Chapter Text
The aftermath of the lawsuit was brutal on everyone, and everyone involved was hurt one way or another. So for the past few weeks, Buck kept a low profile when he came back, kept everything on a subdued level, so as not to step on anyone's toes. Weeks turned into a month, then it became months. Buck tried bridging the gap, tried every type of olive branch, but no one would take it. Hen was at least polite when she declined; Chimney would scoff at him, Eddie ignored him, and Bobby kept their relationship purely professional.
But one shift changed everything.
It started as any other since Buck came back; he came in early, as always. The core of A-shift was already there, getting ready for a grueling twelve hours. Hen gave a small smile when she saw him and went about her business. Bobby was there preparing meals, though Buck had learned, to his dismay early on, that he wasn't invited to eat with them. He didn't change with the others; he barely kept anything in his locker when he saw that someone had started writing "traitor" on it. This was his life now, a pariah to his own team, his family, just for fighting for his place in their lives. The rack where his turnouts hung still had Bosko's name on it, and what point was there to take it off when he was the man behind for a month now?
He spotted Eddie, talking with Morrison animatedly about something, but as soon as Buck passed by, he got quiet and glared at him. Things with the older man had been nothing but heartbreak, really. Buck has tried to talk to him, asking how he was or how Christopher was. All he got was a clipped response and an angry stare, and after a while, Buck just stopped. It was clear he wasn't welcome by anyone at this point. Memories of their confrontation at the grocery store crept up on him, now and again, Eddie's fury and anger at the forefront, calling him selfish and exhausting. In a way, all he is doing is proving Eddie right, that all he is doing is for himself, even when he is asking to see Chris again.
Buck tried talking with Maddie, but he didnt want to trouble her. After all, she suggested to take another job that wasn't firefighting, but he still wanted it. How could she not see that the uniform, this house, Bobby, and his team gave his life meaning? Besides, she hasn't been talking to him since the arbitration and since Chim probably told her what happened, she probably was on his side. Tears threatened to leak from his eyes at the thought that once again, his sister chose her boyfriend over him, but Buck knows Chim is a good guy, a little vindictive if the past few weeks haven't been any indication, but he's better for her. Leagues better than Doug.
Buck was busy washing the engine when he overheard Eddie and Chimney pass by him. It was clear they didnt know he was there, but what he heard next shattered him.
"Cap's having a cookout at his place after shift, Hen and Karen are going to bring Denny along, maybe Chris would like to join too." Chimney said, his back to Buck.
"Oh, really? My kid has been hoping to see Denny and Harry for a long while ." Eddie replied, and although he couldn't see him, Buck saw the longing in his face from his spot.
"Yeah. Maddie is also going too, said it's been a while. Well, it's been a while since the lawsuit. Do you think Buck is gonna tag-along?" It didn't take a genius to see the tension come off of Chim when he said his name.
"Frankly, I'd rather he doesn't," Eddie said, a complicated look on his face. "Dios, if I see him again after all this, it'll be too soon."
The two left for the gym, leaving Buck to look down on the floor, his heart in tatters. All he could think about were the words between his two...well, former friends at this point. Overhearing the exchange stung like no other; he'd take getting crushed by a ladder truck again over that. He'd hoped that his team and his family would come around, but it's clear they don't want him at all. He never should have filed that stupid lawsuit; he never should have contacted Mackey. He got his job back, but he lost his family.
All this leads to Buck back in his loft, scrolling through Instagram until he stumbled on a post from Hen, showing a picture of the 118 at the Grant-Nash house, all smiles and laughs, and as if the pain wasn't enough, Buck read the caption that said *"FAMILY NIGHT! LA'S FINEST GETTING SOME WELL-DESERVED REST FROM SERVING THE PUBLIC."*
He couldn't take it anymore.
With tears flowing, he hurled his phone at the wall, the impact shattering it. But he didn't scream, he didn't rage; all he could feel was just being numb. He felt so hollow; the word "Family" kept echoing in his head, taunting him, ruining him. All he wanted was to come back to them, to come back home, to Hen, to Chimney, to Bobby...to Eddie, and Chris. He came back, but he lost everything that mattered to him.
He had nothing left.
He didn't bother cleaning up; all he wanted to do was sleep this day away.
Forever.
Foregoing a change of clothes, so deep in his head that he simply threw himself on the mattress. On his back, Buck stared at the ceiling, voices in his head recalling everything that had happened to him and what he felt: The ladder truck bombing and the agony as it pinned his leg. The grueling days and mounting frustration of the setbacks of physical therapy. The disconnect between himself and his family as a Fire Marshal. The sting of watching them tape Bosko's name over his. The pride he felt at surpassing his own records to recertify. The anguish at Bobby's betrayal. The look on his and Athena's faces as he served his captain. The fraying bonds between him and his family at the arbitration. The heartbreak as Eddie tore him a new one at the grocery store, and now, losing everything he held dear.
When sleep came, all he could think was 'I'm nothing if I'm not a firefighter. I'm nothing without them.'
As Buck slept, he dreamed of space, a beautiful place in a clustered galaxy, where colors that Buck knew and didn't know flowed in all directions. An infinite expanse of stars shone overhead while large asteroids floated and moved in orbit. But what drew his attention was, in the middle of it, a vortex that spewed a steady stream of fire. But it wasn't dangerous, no, it felt like the heat of a fireplace during a cold night in winter, comforting, protective.
It felt like home.
But the moment he felt that last thing, the space dims. Ethereal winds start to sound like static, then nothing. The vortex of light turned dark, the column of flame became a bottomless abyss that pulled him closer and closer as nearby planets got sucked into its gravity. As Buck looked at the black hole that was devouring everything, he got the sense that something gazed back.
He jolted from the bed, covered in sweat. The dream-turned-nightmare made his mind race, keeping the memory of that black hole fresh in his mind. He got the sense something was watching him somewhere, but out of reach. Before he could do anything, a knock came from the door. Glancing at his phone, which showed the time to be just a quarter till one in the morning.
'Who could this be at this time?' He thought confused, because to his knowledge all the people that would turn up to his place didn't want anything to do with him. Another knock was enought to get him out of bed, which was a challenge since he slept on his bad leg, and he made his way to the front door. Using his peephole to see who was on the other side made him more confused, because outside was this Asian woman...with long purple hair? It looked natural and she was dressed in a fashion that might have come from some anime. Though her face was neutral, Buck could tell she was just lost. Opening the door halfway, he asked: "Hello, ma'am? Who are you?"
The woman regarded him with a blank stare, looking past him and through him, making him shift uncomfortably. He was about to direct her to his landlord if she got the wrong place until she said:
"My name is Acheron, and I come here to you because I believe you have gained the gaze of IX, the Aeon of Nihility."
