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Kidnapping is still kidnapping by any other name

Summary:

You wake up on a couch and have a staring contest with a dog. That's the start of a very long joke.

Notes:

Yeet!!! I need to stop posting things when I don't know where I'm going with shit! But here's this. I've... Surprisingly! Have multiple chapter planned and sketched out.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: And the joke starts

Chapter Text

     The air was musty and humid. Sticky in a way muggy fog could be. It made your clothing stick to your skin and In an uncomfortable way. Ants paraded just underneath and you crack open your eyes. You stretch your fingers against leather. A couch you surmise as you shift your head and look around a well lived sitting room. A white dog was resting underneath a TV stand. It clearly was in a place it wasn't aloud to be. It's tail drummed against the stain wood as it stared at you with big black eyes. Like beads on a stuffed animal.

 

      You blink at the kanine. It blinks back. You two engage in a starring contest. The dog wins. "Annoying." You mutter and curl a leg up. You notice your shoes are missing. Puzzled, you sit up and look at your socks. The little cat prints are easy to see. "My shoes..." You say dejectedly and poke a toe. The dog scrambles from the cubby it was stashed away in and jumps onto the couch. You squit your eyes and reach a hand out. The pup pushes its head into your palm and you can't help but give it some love.

 

     "Ah, good. Your awake." A deep rumbling voice comes from your right side, above the couches backrest. You tilt your head up. A large, sharp skeleton looms over you. You srunch up your nose and squit at the skeleton.

 

     "Where is your meat mech?" You ask the skeleton. It's sockets blink at you. A look of confusion passes over it's face.

 

     "Meat... Mech?" The skeleton repeats. You look it up and down.

 

     "Exoskeleton. Flesh. The suit a skeleton is supposed to wear." You lift your hands and pull at your cheeks and arms to show the skeleton. "Was yours removed?"

 

     There's a snort from behind the large skeleton. A shorter, portly skeleton walks around the taller and leans against the couch.

 

     "Their asking if ya human, boss." This new skeleton looked just as sharp and jagged as the taller. You nod at the short skeleton.

 

     "I'm.. not human. I'm made of Magic." The taller says, still looking puzzled. Your not sure how it's capable of emotions, but you chalk it up to the magic, like the tall skeleton said he was made of. Your mind is disbelieving the words said to you.

 

     "Where am I?" You question, moving your head around and spotting your backpack on the floor by where your feet had been. A spark of excitement sparks in your brain and you quickly pick it up.

 

    "Our cousin's house." The portly skeleton says watching as you dig through your backpack. "Found you passed out in the basement." You pause in your single minded search to slowly turn to the skeleton.

 

     "The basement?" You asks incredulously, your voice sounded bitter. The two skeletons glance at each other. "How did I end up in your basement?" You asks, voice edging on dangerous. Your fist closes around the pocket knife you own.

 

     "This is going to sound... Awkward." The portly skeleton looks bashful. You scoff and both skeletons glance at each other again.

 

     "So... Your in a different universe." The tall skeleton says quickly, almost meshing words together. His tone was rough and always sounded like you where causing a problem despite what was looking more and more like an elaborate kidnapping.

 

     "Different Universe?" You pull your phone out and tap the side against your collar bone. "Really?" You check your phone. Full bars.

 

     "That's what our cousin is telling us." The portly skeleton shrugs. You call your sister, let it ring three times, hang up, and call again. She answers on the first ring.

 

     "(Y/N)? What's up?" Your sister asks with slight annoyance.

 

     "Hey! I got kidnapped!" You say with a chipper tone. The two skeletons go stiff.

 

     "We didn't kidnap you! We found you in our basement!" The taller one defends. He has a hand pressed to a breast plate. 

 

     "Oh?" Your sisters voice becomes amused. You frown.

 

     "I'm serious." You groan rolling your head back.

 

     "And I'm Bellatrix. Your fine sibling. I've got classes to go to." She hangs up before you can say another word. The two skeletons stare at you with surprise. You stare back equally surprised.

 

     "She hung up on me! That Bitch!" You huff and check your phones map. "Oh, splined. Bum fuck no where Colorado?" You take in a hissing breath. "So, Basement?" You ask, looking up. The two skeleton relax with a positive nod.

 

     "Yes, darlin. We found you in the basement." You squint at them both after the shorter skeleton speaks.

 

     "Oh wait!" Your eyes go wide as a light bulb snaps and breaks in your head. "Your the monsters that came out of Ebott, right?" You snap your fingers and point a finger gun at the two. The taller sighs aggravatedly.

 

     "I'm going to find Blue or Classic." The taller gruffly says. The portly monster nods and looks at you.

 

     "So, darlin. You got a name?" You stare at the skeleton that leans into your space.

Notes:

And the first chapter is here!!

I want to know what names you all use as self inserts. If your willing to let me know!?