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When Silver jolted awake, his heart was racing wildly. His entire body was drenched with perspiration; the sweater that had been warm and cozy the night before now heavy and oppressive. He tore it off, his hair crackling with static, and tossed it aside so he could breathe.
Breathe.
That’s all it would take to calm himself. He knew he’d had a nightmare, but he couldn’t remember any of the details. All that lingered now was a sense of dread, of impending doom. He could easily guess what had plagued his sleeping mind. He’d had a number of nightmares involving Father’s death, ones where no matter how hard he and Malleus wished for it, there was not enough magic in the world to bring Father back.
Sometimes the dreams were worse, where he’d lost Malleus as well as Father.
And sometimes, in the very worst of his dreams, Malleus had died by Silver’s own hand, the way that Maleanor had died fighting the Knight of Dawn.
Silver’s real father.
No, he reminded himself. Lilia Vanrouge was his real father. Silver had no memory of the man whose face was the mirror image of Silver’s. Father was the one who’d taken him in and cared for him. The one who, as Sebek had tearfully reminded him, had raised him to be as strong as he was. Father had done all of that despite knowing where Silver had come from, knowing who his family was.
If that wasn’t what made a man a father, Silver didn’t know what did.
That wasn’t to erase the fact that Silver was grateful to his biological father. Both of his parents, really. The Knight of Dawn had been reluctant to fight Malleus’ mother, and he’d helped Lilia and Baul escape with Malleus’ egg. Perhaps, in the end, he’d had no choice but to slay the dragon.
At least, Silver liked to think that his father hadn’t faced Maleanor with the intent of killing her. Silver hadn’t been strong enough to even slice through Malleus’ horn, but his father had been older, had undergone far more training. Had been more desperate.
His true father, the one who’d raised him, had thrown himself in front of Silver when Malleus had attacked. There was no magic greater than that borne from true love.
When Silver dreamt of his birth parents, those dreams were ephemeral, glimpses of what might have been memories but were more likely wishes of knowing the man and woman who had done all they could to protect their child.
These were all things that Silver knew. They were things that he was proud of. Things that the love of Father and Sebek and Malleus had convinced him that were not things to be ashamed of.
His subconscious mind, however, seemed less inclined to take all of that into account, often portraying Silver in a far less flattering light.
Did his dreams mean anything? Father often said that dreams could be wishes, but when they’d all seen the dreams that Malleus’ realm had created, none of them had brought true happiness.
Except, perhaps, for Jade, but overall, the dreams had shown something about the dreamer.
What, then, did Silver’s dreams say about himself?
He’d been honored when Malleus had chosen Silver to be Diasomnia’s next housewarden. No one, not even Sebek, had been surprised, nor had anyone expressed any displeasure in Malleus’ decision. And Silver was determined to prove himself worthy of the trust that Malleus and Father had placed in him.
It was why there was no question from anyone when he’d asked Sebek to be vice housewarden. Sebek had looked a little bit like he wanted to cry, so much so that Silver hadn’t been able to resist teasing him. He’d commented that Sebek’s fondness for happy endings extended to happy beginnings as well, but honestly, Silver had felt the same.
It was odd to think of how difficult it had been to express what he was feeling until recently. Father’s return to the land of the living, Malleus’ gift in giving Silver the Vanrouge name, the way Sebek had immediately taken to his new role at Silver’s side, the way Silver had always imagined…
It was hard not to smile these days. Life, and his family, had certainly given him many reasons to do so.
Which was why it was so unsettling when the nightmares had begun.
And why, no matter how intently Sebek would look at him on occasion, when Silver’s eyes grew heavy not because of the protective spell but because of his own restless nights, Silver didn’t mention them.
There was nothing to be done about them, after all. There was no reason to have nightmares. With Silver’s unique magic, it was more likely it was one more area where he simply needed additional training. It wasn’t the sort of thing he could do in his waking hours, and it wasn’t the sort of thing where competing with Sebek would help him improve.
How did one compete when it came to dreams, after all? How could Silver improve his control over the visions when he had no control to start with.
And how had it become so very cold in this room?
He wrapped his arms around himself, his teeth chattering, and tried to clear his mind.
Breathe.
The knock on his door should have startled him, but he was awake enough to be fully aware of his surroundings. And it was to be expected that someone might have need of the housewarden despite the late (early?) hour.
Of course, he knew exactly who it was on the other side of the door. It was why, instead of getting out of bed to open the door, he focused his magic on turning the knob instead.
The door barely had a chance to open when Sebek barged into the room, his wavy hair sticking out beneath his cap. When Sebek kicked the door behind him and approached Silver’s bed, Silver had the urge to push that cap off and run his fingers through Sebek’s hair.
Instead, he asked, “Is something wrong, Sebek?”
Sebek snorted. “I could ask you the same!”
He glanced at the balled-up sweater on the edge of Silver’s bed and moved it out of the way so he could sit next to Silver.
“I’m here because of you!”
Silver blinked at him. “Because of me?”
“Not even you are this stupid,” Sebek said, but his tone was less aggressive.
If Silver didn’t know any better, he’d say it was almost…fond.
He did know better, though, and it was clear that Sebek was distressed.
“My dreams,” he said. “You insist on intruding on my dreams.”
“It wasn’t on purpose,” Silver said. “I’ve told you, I don’t have any control over whose dreams I visit.”
“Then why is it always mine?”
“Are you suggesting that I’m deliberately inviting myself into your dreams?”
“Of course not!” Sebek snapped, even though that was exactly what he’d insinuated.
Silver would have told him that he didn’t appreciate Sebek’s tone, but Sebek had come to his room for a reason.
“I’m sorry,” Silver said. “Whatever I may have done while in your dream, I didn’t mean to cause any trouble.”
“I thought we were past this,” Sebek said, his voice cracking. “Our liege is safe. Master Lilia is alive and well and on his internship, just as I’d dreamed.”
Silver nodded. “Yes. I know.”
“Then why am I dreaming that we failed?”
“I don’t know,” Silver said. “But we didn’t.”
“I know that!” Sebek’s eyes were shimmering. “But it is not conducive to a good night’s sleep when I continually dream the opposite!”
“I’m sorry,” Silver said. “If I could do something about it, I would.”
“You could put a shirt on!”
That was as an abrupt a change of subject as Silver could have imagined.
“Hand me my sweater, and I will.”
“That ugly thing? I don’t know what Master Lilia was thinking when he got that for you.”
“I think he’d picked it up as a joke,” Silver said. “The sleeping part is, or at least, it was, accurate.”
“You’re an idiot. The entire thing is hideous, but it’s all true.”
“All of it?”
There were only two words on the front of the sweater. They both agreed that sleeping described Silver, but as for the second word…
“You think I’m beautiful?”
Sebek snorted again. “You can’t be that blind when you look in the mirror.”
“I don’t spend all that much time in front of a mirror.”
“That much is obvious. Now that you are housewarden, you should spend a little more time tending to your appearance, even if you don’t need to.”
That seemed like a contradiction, but since it wasn’t why Sebek had come to his room, that conversation was best left for another day.
“Why did you come to my room?” Silver asked. “You know I can’t control my own dreams, let alone someone else’s.”
“I…” Sebek looked up at the canopy over Silver’s bed, as if it might provide him with answers. “I didn’t want to be alone.”
It was obvious he didn’t mean physically alone, since he had a roommate. Silver wasn’t the greatest at understanding nuance, but he understood Sebek. There was no one that Silver understood more or better than Sebek.
“You’re not alone,” Silver said, cupping Sebek’s face and tracing Sebek’s cheekbone with his thumb.
“Neither are you!”
It was why Sebek had come to his room. Not just to remind himself of that, but to remind Silver.
“There’s no obstacle we can’t overcome together.”
Sebek had said the same thing, back when they’d fought the fire lotuses together at Noble Bell College. To save Malleus, to allow him time to reach the bell tower. And those words were true whether they were awake or asleep. They’d proven as much during their time under Malleus’ spell.
“Glad you realize that,” Sebek grumbled. “Maybe that will keep you from having nightmares.”
Silver swallowed. “I will certainly do my best.”
With the moonlight streaming through Silver’s window, Even though he was half-human, Sebek looked every bit like the nocturnal fae he was. Sebek might have suggested that Silver was beautiful, in his begrudging way, but Sebek…
Sebek was breathtaking like this.
It was why Silver gave in to the impulse. He lifted his hand and slid Sebek’s cap off so he could run his fingers through his hair. It was soft and free from any sort of product.
“You should wear your hair like this more often,” he said.
“And you should put a shirt on.”
Sebek’s voice was a little shaky, and the way he looked at Silver did funny things to Silver’s insides.
That, and the way Sebek’s callused fingers were tracing Silver’s collarbone with infinite gentleness.
“Sebek.”
Sebek’s eyes met Silver’s. He licked his lips, and it was Silver’s undoing. His fingers tightened in Sebek’s hair, and he pressed their lips together. Sebek made an unintelligible sound, and his fingers slid behind Silver’s neck, cradling his head as they fumbled their way through their first kiss.
When it ended, Sebek looked away immediately.
“That is not why I came here!”
“I know.”
“I came here because I had a nightmare!”
For Sebek to admit it in those words exactly reminded Silver of when they were children, when they would spend nights together in the woods. Sebek would desperately shake Silver awake, to chase away the remnants of the scary visions that had danced behind his closed eyelids.
“I know.”
Sebek crossed his arms over his chest, but he didn’t look at Silver. “If you think I will apologize for kissing you, you are mistaken.”
“Oh?” Silver asked, a smile tugging at his lips. “I believe I was the one who kissed you.”
“You can believe it all you like. That doesn’t mean anything!” This time, Sebek did turn around, dismay written all over his face. “I mean. It did mean anything. Something! I mean, the kiss—”
Silver cut off his words by placing his finger over Sebek’s lips. Sebek swatted his hand away with a scowl.
“Should I have kissed you again instead?”
“Shut up!”
He had honestly given Silver the perfect setup with that sort of opening. His lips quirked up in a way that he knew would elicit a response, just as much as his next words.
“Why don’t you make me?”
Sebek grabbed Silver’s chin and tipped his head up. “This isn’t why I came here,” he reminded Silver, as if Silver had needed reminding.
And then he kissed him.
Well. First he kissed him, then he caught Silver in a crushing embrace, like he didn't ever want to let go. Silver's arms returned the hug, and then, Sebek kissed him again, more hungrily than before. Which was fine because it was exactly the way Silver was kissing him back, all lips and teeth and tongue and wandering hands and breathing into each other's mouths...
This wasn’t why Sebek had come to his room. He’d come because he’d had a nightmare, one that Silver had been in. One that Silver had experienced along with him. Maybe now that it was out in the open, that they were both still reliving the what-ifs and could-have-beens in their sleep, they could more easily handle them upon waking.
Maybe they would eventually stop having nightmares altogether. But if not, they still had each other. And the kissing... Silver very much liked this new aspect of their relationship.
So no, it wasn’t why Sebek had come to Silver’s room in the middle of the night…
…but Silver was glad he had.