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Knowing Yuuji has a crush shouldn't make him feel like this.
Megumi's already heard about the type of women his best friend is into. It shouldn't be different, knowing that he has feelings for a specific man.
Megumi's not a homophobe - he's queer himself, after all. He doesn't mind that Yuuji didn't come out to him prior to this conversation - Yuuji doesn't owe him or anyone else that. He doesn't know what it is that'd turned his world upside down. Maybe it was seeing his usually chill, relaxed best friend flustered; something about that made Megumi feel protective of him. Whoever Yuuji liked enough to garner such a response, this mystery person better treat him right.
But then Nobara had asked Yuuji for more details, and Megumi had felt his whole world tilt on its axis.
Yuuji had said, blushing furiously all the while, He's reserved, introverted. It's not easy to tell what he's thinking, but he is genuine in all that he does. He cares about people even if he comes across as distant. He's very strong, but he doesn't flaunt it. He keeps it under wraps. He's kind, even if he wouldn't say so about himself. People say he's not very approachable. I've heard people mention that he has resting bitch face for the ages.
When Nobara had reminded him that Todo would beat him up if he got to know that "his brother" had a crush based on personality, Yuuji had gone even more red. How he looks is a part of it too, he had explained. He's taller than me and has a more imposing presence. Holds himself with a sort of deliberation. He's not built like a bodybuilder. His strength is more subtle. He doesn't smile very often, but his eyes usually give away what he's feeling.
Somehow getting even more sheepish, Yuuji had admitted the object of his attentions didn't have a big ass, hiding his face in his hands as he said, he's totally flat. But it's okay.
And then: he has pretty hands.
Megumi's not stupid. The pieces are all coming together, and it's obvious who Yuuji has a crush on.
Obviously, it's Nanami Kento. Who else could it be?
Nanami's smart, analytical and pragmatic, but secretly quite soft. He's caring in a way most people don't see, and even fewer learn to recognise for what it is. Plus, he's easy on the eyes. Despite looking older than his years, he has a grace about him; a certain poise.
There are worse people to have a crush on, but Megumi still understands the need for secrecy, the embarrassment. Liking an older man is embarrassing.
I take it he doesn't know? Megumi had asked.
Yuuji had shot Megumi a look that was practically unreadable. Haha. I guess he doesn't.
So from that point onwards, Megumi had decided that he was going to support Yuuji. Telling Nanami about the crush was out of the question, they were still fifteen after all, and Nanami was close to thirty. Maybe if Yuuji still harboured those feelings after crossing eighteen, they could consider it. And if Yuuji had those feelings still once he'd come into his own, in his twenties, maybe they could work out a plan for him to seduce Nanami.
Assuming any of them lived that long, which was pretty depressing in its own right.
Still, Megumi would be a shit friend if he ignored Yuuji's feelings, so Saturday morning finds him grabbing a coffee with Nanami from a bakery. It's the one Nanami always frequents, and they'd expanded their repertoire to include coffee and snacks, turning into a cafe proper.
Once they've settled in and begun to eat, Megumi with his black coffee and ginger biscuits, Nanami with his sandwich and some green tea, Nanami asks, tone neutral, "What's going on? Is everything okay?"
Megumi hears what Nanami isn't saying. The it's unlike you to ask for help.
"I don't need help," he answers. "I just need... advice."
Nanami doesn't say anything. He even pauses drinking his tea, waiting. Megumi's always been comfortable with silences, but this one feels loaded.
"What would you do, Nanami-san," Megumi blurts out, "if you got to know someone had feelings for you?"
"Ah." Nanami doesn't smile, but it's a close thing. Megumi sees the way his eyes sparkle with some kind of mirth, but nothing about his expression or demeanor seems openly teasing. He seems amused in a way that Megumi doesn't fully understand. "Well, that would depend on various factors, wouldn't it? Whether the feelings are requited, or not. Who has feelings for me. Whether our life goals align. Compatibility is complex, Fushiguro-kun. Two people can like each other, but it doesn't always mean they'll be happy together. Communication is key. Respect also is important. One must be forgiving, at times. Misunderstands can and will happen. What's important is, do you trust the other person to make up for it, to let you explain your side of the story? Everything can be resolved, if alignment exists. Will you let yourself accept comfort, and will you be ready to give it when the time calls for it?"
Megumi blinks, blindsided. "I'm not sure I follow," he says, quietly.
"You should follow your heart," Nanami says, just as quiet, "but think of your long-term and short-term happiness and well-being too. That's all I can really say. The rest is for you to figure out."
Megumi blinks again. "Thanks, Nanami-san," he says, because it is good advice, and technically it isn't even unsolicited, since his question had been ambiguous enough that it's reasonable for Nanami to misinterpret it, "but I wasn't asking for myself. I was wondering, uh, how you would deal with it. If someone. Were to profess their feelings for you."
Now it's Nanami's turn to look confused. "Well, like I said, it would depend on alignment, on who the person is, on whether we want the same things from our future. But why do you ask me? Do you know something I don't?"
Megumi shrugs. He doesn't know exactly what to say. He doesn't want to spill the beans on something Yuuji told him in confidence, but he can't outright ask Nanami if he'd ever consider being in a relationship with a teenager without coming across as intentionally disrespectful and rude, potentially even cruel.
"I suppose I'm wondering," Megumi says, taking a shaky breath, "about taboo relationships."
Nanami suddenly sits up straighter. "Fucking Zen'in," he murmurs, and Megumi blinks. "Are they trying something, Fushiguro-kun? You can speak to me or Satoru about it. We'll handle it." He sighs. "It wouldn't be unlike them to get a wedding alliance between you and Naoya, for them to skittle the incest loophole by pointing out you chose to be a Fushiguro so you're not in their records, and the Jujutsu laws wouldn't be able to bar that. Is it a situation like that?"
Megumi shakes his head, feeling guilty. "No, it's more, uh," he swallows his coffee down at once, to distract himself. "Hypothetical. About a teacher and student relationship."
Nanami frowns. "Well, I can assure you no teacher worth their salt would ever look at their students as prospective partners, especially if the students happen to be children. I suppose it's different if both parties are adults, and are old enough to be able to discuss the ramifications, but it's still not something a teacher with any ounce of integrity would do..." he pauses, and looks at Megumi, analytical.
Megumi's gut tells him he isn't going to like whatever comes next. Unfortunately, he's right.
"Fushiguro-kun, are you trying to ask me to consider you in a romantic light?" Nanami frowns. "I'm afraid I can't consider that. I know that it takes courage to talk to the object of one's affections, and I'm glad you trust me enough to talk about it. Jujutsu society has a nasty habit of treating sorcerers like adults while you're still young, and I know you've seen and experienced things no child should have to, so believe me when I say I'm not talking down to you, or trying to condescend. I remember being your age, you know, and I think it's only as I got older that I fully realised this - when you're my age, you'll understand, so please don't take this the wrong way - "
"Stop!" Megumi puts his head in his hands, slouches onto the table. He's glad he finished his coffee, or else he would've knocked it over and stained his uniform pants. He mumbles into the table, "theadviceisntforme."
"Hm?" Nanami raises an eyebrow.
"It's not me who has those feelings for you," Megumi says, face beet-red, refusing to make eye contact with Nanami. "It's someone else. I shouldn't say anymore, but I was wondering how you'd respond to them, and I was... concerned. Not by you, or because of you, but - it's like you said, a crush can be a scary thing, and he - I mean they - uh, have really big feelings, all the time, which isn't a bad thing, I just. Don't like to see them hurting." Megumi blinks, feeling oddly like he's been humiliated. "Let them down gently, okay?"
"Fushiguro-kun," Nanami says. It's kind in a way that you'd have to know Nanami to see for what it is, subtle and underlaid his usual deadpan tone. "If you're talking about who I think you're talking about, I think there's been a miscommunication."
Megumi sighs. "This entire discussion has been a miscommunication. Nanami-san, I'm sorry for taking up your time with this drivel."
"Fushiguro-kun, you're still young. Frankly, I worry that you're too serious for your age," Nanami admits. "So it's nice to see that you, much like Kugisaki and Itadori, are also letting yourself stumble as you find your footing in this world."
"You're too kind," Megumi murmurs.
Nanami chuckles softly. "Not many would share that assessment. But back to my previous point. Are you talking about Itadori?"
Megumi's shocked enough that he drops a ginger cookie onto the floor. "What."
"Well, I'll take that as a yes." Nanami smiles, a small thing. "You should ask him, directly, what his feelings for me are. He and I have talked about it."
"Okay," Megumi says, feeling numb. "I'll do that."
"Thank you for looking out for him," Nanami says, as he gets up. He's walking towards the counter, perhaps to pick up something else, since they've already paid. "It means more than you know."
Nanami walks back, and Megumi resolutely does not look at him, which is why he's surprised when a fresh pack of ginger biscuits is deposited at his plate. Nanami pats his shoulder gently, and says, "Ask yourself why you're so worried about Yuuji-kun potentially having feelings for someone like me, who he can't possibly be in a healthy relationship with."
That done, Nanami walks out of the bakery, leaving Megumi there to ponder the disastrous conversation, and the parting question, which curls itself to his ribcage like a fishing hook.
Heartbreak is inevitable. He knows this. He'd bought Nobara her favourite ice-cream when she'd heard about Maki and Yuuta. But he hadn't felt like this. Like he needed to shield her from all pain. Like he'd do anything to keep her out of the inevitability of grief, like he'd even take the pain himself if it meant he could keep seeing her smile.
Megumi's been considering himself protective, but maybe he's possessive. Maybe he really just wants Yuuji all to himself.
Is he really that selfish? he wonders. But he thinks about Nanami's gratitude when he'd thanked Megumi for looking out for Yuuji. Surely Nanami wouldn't say that if Megumi was being toxic, right?
"So," Yuuji says. "Nanamin said you wanted to talk to me."
They're in Yuuji's room, sitting on the floor by his bed. Megumi'd sat down on the floor and Yuuji had just joined him there. It's cozy, but he can't help feeling nervous and a little shy about the impending conversation.
"Yeah," Megumi says. "Yuuji, what exactly is going on between you and Nanami? He implied that I'd misunderstood something, so I thought I'd ask you, and clarify."
"Okay," Yuuji says. He beams, excitedly. "Nanamin's legally adopting me!"
That was not at all what Megumi had been expecting. "What?"
"So, you know, my grandfather was my only living family, and he passed away. And since then I've been living here in the academy," Yuuji points out. "Nanami gives really good advice, and he's really thoughtful. Talking to him frequently kinda made me wonder what my father was like, whether he would've been the same way. I couldn't stop thinking about it, actually. Nanami's kind of the only adult I can really talk to about things that bother me. I know Gojo-sensei's there,and our other teachers too, but it's not the same. And when we were talking about family, he told me that he was alone, too. That he didn't have anyone else. And I kind of impulsively asked, what if he took me in, right? In the non-Jujutsu world I'm basically a guardianless fifteen year old. The moment I asked, I thought it was a stupid idea, like I was asking too much of him, but he told me he'd be honoured to do it. And then he let me hug him."
Yuuji smiles, but his eyes look a little wet. Megumi pretends not to notice.
"Dude, he even hugged me back! It was sick."
Megumi smiles. "Okay, that's actually really sweet." And then he frowns, because he's confused. Who could Yuuji possibly have a crush on? Who else do they know who fits the description he'd provided?
"What did you think? You said Nanami implied you misunderstood something," Yuuji says, and for all his general himbo-like behaviour, Yuuji is perceptive and emotionally intelligent. Megumi knows he's not going to get out of this so easily.
"I thought you had a crush on Nanami," Megumi says, wishing the ground would open up and swallow him whole.
"You thought - " Yuuji blinks. "Oh gross, that's weird! I mean. Not that you're gross for thinking that or anything but just! He's basically my dad. Which you didn't know, but like! Still."
"Yeah, it's stupid," Megumi agrees. He hides his face in his hands. "So fucking embarrassing."
"You know, I'm trying to understand why you thought that, but as they say, the maths ain't mathing. Care to help me out?" Despite the situation, Yuuji actually looks amused.
"The way you described your crush," Megumi says. "You said he's kind but not obviously so, that he's strong but sutble about it. That he's intimidating. And, uh, the way you described his physique too. You said he was taller than you and... flat."
Megumi feels like his face is so red at this point that it's probably deviated from the spectrum of visible light.
"Oh my god, Megumi," Yuuji says, putting his face in his hands. Megumi's only comfort is that Yuuji is blushing just as hard as him. "And you thought of Nanamin? There's nobody else you know who fits that description?"
"Yuuta maybe, but you haven't met him yet," Megumi says, thinking. "None of the other second years fit. I don't know about the Kyoto school students either. Kamo would be a prospective option except it's not just resting bitch face with him, he's actually like that - he's not nice. Todo isn't flat, and none of us know what Mechamaru looks like in person. I can't think of any of our professors or other staff. Ijichi is the exact opposite of intimidating, and Gojo wouldn't know a resting bitch face if it bit him on the ass. Principal Yaga maybe, but I doubt you'd be so chill and normal if you had a crush on him, that's a bit outrageous even for you."
"And a crush on Nanamin wasn't outrageous?" Yuuji asks, visibly scandalized.
"He's like thirteen years older than us, as opposed to forty years older than us, so that was better," Megumi admits honestly. "Anyway, I'm trying to say, I've been through all possibilities, and Nanami fit best, and I still can't deduce who I'm missing - "
"You!" Yuuji yells. Pointing at him.
Megumi feels like he's in one of those Western kids cartoons Gojo bought cable subscription for, for him and Tsumiki back in 2009. Loony Toons maybe. Surely Yuuji will produce a cartoon hammer and knock him on the head. "Me?"
"It's you!" Yuuji is still pointing.
"Yes, I am myself," Megumi agrees, confused. "I didn't get body-snatched. I'm not a cursed spirit. Why are you verifying my identity?"
"Megumi, you absolute goofball," Yuuji says, and while he's pink like a sunset, he also looks maybe two seconds from frothing at the mouth, which is not good. "I have a crush on you."
"I'm so sorry to hear that," Megumi says on autopilot. And then it sinks in. "Wait, what?!"
"I'll give you some time to process that," Yuuji says, and he gets up, ruffles Megumi's hair. "Whatever your feelings towards me are I hope we can still continue to be friends. I'm going to get some tea from the kitchen, 'kay?"
Megumi hums. "Get me a black coffee," he requests, only half there. "I'll be sitting right here. Processing."
"Good," Yuuji says. "You better not Rabbit Escape away from me."
Megumi nods. He does summon his rabbits once Yuuji's gone. Not to escape, though - just because Yuuji likes them, and will undoubtedly be happy to return to a room full of bunnies.
One of the rabbits jumps up onto his lap - this is the one they'd named Yuuji Junior as a joke, the one bunny out of all his infinite bunnies who somehow inevitably ended up getting cuddled by Yuuji every time. He's the only one who has a name.
Why is he the only one who has a name?
Nanami is right. Megumi has a lot to think about.
Megumi is still pondering when Yuuji returns. Yuuji Jr. has jumped onto his shoulder and is chewing his hair, but he pays the little rascal no mind.
And then Yuuji sits down next to Megumi, the rabbits clearing a pathway between them, and hands Megumi a cup of black coffee while he drinks his own tea. Megumi clutches his cup, focuses on the warmth it affords him.
And then Yuuji is sitting almost leaning against him, shoulder pressed against shoulder. Megumi considers asking why he's sitting so close, but he sees it's his own rabbits who are facilitating this, filling up the room so there's barely any space.
Yuuji Jr. jumps off Megumi's shoulders onto Yuuji's lap.
"Oh, here's Mini-me!" Yuuji exclaims, delighted, putting his tea down so he can give the rabbit full attention.
The fact that he can recognise that specific bunny, out of a sea of near-identical bunnies, truly blows Megumi's mind. Megumi can tell them apart of course, they're his. He should be used to this by now given that it happens almost every time, but somehow it still takes him by surprise.
"Kind of surprised you're keeping them out. Isn't that 'a waste of cursed energy'?" Yuuji asks, mimicking Megumi.
Megumi sighs. "I guess I just thought you'd appreciate them." Hesitating on the thought, he adds, "I wanted to see you smile."
Yuuji hums in acknowledgement, not saying anything in response.
Megumi's concentration snaps, and all the rabbits disappear, save for Yuuji Jr, who sits between the two of them as if he's their son.
(In some ways, Megumi reflects, Yuuji Jr. may be the closest thing to that.)
"You're not talking about it," Megumi says, quiet. He's looking at Yuuji Jr. instead of Yuuji, because it's easier. "Your feelings for me."
"Don't want to crowd you," Yuuji responds, just as quiet. "I understand if you need some time."
"I don't..." Megumi sighs. "It's not time I need. I just... don't understand."
"Why I like you?" Yuuji asks.
Megumi shrugs. "That's neither here nor there. I don't know. I already accept that the way you see me is different from the way I see myself. You're allowed to find me attractive, even if I don't understand it."
"You don't think you're attractive?" Yuuji asks. He sounds genuinely shocked, which is what makes Megumi turn to face him. Yuuji's eyes are wide; his expression is confused.
"I don't think of myself if I can help it," Megumi admits, painfully honest.
"Aww," Yuuji says, knocking his shoulder against Megumi's. "Hey, that's okay. I think about you all the time, so it evens out! All good things, don't worry."
Despite himself, Megumi smiles. "Okay," he says.
"Okay. Like. We're good?" Yuuji asks, hesitant.
"Of course we are," Megumi says. He wants to say, did you really think something like this would come between us? but the truth is, he isn't even sure what the 'something like this' could possibly be. Something still feels unfinished, unexplored, in his own mind.
Nanami's words come looping back unbidden.
Ask yourself why you're so worried about Yuuji-kun potentially having feelings for someone like me, who he can't possibly be in a healthy relationship with.
And Thank you for looking out for him.
"Yuuji," Megumi says, quietly. "What does your crush on me feel like?"
Yuuji blinks, visibly startled by the question. "Do you mean... what it's like crushing on you? Or is the question more abstract? Like, you feel like a monson day to me kind of abstract?"
"No, I meant, having a crush, what's that like." Megumi says. And he frowns. "A monsoon day? Really?"
"I like the rain," Yuuji admits. "The sound of it and the feeling of it make me feel calm. Quieter. Like the inside of my head is peaceful and relaxed. I feel like that with you, Megumi. I feel safe."
Megumi thinks about this. "I feel safe with you too," he admits. "But isn't that a friendship thing?"
"I always want to be with you," Yuuji murmurs. "It'd probably annoy you, really. I'm always thinking of you. I keep taking photos and videos to send to you - I'm blowing up your phone 24/7, I don't know if you realised, I don't do that with anybody else. Just you. Whenever you're there by my side I feel better about myself. Somehow warmer. And when we fight together, I trust that you have my back. I get distracted in class wondering how soft your skin is. I want to know what it feels like to hold you, to be held by you -you know, big spoon, little spoon, all the spoons. I think about your incomplete domain, I want to watch you complete it, I want to sit inside it and look at your toads. I want to know everything about you. I want to see every expression your face can make. To memorize the sound of your laugh. To shield you from pain. Like I said. It'd probably annoy you. Haha, I sound like a stalker, even to myself. But I can't help it. I just... I really like you, Megumi. I think you're beautiful. And I think you're really kind. And I just want to keep you close to me, keep you safe, as much as I can. For as long as I get to have."
Megumi blinks, processing. His coffee's gone cold - he chugs it down at one go just to have something to do with his hands.
He finds himself drifting into thought. Remembering a day at the mall with Nobara and Yuuji, Nobara doing Yuuji's make-up as a joke and then getting mad about how he was "naturally gifted with good skin, what the fuck," and she'd grabbed Megumi's hands and pressed them against Yuuji's face, and it was awkward, sure, but Yuuji's face had fit perfectly in his hands. As if Megumi's hands were made to hold him.
Movie night with Yuuji, watching Human Earthworm 4 and towards the end, Yuuji had begun sniffling, wiping his tears with the edge of his hoodie, and Megumi had taken a leap of faith and wrapped an arm around him, bringing him closer, the way Tsumiki would do when they were kids and Megumi was sad or afraid or upset. He didn't know how to comfort people. He had no idea about it. But it was Yuuji, so he knew he had to try.
And then, that one time he'd felt cold and his sweaters and cardigans were all in the laundry, so Yuuji had lent him his red hoodie. It was traffic light red, and not a colour Megumi would've chosen for himself. But it was Yuuji's, so he'd liked wearing it. It felt like that Mayday Parade song lyric. wearing your clothes just to know that I'm home.
Staying up too-late to text Yuuji even though he was just a door away and wanting to have the guts to knock on the door and ask for an impromptu sleepover.
Pretending to be tired so he could put his head on Yuuji's shoulder when they were in the car driving to a shared mission.
Helping Yuuji re-dye his hair pink (apparently, one of the few things Yuuji knew about his late father was that he used to dye his hair pink, too). Thinking how soft his hair was despite all the bleaching, all the chemicals in the dye.
Nanami's words, again. Ask yourself why.
Finally it all falls into place. Megumi understands. He understands it perfectly.
"Sorry," Yuuji says, breaking the silence. "I didn't want to make it weird."
"No, don't apologize," Megumi says absently. "I asked because I wanted an honest answer. You gave me a lot to think about."
"Yeah?" Yuuji asks, looking at Megumi, something like hope in his eyes.
"Yeah," Megumi says. Quieter now, he says, "I'd never had a best friend before you and Nobara, you know. My sister was my only friend and she was enough, all I really needed. But now things are different. I have you both, and I'm so lucky - so blessed - " He pauses, realising the unintentional pun on his name, but there's really no other word that encompasses the feeling of gratitude, so he goes on.
"I suppose I didn't examine my feelings too much. I'm new to having friends, so I didn't analyze anything. But everything you said to me just now..." Megumi takes a shaky breath. Focuses on dematerializing Yuuji Jr, so he can slot his own hands into Yuuji's. "I feel the same way about you."
"No way," Yuuji murmurs.
"It's true," Megumi insists. "You saved me when you swallowed Sukuna's finger. And then you changed my life, my whole world. Whenever I go anywhere, whenever I enter any room, you're the first person I look for. In any crowd I'm always looking for you. You're it for me, I think. I can't imagine feeling this way about anyone else."
"No fucking way," Yuuji murmurs again. But he doesn't sound upset or disbelieving - it's more a reflex. His eyes are wide, and his face is flushed, and he looks like he's going to cry, but he also looks radiant. "You.... Megumi, really?"
"I love you," Megumi says, entirely too soon and entirely without planning and fuck why did he say that - but - Yuuji's giggling, blinking away tears as he envelops Megumi in a hug, so fast that he knocks over his tea - but it's fine. Megumi summons Toad in the blink of an eye, who swallows it up before it can even spill.
"Sorry," Yuuji says, muffling it into Megumi's shoulder.
"For what?" Megumi asks, quiet. Rests his chin on Yuuji's head.
"For feeding Toad the tea. Is it bad for him?"
Megumi snorts. "He's not a real toad, Yuuji. He'll be fine."
Yuuji sighs. He's still holding Megumi firmly, careful not to hurt with the intensity of it, but his grip is deliberate, ensuring nobody can pry Megumi away. "Okay."
"Also I'm sorry," Megumi murmurs. "If that's too soon."
"No, I just..." Yuuji sighs. "Nobody's ever said that to me before."
"Seriously?" Megumi asks, shocked. Gojo used to say it to Tsumiki and Megumi all the time, maybe four times a day. Sometimes whenever he saw them. Yuuji spoke about his grandfather so fondly, it was kind of a surprise that his old man didn't do the same.
As if reading his mind, Yuuji explains, "Gramps was a hardass. And if my parents said it, I was just a kid, and I don't remember. But it's not too soon. Megumi. I. I -" he swallows, sounding almost nauseous. "You too. So much." Quieter, as if it's sacred, he completes. "I love you."
"Now that we established that," Megumi says, with steadiness he does not feel, "be my boyfriend."
"Megs, that's not very romantic of you, you freak," Yuuji says, but he's laughing. And when he pulls away and smiles at Megumi, he looks at him as if Megumi's the only person on the planet, and Megumi's sure his own face is doing something equally fond and ridiculous.
They lean in to kiss, noses brushing against each other. "Yes," Yuuji murmurs, so soft that without the proximity, Megumi wouldn't even have heard it. "Of course I'll be your boyfriend, Megumi."
And then he leans in closer, and just like that, there isn't any reason to talk. Not when Megumi can find out whether Yuuji's lips are as soft as they look.
(They are.)