Chapter Text
Rain pattered relentlessly against the hood of a gleaming hybrid electric car, the road turning into a blur behind it. It whizzed sluggishly down the English Countryside as the gloom of the day settled all around them, muddying even the brightest of spirits. In this particular car, however, nothing could diminish the sounds of laughter and excitement. A family of six bounced happily to upbeat music that made the whole car shake, radio turned down low. Acapella voices and harmonies filled its absence; an unfamiliar rendition of ‘’He’s Got The Whole World In His Hands’’.
Roland Thudberry sat in one of the car’s heated leather seats. He shifted absentmindedly and kept his eyes trained on the trees as they whirled past his window, leaving behind trails of green and amber as they went. Roland liked trees. They were lively and green and they always made him feel at peace. Every Sunday morning, he would look outside the tinted windows of his church and watch the light reflect and bounce off of the bright leaves, creating a kaleidoscope of colours that danced in front of his eyes. That, along with the calming voice of the Reverend filling the holy church, was his happy place. The Church of the Sunset Dawn. A charming, rural village in Lower Eastcombe.
Roland’s cheerfulness extinguished for a moment as he suddenly remembered the life he was leaving behind. A life that was small, and comfortable, and warm, like those amazing chocolate chip cookies his mum always made. A life that was so small, comfortable and warm that not even the Lord would know of its existence. Roland knew how insignificant he was in the grand scheme of things. His ambition in his whole ten years of living had always been to connect with himself and his Lord, hopefully leading to a simple life in the village where he could properly focus on making a change. Not in an overwhelming sense- no, he just wanted to make people happy. To be the small change in the world that really made a difference, both to his family and those around them.
Roland also really, really loved his family. His mum and dad- Rebecca and Richard Thudberry- were members of the Church of the Sunset Dawn, and they were the best parents a boy could ever ask for. Even living in such a quiet, idyllic village, they strove everyday to provide for their four sons, of whom Roland was the youngest. Roland’s entire family sat in the car to support him on this big day. Rudy, Roger and Rupert occupied the various seats within the Choral Hybrid, either gazing dazedly outside the window or joining in with the festive symphonies. Roland tugged at the thick woollen jumper he was wearing as his dad barrelled into another verse. The songs in the car always seemed to go on for an eternity, but that was what Roland loved about them.
‘’Roland, I think it’s your verse next!’’
Roland snapped his gaze back towards the front of the car, a smile already playing on his lips. His dad’s fingers drummed on the steering wheel expectantly. Roland started singing.
‘’He’ll take the sinners down into the dark,
He’ll take the sinners down into the dark,
He’ll take the sinners down into the dark,
‘Till they repent themselves!’’
His voice was strong and practised, much like his father’s. He was one of the more able singers in his family, which led to a bit of light-hearted jealousy from his brothers. Yet, Rudy always encouraged Roland to sing on Christmas day as their mum played the piano, the rest of the family joining in after the first verse. It always ended up sounding terrible. It was one of Roland’s favourite parts of the year.
‘’Give us another verse!’’ Rudy and Rupert both shouted out at once. They lowered their voices to make them sound gravelly and guttural, far from their usual honey-slick drawls.
‘’Boys, I told you not to do that voice. It scares me, I’ve never been to an urban environment before.’’ Roland responded. A soft lisp curled around the edges of his S’s.
‘’Oh, sorry, I was just getting you ready. You don’t know what the people might be like in there.’’ Rupert said, leaning forward in the very back seat to ruffle Roland’s sandy blond hair. Roland, Rudy and Roger sat side by side in the middle seats, preferring to look out of the window. Roland shuffled over to try and make room for the other boys. He suddenly got a bit conscious about his slightly bigger build.
‘’I know, it’s true.’’ Roland admitted, ‘’There might be all sorts of different people from all sorts of different walks of life, but it’s gonna be fine! I’m gonna- I’m gonna make friends and- I’m sure you’ll miss me terribly, Rupert.’’
He waited a moment for the inevitable teasing and jeering, but it never came. The seat creak behind him as Rupert leaned over further.
‘’We will. We’re all going to miss you.’’ He said sincerely.
‘’We will, we’re all going to miss you.’’ Rudy and Roger echoed from beside Roland, momentarily turning their heads away from the window. The synchronised nature of it doesn’t faze Roland in the slightest.
‘’Oh, Roland.’’ His mum suddenly sighed, a proud smile stretched out across her face. She patted her chest as though reminiscing about an old memory. She didn't bother looking back at Roland.
Roland paused for a moment, ‘’Yes, Mother?’’
His mum’s smile just stretched even further, ‘’That’s all.’’
‘’Oh! I’ll write you as many times as I can.’’ Roland promised, laying a hand on his mum’s shoulder across the front seat. His mum's breath hitched in an emotional gasp.
‘’Oh, Roland.’’
The chatter in the car immediately picked back up, the boys going into a polite debate about how long Roland would survive before having to write back home. Richard laughed along and turned the windscreen wipers on, the sound of rain getting louder and heavier as the minutes ticked by. Roland was just about to join the debate with a well thought-out rebuttal when a voice interrupted his thoughts. Roland’s eyes rolled back into his head.
‘’My, my, my, Roland, quite the pipes on thee.’’
Roland couldn’t see anything through the whites of his eyes, but there was no spark of panic in his chest. There was no instinct of flight kicking in or any overwhelming sense of confusion, because it was a voice he had heard many times before. It was the same voice he started hearing a few months ago. It appeared one night at random as Roland convulsed and whited out in his bed.
‘’Thy voice honours the Lord greatly. Though, t’were it only so that I might say the likes of your brother, Rudy. He sings with such a sour, flat air. Such- such disharmony.’’
‘’Are you alright there, Lord, you seem to misplace your words?’’ Roland asked, speaking out loud into the space of the car. He couldn’t see any of his family members, but he knew they were used to this by now. No one ever mentioned his talks with the Lord as they started coming more and more frequently over the last couple of months. It was Roland’s own personal guidance- a blessing in disguise.
‘’Such disharmony dishonours the Lord, methinks. Only the silence of a smiting seems so succinctly apt to be the solution, does it not, Roland?’’ The Voice asked. Roland‘s eyes fluttered in confusion, the booming sound seeping into his very pores. The exhilaration of hearing his Lord’s advice and wisdom was yet to bore him, even after months of long nights and inconvenient appearances. He would be a good boy. A good believer.
‘’I am your instrument, my Lord. And I shall sing true with my- with my mighty blows.’’ He only hesitated for a moment. He welcomed the familiar feeling of losing control of his limbs and of his mind, his trust transferring effortlessly to the disembodied Voice that overpowered his every sense. He never admitted this out loud to his parents, but he loved the feeling. It was a feeling no one else in his church would ever experience. He was special, he was the prophet the Lord had been looking for, he would do what other believers were not brave enough to do. His breathing started coming harder and heavier. His head lolled to the side and his vision remained white.
‘’RUDY!’’ He yelled out, a growl slipping through his throat. He was unsure, in the moment, whether it was a yell of warning or of power. There was a dull thud as his hands collided with soft skin. He doesn’t need his eyes to tell him who it belonged to. Roland’s whole world tilted for a moment as though he was being sucked through a harsh vacuum, a familiar flash of light blinding his sensitive eyes. Reality slowly crashed back on top of him. Another sickening crack echoed through the car as Rudy smacked into the door beside him.
Roland slammed back to his senses.
‘’Rudy, I’m so sorry!’’ He exclaimed, ‘’The Lord was upset by your singing.’’
A violent coughing fit wracked Rudy’s body, one of his hands waving through the air towards his brother. He shook his head and gripped the seat in front of him.
‘’That’s…that’s okay.’’ He rasped out. Out of the corner of his eye, Roland caught the nervous-but-it’s-totally-okay look his parents gave each other.
‘’Oh…oh, Roland.’’ His mother sighed. This time, her tone was a bit more apprehensive. Roland couldn’t even get another breath in before the white was envelopping him all over again, the dark interior of the car falling away before his eyes.
‘’Good, good… The light of the dawn and the sunset shines on you.’’ The Voice hissed into the incandescent light.
‘’Th-thank you.’’ Roland stammered, ‘’Listen, I understand that we do need to change the sinners' ways, but surely we can do it through peace and love, not this…this violence.’’
There was a heavy pause as the Voice digested Roland’s words. Roland fidgeted as much as he could in his semi-paralysed state, adrenaline flooding his entire body in a way it hadn’t in months. He hurt his brother. His family. That was a sin in and of itself, he suddenly didn’t understand why the Lord would ever ask him to do this. He felt a few tears threaten to peek out from beneath his twitching eyelids. Whatever power he felt before diminished in an instant, leaving him with the cold, unrelenting feeling of shame and regret.
‘’Mhm. Well- heed my words, if thy careth not: I am only your guardian and friend, Roland.’’
Roland didn’t get to respond. He is yanked back into the real world with surprising force, jolting into consciousness once more. The loud, booming voice slowly faded into friendly chatter.
‘’I know you’ll miss our church services, Roland, and our church festivals, and our church moonlit dances amidst the standing stones with the black briar thorns.’’ Rebecca sighed dreamily. Roland blinked to clear the fog in his brain, ‘’But! This place is for you…you will find your purpose there and perhaps you will return to us a new leader…a paragon of the church of the Sunset Dawn.’’
‘’Yes, Mother. All prophets must suffer. It’s through suffering that we get closer to the light.’’ Roland said, determined. He nodded to himself as a warm fire sparked in his belly, ‘’And if I have to go to a school away from all my wonderful brothers, and my mother, and my father and Lower Eastcombe, then…then I guess this is my cross to bear.’’
‘’You remembered my favourite Bible quotation! All of that is exactly word perfect.’’ Rebecca laughed, delighted.
‘’Yes, of course. Psalms 245b.’’ Roland said.
Rebecca flashed him a proud smile in the rearview mirror, nodding her head, ‘’Addendum sixteen, yes.’’
‘’Addendum sixteen, I know it well.’’
‘’Yes, well. Just remember that, with your faith, you will never be alone.’’ His mum said.
Never alone, never alone.
Roland was truly, inexplicably, never alone.
‘’I have you all in my heart. And whenever I feel low or blue, I’ll be able to sing the songs we sing in church, and imagine you’re all around me- my wonderful Thudberrys. Thudberry’s ho!’’ Roland exclaimed with a cheery grin. His dimples caved in on his cheeks even from the smallest of smiles, which he loved. His mother had a habit of squishing his soft cheeks whenever she had the opportunity. Sometimes he wished he looked a little different, or that he was a bit more dexterous, or strong, but he just had to remind himself: he was the Lord's creation. He was grateful for his appearance and everything else he had. At least, he wanted to try his best.
There was a sudden clap on his shoulder from his right.
‘’I’m going to miss you, Roland.’’ Rudy said hoarsely. He smiled at Roland despite the scarlet of red spreading across his neck. A stab of shame spiked through Roland so quickly his chest physically ached, his eyes fixating on the red blush that stood out angrily on his brother’s pale skin. Rudy’s smile still didn’t waver.
‘’Rudy, I’m so sorry, here- let me. Come- come here.’’ Roland said apologetically. His eyebrows furrowed in the sweet, worried way they always did when someone in his family was hurt or ill. He tried so hard to look after people all the time and follow in the footsteps of the Lord. In the very few instances that he had inflicted pain on people in the last few months, he made himself sit in a pit of self-loathing and remorse until he found some sort of answer. He would go to the Voice in his head and pray.
Why would you make me hurt my family, he would ask. The Voice would always respond with the same thing:
“Because the Lord tests those He loves.”
Roland shook his head and turned his attention back to Rudy. He gently laid his hands on Rudy’s exposed throat, the notion feeling wrong and twisted. The skin felt warm under his fingertips and Roland wanted to flinch away. He ignored the way Rudy’s muscles twitched slightly from the touch. Light started to emanate from the tips of Roland’s fingers, his palms glowing with a bright, white radiance. Rudy closed his eyes as the warmth soothed his throat. The warmth of sunlight and of guidance, emanating from Roland’s own healing hands. Normally, he would feel nothing but pride at the prospect of using his hands to provide aid and healing, but he could never shake the memory of the same power being used for evil. For pain.
He finally drew his hands back. Two identical white handprints replaced the red that was spread across Rudy’s throat, relief flashing across the older boy’s eyes. He gave Roland a small smile of thanks before turning back to the window. Past Rudy and across the serene countryside, sunlight peeked out from behind its morose clouds, giving light to a grim day. Roland tried to convince himself he could still turn this day around. The Lord would forgive him and he could start his new life at this new school. He would make friends and spend his free time studying, praying to his Lord and paving his way to a future where he could really make a difference. It was all going to be okay. White flashed sickeningly across his vision once more.
‘’Indeed, Roland. With your faith, you are…never alone.’’