curved into a smile. “I’d be honored.”
Warmth bloomed in her chest, and she straightened her shoulders. “Great. Oh, and not sure if I said. My name is Ahsoka. Ahsoka Tano.”
Barriss gazed at her. “Nice to meet you, Ahsoka Tano.”