Work Text:
Mineta was infuriated, “That’s it! Claire, get everybody out, I’ll distract them!”
Claire grabs her husband by the shirt collar, “Are you crazy?! They’ll kill you!”
“I’m the one they want, just make sure that everyone’s safe!” Mineta said.
“Oh, I intend to, for everyone!”
“There’s gotta be something we can do,” Claire proposed. “There’s no time!” Mineta countered.
**DING!**
“Sonic!” Claire and Mineta shouted in unison. Sonic looked at them in disbelief. “Hey, Claire, what happens when you mix the fastest thing alive with a shit-ton of caffeine?” Mineta asked Claire, who immediately knew what plan her husband had concocted.
“What are you planning?” Sonic asked the hated duo, as Mineta whipped out an overly-caffeinated energy drink. This clues in the Blue Blur on what their plan is.
Mineta then was on top of the wall, whistling, getting Mirko’s attention. “Hey, Mirko, forgetting someone?”
This gets Mirko’s attention, “You…” Mirko said as she lunged at Mineta, who flinched. Meanwhile, with the others, Sonic was chugging on the energy drink Mineta had given him. “Now, Sonic, go, go, *gooooooo…*” Bowser’s speech began to slur as the copious amounts of caffeine entered Sonic’s system, slowing down time to grinding halt. With time now frozen, to an extent. Sonic followed Bowser’s frozen finger to where he had to go, which was the control panel of a Guardian that Mei fixed up, and he turned on the laser sight, which was moving across the field.
Sonic then sniffed a perfectly good chili dog, which he was eating as he walked back to the others. Before he could join the others, he took one look at Boom Boy, and placed a potted Piranha Plant under him. Sonic looked at Mineta, who had a Blue Shell power-up on, and no, not THAT Blue Shell. Sonic wiped his hands and reunited with the others as time began to start back up. Mineta smirked as Claire, who was using one of Link’s fishing poles, yanked her husband back, with the perverted grape casually saluting the rule 63 Boom Boy.
Mirko crashed into the Class 1-Assholes, triggering the Guardian, which uprooted itself from the ground, with its sights on the so-called heroes.
“What is that?” Jirou asked.
“I have no idea.” Sero chimes in.
“Whatever that thing is, one thing for sure… it’s going to hurt!” Momo says, as Mineta and the crew put on protective eyewear.
“Oh, Shi-!”
A gigantic beam of light flashed from the Guardian, the beam piercing through the sky and into space, where in her Comet Observatory, Rosalina was watching, a couple million light years away, mind you. Back on Earth, Mineta and the crew were watching the show, with Junior and Lemmy roasting marshmallows, which caught on fire due to the heat. Mineta pulled out a bag of microwave popcorn, and thanks to the heat, cooked the popcorn in the bag. Mineta and Claire shared the popcorn.
Moments later, the beam dissipated, along with a sound of a cage being triggered. Mineta was confused, but shrugged, knowing Mei. The crew took their eyewear and saw the fruits of their efforts. Everyone cheered for the defeat of the so-called heroes. Mineta and Claire embracing in a romantic hug. Mineta saw Sonic coming their way. “Hey, Sonic, thanks,” Mineta thanked Sonic for his help. “It’s no prob-LEEEMMM!!!” Sonic burp-launched away the unlikely couple, who waved away the burp.
Claire immediately punched her husband in the face. “Okay! Was that for?!” Mineta shouted out in confusion why his wife punched him in the face. “That’s for almost getting yourself killed!” Claire said, which Mineta agreed he had that coming. Claire then lifted her husband up and kissed him, “And that’s being a thousand times the hero they’ll ever be.” Claire said to Mineta
—————————————————————
Mirko was now burnt to a crisp and was strapped to a stretcher that was being loaded onto a transport van. “It’s off to the Zoo for you, Long Ears,” one of the van drivers said as they were loading Mirko. Meanwhile, the Class-1Assholes were apprehended by the local authorities, and they were wearing quirk-restraining handcuffs.
“Now, do you guys realize that you were dealing with a piece of ancient technology,” a Koopatrol said, charging them for misuse of technology.
“Officer, it’s that pervert, we had to stop him be-“ Momo tried to lied to not get arrested, but the Koopatrol was not having any of it, “Oh, you mean the pervert who is somehow more tame than any perverts in anime, because there’s a lot more worse perverts than him.”
Momo headbutted the Koopatrol, “It’s not our fault! We cannot be arrested, we're the stars of ‘My Hero Academia’!”
This causes the others to fight off the authorities, except for Bakugou, who, for once, does not join a fight. “Get them,” Bakugou said, as the Koopatrols quickly restrained the others. He then uses the chaos to make his escape, which he climbed over a nearby wall, with the Piranha Plant that Sonic placed clamped onto his butt.
“ARF! ARF!”
“Nice doggy… Oh, no. No, no, no, nononononono!”
The Chain Chomp quickly gave Boom Boy his second dose of karmic retribution, as it bit him in the…
CRUNCH!
“AH!”
Let’s just leave at that.