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The lights dimmed as Vivid Bad Squad waved to the crowd, slowly exiting the stage. Everyone down below was cheering, another great performance!
"Well done guys!" An smirked as she picked up her water bottle, then faces Kohane. She jumps on top of the blonde and rests her head on the others shoulder, hyping Kohane up.
"An-chan!" The short girl squeals, blushing and giggling.
Toya stands, observing the interaction and smiling softly. He had one hand on his chest as if he was endlessly proud of what they had achieved as a group. He then turns to Akito, seeing the ginger sat on a ledge... sweaty and chugging his water. Toya didn't notice it at first, but Akito looked tense.
He sat next to Akito, staring over at nothing in particular. The ginger-haired boy turns to look at him after placing his water bottle on the floor.
"You did well Toya." Akito says, somewhat quieter than usual. Toya snaps out of his own thoughts and smiles once more, "Thank you Akito, you did great too."
Toya couldn't help but beam, seeing his singing partner, the guy he swore to stand beside forever, succeeding like this.. succeeding together.
Unfortunately, if Toya wasn't blinded by his own shining image of the ginger.. he would've noticed the slight panic in Akito's eyes, the shaking hands.. The lack of life.
After a little while, they all say their goodbyes.. and eventually Akito and Toya part ways as well.
Toya didn't notice...
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Akito walks the remainder of the distance home alone... hands in his pockets, hunched over and replaying the events of the evening in his head.
Kashika was special to him.. so fucking special...
...and he messed it up, he went too high..
They had surpassed RAD WEEKEND and he still wasn't good enough?! He couldn't control his own fucking voice... even though he was doing that constantly.
Soon enough, Akito reached the porch of the Shinonome household. It was 9pm, they've probably had dinner already... hopefully Ena didn't eat his leftovers out of empty spite.
Akito turns the doorknob. The house was cold, as always, it felt suffocating.
He takes his shoes off groggily and enters the kitchen, shit, dad was there.
"What time do you call this, Akari." His father scolds, his booming voice irritating Akitos ears... and making him feel envious at the same time.
Akito cringes at his deadname, "I told you to stop calling me that..." He tries to argue but it comes out weak as if he was already defeated.
"And I told you to forget about this... phase," the old man bites back, "but you're still convinced about the whole trans thing, huh?" He scowls.
Akito slumped even further and ignores his dad, as much as he wanted to argue, he had no energy and it wasn't worth it. The ginger opens the fridge and sees some leftovers from dinner with his name on it... in Ena's handwriting.
As low as he felt right now, a pang of warmth shot through his chest.. it was nearly unnoticeable... but there nonetheless. His older sister had thought about him.
Akito grabs chopsticks and heads up to his room with the bowl, he was tired and the climb up the stairs was somehow bringing him to his limit.
《Fuck.. Akar-Akito.. you're stronger than this. 》
His eyes widen briefly, did he just deadname himself..? Ew.
Eventually, he got to the top of the stairs and quickly went to his room, closing the door behind him. His room was cold but the colours were warm and inviting.. unlike the rest of the house. Akito let out a sigh of relief and slowly sat down at his chair, it was by his bed with a low table infront of it. If he missed dinner he'd usually sit here and eat, and that's exactly what the ginger did.
A few hours pass and Akito finds himself on his bed doomscrolling. He had completely lost track of time, he felt awful.. he could've been productive, he could've practiced, he could've even studied..! Akito recalls the past few days, this kept happening... didn't it? He kept failing.. kept wasting his time.
Everyone would notice at some point..
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Akito jumped as there was a knock at the door, shit, was it his dad..? He tensed, "Come in." He said quickly, cringing at his own voice yet again.. it was like he couldn't control it anymore, it'd just keep going feminine.. no matter what he did.
Akito's door opened and Ena enters his room, her dark hair clipped back and a bit of paint on her face. He was expecting anger, but she looked strangely relaxed.. she was relaxed? Usually his older sister would be annoyed -or even seething with rage- when she was painting (which she obviously had been).
"What do ya want.." Akito grumbles. He really wasn't in the mood.. but he couldn't help but feel a bit of pride realising maybe Ena was making more progress.. getting better.
Ena crossed her arms and scoffed, "Dude don't be so grumpy," she sighs, "I'm only here cuz Mizuki just told me Toya has been tryna message you all evening, what kinda boyfriend are you? Ignoring the dude you love." She meant well, it was just a joke.
Akito wasn't meant to take it seriously.
"Shut the fuck up." Akito responds bluntly, quickly opening WhatsApp on his phone and seeing 12 unread messages from Toya. His eyebrows furrow.
toya ♡
[21:10] I'm home now, glad everything went well and we were able to pick up where we left off.
[21:20] Hey Akito, are you up for the arcade tomorrow?
[21:22] You could call it a date if you wanted to.
[21:24] If you're busy that's okay.
[21:27] It doesn't have to be long either.
[21:40] Are you okay? You'd usually respond by now Aki.
[21:45] I should get to bed soon.
[21:45] If there's anything you need to say, I'd be happy to stay up.
[21:46] Akito?
[21:50] Sorry Aki. I'll be going to sleep soon.
[21:55] Goodnight
[21:55] Love you
(Seen by Akito at 00:12)
shit, sorry dude. Wasn't checking my phone.
I'm up for that date <3
Akito smiled, not realising Ena was still there watching.
"You really shoulda been checking your phone, from what Mizuki said, Toya was really worried," Ena looks into Akito's eyes then a teasing smirk paints her face, "You're not grumpy anymore though, what did he say.. something sappy and cringe?"
Akito rolls his eyes, "None of your business. Get outta my room."
"Alright, Alright," Ena turns around to exit, then faces him once more, "Take your binder off."
The door closed.
《Shit.. she's right. I really need to take this thing off..》
Akito reluctantly got up, only just becoming aware of how much his chest hurt. The ginger grunts and starts taking the binder off...
《Fuck.. ow.. really need to stop leaving it on too long.》
He quickly threw on a baggy t-shirt, then some old, worn sweatpants. They were his go-to for bed.. comfy and baggy. Akito turns around, the mirror stared back at him. He could see his chest, he could see how his body didn't belong to him... sure, his face felt masculine enough, but the rest of him.. the sight was unbearable.
Akito's dysphoria had been bad lately, everything was bugging him.. his body, his voice, liking anything remotely 'feminine', and even the colours of his clothes...
Maybe it was because his cramps had returned this week? Foreshadowing the inevitable day his period comes again, striking him like a punch to the gut.. making him feel disgusting..
Whatever it was, there were always days where it was better or worse.. no point dwelling over it.
Akito glares at himself in the mirror once again, "Tch.. you look like an idiot." The ginger whispers, subtly clenching the edge of his shirt.
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Ena sighs as she shuts Akito's door, does she have to remind him to do everything?! First, he stopped remembering to eat, then his constant procrastination phase, and now he's forgetting basic binder safety? His habits were so frustrating sometimes..
The brunette itches her forehead as she walked down the hall. Dried paint scratches off like specks of dust, slowly falling down onto her rosy cheek... in the midst of passion, she made quite the mess, huh?