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Lili raced through the cobbled streets, her shoes clacking against the stone as her skirt moved and danced around her movements. Her breaths were fast and heavy as she made perhaps three with each step she took further away from that disaster of a conversation she overheard.
Love? Love?? He must be playing, or taking a stupid joke again. Kit was never truly good with his words, and even less when it took to considering others even if he did care on his own looped around way.
Her feet continued to dig into the ground as she tried to keep pace, but her lungs began to burn and her knees began to shake and she knew it was only a matter of time before she completely stopped, but she was scared; terrified, even.
He was probably lying. She doesn't know him as a person to do that but everybody shows their true colors under stress. It's not like he could catch up to her anyways she's way more athletic than she's ever even seen of him.
But that inkling that he's behind her, that he caught up and is able to explain himself… it scares her so much she wants to burst into tears. What is this feeling in her chest? Why does it feel like she's being suffocated by the weight of her emotions? What does it mean?
“Lili!”
A choked gasp leaves her throat as her head whips around to see his figure, albeit ragged and tired from running, going to her with as much energy as he seems to muster.
Which seems to be right as her shoe catches on the stone, sending her careening into the warm, sun soaked road with a yelp.
She hears the call of her name once again as she shuts her eyes and freezes, time seeming to slow down as she falls…
Or is she not falling?
Sneaking a glance, she opens her eyes to see Kit in all his ragged glory and messy blonde hair holding her to his chest like some newborn fawn that was injured. She is squished against his shirt, her face in the crook of his neck as she can faintly smell his sweat mixing with some sort of expensive cologne. He is still gasping for breath and she can feel his hammering heartbeat from how close he is.
“...Kit?” She feels her tongue slow and lead filled, taking her a moment to truly find herself some words to speak.
But it seems for naught as he just continues to kneel on the floor with her in his arms, if anything gripping her tighter as he pushes her head further into his neck and wraps his arm around her torso to be impossibly closer.
“Kit.”
“Please,” He utters, small and almost imperceptible if it weren't for the heaviness and growl he put behind it. As though the word would magic whatever he was imagining into existence.
“Kit?”
He lets out a shuddering breath, tightening his grip on her that it almost feels bruising before he completely lets go, his hands falling limp as he lets her sit there in his lap.
“Why'd you come after me?” Her face scrunches, her hands balling into fists in her skirt, feeling unable to keep up with his intense eye contact.
He seems to be at a loss for words, his hands clenching and unclenching as though missing something before she looks up to see his tightened expression.
“I..wanted to know how you feel.”
“About what?” She feels herself frown, her heart squeezing in something she thinks might be pain, “You?”
His lips form a straight line, though he doesn't make the attempt to move away or back her up.
“You're all I want, Lili.”
“You have a fiancee last I checked,” She shook her head, anger bubbling in her gut.
“I can have that changed or have some arrangement made, Lili please,” He essentially begs as he raises his hands to softly hold onto her arms, his breathing still uneven from running.
“I am not ruining our futures just because of some stupid passing feeling!”
“My feelings for you aren't stupid, Lili, they are true—”
“Mine are!” She almost screams as she feels hot tears well up in her eyes at such a horrible confession, “I was so enamoured with you and I know it won't work and you just make it all the more worse for me every time we talk. This feeling will fade. I just have to wait it out.”
She feels herself choking on a sob, unable any longer to look at him as she turns away to look at the stone floor. There is no one walking this road as the sun sets, the scattered buildings casting shadows in certain areas to contrast the red and golds of the sunset reflecting on the city.
“Please just leave me alone, Kit. It hurts,” Her words mumble as her eyes blur and she finds herself unable to hold back her tears, making an effort to kick herself back from him and his fatal silence.
Her crying is stopped short by his hands gripping at her waist, holding her in place from leaving; from escaping him.
“Don't leave, please.”
“You don't get to tell me what to do after playing with my feelings,” She hiccups through her tears, roughly rubbing her eyes.
“My dear, please listen to me,” His voice is rough and loud in the quiet, Lili unable to hear anything or anyone else.
“Don't you toy with my feelings, Kit.”
“You aren't listening to me, Lili!” He exclaims, his grip tightening around her waist as one hand moves up to move her head up to look at his.
“I love you, Lili. You already heard me once. I've had enough time to think about this. You are all I think about now. I can't imagine anyone else when painting. You make my world brighter; more colorful. I need you. I want you in any way I can,” He takes in a sharp, shuddering breath, as though his brain was moving faster in a way his body couldn't keep up with, “Be mine. Be mine right now. Be mine forever. I'll give you whatever you want. All I want in return is you, Lili.”
She seemed to forget how to breathe, only remembering when Kit moved his hand from her face to just below her collarbone to feel her pounding heart, suddenly allowing her in a shaking, rattling breath as tears fell from her eyes at an exceedingly faster rate.
“Lili, please. I'll do anything; pull any string. Just stay. Stay with me here, by me.”
For a moment it takes her a minute to think. How? He is already engaged. That would be impossible unless he suddenly declared himself a cheater to the entirety of his family and extended acquaintances.
That is when it clicked in her head.
“You want a mistress.”
“You would be taken care of, Lili. You'd have every need responded to. I wouldn't let anyone hurt or speak ill of you,” His deep cadence was almost lulling if it weren't for the proposal he was offering.
“No, I am not doing that to you, myself or Catherine.”
At this he pulled her close into a hug, sinking his head into the crook of her shoulder as he grasped as her back, “Lili, please, what other way can I keep us close? Lili,” he said her name with such sadness, such desperation it was hard not to fall into such a lull.
But it wasn't something she'd ever want.
“That would remove so many options available to me, Kit. Not even mentioning how that'd ruin your and Catherine's reputation. No.”
She shook her head. It was out of the question. She wouldn't hurt her precious friend and his fiance over her shallow feelings, no matter how mutual it was. It wasn't possible unless something drastic occurred.
“Fuck, please, Lili. We could make it work!”
“No, we can't, you idiot! They would never accept you and you know it and I am not going to risk something like that just because of my feelings. They aren't important,” she shakes her head, rubbing slow circles into his back, “I'm sorry, Kit.”
“They're important to me.”
At this her heart squeezes.
“I can't allow that. I won't let you throw your life away over something like this.”
“Damnit, Lili, just listen to me!” He almost screams as she removes herself from him, the deep shadows from the sunset carving his face into those haunted statues meant to describe tragedy and love. She hated how beautiful he was.
“Kit, please. Just forget this ever happened. I don't want us to lose what we already have over something like this,” she pleads. She couldn't lose someone so precious like this, but nor could she allow them to do something as stupid as ruin their reputation within their family and social circle like that.
He takes a long moment to respond, sitting on the stone walkway with his head down before he finally lets out a long breath and gets up.
“I'm not going to forget this.”
At this she bites her lip, brow furrowing, “I know.”
“One day, I'm gonna ask you again. The next time, it won't be as a mistress either.”
She frowns at him, going to punch him but he turns to her fully, grabbing her by the arms and pushing himself forward until her forehead meets hers.
“Next time I ask, it'll be as my wife. I promise. Please, wait for me Lili.”
And despite how much she knew it to be wrong, how big of a fantasy it could be, she simply nodded as he let out a breath. Moving closer as he held her hand up over her mouth to move and plant a kiss on top of it. A promise.