Work Text:
In the middle of a major metropolitan area, there stood a tall building, adorned with images of an obese pig-man wearing a purple vest, bowtie and beanie hat and holding a pizza. This was the corporate headquarters of Bloaty's Pizza Hog, and right now in its main office area, an important meeting was taking place.
"I have to admit, Professor, that I'm a little confused as to why you wanted this meeting," the CEO of Bloaty's admitted to Professor Membrane, who was seated on the other side of his desk.
"It's quite simple, really," the Professor said, "My daughter has recently turned 17, and I've thus decided that she needs to get a job in order to prepare her for adulthood. And while I'd prefer it if she pursued a career in something related to REAL SCIENCE, she doesn't have much interest in that."
"Alright. What's that have to do with us?" the CEO asked, arching a brow at the eccentric scientist.
"Well, after a thorough interrogation… er, I mean interview, I have concluded that the thing that interests my daughter most are either her video games, or your eatery business," the Professor explained, "And since I don't see much of a future in such silly digital nonsense, clearly this is the right job opportunity for her."
The CEO was pretty sure that most video game companies made twice in a year what Bloaty's did, but since the Professor seemed to be on roll, he didn't comment on it and instead focused on the main thrust of the conversation.
"So, you want us to give your daughter a job?" he asked, "Well, I suppose we could find an opening for her, though you really didn't need to come in person to arrange this."
"Perhaps not, but I really want to ensure that she has a good experience," the Professor said, "Which is why I'd like to arrange a business deal – in exchange for giving Gaz a position that will give her a good grasp of corporate management, I'll not only heavily invest in your company but provide any resources you think are needed to improve and advance your interests."
The CEO was about to refuse the blatant attempt at bribery-induced nepotism, only for Professor Membrane to pull out a check and hand it to him. Glancing at it, the CEO's eyes widened in shock at just how much the Professor was planning to pay.
"When can she start?" he asked, banishing any thoughts of refusing this payoff. It was just good business, after all.
And anyway, how bad could it be to have the girl on staff?
A Few Days Later
"This is so stupid," Gaz muttered to herself, for once not happy to be standing in a Bloaty's. And that was because this time, she wasn't a customer; instead, she was wearing an employee uniform, standing off to the side and watching other people eat pizza while she wasn't!
"Stupid Dad and his dumb life lessons… I think I liked it better when he ignored the fact that he had kids," she said with a scowl, arms crossed over her chest and the name tag that identified her as the "Apprentice Assistant Manager", which she was pretty sure was a position made up just to stick her somewhere while appeasing Dad's bribery. All for the sake of getting her a job she hadn't wanted, because Dad thought this would teach her something and that this was somehow a better way to spend her time than with her games.
"I'd better be getting more than minimum wage for this," she grumbled, before someone made the idiotic decision intrude on her isolation.
"Excuse me, Miss Membrane, but we need you at the counter," the manager said, before flinching back at her resulting glare.
"I thought my job was to just 'observe and learn'?" she demanded, quoting the quick summary that the CEO had given her during their brief memory before dumping her at this franchise location.
"Well, yes…" the manager said, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck, "But one of the people who's supposed to be working this shift called in the sick at the last minute, so we're understaffed, and it's not like you're actually doing anything, so…"
Muttering in annoyance to herself at this inconvenience, Gaz nonetheless stomped over to the counter and took a position at the cashier. As she did and looked up, she groaned as the first customer walked up and turned out to be someone she knew.
"Well, well, look at this – the great Gaz Membrane, working a plebian excuse for a job," sneered Jessica, the blonde popular girl cliche looking far too pleased with herself at the situation.
"Do you actually want to order something, or are you just here to be a pain?" Gaz demanded, resisting the urge to punch the other girl's teeth in for daring to take such a tone with her.
"Oh, I'll order, I just need a moment to appreciate this," Jessica said with a smirk, taking out a phone to snap a picture of Gaz in her uniform, "By the way, you don't actually have anything to do with making the pizzas yourself, do you? Because I know you'd probably just slobber over them, judging by how you're always stuffing yourself with them. Heh, guess it's fitting you'd end up working at a place whose mascot is a pig when you're one yourself, huh?"
WHACK
In the blink of an eye, Gaz tore the cash register out of its spot on the counter and swung it into Jessica's face. The impact sent her flying clear out the door of the restaurant and through the air to crash into the open back of a passing garbage truck, hard enough to make the whole thing bounce on its suspension. The truck drivers looked around in confusion at that, but shrugged it off and kept driving.
"Next?" Gaz hissed, placing the dented register back on the counter while glaring at the line of customers who had been standing behind Jessica, causing them all to flinch and step back. A few even lost their resolve completely and ran out the door or jumped out the nearest window.
"Membrane! What do you think you're doing?!" the manager exclaimed as he ran over, only to skid to a halt as Gaz turned to glare at him.
"Just because I'm stuck working here, doesn't mean I'm going to take crap from bitches like that, got it?" she snapped.
"Um, ah…" the manager stammered, "Well… I suppose in light of our deal with your father, we can give you a little leeway…"
Hearing that, an idea immediately sparked in Gaz head, and a smirk grew on her face.
"Yeah… you guys probably are pretty desperate to keep Dad's money coming in, aren't you?" Gaz said, "Well, in the spirit of telling him how well things are going, I think I'll go back to just supervising instead of any of the on-hands stuff."
"What? But, I…" the manager stammered, only for Gaz to ignore him and walk away, determined to find a spot where she could relax without any of these morons could bother her until it was time to clock out.
"Maybe this won't be a total waste of my time after all," she said with a smirk, snatching up a stray pizza slice as she passed through the kitchen, the manager watching her walk away with a grimace.
"Oh, the bosses aren't going to like this," he muttered.
A Few More Days Later
"This girl is going to drive me to an early grave," the CEO groaned as he slumped facedown against the boardroom table.
"Sir, don't you think you're overreacting a little?" one of the board members asked tentatively, "I mean, I know she's got an unbearable attitude, but it's not that bad overall."
"Are you kidding me?" the CEO asked, lifting his head to glare at his subordinate, before turning his attention to the screen on the wall, currently depicting Gaz taking a break that her manager was too intimidated to stop her from taking, while abusing her employee privileges to have as much pizza as she wanted, "She just sits around stuffing her face, does nothing to actually help run the place, scares off customers just for getting too close to her… we moved her away from being anywhere near the counter specifically so that wouldn't happen, and it's still a problem!"
"I'll agree that she's a pain in the ass, but her creating a hostile work environment in one franchise location doesn't really matter to the company's bottom line," another board member pointed out.
"Oh, you say that now, but just wait!" the CEO declared, "All it takes is her pissing off one Karen who decides to rant online about how it reflects the quality of Bloaty's as a company, and our whole brand is ruined!"
The board shifted uncomfortably at that. After all, if there was one thing that could terrify business executives, it was the thought of possibly losing profits on a large scale.
"So, what do we do?" someone asked, "We can't fire her, or Professor Membrane will cancel our deal, and that'll cost us money too!"
"Hmm… you know, looking carefully at our contract with Professor Membrane, there might a loophole we can exploit," another board member spoke up, looking at a pad in her hands intently and scrolling through it, "If she decides to quit on her own, the fault is on her, and the Professor wouldn't have any legal right to back out of the deal."
"How are we supposed to make her quit? She loves how she's able to exploit the whole setup she managed to get for herself!" the CEO protested, "And we can't intentionally create a hostile work environment, she'd just sue us for it!"
"Well, what if we don't create a hostile work environment, but dump her in an already existing one?" the board member with the pad suggested, "Let's be honest, a lot of our franchises aren't fun places to work. Why don't we transfer her to one of those and let her drive herself nuts dealing with them?"
That set off rumbles of discussion amongst the board members, as they all considered that idea. As they did, the CEO leaned back and frowned in thought; yes, they had plenty of franchise locations with lousy track records, but what could be bad enough to scare Gaz Membrane into quitting?
Actually… thinking about the girl's father and his deal with the company… maybe they could use the positives of it to deal with the angry goth negative?
"I have an idea," the CEO announced, a wide grin crossing his face as he got everyone's attention, "It'll take longer than I like to set up, but I think it's time we took full advantage of the good Professor's resources to deal with his brat. If everything goes well, she'll probably never even want to enter a Bloaty's, much less work at one!"
The board all leaned in eagerly to hear what plan the CEO had that he was so confident about. And as he laid out the details, excited grins started growing around the table as they all found themselves agreeing with this course of action.
Oh yes, no matter the outcome… this was going to be fun.
Two Weeks Later
It had been a long, aggravating two weeks for the Bloaty's executives as they pieced together their plan to compel Gaz to quit. Two weeks of pandering to her every selfish and petty action as she treated her job as a free ride that let her do whatever she wanted, and either scared off or infuriated all the customers unlucky enough to cross paths with her. Two weeks of talking Professor Membrane into providing them with the material they needed to set everything up without realizing he was sabotaging his own daughter, and then putting things in place to create the situation they were going to dump her in.
But at long last, the time had come.
"You're transferring me?" Gaz asked, not quite demanding but with an undertone of annoyance in her voice as she sat across from the CEO in his office.
"Yes, we think that perhaps your current franchise location is not quite a good fit for you," the CEO said diplomatically, trying to maintain his calm even as he swore that the air around Gaz literally shimmered in her barely-controlled anger.
"Are those losers badmouthing me just because I refuse to go along with all the stupid teambuilding bullshit and not being one of your stupid corporate drones?" she demanded, eyes narrowed in rage.
"Oh no, nothing like that," the CEO said quickly, even though he had a filing cabinet full of complaints about her, "We just think that this particular franchise is not quite… worthy of your level of work ethic."
Gaz narrowed her eyes, glaring at the CEO suspiciously, clearly trying to figure out if he had just insulted her or not. The man sweated nervously while he sat there forcing his calm façade to stay in place even as his instincts were screaming at him to flee out the window, trying to ignore that while he waited for Gaz to respond. After a few minutes of tense silence, she gave a slight scoff.
"Yeah, I'm too good for that dump. All it's still got going for it is that the pizza's tasty and the arcades up to date," she said, the CEO giving a sigh of relief as she bought his explanation, "So, where exactly are you transferring me to?"
"I'm so glad you asked!" the CEO said brightly, picking up a remote and clicking it to activate the screen on his wall, "We want you to be on the forefront of Bloaty's cutting edge of a new dining experience! Just watch this video, and it should explain everything!"
Gaz arched an eyebrow at him, but turned her attention to the screen as the video starting playing, Bloaty himself appearing.
"Duh, hey there, kiddies!" the mascot announced in his usual gruff and slurred voice, "Do you wants more excitement with your pizzas? Wants a more interesting experience? Well, good news for all of you, Bloaty's has lots more new stuff to make your pizzas way more interesting! Introducing the whole new Blotay's Time Traveling Tourist Restaurants!"
"Say what now?" Gaz asked, blinking in confusion.
"We decided to take full advantage of your father offering his resources to us," the CEO explained as the video paused, "Admittedly, at first we were thinking of just using holograms or virtual setups, but someone at the meeting made a joke about actually being able to time travel to the settings we were taking inspiration from, and the Professor apparently took that as a challenge. So, he went ahead and invented a paradox-free form of time travel that now allows us to set up franchise locations across history without worrying about any Butterfly Effect nonsense wiping us out of existence!"
"…Huh, cool," Gaz said after a moment, mildly impressed. Leave it to her dad to figure out how to break the laws of physics just to prove he could, but if it was helping her favorite restaurant that she now worked for, she wasn't going to complain about it, "So, what's this got to do with me?"
"Well, like I said, since your current franchise isn't working out, and these new locations need to be staffed, then perhaps pursuing these more exciting venues will be more up your alley," the CEO replied, before smirking and adding, "Although, if you think you're not up to it…"
SLAM
Gaz brought her hands down hard on the surface of the CEO's desk as she got up and in his face, making the taller man nearly fall backwards out of his chair.
"I can handle anything that anyone throws at me, least of all a damn restaurant, even with this time travel nonsense," she growled, "Send me wherever you want, and I'll practically be running it in no time!"
"Glad to hear it!" the CEO said, a smile back in place as he forced himself to calm down again, "In that case, we can get you sent out to your new location right away – though of course, if at any time you're not satisfied with it, don't hesitate to let us now. We at Bloaty's pride ourselves on keeping our employees content with their roles, especially one as important as you."
"Thanks, but I won't need the help. Like I said, I can handle anything," Gaz said confidently as they both stood up and made their way to the door.
"We'll see about that, you brat," the CEO thought, with his smile widening into a smirk as they left the office.
XXXXXXX
It had been a quick trip down to the side facility built into the Bloaty's corporate headquarters which now held the time travel device, a large glowing archway that a person walked through to get to their temporal destination. The CEO explained that they'd already used it to set up several franchises in different time periods, where they were making progress in not just giving their present day customers a unique dining experience, but were even introducing the Bloaty's standard to historical people as well.
Gaz had mostly tuned him out, honestly not invested enough to care about any of that. Of course, then she got sent through to her new franchise location, and quickly realized just how much more intense this would be than her prior experience.
10,000 BC
"Welcome to Bloaty's 10,000, everyone!" the franchise manager, a man wearing a Bloaty's hat and nametag and nothing else except a fur loincloth, announced from where he was standing behind the counter of this location, which was carved completely from stone, with the Bloaty's logo painted on the wall. Before him was a large crowd of modern day tourists who had traveled back in time to try out the experience, all of them also dressed in either loincloths or leopard skin pelts to fit into their surroundings.
Also, there appeared to be actual cavemen milling about in the crowd, looking genuinely confused about what was happening.
"Just line right up, everyone, and order as normal, and my assistant will prepare your food!" the manager said, gesturing to a spot next to him, smile wavering slightly when he saw it was empty, "I said, my assistant will prepare your food!"
"I'm not coming out dressed like this!" Gaz's voice snapped from the kitchen area.
"Do it, or we'll dock your pay!" the manager snapped back, still cheerful but with an edge to his words. In response, there were a few moments of silence, and then Gaz shuffled out of the kitchen, also wearing a loincloth and leopard pelt and feeling utterly ridiculous in it.
The fact that the cavemen in the crowd all piqued up in interest at the sight of her didn't help any.
"This is not what I signed up for," Gaz hissed at the manager, who just shrugged at her.
"What you signed up for was to be an employee at this franchise, which means wearing the approved uniform and taking instructions," he stated, "And right now, since we're still understaffed, those instructions mean doing what you're told and making the food these nice people are paying for."
"You actually expect me to cook anything with this Flintstones shit?" Gaz demanded, pointing to the kitchen behind her, which was just more rocks and sticks.
"Well, you're free to leave if you think you're not up to the challenge," the manager said with a smirk, remembering the CEO's advice on how to handle this girl. And it turned out to be spot on, as Gaz scowled at him, pride riled up by the comment. Without a word, she turned and stomped back into the kitchen and started to do the best she could with the tools provided to her.
To say that proved difficult would an understatement. Gaz had never had to make pizza by herself before, and had been avoiding that part of the job (along with any other hard work aspects) in the present day franchise location. Now, working with literal Stone Age tools? Well, to put it bluntly…
"OW!"
…It was literally a pain, she thought as the stone spatula she was trying to use to flip a pile of dough instead tore through it and flew upwards to hit her in the face. And not for the first time, either.
"Hurry up, Miss Membrane, people are hungry and waiting for their food!" the manager called from the front smugly, while angry murmurs came from the people on line.
For a moment, Gaz felt some sympathy for any Bloaty's employees she'd been impatient with as a customer in the past. But then her anger and annoyance overrode it, and she just grit her teeth in rage.
"Tell them to hold the hell on, and that I'd like to see them do better with this crap!" she snapped, before returning to her work, determined to show that she knew what she was doing.
Many grueling minutes later, Gaz finally managed to drag a pile of mishappen and unappealing-looking pizzas out to the counter and dropped them on top of it.
"Here. Thanks for visiting Bloaty's, or whatever. I'm on break!" Gaz grumbled to the very unimpressed-looking customers before snapping at the manager and walking away before he could tell her that he couldn't.
However, she didn't make it far before she found one of the cavemen stepping into her path and blocking her.
"What the hell do you want?" she demanded, glaring at the caveman as he loomed over her and grinned widely.
"Purple girl pretty. Unga take purple girl for mate!" the caveman declared happily, making Gaz blink in surprise before her face screwed up in disgust.
"Ugh! No way, you prehistoric freak!" she declared, pulling a fist back, ready to punch the caveman's lights out, only for the manager to call out to her.
"Miss Membrane! We do not assault customers!" he shouted while turning away from the other customers – while the cavemen were happily taking Gaz's badly-cooked pizzas as "gifts from the pig god", he'd been working to convince the present-day customers that it was "traditional Stone Age style pizza", which they were reluctantly accepting as an experience worth the awful taste.
"It's sexual harassment! I'm allowed to defend myself!" she snapped at him.
"Sorry, but the rules from Corporate were clear – we do not apply modern views and sensibilities to past time zones!" the manager said firmly, "And any violence will lead to a pay cut!"
Gaz's eye twitched at that. She could handle any threats of being fired, since she knew that her father's deal with the company meant that they'd be bluffing, but docking her pay? Even she knew that legally they could do that all they wanted without her or her father being able to do anything about it.
"Fine, whatever!" she spat, before shoving Unga out of her way and starting to stomp away. However, she'd underestimated the simplistic determination of a caveman's mind, and made the mistake of turning her back on someone who didn't instinctively know to fear her and the possible ramifications of messing with her.
WHACK
"UGH!"
Which was why she didn't see it coming when Unga hit her over the head with the club in his hand, causing her to collapse to the floor with a pained grunt.
"Unga's mate feisty! Unga look forward to breaking in!" he said as he grabbed Gaz's leg and started dragging her away. She groaned in pain and disorientation for several moments as she was dragged along, everyone else just staring in confusion as this happened, before she finally regained enough coherence to realize what was happening.
"Hey! Let go!" she snarled, kicking at Unga with her free leg to break free of his grip. He let go of her with a grunt of pain, and she started to scramble away from him to try and get enough distance to safely get back on her feet. As she attempted this, however Unga lashed out to try and grab her again, instead managing to grab ahold of her leopard pelt-
RIP
-with her frantic movements to get away from him causing him to accidentally tear it and the loincloth beneath it clear off of her body.
Everyone froze as they realized what had just happened, Gaz still crouched on all fours and now very naked, and everyone else just staring at her in surprise, everyone too shocked to process or react to this. This stunned silence lasted for a solid minute, before Unga finally broke it.
"Unga disappointed. Want mate who actually look like girl," he stated, eyes taking in Gaz's very unflattering nude form, before he turned and walked away without another word, Gaz's torn off clothing still absently held in hand.
Meanwhile, Gaz was still frozen in shock, which last several more moments before her stunned brain caught up with the fact that she was not just publicly naked, but had just been rejected as being beneath the standards of a literal caveman. When it did, her face twisted up and turned red in a mixture of humiliation and rage, as she quickly moved into a seated position on the floor while she covered herself as best she could with her arms.
"HEY! Get back here with my clothes so I can cover up while I beat your ass, you Neanderthal piece of shit!" she screamed at Unga's back as he kept walking away. When he didn't react, she pushed the embarrassment aside to focus on the anger, getting to her feet and preparing to go after him, when the manager spoke up again.
"Miss Membrane!" he shouted sternly, "This is not appropriate Bloaty's behavior! Go grab a spare uniform and get back to work, immediately!"
"But, I- he- you can't-!" Gaz tried to protest, but was ignored.
"Now! And no more breaks!" the manager added firmly. Gaz's eye twitched at being ordered like that, but at hearing the laughs starting to come from the crowd, she decided that she just wanted to get away from this situation.
"I want a damn transfer," she muttered as she retreated into the kitchen to get a spare uniform and start cooking again, determined to talk to the CEO about this as soon as she had a chance.
After all, any of those other time travel franchises had to be better than this nonsense, right?
1347 AD
"Why are we making pizzas out of rats?!" Gaz, now dressed like a Medieval peasant, demanded of her new manager as she stood in the kitchen next to a cage full of rats.
"It's all we've got available for toppings because of the Crusades," the manager replied with a shrug as he accepted a mix of modern money and tin coins from the time travelling and local customers visiting this tavern-style Bloaty's location.
"We literally have time travel! Why don't we just ship stuff from the present?!" Gaz yelled incredulously.
"Yeah, but that's expensive," the manager said with a shrug. Gaz glared at him in disbelief, but then she was distracted as the cage burst open and the rats came spilling out.
"OW!" Gaz yelled as several of them bit her while the others rushed out of the building.
"Well, that's coming out of your pay," the manager said smugly, while Gaz snarled in pain and tore the rats off of her. Hearing that, she turned to glare at him while squeezing one of the rats in her hand. But before she could spit anything out, voices cried out from the local peasants in the crowd.
"She's been bit by rats! She's got the plague!" one of them yelled in panic.
"The plague comes from fleas, not rats, you idiots!" Gaz snapped at them, shifting annoyance for the interference from the peanut gallery, but she was ignored.
"We must take her to the apothecary for treatment before it spreads to all of us!" another peasant declared, causing the crowd to charge toward Gaz.
"Wait, what-? Hey, get off me!" Gaz demanded as the peasants grabbed ahold of her. Ignoring her protests and struggles, the crowd dragged her out of the tavern, much to the bemusement of the manager and the time traveling customers, before they all shrugged and returned to their business.
Meanwhile, as Gaz found herself tied to a bed in the apothecary and promptly stripped, leeched, bled, and force fed one obnoxious herbal treatment after another, she furiously determined to burn this place down before she returned to her own time and demanded another transfer.
1692 AD
"Okay, seriously? Who thought it would be a good idea to drop a modern day restaurant franchise into one of the most paranoid and reactionary places in history?" Gaz, now wearing a 17thcentury-appropriate dress, demanded of her newest manager as they stood in the brick and wood Bloaty's that now stood in the middle of Salem Village.
"It was decided that it's such a famous historical location, there'll be tons of customers wanting to visit it," the manager, wearing a typical Puritan outfit, explained as he gestured to the long line of customers in front of the counter.
"Yeah? And did they take the locals being a bunch of religious nuts into account when they made that decision?" Gaz asked as she pointed to the literal angry mob Puritans assembled outside the building.
"Blasphemy! Heresy! Something other than our accepted way of life!" the leader of the mob yelled angrily while his followers echoed his cries while they literally waved around torches and pitchforks.
"Eh, there's no such thing as bad publicity," the manager said with a shrug, before surprising Gaz by shoving a tray covered in pizza slices into her hands, "Now get out there and offer some free samples!"
"Really?" Gaz demanded flatly, glaring at the manager.
"Well, if you'd prefer a pay cut for refusing orders…"
"Ugh, fine!" Gaz snapped, idly wondering when that threat was going to stop working on her as she stomped outside and approached the mob.
"Hark! One of the vile Hell spawn emerges from their sinful den!" the Puritan leader shouted as Gaz walked over, "Behold the wench's dark demeanor! Surely a sign of having sold her soul to Satan!"
"No, it's just a sign of intense annoyance," Gaz grunted, before offering up the tray, "Here, have a free sample, or whatever."
"You think we will be tempted by your foul… actually, that smells pretty good," the Puritan leader started to rant, only to trail off as he got a whiff of the pizza. Reluctantly, he grabbed a slice and took a bite, his eyes widening as he chewed.
"Marvelous! Truly, this is the work of the Lord and His angels!" he declared, eagerly eating more. Hearing this, the mob immediately dropped their weapons and rushed forward to have some pizza for themselves.
"Incredible!" one man cheered.
"It's the most delicious thing I've ever tasted!" a woman yelled.
"It makes me think life is more than a long string of miseries!" a particularly old man shouted.
"That's great," Gaz said flatly once the tray was emptied, "There's more inside if you want, I guess, but you have to pay for it. With the conversion rate between our money and yours that they made me learn, I'm pretty sure it just comes to a few shillings, so don't whine about the price!"
"…A girl who can do math?" the Puritan leader asked, blinking in confusion before his face twisted up in rage again, "She's a witch! Get her!"
"Oh, come on!" Gaz exclaimed as the suddenly once again angry mob surged forward and grabbed ahold of her before she could react.
"Build a stake so we can burn her!" the Puritan leader shouted.
"Hey, that's not even historically accurate! They only do that in Europe!" Gaz yelled as she struggled against the mob carrying her away crowd surfing-style.
"Well, we'll make an exception for you trying to seduce us with your delicious cheese bread!" the leader snapped as he followed after the crowd, while the manager watched from the doorway of the Bloaty's.
"Huh, guess I'd better go get the fire extinguisher," he mused nonchalantly before he went to do so, while Gaz felt her frustration and annoyance boiling over.
She was going to be having words with the CEO about this!
XXXXXXX
"I'm not doing any more time travel crap," Gaz said with a scowl and crossed arms as she sat in the CEO's office, glaring at him.
"I thought you could handle anything?" the CEO asked smugly, his instinctive fear of Gaz somewhat diminished by both the reports he'd been receiving from the franchises she'd been sent to and her overall frazzled state as she sat before him.
"I can, but my tolerance for stupidity is very low," Gaz growled, "If you still think that those losers at my original location can't handle me, then send me somewhere else, but still in this time period!"
"Hmm, if you insist," the CEO said with a shrug, typing at his computer and bringing up several files, "We actually do still have several exciting new prospects other than the time travel ones, thanks to the teleportation and other devices your father has provided us."
For a moment, Gaz felt a shiver of concern run down her spine at the smirk that the CEO gave at the word "exciting", but quickly shoved it aside. She was Gaz Membrane; she didn't get scared of anything, least of all ridiculously over-the-top restaurant locations!
So, she forced herself to stay calm while the CEO clicked through files and muttered to himself as he searched for one he considered appropriate for her, until he finally nodded.
"Ah yes, this should do just fine," he said, "You should fit right in on Monster Island."
"Monster Island?" Gaz repeated incredulously.
"Don't worry, it's just a name," the CEO said with a shrug, before smirking and adding, "Of course, if you're too scared…"
"Just sign me up already!" Gaz snapped, too angry at the suggestion to notice just how nasty the CEO's smirk got in response.
Besides, she told herself, how bad could it actually be?
Monster Island
"I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A NAME?!" Gaz screamed in shocked outrage as she stood in the new franchise location, pointing at the jungle landscape outside the window, where giant kaiju of several kinds could be seen fighting.
"It is. This is actually a peninsula connected to the mainland," the manager said with a shrug, pointing out a different window towards a huge concrete wall, topped by barbed wire and armed soldiers, with the only way through being a steel bank vault-style door marked with crossbones, biohazard symbols, and a cheerful sign which read "Welcome to Orlando".
"That is such a bullshit loophole," Gaz grunted, before shaking her head and asking, "But speaking of bullshit, what's my assignment here?"
"Mascot duty!" the manager replied cheerfully, pulling out a cartoon-looking dinosaur costume, with a face hole in the middle of a too wide cheerful smile, "We've got a new regional mascot for the uniqueness of the location – Bloaty's pal Dino Dave!"
"No," Gaz said flatly, scowling at the manager so hard that it was honestly surprising that he didn't burst into flames.
"It's either this, or transferring to our sister location on the other side of the wall," the manager replied just as flatly, gesturing once more to the wall outside.
Gaz scowled at that, while furrowing her brow in thought. On the one hand, staying here meant wearing that ridiculous costume. On the other hand, leaving now meant voluntarily spending time in Florida.
"…Just give me the damn costume," she muttered, snatching the costume while the manager smirked at her.
15 minutes later, Gaz was reconsidering her decision as she stood in the costume outside of the restaurant, forcing a stiff smile onto her face as she waved to all the customers walking down the path from the dividing wall to the Bloaty's. The costume was stiff and uncomfortable, and the rubber and fabric it was made of both smelled badly and seemed to amplify the already stifling heat of the location, leaving her drenched with sweat already.
"I think I miss the Puritans," she grumbled, angrily kicking a rock near her feet, which flew through the air and vanished into the nearby foliage.
"RAAAAHHHH!"
And then she blinked at the resulting roar. As she watched, something that looked like a yeti had a baby with rhino came out of the jungle, a fresh lump on its head, likely from the rock she'd just kicked. Looking around, its gaze fell on her, and it growled as its eyes narrowed in rage.
"Beat it, bozo, I'm not in the mood," she growled back at it. When this just made it growl harder while leaning down to get in her face, she snarled and punched it in the nose… only for the stubby glove of the stupid mascot costume to soften the blow to practically nothing.
"Oh crap," Gaz muttered, eyes widening as she realized she was practically defenseless in this outfit just as the monster roared in her face. Panicking for once, Gaz turned and ran blindly in the other direction, the monster hot on her heels.
"Come on, come on, get bored already!" she muttered under her breath as she burst into and ran through the jungle, desperately hoping that she could keep ahead of the monster long enough for it to give up. Because otherwise, she didn't know what to do…
WHAM
And then she slammed into something hard, which knocked her off her feet.
"Ugh, now what?" she grumbled, shaking her head to clear it before looking up, eyes widening slightly as she saw she had run right into the leg of something that looked like a mutant T-Rex, as it had the right body shape but was purple and had spikes poking out of various parts of its body. It looked down at her in apparent surprise, before looking in the direction she'd come from and glaring at the yeti-rhino-thing chasing her as it skidded to a halt.
The yeti-rhino roared in challenge at the T-Rex, only for it to roar back even louder. The yeti-rhino growled in frustration, but turned and ran off, Gaz blinking in surprise at that, but sighing in relief.
"Well, at least that's one less problem," she muttered, before freezing as a rush of hot air huffed over her reminded her of the T-Rex's presence. She slowly turned to face it, and saw it was leaning closely to examine her closely. As she watched, however, the look in its eyes shifted from a look of anger and confusion to one that almost looked… amorous?
"…Oh, Hell no, not happening!" Gaz exclaimed as she connected the dots, going pale at the implications. Jumping to her feet, she tried to run away again, only for the T-Rex to chomp down on the costume's stubby tail, using it to lift Gaz up in the air while its own tail started wagging happily.
"Put me down! I'm not a real damn dinosaur!" Gaz screamed as she wiggled impotently in the T-Rex's mouth while it carried her off further into the jungle.
"I HATE THIS JOB!"
Under the Ocean
Gaz had almost quit after the Monster Island incident. However, by the time she'd dragged herself out of the jungle with her costume and the clothes underneath in shreds and determined to never speak or even think of what she'd been through ever again, she'd talked herself out of it. She was not a quitter!
So, that was why she was currently in yet another franchise location, this one deep under the surface of the ocean, wearing a diving suit and oxygen tank as people in similar suits swam up to get their food in sealed containers from the oxygen chamber containing the kitchen and then eating it in similarly sealed chambers. And then there were the other customers…
"Isn't it cannibalism for you guys to eat fish?" she couldn't help but scoff as she deposited a large pizza topped in fish parts on a table where several mermaid were seated.
"Who asked you, surface dweller? You people do worse than this up there all the time!" sneered one particular mermaid who frankly looked like a high school popular girl stereotype photoshopped onto a fish tail, wrinkling her nose in disgust.
"Whatever you say, bimbo," Gaz said, rolling her eyes, making the mermaid glare at her.
"Bimbo?!" she shouted, while her friends all joined her in glaring at Gaz.
"Yeah, that's what we 'surface dwellers' call dumb blondes with stuffed chests like you," Gaz sneered, smirking as the mermaid glared harder at her.
"At least I have a chest worth noticing!" the mermaid spat, pointing to Gaz's own flat upper torso. Face twisting in rage at that, Gaz acted on impulse and knocked the pizza off of the table, scattering slices and toppings to float away through the water.
"Oops, my mistake. Let me go and get you a store credit for that," she said condescendingly, turning to swim away without another word. However, this proved to be a mistake, as it allowed the mermaid to suddenly lash out and grab the air tube on the back of her suit's helmet, yanking hard to tear it clean off.
"GACK!" Gaz gagged as water started to flood into her helmet, causing her to start splashing around in panic. As the mermaids laughed bitchily at her expense, she desperately swam towards the kitchen's airlock and threw herself into it, tearing her helmet off as the water in the room drained.
"Ack, ack, that fish bitch!" Gaz spat as she gasped for breath, "I'm going to- urk!"
Her impending rant was immediately cut off as she suddenly convulsed and fell to the floor in a twitching mass.
"Sir? Looks like Membrane's got the bends," one of the kitchen workers casually called out to the manager.
"Eh, let her work it off," the manager replied without even looking in Gaz's direction while she continued to thrash on the floor, "If she throws up or voids herself, just tell her to clean up the mess once she recovers."
With that, everything continued, no on giving Gaz another glance, while the part of her not overwhelmed by pain silently seethed in rage.
Somewhere in Space
"Okay… this is almost kinda cool," Gaz admitted as she stood within the space station that Bloaty's had placed somewhere on the far edge of the solar system, wearing a stylistic spacesuit. It otherwise looked like a normal franchise location, if one ignored the sights outside the station windows. Also, a lot of aliens kept showing up to buy food too, though the other staff and customers didn't seem to register that they weren't human.
Gaz should bring Dib here. Watching him have a breakdown over that level of obliviousness might actually be amusing.
"Hey, Membrane, we've got a big order we need you to take out to that ship out there," the manager called out, pointing to the massive red ship currently parked next to the space station. Gaz arched an eyebrow at the familiar symbol painted on its side, resigning herself to immense stupidity.
"Fine, let me have it," she muttered, only to immediately regret it as she found herself nearly collapsing under the weight as fifty pizza boxes were dropped on top of her, "Seriously?!"
"Hey, I said it was a big order. Now move it," the manager said. Gaz glared at him, but just grunted and walked as fast as she could while carrying the huge amount of pizzas she was now carrying. Taking far longer than she would have liked, she eventually reached the appropriate airlock and kicked at it to get attention.
"Here's your food, take it!" she hissed as the airlock opened, feeling her legs starting to give out from the weight.
"We're not allowed to touch the Tallest's deliveries, you need to hand it over to them personally," said one of the Irken guards who'd greeted her. Groaning, Gaz let them escort her down the ridiculously-long hallways of the ship until they emerged on the bridge, where the Tallest were reclining on their thrones.
"Your food is here, my Tallest," one of Gaz's escorts announced as she dropped the pile of boxes in front of them.
"Good, this should hold us over until dinner," Purple said happily as he grabbed the nearest box and started scarfing it down, while Red narrowed an eye at Gaz as she tried to stretch out the cramps that the boxes had put on her.
"You look weirdly familiar," he mused, catching her attention.
"Yeah, well, Zim's probably complained about me kicking his ass more than a few times… you guys might have been watching some of those times, now that I think about it," Gaz explained, trailing off as she recalled several occasions where she'd had to drag Dib out of Zim's base after being captured, sometimes with these two color-coded idiots in front of her watching from a screen.
"You know Zim?" Red asked in surprise.
"Unfortunately," Gaz snorted, making Red nod solemnly.
"You have my condolences," he said sincerely, before glancing at one of his aides, "Give her a bigger tip than we usually hand out for deliveries."
"My Tallest, you usually don't tip at all," the aide pointed out.
"Then it should be an easy order to carry out!" Red snapped as if it were obvious, while Purple suddenly looked up and around at the gathered pizza boxes.
"Hey, where's the garlic bread?" he demanded.
"…Did you order any garlic bread?" Gaz asked, eye twitching as she sensed a Karen moment coming on.
"It was implied, duh!" Purple scoffed haughtily, his tone implying that he thought Gaz was an idiot for even asking, which just made her eye twitch harder, "How am I supposed to enjoy pizza without garlic bread on the side, huh?!"
"Then outright order it next time, moron!" Gaz snapped, making all the other Irkens on the bridge to gasp in shock while the Tallest stared at her in surprise for a moment at the audacity, before scowling at her.
"Throw her out the airlock!" Purple ordered, immediately making Gaz snap into defensive mode.
"Don't even try it, you-!"
ZAP
"ACK!" Gaz yelled as one of the guards behind her jabbed her with a shock staff, causing her to spasm before collapsing to the floor. More guards then rushed forward and grabbed her, dragging her away kicking and screaming.
"You think that suit of hers got life support?" Red asked Purple once Gaz was gone.
"Eh, who cares?" Purple shrugged, while returning to the pizza he apparently could enjoy without garlic bread.
"Good point," Red nodded, before grabbing a slice himself and immediately forgetting about what had just happened.
By the time Gaz regained consciousness, floating in empty space around the Bloaty's station and with her life support beeping away, the Massive had long since departed, leaving her to plot getting her revenge on Zim's stupid leaders.
After she figured out how to get back onboard the station and requested another transfer, of course.
Antarctica
"W-why, of all places, did we build a franchise here?!" Gaz demanded of her latest manager, shivering from the intense cold despite the several layers of heavy coats that she was wearing.
"Locational uniqueness for the extreme tourism crowd," the manager replied, seemingly fully at ease and comfortable, which just pissed Gaz off even more, "Now then, we need some fresh penguin meat for our special toppings, so get out there and grab some!"
"You want me to go out there?!" Gaz exclaimed, looking out the window at the blizzard raging outside, "That's insane! I'm not doing it! And I don't care if you dock my pay, I still won't do it!"
"Hmm… maybe you're right, and this isn't the right location for you," the manager said, trying to sound sympathetic, "But, I hear we still have plenty of other exciting ones. The Sahara, Siberia, the Amazon, the Outback, New Jersey…"
With each location listed, Gaz felt her eye twitching harder and harder, her mind picturing all the awful things that would probably happen to her there, on top of everything she'd been through already. And finally, she couldn't take it anymore.
"ARGH! THAT'S IT! I'M DONE!" she screamed, "Screw the benefits and pay, this is not worth it! Send me home so I can tell the CEO that I quit!"
"Are you sure?" the manager asked, barely hiding his smirk.
"NOW!"
"Okay, if you say so," the manager said, leading Gaz towards the teleporter while feeling very good about himself.
Heh, the CEO might give him a raise for being the one to finally push her to the breaking point.
One Week Later
"Ah… I love it when a plan comes together," the CEO said with a wide smile as he leaned back, feet on his desk, while the rest of the board members sat around, also looking very satisfied with themselves.
"The franchise that the Membrane girl was originally posted at is reporting that its sales are about back to what they were before she started scaring people off," one board member stated, looking at a pad in his hands, "And the Professor himself is apparently shrugging the whole thing off as a learning experience for her, and is showing no signs of pulling out of his side of the deal, so I'd say we're in the clear on this whole mess."
"Does anyone feel bad though that we might have traumatized the girl after everything we put her through?" another board member questioned. That gave everyone pause, and they turned to look at a screen, showing security footage of the day that Gaz had quit and stomped out of the HQ building, looking very much like she was on the verge of a breakdown.
The board members took this in, shared looks with each other, and then all shrugged.
"I'm fine with it."
"Can't say I care."
"She kinda had it coming."
Murmurs of that vein rumbled through the room, everyone nodding in agreement with being satisfied by the course of action they'd taken. Taking this in, the CEO just grinned in satisfaction, while glancing at another screen showing a live view from the security cameras of several franchise locations; on one, Gaz walked down the street and paused in front of it, looking at the building with a look of conflicted emotions on her face, before she shuddered and walked away.
'Hmm, looks like we actually did give her some trauma… oops,' the CEO thought with a laugh. Considering how much she'd visited their restaurants over the years, that might put a dent in their local profits for however long it took her to get over it, but not nearly as much as letting her run wild as an employee would have, so it all worked out for them in the long run.
"Nothing personal, Miss Membrane. Just good business," he laughed at her expense.
All in all, he'd say this had been a good investment.