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Mizuki sat in a room devoid of any life class waiting for a teacher to show up. Everyone was already home but she sat there waiting for a catch up class. It wasn't like she wanted to be there but it felt good that no one else was there that she didn't have to see her class mates.She would rather be with nightcord on call where she felt she belonged.But here she felt content as unlike Kanade, she can not just blend into a crowd even while dragging a unconscious Mafufu through a city.
How could she do that and not get questioned?She asked herself. But no matter where she goes she is followed by whispers and treated like a pariah.Why?She acted like it didn't hurt but it did it really did .Was she that unlikable that she was treated like that .Like her life doesn't matter.No Mizuki stop spiraling they don't matter don't let it get to you she pleaded with herself .She really tried not to let them get to her but just like everything else in their life they failed at that too.Those whispers replay in her mind.
"They are just doing that for attention as it is the only way they can be unique."
"They are the reason their sister went to France."
"ew. Why do they dress like that?"
She hated it.The never ending whispers so she had to miss classes with those people in . Just looking at them makes her want to defenestrate them all of her class mates .Well not all of them. Not (her soon to be) little brother Akito , not Rui and not An but the rest of them. They, they should be worried , Though they were not the only reason she was skipping school, nightcord had also ruined her sleep schedule . Well one member in particular. Ena Mizuki could watch her mouth move at light speed when talking about her interests which made her ten times more appealing .She might have a crush though she would rather die then admit it. How could she not that smile just melted her heart.
She knew Ena loved her, those eyes simmering like stars and carrying so much affection whenever her gaze lands on Mizuki. It wasn’t deserved she felt .She was not the person Ena liked that was the meticulously crafted persona.The one which was the closest to the true Mizuki anyone will ever see. This just made the stinging pain worse whenever she was reminded of the love and affection Ena has for her, whether it be small meaningful acts that gives Mizuki butterflies.Maybe the trips they go on where Ena models clothes for Mizuki in her own tsundere way of showing affection, of course. But that was so cute. The way she looked at her as if she hung the stars for her. No Mizuki you don’t deserve this. You can’t deserve this.You lied to her the person who speaks of all the virtues you supposedly have. She doesn't know the truth and it has to stay that way or that loving gaze might go to someone else.It wouldn’t …would it?Ena love is only for her even if she doesn't deserve it, it’s only for her right?Right? Oh god she would give anything so that she was truly worthy of Ena love. So that she can accept it. But she is not.She will never be.
Ugh. Why did emotions have to be this collated at what is .. 4;30pm. She could not wait to get home and on call with Ena and the rest of nightcord .They all meant the world to her. They were so kind as well as deserving of all the beauties the world had to others. Unlike her as the world often shows her where it views she belongs too many.They treat her like one of their own .Someone who matters ,someone who will do great things whether it be saving others like Kanade and Mafufu or Ena with her wonderful art . They treat someone like her well; they have given her a place to belong. A place to feel safe ,more than she could have dreamt for. So why, just why could others not treat her the same as nightcord did?Is it only because nightcord did not know?No because they all worked so hard to save Mafufu so they would do the same for her .Right?They would understand her. So why on earth could no one else.Why was still so lonely. Why was she a pariah when others who do so much worse are accepted? Was she just that unlovable that people just hate her for being herself.Is that the reason?...It hurts, it hurts bad.
She thought of opening up about it to nightcord but if the minuscule chance that they will also treat her like that happens ,she would not know what to do with herself.Actually she'd probably disappear like Mafufu tried to do. She hated to admit it, she and Yuki were not that different ,they both put on an act to make others not worry about them. They both want to disappear ..That what she implied they all shared .They want to disappear they want to escape it all, she knows why she and Mafufu wanted to disappear … but Ena and Kanade they were so kind people and the reason Mafufu was still here. Ena was perfect though she had doubts about her art. She was a brilliant person .Kanade was the embodiment of cute and caring.Why would the world be bad to her.Why?If they did, why don’t they open up about it? Mizuki would try to help. Probably not well but she'd try, like when she spent the day looking for a field of flowers with Kanade. Why bottle it up if it’s only going to hurt them more in the long run.?
When she got home she had an idea that if she did tell nightcord maybe they would also open up about their issues. Maybe she could save them. Then the thought ,that dreadful thought came back.What if they too treat me like a pariah.That thought used to stop her but if doing this can help the ones she so desperately wants to help.If it can inspire them to also follow suit and tell her about their problems then it worth the risk.So she messaged the group chat ready to tell them.She was not going to procrastinate this time ,she could not procrastinate this time.Maybe if she does this she’’d be worthy of Ena’s love. The one thought she had when the others replied their free was why do you value them more than yourself? Why is it ok now you help them and not just when it was yourself. Her answer was because she had been through so much pain that if she could stop someone also going though that would be best. She could not let the ones she cared about go through the same as her without knowing there was someone to help.