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Sirius tried to clean, but after sweeping the kitchen and dusting the parlor he sat down on the cool hearth and found himself very much wanting to be a dog. He felt bad. Moony had been fussed in the morning, because his friends Simon and Baz were coming to the house that night and he hadn’t had time to clean. The house seemed okay to Sirius but what did he know? The full moon was only a few days away and he vaguely remembered that Remus got this way before the change, his natural neatness and fastidiousness amplified to the point where every speck of dirt irked him. It must have happened in the old days because he remembered teasing Remus about it, telling him that he was about to get his period and so on. But he didn’t remember it being so….annoying.
Seeing Moony like that this morning, pale and tense, biting his lower lip, the worry lines on his forehead accentuated, had made Sirius feel terrible. He started to sink into the bad place, the cold place, the place he knew so well, where all hope was gone and danger lurked everywhere. The worst danger came from inside him, the feelings of loss and worthlessness completely overwhelming. He had dwelt in that place for years. He knew it’s geography, it’s hard and soft spots, it’s curves and creases. He knew there were caverns in his mind to hide, where the heaviness would lift for a time, and ladders he could occasionally use to climb up to a brighter place. These small escapes had saved him over the years. But he also knew there were darker pits, places where the sadness and hopelessness felt so dense, the self recrimination was so piercing that he didn’t really know how he had survived them and crawled out again to a slightly brighter plane.
The dementors had done this to him, had created this dark country in his mind. Or not actually created it, it had always been there, but their constant presence had expanded it, made it into a landscape that was now his most familiar place. He never wanted to go back there again, and yet, he could not deny it’s existence. It lurked below the surface of this recent happiness with Remus, waiting to snag him and drag him down again. In the past few days he had imagined it was gone, but that was naive. He knew it would always be a part of him.
Now, the cleaning half done, he stared into the empty fireplace. The hearthstones felt cool, inviting. Indigo the cat came up to him purring anxiously, rubbing against his side. Rom gently asked him if he needed anything, but he just shook his head. One hour passed, then two. Sirius was used to sitting and staring blankly. He had become good at it. His pre-prison self had been in perpetual motion, easily bored, always on the move. That young man was gone for good.
The truth was, he didn’t want to meet these friends of Moony’s. They were evidence of the life Moony had forged without him. Remus had sworn up and down that neither of these men had ever been his lover, but even the fact of his having new friends was a sort of a betrayal. And who were they really? Remus had been vague. They were mages, magic but not really part of the wizarding world. The mages and the wizards had separated centuries ago. The mages had their own magic, their own way of doing things. It seemed….dodgy.
Sirius didn’t want anyone else in their little haven. He was content with the cocoon of safety and love that Remus had spun around them. He wanted things to go on just as they were. He wanted Remus all to himself.
He supposed he could leave. Turn into Padfoot and just…...go. In their youth he had left several times, chafing against something in their partnership. Their relationship in those days had been total, all consuming. They had discovered themselves through each other and at times it had just been too much, defining him before he had any idea who he really was. But their separations had been short lived. The war had made them grow up fast, and it hadn’t taken much experimenting before Sirius realized that what he really wanted in life was Remus Lupin in his bed. He needed the intimacy that only Remus could provide. And in prison, well, every day apart felt like a loss, but the thought of Remus, the knowledge that he had been truly loved and the hope of reuniting, had helped get him through. It had helped get him out.
He thought of Remus, his amber eyes, his hands, his mouth. He thought of Remus crying out as he came last night. At least Sirius had been able to do that for him. He thought of Remus’ certainty that they belonged together, his determination to heal Sirius’ battered soul and his determination to keep him safe. He couldn’t betray all that.
When Romulus came in from the garden he found Padfoot lying on the cool slates of the hearth. The big dog raised his head and wagged his tail and Rom came over and bent down creakily to scratch him behind the ears. “Good dog,” he murmured as he headed into the kitchen to make lunch.
**********
Remus had a problem. He really didn’t know if he had done things right, but it was too late now, he supposed. He could have told Sirius, and maybe he should have. He was hoping that once they met, once there was a face connected to the story, Sirius would accept the situation more easily. Or maybe he should have had Baz come out to the house alone for the first time, give them a chance to get to know each other one on one a little bit. Baz, Simon and Anya as a package were a bit overwhelming. In the end there was probably no good way to break the news. How do you tell your lover that your best friend is a vampire?
Remus arrived in the kitchen with a sack of groceries and set about making supper. Padfoot, dozing on the cool hearthstones, rose and shook himself, and with sigh, was a human again. He stood in the kitchen doorway, leaning against the frame. “Can I help?” he asked a little hoarsely. A knife was chopping onions on a board, a spoon stirring a pan on the stove.
Remus walked over and kissed him, a bit distractedly. “Erm, could you rinse the chicken and put up some water for pasta? I think I’ll run up and change before they get here,” he said, dumping the chopped onions into the pan.
“Moony.”
“What?”
“I’m going to be all right.”
“Good,” said Remus, and smiled and kissed him again, this time as if he meant it, then headed upstairs to change.
***********
The Pitch-Snow family arrived through the floo with the wail of an angry baby. Anya was not accustomed to travelling by floo, and the whirling sensation had startled her. She howled loudly, and somehow, that made it all easier. Her crying filled the potentially awkward silence. Baz handed the baby off to Remus. She was more of a toddler, really, and Remus bounced her and peek-a-booed her and she shut up and stared at him with fascination. Her big blue eyes were wet and shining and there was a smudge of soot on her forehead underneath her black curls.
“Moo.” she said, grabbing his nose.
“Hiya, Anya,” he smiled at her. “This is Sirius.”
She gazed at Sirius with those big, wet, blue eyes, and for a moment the world stood still. Sirius was fascinated. He almost forgot about the two men standing in their kitchen, the strangers he had been dreading meeting all day. She was beautiful, and it had been so long since he had seen a child. Sirius stared back at her and then he smiled.
“Si” she said, waving her hands. She touched her fingers together and sparks flew. She laughed and then she hid her face in Remus’ collar.
Then the taller bloke, the pale one with the black hair, grabbed Sirius by the shoulders and kissed him on both cheeks, as if he were greeting a long lost friend, or a brother.
“I’m Baz,” he said. “And this is Simon. We’ve been waiting to meet you for a very long time.”
********
They settled Anya in Romulus’ lap with some board books and set of tiny enchanted toy mice that flipped and did circus tricks on a complicated arrangement of strings that Rom set up with his wand. The toys looked old, as if they had belonged to Remus when he was a child, which they probably had. Rom and Anya seemed perfectly comfortable with each other and Sirius got the feeling that it wasn’t the first time that he had babysat the little girl.
Sirius was fascinated by the two strange men’s magic. He was sensitive to magic anyway, to the feel of it. It was part of his pure blood heritage. These fellows, these mages, you could smell it on them, a dense smoky smell, like green wood burning. It was strange to watch the way they worked. Baz the tall one, said the spells and held the wand, with Simon’s hand touching his shoulder or his back. Simon was the powerful one, his magic shimmered around him, like an aura, and after a while Sirius realized that the smoky smell was coming mostly from him. Their spells were strange too, not like any Sirius had ever heard, short modern sounding phrases. “Safety first,” and “Stranger danger,” and “Let a smile be your umbrella.” They were quiet and intense, spelling the perimeter of the house first and then the garden wall. Remus and Sirius trailed behind them. It was a grey evening, cool and overcast. The apple blossoms glowed eerily against the twilight sky. Remus grabbed Sirius’ hand and squeezed it.
“Doing all right Pads?” he whispered.
Sirius sensed Remus’ intensity, knew how much he wanted them all to get on with each other. So far it wasn’t too bad, not as bad as he had feared. He was intrigued by these two. He nodded at Remus and squeezed his hand back.
********
After the house was warded they all squeezed around the kitchen table and Remus dished up pasta and chicken. (“Eat slowly,” he whispered to Sirius as he served him, biting his ear lightly.) Simon and Baz had brought a bottle of wine and Remus went down in the cellar and filled a pitcher with his father’s home brewed cider. “It’s a bit early,” he said apologetically. “We usually don’t tap until the cool weather,” but it tasted all right. Anya perched on Simon’s knee and ate bits of pasta and smeared sauce in her hair. She had a sippy cup with pink elephants that danced around the outside and sang a faint tinny song when she banged it on the table.
Sirius sat and watched her. She didn’t look quite as angelic as she had when he had first seen her. She had pasta sauce smeared on her face and bits of chicken in her hair but he felt a certain kinship with the joy she took in making a big mess.
“So, how did you get to adopt her then?” he asked Simon shyly.
“We were in Russia,” Simon replied. “there was a group of vampires that was causing a problem and it had turned into a siege of this one town. Moony was there,” he added, gesturing with his fork.
“You were?” asked Sirius, looking sharply at Remus.
“I was," he replied. “Dumbledore sent me. He thought Voldemort might be involved somehow.”
“It couldn’t have been that long ago,” Sirius said, watching Anya as she tried to levitate a piece of pasta into Simon’s mouth. It bumped against his chin in a desultory fashion.
“Last summer,” Remus replied. ”Just before term started.”
“She was tiny,” said Simon. “It was a bit intimidating at first.”
“How did you ever know what to do?” asked Sirius faintly, considering it.
“Well, Heather was a huge help.”
“Who’s Heather?” asked Sirius. “A house elf?”
“No,” said Baz, a bit sharply. “I would never…..”
“Our nanny,” Simon cut in. “She’s wonderful.”
“She’s a squib actually,” said Remus. “I helped her get the job. She was very grateful.”
“Heather!!” demanded Anya loudly and banged her cup.
“Just us tonight, love,” said Simon, kissing her dark curls. “Heather has the night off.”
“Heather!” shouted Anya again. “Cookie!” and she threw her sippy cup on the floor, screwed up her pretty face and started crying.
“She’s getting tired,” said Simon, apologetically. He lifted her up and handed her to Baz. “Your turn.”
Baz took the crying toddler from Simon and looked at her for a moment, considering. “Shh,” he said. “It’s all right, little puff.” Then he did something very strange. He unbuttoned his white shirt and laid Anya’s cheek against his bare chest, which was very pale and almost hairless. She quieted instantly and closed her eyes.
“It’s a vampire thing,” said Simon, looking over at Sirius by way of explanation and grinning. “They’re both cold blooded. It soothes her some how.”
But Sirius was not smiling back. He was staring at Baz and Anya in horror. In the silence that followed, the tinny song from the elephants on the sippy cup, still lying on the floor where Anya had thrown it, sounded loud. Baz and Simon exchanged a look.
“You’re a vampire?” Sirius said at last, standing, reaching for his wand.
“We thought Remus had told you,” said Simon softly. Baz was looking at Sirius his gaze steady. Sirius was staring back in horror, his hand on the wand in his pocket.
“Moony.” Both Baz and Sirius said it at the same time.
“You didn’t tell him?” asked Baz.
“I didn’t know how to,” said Remus miserably. He was almost as pale as Baz.
Sirius turned on Remus. “He’s a vampire?” Remus nodded. “Anya too,” he whispered.
“Anya too?” Sirius said. “The baby?” Remus nodded and Baz lifted the curls from her neck to reveal the scar, two small fang marks, a deep reddish purple, slightly indented. Sirius stared at the marks, then backed up and removed his wand from his shirt pocket. In the tense silence, Simon rose slowly from his seat. He stood behind Baz, and placed his hand on his shoulder. His magic shimmered on his skin, and the air smelled like smoke again. Anya slept against Baz’s cool chest.
“And you didn’t tell me?” Sirius asked his voice rising. His pupils were dilated, making his eyes look black. He was breathing hard and his wand trembled slightly in his hand. “How could you fail to mention this, Remus?”
Remus flinched at the use of his real name, which Sirius rarely used.
“I’m sorry,” Remus said.
“You’re sorry?” Sirius growled.
“Yes. I should have told you.”
"It's kind of important!"
"I know."
“He’s a monster!”
“So am I.”
“It’s not the same.”
“It’s not that different. Put your wand away, Sirius.”
Sirius stood backed against the wall, his wand out, his eyes cold and hard.
“I’ve known Baz for years, Sirius. He’s saved my arse on numerous occasions. I have no secrets from him. I trust him with my life, and yours.”
Remus walked over to Sirius, grabbed his wand hand and pointed it to the floor. Sirius did not resist. “You have to trust me with this,“ Remus said. “Baz was bitten as a child, as I was. He knows how to keep himself safe, as I do.”
They stood like that for a long moment. “Really Moony?" Sirius said at last. “This is the way it has to be?”
Remus nodded, not letting go of Sirius' wrist. Baz stood and handed Anya off to Simon. She sighed and settled onto his shoulder.
“Sirius,” Baz said, and his voice cracked a bit. He stood with both his hands out, fingers spread apart, his usual arrogance gone. His shirt still hung open. “I’ve never bitten a human.”
“That’s hardly the point,” said Sirius.
“I think it is very much the point," said Remus.
“What do you eat then?” asked Sirius looking over at Baz with hostility. “Doesn’t your kind have to ….. Feed regularly?”
“Animals,” said Baz shortly. He turned to Simon. “Maybe we should go.”
“Let me see it,” said Sirius.
“What, the mark?” asked Baz
“Yeah.”
Baz turned his head to the side and brushed back his hair where it grew long at the back. The fang marks were clearly visible, though faded.
“When were you….. bitten?” asked Sirius, his voice low.
“I was five,” replied Baz.
“What happened?”
“I was attacked at school, in the nursery. My mother was bitten as well. She…..didn't make it.”
“And the baby? Anya?”
“She was abandoned by her parents after she was bitten. We found her in a ditch.”
“And she….. needs blood as well?”
“She will when she’s older. Not now.”
“And you?” Sirius asked turning to Simon.
“Not a vampire,” said Simon. “But I’ve been sharing a room with Baz since we were eleven.”
“Eleven?”
“We were roommates at school.”
“Like us?” Sirius asked, turning to Remus. He was thrown off a bit by this information.
“Yes,” Remus replied.
“And you have this strange…...power,” Sirius said, turning back to Simon.
“Yes,” said Simon. “That’s a story for another time, I think.”
Slowly, Sirius put his wand away and went to the table and sat down. Baz buttoned his shirt and sat at the table as well. Simon sat down beside him. Remus went to a high cupboard and took down a bottle of firewhiskey and four glasses. They drank in silence. Anya slumbered on peacefully on Simon’s shoulder.
“How did you meet Moony?” asked Sirius at last.
“He was working at Barnes and Noble,” said Baz.
“Another Muggle bookshop,” explained Remus to Sirius. “Merlin, I hated that place,” he added with a shudder.
“He was cashing out orders. It was Christmas and there was a long line. That awful Christmas music was playing. I knew at once that he was magical.”
“When did you realize I was queer?” asked Remus.
“About a second later. But I noticed the magic first.”
“And you became….. friends,” said Sirius.
“Yes,“ said Baz. “We were never involved if that’s what you’re asking.”
“I’m not Baz’s type.” said Remus.
“Yes. Too tweedy,” said Baz. “But we were both alone. Simon was in America, in medical school, and we had broken up. I wasn’t……. really coping well. It wasn’t a good time for me. And you know what had happened to Remus, what he’d been through.”
“Yes,” said Sirius softly. “I do.”
“Baz helped me through, Sirius,” said Remus, grabbing him by the hand and looking at him intensely. “I was so lonely. And I had no idea, really…… how to accept who I was, how to live my life with pride. He understands all of that. And he….. he helped me to live that way, too.”
For a long moment they just looked into each other’s eyes. “All right, Moony,” said Sirius at last. He turned to Baz. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I know I was offensive and I’m sorry. I wasn’t expecting this. I wasn’t expecting vampires. But if Remus can trust you, then so can I.”
“Thank you,” said Baz. He stood and straightened his cuffs. “It’s late. We should be getting Anya to bed. I know this isn’t an easy thing to accept. I’ve lived with it all my life and I still struggle with it. But I do hope, for Moony’s sake that we can be friends. I am very glad for him that you’re back. And we plan to help the two of you in any way that we can.” He touched Simon lightly on the shoulder.
“Simon,” he said, and Simon smiled up at him briefly. “Let’s go home.”
********
After they left through the floo Remus sat on the sofa, head in his hands, and stared at the fire. Sirius went into the kitchen and started cleaning up. Once the food was put away and the dishes were in the sink he came back out to the parlor. He stood behind Remus and put a hand on his shoulder. He hated to see him like this.
“I let you down,” he said.
“No, I….. I should have told you. I just didn’t know how to. And I thought maybe, if you met him first, it would be easier.”
“Maybe. I don’t know.”
“You’ll get used to him.”
“I guess.” Sirius sighed and started kneading Remus’ shoulders. “How does he live?”
“I’m not sure, really. He hates to talk about it. He hunts in the park mostly, I think. He takes a potion, something like the Wolfsbane potion but different obviously. They travel to Haiti sometimes, there’s a woman they see there, a powerful enchantress, and she works with him to make his symptoms less…..extreme. Simon discovered her when he was in the States. She helped him get his power back.”
“Simon lost his power?”
Remus nodded. “For years. It was awful for him. That’s why they broke up. He just couldn’t take it any more, being around Baz’s magic when he had none. He left him to go to medical school in New York.”
“He’s a doctor?”
“Yeah, a Muggle one. He’s a hematologist, a specialist in blood diseases. He’s doing all this research on vampires, trying to figure out how it all actually works. It‘s quite fascinating, really.”
Sirius came round and sat on the sofa. He put his arm around Remus who curled against him like a cat.
“I’m glad we’re not fighting,” Remus sighed against his chest.
“Me too.” Sirius said. They sat for a few minutes and stared at the fire. “I was gone a long time,” Sirius said at last. “There’s a lot to catch up with.” This thought usually filled him with rage and grief but tonight it felt like a simple fact. Like something he could learn to live with.
“You’ll get caught up eventually,” said Remus.
“I liked that little baby, Anya.”
“Isn’t she lovely?”
“She likes you.”
“We’re friends,” said Remus smiling.
“She’s got magic.”
“I know. Pretty cute, isn’t it?”
“Do you think we could ever have that, Moony?”
“What?”
“A baby of our own?”
Remus looked up at him sharply. “Would you really want that?”
“Don’t you? You looked really happy holding her.”
“I…..you surprise me,” Remus said slowly.
Sirius grinned. “Good to keep you guessing, Moony.” He rose and stretched. “Bedtime, I think.” He offered Remus a hand and pulled him up. He put the fire out with his wand and extinguished the lamps and together they climbed the stairs to bed.