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It was so, so cold.
He should be used to it by now. And maybe, to an extent, he was.
The lights of the city outside trickled into the Bounty, illuminating everything with a pink and orange glow. Faint music could be heard— slow jazz, up-beat pop music; all romantic and lovey. Really driving home the feelings of the occasion.
Cole stood in the kitchen, half-focused on the thumping of the music outside, the signs of life. He was staring at the counter— a batch of fresh brownies made lovingly by Zane. He longed to eat one, but he knew it wouldn’t be of any good.
Either way, he couldn’t taste anymore.
In the name of Valentines, the inhabitants of the Bounty had gone out. Well, most of them.
Jay and Nya for their umpteenth date— the two had been much closer lately; and more nervous as well. Unsurprisingly, it was Nya who had suggested the idea of going out.
Zane had also decided to look around the city, saying that Pixal wished to experience the festivities. Lloyd too, went exploring. Apparently he had plans to meet up with old friends. Even old Sensei Wu went out, leaving Cole all by himself.
Valentine’s had always been a drag for Cole. First it was pretending to be straight to his father. Then even after coming out, he couldn’t get a boyfriend! And now, his chances at finding romance were in the negatives. Who could love a dead man?
He stared at the brownies. He could almost smell them— metaphorically, obviously. After the whole “getting cursed” thing had snatched away his humanity (literally); all except for a lasting, cold numbness, and the sharp stinging when hit by water or deepstone. So fun.
Experimentally, he reached out to touch the brownies. His hand casted a faint green glow on them, and then it phased through, despite him now knowing how to properly control his corporealness. He sighed.
Cole longed to feel again. He longed to be able to experience the same warmth and love and softness that his friends felt. That longing seemed to gnaw harsher today specifically.
He was so pathetic.
Was he hungry? He wanted to eat. He didn’t reach for another brownie.
What did hunger feel like? He pushed that thought out of his mind.
I want my mom. He thought.
You might get to see her soon enough.
“Cole?”
Said ninja lifted his head, finding himself looking at the Master of Fire standing at the foot of the stairs. He was dressed weirdly casual, as if he had no plans. “Kai.”
“What’re you doing here?” The boy asked, walking over to Cole. He reached behind him for a brownie, and Cole wondered if his hand had passed around him, or through him. He shrugged, “Got nothing to do.”
Earth squinted up at Kai, changing the topic. “Why’re you here?” Almost accusingly. “Shouldn’t you be out with Skylor or someone?”
Kai scratched his neck sheepishly, deliberately taking his time in swallowing his bite. “We, uh, decided it’d be better to stay as friends. Y’know. I thought I told you guys.”
Cole blinked. Huh. “I don’t remember?”
Kai blinked too. It’s suddenly awkward. “Oh. You must’ve forgotten. Or I must’ve forgotten to tell you.”
Yeah, that explanation was feasible enough. Cole’s memory had been loose since his transformation, forgetting bits and pieces of things that happened recently.
The forgetting-Cole-existed part was much newer. Being excluded from plans, left behind during missions, people moving through him when he was unable to stay corporeal and visible.
Cole seemed to be fading.
He focused on Kai again and nodded, swallowing past a non-existent lump in his ghostly throat. The movement was useless.
They stood together in silence for a bit, stretched between them. Kai looked uncertain as he bit off another piece of the brownie.
What to do, what to do.
“You uh, you want one?” Kai asked, the question slipping even as he realised what he was saying.
Cole stared at him. His chest suddenly felt tight, the room felt smaller and he felt colder than he usually did. His mouth opened, then closed. Kai also seemed to feel horribly guilty for his mistake, eyes wide and staring back down at Cole. He stuttered, “I– I didn’t mean it, I mean, –I forgot, you know! I’m sorry, I–”
Cole waved him off. “It’s fine.”
That was a lie. It was not fine. He wanted to scream and cry. But ghosts do not shed tears.
Kai scratched his arm, Cole could do nothing but stand there. Would it be rude if he decided to turn invisible, just to avoid the painstaking conversation that seemed to loom over their heads?
Yup. Pathetic.
Fire cleared his throat, pulling the other boy out of his spiral. “Do you, I dunno, maybe wanna do something? Together, I mean.”
Cole, again, couldn’t do anything but stare.
Kai waved his arms around, “You know! Since no one else’s here. We could play games, or, uhm, train…” He trailed off weakly, watching Cole’s blank face. Kai’s own reddened.
Playing video-games with his friend sounded like a nice distraction. Especially on Valentines, considering said friend was his long-time crush.
Also the thought of not having to think about his… situation, but Cole was never going to say that out loud.
What, you think it’ll be a date?
Cole shrugged. “I’ll do either.”
Kai nodded, swallowing. Cole watched the movement carefully, memorising. In longing for the boy or the movement itself, he doesn’t care to wonder.
“Let’s go play something then. Mm, Lava Zombies or Fist to Face V?”
Cole made a face, “Seriously? F2F five of all versions? Be for real man.” Kai huffed a laugh at that. “Alright. You choose.”
They head down to the common room, plopping down on the couch. Cole pointedly ignored the way Kai’s weight made a dip in the cushions and Cole didn't even rustle the material. Fire booted up the T.V., inserting the disc and handing Cole a second controller. Thankfully, his hands managed to stay opaque, allowing him to hold it properly.
The screen lit up in orange and green, cut-scenes rolled and they started playing. Sounds of virtual grunts and punches being thrown filled the room. Cole barely felt the controller, having to keep one eye on which buttons he pressed and one eye on the screen.
His character moved a second slower than Kai’s. He kept taking hits, fingers slipping through buttons as his stamina went lower and lower.
Kai cast a sideways glance at his teammate. “You’re off today,” He commented.
Cole hummed, not keen to acknowledge what reality had presented him.
Focus on the video-game. He told himself. Make sure you don’t get hit. Don’t die on-screen. You’re already dead in real life.
The first match ended with Cole losing, unsurprisingly. Kai started up another round, and they kept playing, playing, the lights of digital violence illuminating their faces.
Well, only one of their faces. Ghosts didn’t reflect light. Nor did they cast shadows.
Earth lost again, making a low noise of irritation as the screen flashed Kai’s dancing character and the pixelated Victory! above it. Neither of them mentioned it.
A few hours passed like that. Fight, then lose. Fight again, then lose again. What was stranger was that Kai didn’t even boast about his winning streak, or rub it in Cole’s face.
Look, he’s pitying you. They all pity you. You’re pitiful.
Shut up.
His hands suddenly phased through his controller, and it fell to the carpeted floor with a dull thud. Kai paused the game, glancing at the plastic on the ground, then at Cole. “You good bro?”
He heard the words, but didn’t process them. He nodded, reaching down to pick up the controller.
His hands phased through once. He frowned. Twice.
Kai watched this, hand hovering uncertainly.
On the third try Cole’s hands finally closed around the plastic, his green form wavering and flickering slightly as Cole sat back on the couch. He ignored Kai, avoiding his eyes as the game resumed.
After another match lost, Kai let his own controller drop into his lap. He and Cole looked straight ahead for a few seconds that honestly seemed longer.
“You’ve, uhm,” Kai spoke up, voice rougher than he’d have liked. He cleared his throat, trying once again. “You’ve been fading recently.” Cole nodded, hoping kai would drop the topic.
“Any idea why?”
“No.” It was true. More or less. Was it the fact that he was an untethered ghost? Or something else?
Kai hummed, “That’s not normal though. You weren’t like–” He paused, gesturing vaguely. “Like this before.”
Cole sighed, an action that was useless because ghosts did not have any air to breathe. “I wasn’t.”
Kai pursed his lips, clearly not satisfied. “Are you okay though? I can’t imagine having to experie–”
“I’m fine, Kai.” Cole gritted out, his hands balling into tight fists that had no pressure. “I can handle myself. It’s just– just a ghost thing. Part of the contract, I guess.”
The other boy stared at him for a few long seconds. Cole was really contemplating turning invisible just to avoid the pity. Especially from Kai.
Speaking of, the Fire ninja huffed. He crossed his arms, leaning back. “Okay, you may not be bothered, but I am. I don’t want you… fading away or whatever. It’s–” He paused, faltering. “I don’t want you to disappear. I’m worried for you Cole.”
Earth, once again, found himself gawking at Kai. He’s worried. Not ‘we’re worried’. ‘He’s worried’. His words made a strange warmth bloom in Cole’s chest. He let his eyes drop to his hands, staring at them– through them at the patterned rug.
“It’s not an issue.” He said finally, finding his tongue. “I’ve talked to Sensei. There’s no cure. And the fading, it’s–” He paused, swallowing past the huge lie in his throat. “It’s not a big deal, not like I'm gonna die again. I’m already dead.”
Kai made a noise in his throat, low and disbelieving. “That’s not how this works! We’re a team Cole, the others are also worried. Can’t you, I don’t know, ask for help? We see you fading sometimes, we see how hard it is for you to hold or touch things. And we care! We want to help! You think we don’t?”
Cole didn’t meet his eyes. There was a burning sensation in his throat that he knew was his mind trying to imitate the feeling of tears.
(Day one of being thankful I can’t cry in front of others.)
“It’s not that Kai,” He said, and his voice sounded miserable even to his own ears.
“Then what is it?”
It’s the fact that I’m fading because you all keep forgetting me. I keep fading because I keep forgetting. I’m losing my grip and I’m so, so scared and I don’t wanna die but I’m dead and–
“Me being a ghost is my own challenge to handle. I’m the one who got cursed, and I’m so thankful it wasn’t any of you.” Cole shrugged. “It’s like training. Work hard to overcome it, and you might learn something along the way.”
He turned to look at Kai, the other boy’s eyes blazing and so full of life compared to Cole’s lifeless ones.
Kai’s hand lifted, hesitant, “But we can support you, can’t we? That’s what family’s for?”
He placed his hand over Cole’s, but Fate the Unforgiving decided let’s fuck shit up ,and Kai’s hand phased through, pressing against the couch instead. Cole’s shoulders sagged. He watched the other’s face fall— dejected.
“It’s fine Kai. You should go out, have some fun.”
Kai opened his mouth to argue, still willing to fight for his Cole, for his family, but Cole turned away.
He stood up, or imitated the motion of it. He turned, not daring to look at Kai’s face once more because he knew that that man could ask him anything and Cole would listen. He couldn’t bear listening to his voice, he needed to leave. To be alone.
Such is the fate of a ghost.
Alone, cold, dead.