Work Text:
Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you.
Hawkins, Indiana
Sunday, December 31st, 1989
"Ten! Nine!"
This was it. There was no avoiding it now, even though when she arrived late, that was her exact intention. Everyone at the party was pairing up and either drunkenly dancing or stumbling towards the person they wanted to ring in the new year with. If she was going to see him, now was better than never.
"Eight! Seven!"
El quickly made her way through the throng of people gathered in Henderson's living room; all Hawkins High students that she didn’t really know. The bulk of the teens were gathered around the TV to watch the ball drop, and El knew she had to push through them fast. Even she was impressed with how she hopped over deflated balloons and avoided the sloshing from everyone’s solo cups.
"Six! Five!"
She flinched away as a drunk and sloppy Dustin, who insisted she come tonight, screeched the countdown in her ear. He shoved his body weight into her side so he could embrace Max, who had arrived at the party much earlier than El had. And it showed.
(Wait. Dustin and Max?! They would discuss that later.)
El managed to regain her focus, trying to identify a mop of dark hair that always stood a half foot above everyone else in the crowd. She hoped he was seeking her out too, but was also terrified that he had given up and found someone else to kiss at midnight.
(Not that she was assuming he’d kiss her. She had just been hoping and wishing and praying for it since August.)
But there Mike Wheeler was.
He walked swiftly towards her from across the room, narrowly avoiding Lucas, who had one arm around a leggy blonde and another around…a garden gnome?
(What the hell had happened to their friends?! Another conversation for later.)
"Four! Three!"
Tonight Mike had eschewed his usual polo shirt and jeans combo for a blue button-up and black skinny tie and it took all El had to stop from reaching out and grabbing it and pulling him towards her. Of course he went off to college and finally expanded his wardrobe.
He looked good. Really good. So good that El couldn’t help but feel a little betrayed that he was doing so well. She had been terrible. It had been 136 days of feeling completely heartbroken and lost and…
…now his face was so close, his dark eyes searching her own and suddenly she wasn’t alone anymore. She felt thirteen again.
"Two!"
Mike was looking for a sign that this was okay as he took her hand and leaned in. Would it be okay if they lived in this moment now and dealt with the consequences later? Even if they both knew how hard it would be to say goodbye again?
"Happy New Year," he gently whispered in her ear, reducing all the background noise to a murmur as his temple brushed her own. She swallowed hard and that familiar shiver ran down her spine. Yep, she was thirteen and dancing at the Snow Ball again, wearing a blue dress just for him.
"One!"
Only this time she knew what it was like to be kissed by him, to be loved.
"Happy New Year Mi-"
His lips crushed against her own before she could say his name and all of her wishing and praying paid off as her eyes fluttered closed. She had hoped for this, knowing that if she didn’t see him and kiss him the disappointment would crush her.
But, once again, Mike Wheeler came through.
"Happy New Year!"
Around them the room was an explosion of people screaming, singing, hugging and kissing. Confetti flew out of hands along with the odd red solo cup, as music blasted and teens fell over each other in delight.
But for El Hopper, it was just her and Mike.
Mike & El.
The paladin & his mage.
The El who rode to school on the back of Mike’s bike. The Mike who spent Saturday nights with El in the basement, refusing to keep the door unlocked. The El and Mike who got caught by the librarian making out in the empty stacks. The Mike who snuck into El’s bedroom window despite the very real threat of Chief Jim Hopper and his loaded gun.
As he kissed her, one hand on her lower back and one in her hair, she felt like flying. She’d missed this.
This wasn’t the ‘Mike & El’ who broke up in August. This wasn’t the ‘Mike & El’ who attended different colleges and lived in different states.
This was the ‘Mike & El’ everyone else knew. The couple that flew under the radar but was steadfast. The childhood sweethearts who never had any doubt who their one person was supposed to be.
With every sweep of his lips, the past 136 days were erased.
——
El wrapped her arm around the bare waist of the boy lying next to her, his slender frame committed to memory.
"Where does the chief think you are this early hour of the morning?"
"You’re thinking about my dad right now?"
Mike tickled her ribs at that, his fingers creeping under her bra and making her gasp through giggles.
"Jim Hopper knew you were in town the moment your taxi crossed county lines."
Now that her dad was living in domestic bliss with Joyce, he wasn’t as protective as he used to be. He also understood his daughter had been pining ever since Mike left for Massachusetts and he wasn’t going to deal with her heartbroken wrath when he had to work the holiday shift.
"Can we just stay in my basement? If we go outside, it’s all too real."
"Well, we do have our fort and hopefully your mom hasn’t stopped buying Eggos?"
"Holly would never let her."
They laughed nervously but knew this was all they had left. Memories. Inside jokes. Blanket forts. Sitting on the back of a bike and flying down Main Street. Kissing by Lover’s Lake and getting caught in the back of Hopper’s Chevy.
"I have to fly back tonight, my taxi’s coming at 6."
"Oh...," El immediately turned her face into his neck, clenching her eyes shut to stop the burning of tears in her eyes.
"Yeah...my family are meeting at the campus tomorrow so we can spend the new year together or something lame."
"I thought we might have some more time…"
They were always out of time. They’d lost 353 days and El couldn’t help but think of all the other days she missed. Rather than spending time cooped up in the cabin studying with a tutor, she could have been studying with Mike. All those times she visited mama, she could have brought Mike along too. Rather than spend Christmas visiting Jonathan in New York, she should have stayed home with Mike.
They were stupid regrets, of course, because she loved every one of those experiences and Mike wouldn’t have let her miss them for anything in the world. But she couldn’t stop quantifying their time together.
"I would totally bail...but Nancy’s visiting too..."
Of course, he would stay if he could. But this was the whole reason they broke up - so he wouldn’t keep sacrificing his life for her. He had given up so much of his childhood to protect her.
"No, don’t be silly. You have to see your family."
Everything was falling apart and the glitter and excitement of last night were fading away. Mike wasn’t the boy who was at her side whenever she wanted anymore. He had his own life now, one that didn’t involve her.
El suddenly felt embarrassed by the situation and being left behind again. She was lying in their childhood blanket fort, half undressed and the darkness of the basement couldn’t alleviate her shame.
"I should probably go." She sat up, careful not to destroy the fort, and began searching for her blouse. Mike’s hand grabbed her shoulder, his long fingers caressing her neck in a way that always made her shiver.
"Stay."
"This," she motioned between their bodies, trying to avoid the smooth planes of his chest, "is only going to make things harder."
"Please. This is all I wanted for 136 -"
"137 days...and me too." His smile relaxed in relief and she turned herself to softly trace his jawline, fingertips brushing over the freckles he still had.
"I’m scared."
"I know, I am too." He was fiddling with one of her curls, staring at it so intensely as though he was committing it to memory.
It was barely morning as they fell back into each other and basked in the winter sun that filtered through the sheets of the blanket fort.
——
They had moved to the basement couch after breakfast, her head nestled comfortably in the crook of Mike’s neck. From this angle she could see the silvery outline of the scar on his chin. He told her that he’d gotten it in middle school, a few days after he met her. She had been so excited when she first discovered it, back when she was a pioneer, claiming parts of Mike for her own enjoyment. The thought of someone else finding the scar made her want to be sick.
They were each other’s first everything.
El couldn’t bear to imagine Mike, her Mike, sharing his smiles with someone else. The ache inside her chest grew as she thought of someone else getting to see his face light up at Star Trek reruns or when he explained complicated computer jargon. She thought that dorky grin would always be just for her.
These were just the little things that she was scared to share with anyone else. They were small and intimate and she’d kept each one in a special place of her heart. But there were other things that she couldn’t bear to part with and she knew they would bruise and leave her devastated in a way Brenner never could.
What if Mike held someone else the way he held her? The old childhood insecurities reared their ugly head as she pictured a girl with sun-kissed hair, long legs and an easy-going smile that boasted ‘normal’ and ‘pretty’. His long arms would wrap around her and his deft fingers would sweep through her hair. His lips would be pressed against her forehead as he whispered how he would always be there for her, how he would always protect her.
That’s what paladins do. That’s what Mike Wheeler does.
Would she ever know that his favourite thing in the world was to write stories? Stories of proud princesses and brave knights that had littered his D&D campaigns when they were younger. Would he share his secret passion and let her read these stories?
Would El still get to read them? Would anyone else be in awe of his mind the way she was?
College acceptances started rolling in for Mike almost instantly, with his heart set on MIT and computer science. El’s grades weren’t up to scratch by the time her friends were graduating and Hopper had held her as she sobbed into his shoulder, knowing she would be scraping marks together for a while if she wanted to attend community college. Her grades were never going to be good enough to be with her friends. She had missed too much and had been left behind. She’d lost her friends; she lost Mike. Just another thing Papa had stolen from her.
"Hopper said he would drive me to see you…if you’d like?"
"Really?! That’s generous of him."
"My grades have been improving with the tutor, so he said it could be a reward."
She squeezed the hand that was resting gently on her stomach, hoping he wouldn’t see through her lie. Her grades weren’t improving and she struggled to concentrate in her lessons. Years of mental strain and trauma had made learning and memorising a daily struggle, with her nose bleeds only becoming worse the more she tried to focus. But she didn’t tell Mike any of this. El couldn’t stand to see the disappointment come across his face as he realised she was never going to be as intelligent as he was.
He found her wrist, his fingers brushing over her tattoo, and without looking he placed his lips right over it in a gentle kiss.
"Spring break is only 82 days away, you know?"
"Then that’s when I’ll visit."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
Another lie, but Mike was holding her close and breathing contentedly into her neck. El was happy to live in this moment, pretending he was still hers, if only until his taxi came.