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Fern is worried. He is worried about Arcade, about how his mark of banishment vanished and about his family. He knows theoretically that he can go home now, but he doesn’t want to. Because now he has Arcade, and Arcade is his everything now. He can’t even go a day without thinking about Arcade.
He knows he won’t be able to leave now, even if he ever gets the opportunity. So as a solution to that problem he distances himself from Arcade and his family trying not to get too attached to them, but deep down he knows it’s already to late for that. Deep, deep, deep down he knows he loves him. He knows he wont be able to leave if he hangs arround even more. So he distances himself. Trying so hard not to get attached.
And Arcade notices, because of course he does.
Arcade Ilao likes to spend all of his time with Fern. It’s a fact. If you question that you question if people breathe air or not.
So of course he notices that Fern is distancing himself from him. Of course he does. And of course he’s going to ask Fern about it, naturally. He just doesn’t know how.
So he acts like this is all normal, that he doesn’t feel hurt over Fern distancing himself from him (and his family). But he does. He does feel hurt, and he wants to know why Fern is doing this. So he comes up with a solution.
The plan is to use the crown as an excuse to meet up with Fern. Then he needs to try everything he can to figure out what is going on with his prince.
He makes the trip to Fern’s cave and announces himself before walking inside, only to see that the fae isn’t home. He proceeds to look around the cave his determination wavering as he can’t find his local fairy.
Dissapointed he goes outside just to find Fern standing at the entrance of the cave with dread clear on his face. Immediately he finds himself worried for the prince looking him over to see if he’s hurt anywhere.
After a while of just standing in front of eachother he finally says something “Will you please come with me to my dorm room?” as an afterthought looking a bit flustered he ads “To research, of course”.
He can practically see Fern thinking about his question, but after a while he finally gives in. Arcade can see the surrender in his eyes, before he answers with a soft “Okay, … okay i’ll come with you”.
Arcade tells himself this is about the crown.
Or… about the research of it. The old myths and folklore that most people treat like metaphors, entertainment or just imagination on paper. He uses them as an excuse because it’s easier than admitting he just wanted to see Fern. Wanted to make sure he was still there.
Fern walks beside him down the dorm hallway, quiet, hands tucked into the sleeves of the last sweater he borrowed. He doesn’t look around anymore. He used to—everything fascinated him. Now he keeps his gaze low, like he’s afraid of wanting things too much.
Arcade slows his steps without realizing it, matching Fern’s pace.
“Sorry,” he murmurs as he unlocks his door. “I know it’s kind of sudden but i had nothing else to do”. The pile of homewrok laying on his desk glares at him, but he shoves it aside and stops thinking about it. Finding out why Fern was being so indifferent is so much more important at the moment.
“It’s fine,” Fern says politely.
The words hurt because he says them while staring at his shoes not even looking him in the eye. They hurt because he said them politely, Fern was never polite not even in de beginning. In the beginning he was just being posh and sarcastic because of his royal lineage. It was a second nature to become so pointy if he felt cornered or affraid.
Snapping back in to the moment, Arcade closes the door and lingers there for a moment, unsure where to stand. He watches Fern hover near the wall instead of drifting closer like he used to.
Something tightens in his chest. He doesn’t exactly know how to feel about it, should he be disappointed or sad or something else? But he knows he doesn’t enjoy the feeling, he just wants to go stand right next to the prince. He tells himself it’s because he misses the warmth of Fern’s body, or if it is because he misses the excited and fascinated little noises the prince unconsciously makes as he sees something new and interesting.
They sit on the bed. Because Arcade knows Fern likes the bed, because he thinks it’s soft and fluffy. And all Arcade wants right now is for Fern to stay.
Arcade talks him through his notes about his own research slowly, careful not to overwhelm him. Fern listens, nodding, asking questions in the right places—but his thoughts are clearly somewhere else.
“…Fern?” he says finally. “Yes?” Fern looks up, caught off guard, a startled expression showing on his face.
“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to,” Arcade says quickly, already backpedaling. “But—you’ve seemed a little far away lately. And I just wanted to check in, see if you were still there.”
Fern’s shoulders tense, quickly glancing at his face “I’m sorry,” he says, “I didn’t mean to.”
“I know,” Arcade says immediately. “I just—miss you.”
The words slip out before he can stop them. He ducks his head, embarrased. Staring at his homework –that lays on the ground from previous shoving– with a light blush on his face.
Fern turns away and sits on the edge of the bed. His voice is very quiet when he speaks again. “You know the banishment ended. You know I can leave. ”
Arcade’s breath stutters. “Oh.” He waits for the fae to continue. He always waits. He can always spare some patience for his prince.
“You know I can go home now,” Fern says. “Back to my realm. Back to my family. Back to my father. Back to my people.”
Arcade sits beside him, leaving space between them. Thinking that maybe the space will make this all easier, and to contemplate the situation they ended up in. His hands fidget in his lap. He looks up, uncertain if he should just let Fern talk or if he should comfort the fairy.
“That’s… true,” he says after some deliberation. “But how do you feel about it?”
Fern lets out a small, broken laugh. “That’s the problem. I don’t know. I don’t know how to feel about it.” He presses his hands to his eyes like he’s holding himself together.
“If I stay close to you,” Fern admits, “I won’t be able to leave. Because i love you too much already. And if I leave… I think it will hurt more than I’m willing to admit.”
Arcade swallows. His voice comes out barely above a whisper. “You love me?” Arcade shakes his head. Trying to clear his thoughts and stay on topic.
Fern removes his hands from his eyes. Speaking carefully, avoiding directly answering my question “I was trying to protect us. By pulling away.”
“I know,” Arcade says softly. Temporarily forgetting his own question himself. “But it still hurts. It hurt to see you pull away fromme and my family.”
Fern flinches and finally looks at him. His gaze full of sorrow. And his eyes shining with the tears. “I’m sorry,” Fern says again.
Arcade reaches out—hesitates—then gently takes Fern’s hand. Fern stiffens, but he doesn’t pull away. Arcade notices his hands are cold and tries his best to warm them up by fully covering them with his own.
“It’s okay,” Arcade murmurs. “I’m not upset. I just… don’t want you to be alone with this.” The words ‘I don’t want you to leave me alone’ lay on the tip of his toung.
Fern’s composure crumbles. He leans forward suddenly, resting his forehead against Arcade’s shoulder, breath shaking. Grasping at the sweatshirt Arcade was wearing like a lifeline, not loosening his grip
“I don’t know how to stop loving you,” Fern whispers. Still shaking, still grasping at Arcade’s shirt.
Arcade’s chest aches. Because those words do something to him. Because those words mean so much to him. Beceuse those feeling are mutual.
“You don’t have to, you don’t have to stop loving me” he says, voice trembling just a little. “You can just… sit here. With me. That’s enough.”
He wraps his arms around Fern carefully, like he’s afraid of Fern breaking down even harder. They stay like that, quiet and steady, until Fern’s breathing evens out and the grasp on Arcade’s shirt loosens a bit.
After a while, Fern pulls back, eyes red, softly whispering. “Sorry.”, “Hey,” Arcade says gently. “You never have to apologize for feeling things.”
He hesitates, then offers, “Do you want a distraction? Just something small.”Fern gives a weak smile. Finally looking up and in his eyes. “Okay.”
Arcade takes his laptop and opens it while going to lay back against his headboard. When he’s laying comfortably and he makes sure Fern is also comfortable he queues up cat videos. Fern curls closer without realizing it, head resting against Arcade’s shoulder. Arcade stays perfectly still, afraid to ruin it.
In the video a kitten tumbles off a couch. Fern snorts softly while watching with sleep-lidded eyes. The sound rumbling through his chest, Arcade feels it because of their proximity.
Arcade smiles, heart aching in the best way. “There,” he whispers. “I like that sound.” Fern glances up at him. “Thank you… for showing me this, for comforting me.”
Arcade shrugs, a little shy. “It’s only natural.” He says, even though the words don’t make sense they make Fern smile, so it’s okay.
Still smiling, still cuddling and watching cat videos they fall asleep. But that’s okay they can talk more about their feeling tomorrow. It’ll be fine. Arcade will make sure of that.
For tonight, they’ve had their fair share of feelings and talking. They’ll continue this tomorrow.