Chapter Text
A lone figure stared ahead, a conflicted look in his eyes as he gazed upon the familiar area he was in.
‘Lugunica… no matter how many times it passes, it never gets better when I look at it.’
This figure, who had white hair and wore a black bodysuit was none other than Natsuki Subaru; former knight of Emilia and contractor of the Great Spirit Beatrice.
Another figure, who had green hair and elven ears walked towards his side, gently taking his hand on hers. “Bad memories?” She gently asked.
Feeling her hand, Subaru felt himself become a bit more calm. “Bad and good, but mostly bad.” He answered honestly. “But don't worry about it, Shion-tan, it's not that bad for now, I can handle it.” He gave her a grin, trying to show that he was fine.
But the figure now named Shion wasn't convinced. She gave him a hard stare. “You don't have to come if you are not feeling well. Me, Halibel and Tia are enough to handle it.”
Subaru quickly shook his head. “Not happening Shion-tan. I'm not the type to let you guys do the hard work while I rest. Besides,” His expression darkened and he could feel one of his eyes starting to become red. “I want to be there to see those bastards suffer.” He said, almost snarling in anger. Shion only gave him a worried look but nodded.
“Alright, but if you feel that you are losing control then you better tell me mister!” Subaru chuckled when she gave him a pout, but he nodded.
“Alright I promise, and even then I can't really lie about that. Aqua would totally call me out if I tried.” On cue, a spirit appeared and surrounded the elf and human, bringing a giggle from the former and a small smirk from the latter.
“That she would do. I can trust Aqua to tell the truth when you are lying.” Subaru clutched his chest in mock pain.
“Guh! The fact that you don't trust me hurts Shion-tan!”
“But she is right father,” Aqua, the contracted water spirit of Subaru, said. “You do have the habit of hiding your pain, and you sometimes hide the fact that you are about to lose control.”
Subaru kneeled on the ground, both hands clenching his chest. “My lovely girlfriend and my sweet daughter are ganging on me! Your words are like swords stabbing my heart!” Shion rolled her eyes but couldn't suppress a smile. Aqua would have done the same if she could, instead she had to settle on throwing some water in her contractor/father face.
“Am I interrupting something?” Another voice spoke behind the duo. When they turned around, they saw a wolfman smirking at them. This was none other than Halibel the Admirer, the strongest person in Kararagi.
But Subaru had a different name for him. “Oi! Get your mind out of the gutter, playboy!”
Halibel only raised his hands in surrender, but his smirk betrayed his amusement. “I was just concerned that you two were distracted by admiring the view, nothing more. I had no impure thoughts, unlike you Su-san.”
Subaru scoffed at him. “Sure, and I am a Mabeast.”
Halibel smirk grew wider. “Well, technically you are a Mabeast, so you basically admitted that the only one who had their mind in the gutter was you.” Halibel laughed as Subaru spluttered, with Shion and even Aqua laughing at the teen.
But then Halibel's expression grew serious, something that was mirrored by Shion and Subaru. “But jokes aside, I came here to tell you that it's time to go, but I have some bad news.” Subaru resisted the urge to grimace. If Halibel was concerned about the bad news, then it was really bad.
“What is it?”
“Lust is also there with Gluttony.” Subaru took a sharp breath.
“This can easily bring Lugunica knights attention if she joins the fight.” Shion muttered with Halibel nodding. They both were pretty aware of what she can do thanks to Subaru telling them about Capella.
They weren't exactly concerned about their strength, but more about the fact that the assassination strategy that they wanted to execute was now useless.
“I could still try it, maybe it could work?” Halibel suggested but Subaru shook his head.
“I don't think you can kill Capella before her authority kicks in. Gluttony is a maybe, assuming she doesn't heal him fast enough.” Subaru said, almost wanting to scowl.
The only reason they came back to Lugunica was to follow the lead about Gluttony. Subaru had gone through a lot thanks to those bastards.
He lost Rem and couldn't save her, that was painful, but nothing would compare to losing his own name. Being accused and betrayed by everyone he once called family hurt, and hurt badly.
Emilia.
Ram.
Rem, who had finally woken up but lost her memories.
Garfiel.
Otto.
Even Beatrice, the one he trusted the most.
All of them abandoned him, with their words cutting deeper than any kind of sword could.
Sure, some of them did leave their mark in his body in some way before leaving. Garfiel broke his arm, Rem used her morningstar to crush one of his feet and Ram used her wind magic to cut one of his eyes. It hurt a lot, but he could handle it, unlike their words.
Thankfully, every wound that they caused are no longer in his body. He would hate seeing them when looking at the mirror and remembering everything they did.
And no matter how much he tried, he couldn't fully hate them.
He did blame them, hate them and even desired to kill them painfully when he was at his lowest point. But after he escaped and recovered, he couldn't muster the same hate again.
Even if he tried to think and focus on the bad things that they did, their good times together would bleed in every time.
As Satella told him, his heart was way bigger than his head.
His time in the prison changed him in many ways, but some things stayed the same.
‘Despite everything, you are still you.’ Satella once said those words to him, and he never forgot them ever since.
And now, after what it felt like years, he was finally happy again.
He had friends, family, support, and especially the strength to keep everyone safe, even if it came with a price.
“Subaru?” Shion snapped her fingers in front of him, making him jump a little.
“Yes? Sorry, I got lost in thoughts.” When Halibel and Shion looked at him with a concerned expression, he rolled his eyes. “Guys I'm completely fine! Trust me, I'm far from feeling like I'm going to lose control.”
“If you say so Su-san, but do give us a warning if you start to feel unwell.” He nodded at Halibel. He definitely learned his lesson on bottling up his pain, or at the least, this specific pain.
Halibel gestured for them to follow him. Taking a last look at Lugunica, Subaru jumped towards Halibel direction.
‘Man, no matter how many times it passes, I will never get used to being able to do this.’ Subaru thought to himself. Before this, he would have struggled a lot to try to keep up with Halibel with his whip. Now he can easily follow him with just physical strength.
Finally arriving at their temporary base, they were welcomed by a scowling Zarestia. “Why did you two take so long?! Couldn't you two mate at another time?”
Both the elf and the ex-human blushed bright red. “Oi! We weren't doing that, you perverted spirit! Do you ever think of something else?!”
Shion, who had recovered from Zarestia's comment, quickly smirked. “Of course she does Subaru. She thinks about food quite a lot.” Despite the fact that their faces were red, Subaru quickly mirrored her smirk.
“Why, of course! Tia quickly forgets everything when we present her any small amount of food. We should be thankful that spirits can't get fat.” They both snickered at that, and Zaresita scowled even more.
“Oi! Stop teasing me or I will kill you two!”
“Awww, but Tia-chan! If you kill me, then I won't be able to cook for you again you know.” Subaru said, pulling his finger up as if he was a parent scolding a child.
Zarestia growled but didn't make any move. The thought of not being able to eat the strange yet delicious food that her contractor makes was a terrible one.
“Okay,” Halibel appeared between the two. “Save that for later. Right now we need a new strategy.” The joking mood quickly disappeared as Halibel spoke.
Subaru was the first to speak. “If Lust is nearby then I think Tia is the best one to engage her. Thanks to being a spirit, she isn't affected by Capella blood like you two.” He looked at Shion and Halibel, who were nodding in agreement.
“I agree. Even if you can take the poison from us with your authority, we should do our best to avoid it. Zarestia can hold Lust while I take care of Gluttony.” Halibel offered and Subaru nodded.
“It's a good idea. Gluttony authority needs physical contact. As long as you keep your distance, it should be fine. But still, be careful Hal-san.” The wolfman gave Subaru a smirk.
“Have faith in your sensei will ya?” When he saw that Subaru didn't laugh and only kept looking at him with concern, the wolfman sighed. “Don't worry Su-san, I won't underestimate that little bastard.” Subaru nodded, but he was still a bit worried about Halibel.
“The only thing I know other than his ability to eat names is that he can teleport in short distances. Be careful about that Halibel, it was how he managed to eat my name.” Halibel nodded, a serious expression on his face. Subaru knew that Halibel was strong; as the wolfman said, he trained Subaru until he had a good amount of skill with his new powers, but he was still worried about him engaging Gluttony.
“What about me?” Shion asked, snapping him out of his thoughts.
“We are going to take care of their followers, but if the chance presents itself then you can try and help Tia, but don't engage Capella directly.” Shion nodded, but was slightly disappointed that she had to fight some no name goons.
“Alright,” Subaru breathed in and out, steeling his nerves. “Our objective is Gluttony death. If we manage to take down Capella then it's good, but we leave as soon as we kill them.”
“What about Lugunica forces?” Halibel piped in. “There is a big chance that they will be alerted, considering Capella's ability.”
“Your contacts told you that Reinhard isn't near, right? That he was going to the Watchtower along Emilia and Anastacia camp?” Halibel nodded. “Then if they arrive we can retreat without too much trouble.”
“Can we kill them?” Zarestia suddenly asked.
In the past, Subaru's answer might have been another, but he had no positive feelings towards Lugunica knights. “Yes, but do prioritize escaping. And if you see a tiger demi human do avoid killing him if possible.” Despite his complicated feelings towards his former camp, he didn't want them to die.
But he wouldn't hesitate to kill Garfiel if he endangered Shion's life or anyone else that he held dear, he wouldn't hesitate to end him and anyone else from Emilia camp, former friendship or not.
Felix and a few others are another story.
Zaresita nodded, an excited glint appearing in her eyes, and she wasn't the only one.
Even though their desire to kill was nowhere near the spirit of the wind spirit, Shion and Halibel would enjoy killing some of the knights that served the kingdom that caused so much pain towards their leader.
“Are you guys ready?” Subaru received three nods and a mental confirmation from Aqua. He took a deep breath and put on his mask. “Then let's go.”
‘Hopefully everything will go well.’
______________________________________________________
‘I just had to jinx myself didn't I?’ Subaru thought to himself as he punched a knight right in the neck, controlling his strength just enough that he didn't break it and only rendered the guard unconscious.
The fight did go well. Tia was fighting Capella and managed to keep her far from the Gluttony siblings, preventing any help from her while Halibel managed to dominate the fight. Gluttony couldn't use their authority thanks to Halibel keeping his distance and attacking with clones.
Meanwhile he and Shion made a quick job against their goons. Subaru somewhat regretted pulling Shion to fight together with him. The fight would've been finished quicker if he fought unrestrained, but he tended to avoid fighting like he normally does in her presence.
They almost managed to kill Gluttony, but the knights arrived before they could. Being distracted by them allowed Capella to flee with the Gluttony siblings.
‘At least those bastards are suffering with the poisoned blood on them.’ Subaru thought to himself.
Turns out that consuming Capella flesh not only showed that he was now completely immune to her poison, but allowed him to use it in combination with his new body parts.
“Pride!” Subaru was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard a voice that he deeply loathed.
There, in front of him, was Julius Juukulius. The sight of him made Subaru blood boil. Memories of his time imprisoned resurfacing against his will.
Broken bones, his hair being pulled off from his head, being hit in the face repeatedly with a wooden sword-
He took a deep breath and did his best to get rid of those thoughts. Losing control right now was the last thing he needed.
The forgotten knight rushed forward with his sword, but Subaru narrowed his eyes before two red tentacles sprouted from his back and one of them parried the sword while the other stabbed one of his arms.
Taking advantage of his pain, Subaru quickly called his spirit. “Aqua now!”
“El Huma!” His spirit shouted as she appeared, with many icicles following along.
Julius widened his eyes before shouting his own spell. “Al Clarista.”
Subaru grimaced when Julius cut through his kagune, although he should have expected that it could be cut with that spell. Julius jumped back and glared at him while his own quasi spirit healed the wound. “You are despicable Pride. Forcing a contract with a Great Spirit and now with another spirit?”
Subaru didn't give him a reply, knowing that it was useless to try to justify anything, but Aqua didn't stand silent. “He didn't force me into a contract! I accepted it out of my own free will!”
Julius was shocked at Aqua's words, but quickly recovered himself. “You… Why would you willingly follow a monster like him?!”
Aqua snorted. “Ironic that you are calling him a monster when YOU tortured him for months!” Julius stiffened but then grew serious.
“The Great Spirit, Beatrice-sama, confirmed that he possesses a stench that is equal or even superior to that of an archbishop. Not only that, but Pride showed signs of insanity and was confirmed by Crusch-sama and Reinhard divine protection of the wind that he had ties to the Witch of Envy herself.”
Subaru could feel Aqua's anger at Julius and knew that she was about to argue, but Subaru stopped her. “It's no use Aqua, he won't believe your words.” He could feel Aqua still wanting to argue, but it was pointless. Aqua saw it when they met; how they dismissed his pleas of innocence and kept torturing him without mercy.
He resisted the urge to shiver when remembering that loop.
But then his instincts screamed for him to jump away, and he wasn't one to argue with his newly enhanced instinct. Using his two tentacles to boost himself, Subaru jumped and stabbed his kagune in a tree to keep himself off the ground.
Seeing what happened in the area he was in, Subaru knew who had arrived before even looking. “Garfiel…”
And there was, the one that used to call him ‘captain’, and the person that he once considered a brother. Subaru had mixed feelings towards him; just like everyone in his former camp, but as Halibel taught him, he can't allow those feelings to affect his combat ability.
Quick A/N, It's my first time writing a character that speaks like Garfiel so I hope I'm doing it right.
“Thank you Garfiel-san for your help.” Julius said after his quasi-spirit finished healing his wound.
“Don't thank me yet, we still got to finish this bastard.” Garfiel stared at Subaru with anger in his eyes, all the while resisting the urge to shiver.
‘This guy ‘s completely different from th'last time I saw him.’ He remembered how Pride was pathetic, not even a threat to Otto. Now it was like staring right at the mouth of a predator, who could kill him if he was careless.
As if reading his thoughts, Julius put a hand on his shoulder. “Don't falter, Garfiel-san. Even if Pride has revealed his true powers, you should not let yourself be afraid. He's still a man who can be killed.” Garfiel nodded and prepared to battle. Subaru scoffed inwardly at Julius' words.
‘Reveal my true colors? More like I had to give up a part of my own humanity to get out of that hell.’ He thought bitterly to himself.
Knowing that the time for talking was over, Subaru rushed towards the two; Kagune ready to cut them. As he predicted, the two dodged, but he was counting on that.
“El Huma!” Ice spears were thrown at them. Not being able to dodge in the air, they were forced to defend themselves. Garfiel managed to avoid damage by using his fists to protect himself while Julius attempted to use Huma to defend himself.
A bad move since Aqua's El Huma managed to bypass it and a few ice spears lodged itself in his arms.
Subaru smirked. Aqua was very strong, even Zarestia also saw that she was an anomaly among the spirits. Even if Julius had a full Water Spirit, his Huma shield wouldn't stop Aqua attack.
This time, Subaru wouldn't allow Julius to heal himself. His now black and red eye narrowed at Julius before launching towards him; his Kagune aiming to hit his shoulder. He reacted too late and his tentacle stabbed his shoulder. Subaru didn't waste time before throwing him on the ground, hard.
He heard Garfiel roar before he blocked his punch with his arms. The impact threw him in the ground as well, but he was less hurt than Julius, that he was sure.
Garfiel stood in front of him, probably protecting Julius while he attempted to recover. Subaru knew that he couldn't allow them to fight together. It wouldn't be a problem if he could use all his power, but no matter what they made him go through, he didn't wish to kill them yet.
‘Now having two pieces of my Kagune being infected with Capella poison doesn't feel great.’ He thought dryly.
But thankfully, a massive wind storm appeared and threw Garfiel far away. Subaru smirked, knowing who was there. “Took you long enough Tia.”
The Wind Spirit scoffed. “If you had lost against those two weaklings I would have dissolved our contract from sheer embarrassment."
“All bark and no bite.” Subaru cheekily said before grabbing her hand.
“Shut up and let's go. Shion and the mutt already left.”
“Like I will let you leave!” Garfiel roared but Zarestia only glared at him before waving her hand and throwing him far away.
‘If only Su allowed me to kill him.’ She inwardly pouted before flying away with Subaru.
Julius watched with anger as the archbishop flew away with a Great Spirit.
‘His authority is more dangerous than I thought if he was able to contract Zarestia.’ He almost sighed in relief when he felt his wound heal.
Another failed attempt at capturing pride, and this was their best chance. Julius grit his teeth and got up to check on Garfiel.
He would not fail next time.
_________________________________________________________
Hopefully this was not too bad as my first attempt at writing my own one shot. Yup, all me this time, no repost in my friend's name from Fanfiction.net.
Oh shoot, it's that part that explains about the Ifs, right? Uhh…
Well, in this if, Re;forgotten happened at Arc 5, with Gluttony eating Subaru name and all the things that happen (torture, betrayal and etc)
Subaru torture had some similarities with Kaneki as well (Having his fingers cut off, but instead of regenerating them, Felix would put them together and heal them to start again the next day if he desired to, the centipete and etc)
Subaru died a lot trying to escape until he realized that he couldn't. He tried a lot of times, but then just gave up.
Satella, seeing that, decided to do something to help him. Together with Daphne, she created something that would turn Subaru into something akin to a fourth great Mabeast (Like the Great Rabbit, Whale and etc) but she learned from her past actions (summoning Subaru without his consent) so she attempted to convince him (like how Rize ‘talked’ with Kaneki during his torture, but more gentle and softer)
It took some loops until Subaru finally accepted. He snapped in a similar way that Kaneki did with Jason, but towards Felix.
Aqua was the first companion that Subaru had. In fact, they ended up meeting in the cell. Aqua presence was the reason that Subaru didn't go completely crazy and hopeless.
Ironically, Aqua was both the reason why Subaru took longer to accept Satella offer and also what pushed him to accept the offer. When Felix put the centipede on his ear, Aqua tried her best to protect him, but she was just a minor spirit at time, so it wasn't that hard for Felix to kill her. Out of every loop since he was imprisoned, Subaru considered that the worst and he instantly reseted to save Aqua.
But no matter what he did, Felix would kill Aqua, who would always try to protect Subaru when Felix put the centipede on his ear. Even when he explicitly told her to not do anything, she would disobey and end up killed.
Just like how Ghouls can get a Kakuja by eating ghouls, Subaru also got a Kakuja by eating Maebeasts. He was heavily hesitant to eat humans and demi alike at the beginning (except for Felix.) So he ate Maebeasts, which resulted in him gaining a Kakuja not too long after becoming a ghoul.
He arrived at Kararagi and after a few loops, he managed to recover Zarestia light ball from Reize, contract Zarestia and befriend Halibel (who also trained him, making him become quite a powerhouse)
He met Shion on his way towards Kararagi and they quickly became friends. Soon, just like Aqua, she became one of the pillars of his sanity.
Subaru also changed and became a bit more similar to Kaneki. He was basically the same when surrounded by his friends and people he cared about, but he was brutal against his enemies. With him devouring and tearing them apart with his Kagune, though he was less brutal when he was fighting with Shion nearby; not wishing for her to see that side of him.
Halibel, Zarestia, Shion and Aqua are very protective of Subaru, especially when he shared his story with them. And they had a lot of trust in Subaru as the unofficial leader of their group.
Subaru, after some time in Kararagi and recovering his sanity, realized that he couldn't muster the same hate he had when he was in the prison loops towards his former camp. And, if his name does come back one day, he would be willing to forgive them (but he wouldn't forget and wouldn't come back to Lugunica with them no matter what)
Even though Julius also tortured him, Subaru didn't hate him too much. He does hate him way more than his camp, but it paled in comparison to Felix.
Maybe I'm starting to write too much about this If here? Well, maybe I can tell more about it if I feel motivated to write extra chapters.
Well, see you all later!