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Harlequin shot up awake violently as he was breathing heavily. He stared at his hands panicking, expecting to see blood his blood. But nothing was there. Not even a stain of it.
Yet no matter what he did he couldn't stop the visions of horror blurring his mind, the same scene repeating over and over again for the past few months now. The Saint War has been over for a few months, yet he couldn't let go. No, not of him.
Harlequin looked at his side as he saw his now soon to be wife was asleep peacefully, not realizing that Harlequin was very much awake right now.
He tried to take deep breaths as he got out of bed, looking at his bedroom ceiling before going outside the balcony. Diane had insisted for them to have a balcony in their bedroom and of course Harlequin couldn't say no to her. Maybe that balcony could be useful for once ?
As he felt the fresh wind hit his face, he couldn't help but look at the starry sky above his and his forest's head. It was such a peaceful view...
If only they could watch it together.
NO. No, no, why was he thinking about him right now ?? He should be thinking about Diane, yes, he was thinking about watching the starry night with Helb- DIANE.
Why was he always coming back to his mind ? He's dead now...so why...why can't he stop thinking about him ?
He's lost many friends during the war, that it was between the demons or even just before he met the sins. Humans were restless with his people...he's lost so many friends because of this species he could barely count them at the top of his head...
The first death were always painful to him. But after a while...it didn't affect him as much anymore. He just...he got so used to it...It would only last a couple of weeks of mourning before he could do any daily activities once again. But now ? He hardly ever wanted to spend time with Diane nor anyone else because he missed him too much.
Was it because he was his first ever love ? That could play a big role.
Did what they have could even qualify as love ? He couldn't careless honestly, for him it was.
He shook his head, trying to stop his thoughts as he tried to enjoy the view the sky was giving him. Yet his mind couldn't help but wonder...wonder into memories he shared with his first love, all the happy time they spend together, sleeping peacefully under the night sky as they wondered what tomorrow could gift them.
If only that tomorrow never came.
In a way, King felt terrible at the idea he was glad that all of this happened, if he didn't he would have never met Diane after all !
But he probably would have a good life with Helbram...
He whipped a tear that was slowly forming in his eyes. He hadn't realise it was here until he felt his vision starting to blur. He hated crying, it made him feel weak.
But no one was around...
He sighed in frustration as he lean on the fence made with vines in front of him.
He didn't fight back anymore, he let the memories flood his mind like a hurricane. He couldn't stop them anymore, no matter how hard he tried to think about happy moment with Diane, his mind would always drift back to the happier one with Helbram..
It was selfish, he knew that...he was way happier with Helbram than with Diane and he was ashamed to admit it...but he was tired of hiding it too.
He wanted to hug him again, to kiss him, sleep with him, feel him, just love him. It was painful, he felt his heart ache in his body as he hold into his chest -where his heart was placed- tightly as he closed his eyes shut. Trying to focus on not letting any tears slip from his eyes.
He hated those tears, hated how he couldn't understand them, how they flooded him without his consent. He hated everything about this situation, but he couldn't bring himself to stop anymore. He was tired of hiding everything, hiding his true feelings.
His death hurt like hell, more than he originally thought it would.
His dying face that he saw in his nightmare every night made his stomach twist in he felt a knot in his throat every time he'd try to breath. His body felt shaky and his eyes always blurred as he tried his hardest not to cry.
The way his mind was making him relive his death was painful, it felt like his mind was torturing him; punishing him for whatever reason. Could it be for his sin ?
So many questions without answer. Him who wanted to take some fresh air to eeze his mind...he ended up making it worse...
Good job Harlequin !
He sobbed quietly as he let himself fall on the ground. His hands covering his face, ashamed. He hoped his future wife won't hear him. He hopes no one will hear him.
Every once of emotions he was hiding all came crashing down all of a sudden. He wanted to push them away like he always did, but they came back stronger, begging him to let them out...
So he gave up, he let them all out: sadness, anger, anxiousness, frustration, guilt. Everything came crashing down harder than he could handle.
He felt weak, like someone was stabbing his entire being.
But in some twisted way...letting his emotions out for once felt nice...