Chapter Text
It was their first night in California, and Will couldn't sleep.
The room, bare, but much larger than his room in Hawkin's felt strangely daunting. The sounds were different, so unlike those in Hawkins. Sure, the sound of cicada's remained the same, but the sound of cars passing in the night was different. Past 9pm Hawkins was usually a ghost town, but Lenora... Lenora was different. Faintly, he could hear the sound of people returning from the bars.
Will sighed as he rolled over, checking the alarm clock perched on top of one of the unopened boxes.
12:27am.
Faintly, he heard the sound of footsteps in the corridor, before they paused in front of his door. Silent. Hesitating.
"Hello?" Will whispered.
He knew who it was, over the years he'd become accustomed to the slightly rushed, frantic steps of his mother, or the slight shuffle of Jonathan. These steps were different, there was only one person it could be. El.
Silence.
Quickly, before El could leave, he made his way to the door, trying to be as silent as possible. His Mom and Jonathan were rightfully exhausted, it had taken them three days to drive across the country from Indiana, stopping each night at slightly seedy motels with rough blankets and uncomfortable beds. This would be their first consistent sleep in three days. As soon as they'd arrived in California and the boxes had been removed from the van, they'd barely had time to order pizza, eat a few slices before they resigned, each to their newly chosen rooms.
Will tried to shake the thought as he made it the door, pulling it open gentle, wincing as it creaked.
"El, you okay?"
The girl was standing at the door, an old bear clasped tightly in her arms, a blanket slung over her shoulder.
"I..." She began before trailing off.
She huffed slightly as if she was unsure, unsure what words could possibly begin to describe the plethora of emotions swirling within her.
"Do... do you want to come in?" Will asked, holding the door open.
She smiled, carefully moving past him.
He ushered her over to the bed, motioning for her to get comfy, and he hesitantly joined her, crossing his legs, and fiddling with a loose threat along his t-shirts hem. He hadn't spent as much time with El as he had with the others, as he had with Max. Mike was jealous, he wanted all of El's attention. He and Max had spoken about it. Max may have been dating Lucas, but he didn't hog her time. She spent time with her friends. It was strange that Mike's desperate possessiveness had the, perhaps unintended consequence, of isolating El from anyone else in the party. It was odd.
"Thanks Will." She uttered softly.
A genuine smile broke across her face despite the sadness that still lingered in her eyes.
"No problem, we're twins now... right?"
"Right." She said, a small hesitant smile across her face.
The first night at a run down motel in Oklahoma, his Mom had explained their new back story. With the people still after El and without Hopper to protect her, things had to change. Owen's had helped. He had found them their new home in Lenora, helped them forge documents, helped with... everything. He was based far enough away that it would not be suspicious, but close enough that they could get to him in a few hours in case of an emergency. Just before they'd left Hawkin's, he had handed them a large folder and a letter explaining everything.
Twins, Jane and Will Mallory, their older brother Jonathan and their Mom Joyce. Mallory had been chosen as it was far from Hopper, Ives or Byers. It bare only the slightest resemblance to Joyce's maiden name, Maldonado. People in Hawkin's knew that Joyce and Hopper were close, if the men had known she was being hidden by Hopper, Joyce would have been the first person they would suspect of aiding El's escape. New identities had been made, new transcripts from a previous school in West Virginia, employment records, everything. A new life in California, a fresh start. They could call Hawkins, letters could be sent, but it would need to be at least six months before any of them could visit. It was going to be a long, agonising six months.
"El... I-" Will sighed, before cutting himself off.
In his periphery, he could see El gently running her fingers through the soft, but slightly tangled fur of the bear. She had originally debated donating it, but had decided against it in the last moment. She'd never had a bear before. The lab would never have allowed it, and Hopper... her Dad... he was focused on safety, he'd never considered that perhaps she would want something soft... something for comfort. It wasn't his fault of course, and she had never minded, but the opportunity to have one... she took it. She didn't regret it.
"Will... do you hate me?" She asked softly.
"No! What?!" Will immediately blurted, slightly too loud.
He froze for a moment, waiting. When he heard no movement, no irregular noises from the other room's in the house, he relaxed slightly.
"No... no El, I could never hate you, of course not. Why... why do you think... why?" Will stuttered, barely able to get the words out.
El ran her fingers through the bears fur again.
"It's just... this summer, with everything... you were angry at Mike. So angry that he kept hanging out with me..."
"No. El, no. I wasn't angry that he was hanging out with you." He said emphasising the you. "I was angry that he kept running off, he kept ditching the party. It had nothing to do with you."
"Really?" She asked, finally looking up at him and meeting his eyes.
"Really. El, I could never hate you. You're great. You're fun, you're loyal, you're a great friend. It was never... never about you."
"So what was it? Why were you so angry? So sad?" She asked.
Will sighed. El was perceptive, he had known that, but he had hoped she would have missed the feelings he was trying to keep buried, the slight bitterness. He wasn't lying, it wasn't to do with her, it was a deep longing for normalcy that he had been deprived of in the past few years.
"I was 12 when I got taken, 12 when I entered the upside down and everything changed."
El nodded, her eyes intense, focused as she listened. Will felt a swell of affection rise within him. Another thing he loved about El, she was so caring, so attentive. She cared for her friends.
"I was in the upside down at 12. When I was free... I was in the hospital for weeks. The upside down had wrecked my lungs, I still have issues. I have an inhaler I'm meant to carry around constantly."
"An inhaler?"
"It's... it's like a plastic tube that when pressed releases a mist of medicine. It helps sort of... open up my lungs, I guess. It's difficult to explain. I'll show you it later, it's downstairs somewhere. I'm meant to use it whenever I'm struggling to breath."
"Does it happen... a lot?"
"Yeah, especially during exertion. I was breathing the poisonous air for a week in the upside down."
El reached out and took his hand in hers. He smiled, tears in his eyes as he squeezed it gently.
"Carry on." She encouraged softly after a few moments of silence.
"I was in the hospital for weeks. My lungs were bad, obviously the party knew, the dehydration, the starvation, the exhaustion too, but the broken bones... they weren't as aware."
"Broken bones? How..."
"The Demogorgon was... persistent. It was chasing me, hunting me. I couldn't stop, it couldn't catch up. For what felt like days I ran, barely stopping. When I slipped, when I fell... I couldn't stop. I kept going, agitating any injuries I'd sustained. By the time I finally collapsed and hid in Castle Byers... I'd injured myself quite significantly. My left ankle... even now I can barely walk on it on bad days."
"I'm sorry Will." El murmured, squeezing a hand again.
"Not your fault." He assured her.
"If I'd have found you earlier. If I'd-"
"No El." Will muttered softly, cutting her off. "None of this was your fault. You were a kid, we both were. Both are."
El smiled slightly, shifting closer to her new brother.
"Okay." She relented.
"Good. Anyway, I was in the hospital for weeks, I got out like the first week of December, but things weren't... things didn't return to normal. I was... I was vomiting up slugs. I was scared all the time."
El made a wounded noise before she threw her arms around Will, hugging him tightly. She didn't say anything, but just held him close.
"I was scared all of the time, I had nightmares, my body hurt frequently, food was unappealing and I was tired all the time. From January I was having nearly weekly trips to the lab, blood tests, brain scans... so many tests. But even with that, even forgetting the Upside Down stuff, I was exhausted. All I wanted to do was sleep and be around my friends, but even they... even they were different."
Will paused, taking a breath, rubbing slightly at his eyes. He felt as if a sob was trying to crawl itself out of his throat. He swallowed it down, composing himself for a moment, before he continued.
"Lucas and Dustin, they were softer with me, treated me like I was fragile. To an extent, I was, but I didn't want them to treat me like I was. I wanted to be normal, so, so desperately. I still do."
"Jonathan says normal is boring." El said plainly.
"He's right, he is, but the things I was going through, they hurt. They still do. I wanted things to be normal as they were before November 6th. I wanted to play games with my friends, do art, read comics, ride my bike around town. But I couldn't. I couldn't any more. Mom was so scared I'd go missing again. I get it, obviously I get it, things had changed and I was glad to be home, but I wanted to be like every other kid in Hawkins, but I wasn't. I was different, and I hated it."
El snuggled closer to him.
"Even at school people were calling me Zombie Boy, shoving me in the hallways, locking me in lockers... School was bad. I hated it, but I kept going. In one way it was normal. Even before the Upside Down I was bullied. It was worse, sure, but it was normal. I'd always been treated badly by the other kids at school."
"Mouthbreathers."
"Yeah, mouthbreathers. Anyway, the Mind Flayer happened. I was possessed and they had to burn it out of me."
Will fiddled with the edge of his t-shirt slightly before sighing. He shifted away from El slightly and pulled up the side of his shirt.
El gaped.
The left side of Will's body was heavily scarred. The main one was a large scar running down his side, even now, it was slightly red around the sides.
"Nancy had to burn the Mind Flayer out of me. It worked, but..."
"But it hurt you in the process. Were you... were you aware of it, when it was happening?"
"I was. Don't ever tell her. Please don't tell her. She knew I was somewhat present of course, I did manage to communicate with them after all, but she didn't know that I could feel everything that was being done to my body. She didn't know I could feel the hot poker as it plunged into my side, burning my skin, cauterising it at the same time."
"I won't tell her, I promise."
"Thanks El. You're a good friend." Will said as he let his t-shirt fall again.
"Thank you." She said earnestly.
Will smiled.
"It wasn't the only injury from that night, or even while I was possessed though."
"What?" El asked, as if it had never occurred to her.
That didn't surprise him. No one had really considered it. Hadn't considered what impact a supernatural being could have on the body of a thirteen year old boy. They hadn't considered that a supernatural being was used to a body that would reflect it's own strength. It hadn't considered that a malnourished thirteen year old would not possess the same strength. Didn't understand that humans did not have such strength, such resilience, the fortitude.
"People didn't really consider it, but I was possessed by the Mind Flayer for a while. For a while the... the thing ran rampage on my body. They'd bind me to prevent me from hurting anyone, and I'm glad they did, but the Mind Flayer was insistent to get free. I was already weak from a year of barely eating, and vomiting when I did. Weak from nearly a year of interrupted sleep. When the Mind Flayer struggled, it was struggling in my weakened body. The damage it did..." Will paused, "Some of my scars are from the ropes, I have them all over my body. They haven't faded. I don't think they ever will. The Mind Flayer left a visible stain on my body."
"I'm so sorry."
Will just smiled, a soft smile, with a slight edge of accepted bitterness.
"My body is damaged. I am constantly in pain, it fluctuates, but it never fades. It likely never will."
"Oh Will." El murmured, wrapping her arms tighter.
Will took a moment to revel in the comfort. El's entire presence was comforting. She smelled like his Mom, clearly she'd been sharing her body wash and shampoo. Underneath it all was a slightly masculine scent clinging to the old, worn flannel she wore over her pyjamas. Hopper. Her weight was warm, a steadying presence.
After a moment, he sat up slightly, but wrapped his arms around her too, holding her gently against his side. El hummed softly, snuggling closer into his uninjured side.
"Anyway, I was out of it for a while. Again. Then spring happened. Spring was nice, more relaxing, but still we had school, I still had to deal with all that entailed. When Summer came, I was ready to spend time with everyone, including you, run around Hawkin's. Enjoy the lighter nights. I wanted to run campaigns in the familiar safety of the Wheeler's basement."
"But the others weren't interested." El stated plainly.
"Yeah. They'd grown up while I was struggling. I get it, I do. We're fourteen, we're older now, we're expected to have grown up, but I had lost the last of my childhood. The previous two years had been hard, I'd had not had the opportunity to relax, to be a kid again. Not really. I'd been a child, not properly until Lonnie left of course, but I was a child. I'd then been kidnapped and possessed, and struggled for two years, and when I was... when I came back to it, everyone had moved on without me."
"Will. I get it."
Will clasped his sister tightly.
"I knew you would, I knew you'd get it more than anyone."
"I do."
"Thanks El. Anyway, Dustin went to camp, and Mike was constantly pulling you away. This was for most of the summer, I tried to pull us all back together, but it never worked. Lucas would at least pretend, but Mike... Mike and I would argue. It was the first time we'd ever really argued, and it hurt. Then everything happened."
"And then everything happened."
"Exactly."
A comfortable silence fell between the two.
While the silence reigned, Will's mind ran. El was probably one of the people he knew that would understand it the best. Sure, they'd all gone through something, but the others... they'd not had the physical pain, the lack of autonomy and the lack of freedom that both El and he had suffered from. Sure, the lack of autonomy and freedom was more evident in El, was more apparent as she sometimes struggled with words and struggled to show her emotions in a healthy way, but they'd both suffered. They both understood.
"I'm glad you told me. I'm also glad that you're not mad at me. I'm sorry that things could not go back to normal."
Will fell back, his head landing gently on the pillow. His legs had begun to protest at being crossed, even though he previously would have been able to sit in that position for hours without protest. Now, his body couldn't handle it.
"I could never be mad at you El. Never. Things are... different, but I'll get used to it, I know I have to."
El shifted so she was laid with Will, her head next to his on the pillow. Her hair splayed, brown curls fluttering gently as a slight breeze came through the cracked window.
"Well, it's us now. I didn't have a childhood really, so why don't we have one now?"
"I'd like that. I'd really like that."
"Good, so would I."
El grabbed his hand, holding it loosely in her own.
"I'm glad."
"Me too." He said.
Will had surprised himself. Really he had never told the others as much as he had told El, not even Jonathan and his Mom. El's earnest attitude and lack of judgement helped. He knew his Mom and Jonathan would cry. They'd comfort him. While Will would appreciate it, they'd unknowingly smother him. He needed someone to look at him without thinking he was weak, someone who would look at him and see his underlying strength. He needed someone that would appreciate that he had gone through a lot, but it had not broken him. He had come through to the other side, and while he still suffered. He was still human and he still wanted normalcy. El could provide that. El had provided that. El had gone through horrible things too, so she understood. She understood the pain, but the triumph of making it through.
Telling El, the unbearable weight had lifted from his chest, and his heart felt lighter.
He hoped it felt similar for her.
He looked at over her and she was smiling slightly, and it appeared the cleared air soothed her too.
"So, El... I know exactly what we should do first." Will said.
"Yeah?"
"In the morning, we'll decorate your room. We'll get Jonathan to take us to buy paint, some decorations. Decorating your room is a right of passage."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, it'll be great."
El beamed.
The two continued murmuring to each other gently, whispering about their plans, things that they could do for their 'new childhood.' A lightness fell across the room, a fragile but genuine happiness between two teens who had lost their childhoods but were reclaiming it together. Two children choosing an attempt at happiness, despite everything.
...
When Joyce woke in the morning, she stretched her sore limbs before immediately moving to go and check on her children.
She started with Will, and as she gently opened the door, she paused, a smile across her face as she saw that he and El were cuddled together, hair fanning out around them and genuine smiles across their faces.
She quickly moved back, moving down the stairs to grab Jonathan's camera, before making her way back upstairs.
Carefully slipping into the room, she pushed the flash down, before taking a photo of the sleeping children. If it woke the two up... well, it was worth it.